June 26, 2014 - Paul Rudd

  • Episode: 10126
  • (0)

Fox News's Dr. Keith Ablow floats a conspiracy theory about the World Cup, North Carolina upholds a possum-dropping tradition, and Paul Rudd chats about "They Came Together."

>> Stephen: WHOO.

WELCOME TO THE SHOW, EVERYBODY.

[AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN"]>> Stephen: U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A,

U-S-A, U-S-A!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]WELCOME TO "THE REPORT."

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

NATION, NATION, YOU CAN FEEL ITAT HOME.

IT'S LIKE A WAVE OF ELECTRICPATRIOTISM RIGHT ACROSS THE

WIRE AT YOU BECAUSEWE'RE ALL EXCITED AND CHEERING

FOR THE SAME REASON -- I'M ABOUTTO TAKE A TWO-WEEK VACATION.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]BUT ALSO I AM PUMPED ABOUT TEAM

U.S.A.'S MATCH AGAINST GERMANYTODAY.

THEY SAID IT COULD NOT BE DONE,BUT WE DUG DOWN DEEP AND LOST

OUR GAME.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]BUT, BUT, BUT WE ALSO HAD

PORTUGAL WIN IN A DIFFERENT GAMEBY NOT BY A LOT, SO WE'RE NUMBER

TWO, WE'RE NUMBER TWO, WE'RENUMBER TWO!

>> AUDIENCE: WE'RE NUMBER TWO,WE'RE NUMBER TWO!

>> Stephen: AND FOLKS, ICANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT ROUND.

LIKE YOU, I'VE BEEN BITTEN HARDBY THE SOCCER BUG, ALSO KNOWN AS

LUIS SUAREZ.

I'M NOT ALONE, FOLKS.

A RECORD 25 MILLION AMERICANSWATCHED SUNDAY'S GAME AGAINST

PORTUGAL, WHICH IS WHAT HAS MESO WORRIED.

>> AMERICANS DON'T CARE ABOUTTHE WORLD CUP.

WHAT'S WRONG HERE?

WELL, IF YOU WANT EXPERTS ONWRONGNESS, YOU WANT FOX

BUSINESS.

>> WHY, STUART, ARE WE SEEINGSOCCER SUDDENLY SKYROCKET?

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO READY TO BEENTERTAINED?

>> I'LL TELL YOU WHY THIS HASHAPPENED.

IT'S BECAUSE THE NEWS ABOUT OURCOUNTRY, OUR ECONOMY AND OUR

STANDING IN THE WORLD ISOVERWHELMINGLY NEGATIVE.

IT IS AWFUL.

WE'RE APPROACHING A RECESSION,WE'VE LOST IRAQ.

WE'RE DOWNGRADED THE WORLD OVER.

WE DON'T WANT ANY PART OF THAT. WE WANT TO ESCAPE.

SO HERE'S THE WORLD CUP. HOWCONVENIENT.

>> Stephen: YES, HOWCONVENIENT.

STU AND ANGRY ZIGGY SMELLSOMETHING FISHY, WHICH IS WHY

IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHERINSTALLMENT OF STEPHEN COLBERT'S

"BAT [BLEEPED] SERIOUS."

NOW, FOLKS, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RETHINKING.

YOU'RE THINKING, STEPHEN, DIDN'TYOU JUST DO YOUR "BAT [BLEEPED]

SERIOUS" SEGMENT LAST NIGHT TOUNCOVER THE SECRET FORCES BEHIND

THE SURGE IN YOUNG IMMIGRANTS?

MAYBE.

BUT HERE'S A BETTER QUESTION:WHY CAN I HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS?

[LAUGHTER]BECAUSE, NATION, I'M STARTING TO

SUSPECT THE WORLD CUP MIGHT BESOME SORT OF ORGANIZED GLOBAL

SPORTING EVENT COORDINATED BYDOZENS OF FOREIGN NATIONS IN AN

ATTEMPT TO GRAB AHOLD OF OURATTENTION, EVEN WORSE, THEY'RE

GRABBING OUR ATTENTION WITHTHEIR FEET.

AND THERE'S MORE.

DR. KEITH, ABLOW ME.

>> HERE'S THE WORLD CUP. HOWCONVENIENT.

THAT'S WHAT'S GOING ON.

>> IT'S A LITTLE TOO CONVENIENTWHEN WE HAVE A PRESIDENT WHO I

CONTEND HAS IT IN FOR AMERICANSAND WE ELECTED HIM BECAUSE WE

WERE FEARFUL AT THE TIME.

WE BETTER ELECT SOMEONE WHO ISNOT VERY PATRIOTIC, BECAUSE,

GOD, WE COULD HAVE TERRORISTSATTACK US FOR BEING AMERICANS.

OKAY.

SO WE DID THAT.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

SO WE DID THAT.

CHECK THAT BOX.

OKAY.

WHICH BRINGS US TO THE WORLDCUP.

FOLLOW ME DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE,OR AS THEY SAY IN SOCCER, FOLLOW

ME DOWN THE RABBITGOOOOOOOOOOAL!

HOW OFTEN DOES BARACK OBAMA RUNFOR PRESIDENT.

EVERY FOUR YEARS.

HOW OFTEN IS THERE A WORLD CUP?

EVERY FOUR YEARS.

NOW WATCH THIS.

[LAUGHTER]THAT DOESN'T JUST HAPPEN, FOLKS.

BUT THERE'S A MORE SINISTERFORCE AT WORK HERE, AND AS

USUAL, IT'S JAZZ CIGARETTES.

JIM?

>> IT'S KIND OF STRANGE.

THEY'RE ROLLING OUT THEMARIJUANA.

THEY'RE GETTING EVERYBODY HIGH.

AND THEY'RE GETTING EVERYBODY TOWATCH MORE AND MORE

ENTERTAINMENT.

DOES THAT SOUND LIKE PERHAPS, IDON'T WANT TO BE A CONSPIRACY

THEORY GUY, BUT WHY IS THAT.

>> Stephen: YEAH, HE DOESN'TWANT TO BE A CONSPIRACY THEORY

GUY, BUT DOES THAT SOUND LIKEPERHAPS BUT WHY IS THAT?

AND MARIJUANA IS CLEARLYINVOLVED HERE, FOLKS, BECAUSE

YOU'D HAVE TO BE BAKED OUT OFYOUR GOURD TO BE THAT PARANOID.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]NATION, THE HIDDEN TRUTH OF

GLOBAL MARIJUANA MIND CONTROLTHAT DR. ABLOW HAS UNCOVERED IS

A HUGE RELIEF, BECAUSE THE IDEAOF A VAST GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY

TO DRUG ME INTO SEDATION WHILE IWATCH MINDLESS TELEVISION IS FAR

LESS DISTURBING THAN THEALTERNATIVE.

THAT I ENJOY SOCCER.

[LAUGHTER]FOLKS, IF YOU WATCH THIS SHOW,

YOU KNOW EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWNPOINT OF VIEW.

MINE JUST HAPPENS TO LOOK OVERTHE GORGEOUS LANDSCAPE OF ME

BEING RIGHT.

THIS IS "TIP OF THE HAT, WAG OFTHE FINGER."

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]FIRST UP, FOLKS, IT'S NEVER TOO

EARLY TO START MAKING YOUR PLANSFOR NEW YEAR'S EVE.

THAT'S WHY I RUN DRILLS TO STAYSHARP, EVERY NIGHT AT THE STROKE

OF 12, I CHUG A BOTTLE OFCHAMPAGNE AND THEN WEEP WHEN NO

ONE KISSES ME.

THIS YEAR I'M GOING TO CLAYCOUNTY, NORTH CAROLINA'S ANNUAL

POSSUM DROP.

FOR THOSE UNFAMILIAR WITH RICHSOUTHERN HERITAGE, HERE'S WHAT

POSSUM DROP MEANS.

>> THEY ACTUALLY TAKE A LIVEPOSSUM.

THEY PUT IT IN A BOX.

AND THEN THEY DROP IT.

[LAUGHTER]>> Stephen: SORRY IF THAT GOT A

BIT TECHNICAL, BUT YOU GET THEIDEA.

WELL NO SURPRISE, FOLKS, THEFASCIST FUR-SCISTS AT PETA

THINK THIS EVENT IS CRUEL TOPOSSUM-KIND.

I ASSUME BECAUSE IT KEEPS THEMFROM THEIR NATURAL POSSUM

DESTINY OF BEING CRUSHED UNDERTHE TIRE OF A KIA.

WAY BACK IN 2012, A JUDGE INNORTH CAROLINA RULED IT WAS

ILLEGAL TO USE A LIVE OPOSSUMFOR SUCH AN EVENT.

O-DICULOUS.

THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THE PCPOLICE WILL MAKE IT ILLEGAL TO

HAVE THE LIVE POSSUM NATIVITYSCENE.

LOSING THE POSSUM DROP WAS ABLOW TO AN ANCIENT TRADITION

DATING ALL THE WAY BACK TO 1990.

THAT'S RIGHT, SINCE THE TIME OFTHE DINOSAURS, WHICH IS WHY I'M

GIVING A TIP OF THE HAT TO THENORTH CAROLINA STATE LEGISLATURE

FOR SAVING THE CELEBRATION WITHA NEW BILL EXCLUDING OPOSSUMS

FROM STATE WILDLIFE LAWS BETWEENDECEMBER 26TH AND JANUARY 2nd

IN CLAY COUNTY WHERE THE ANNUALPOSSUM DROP CELEBRATION IS HELD.

SO NOW...

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]SO TONIGHT WE'VE GOT SOME HUGE

FANS OF PEOPLE WHO ENJOYWATCHING RODENTS AFFECTED BY

GRAVITY.

SO TO RECAP, TO RECAP, FOR ONEWEEK, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU

WANT WITH A LIVE POSSUM IN ACAGE.

YOU CAN RAISE IT, YOU CAN LOWERIT, YOU CAN MOVE IT SIDEWAYS.

THE ENTERTAINMENT OPTIONS AREENDLESS.

DON'T WORRY.

POSSUM-KILLING SEASON IS STILLON YEAR ROUND.

SO IF YOU WANT TO HUNT THEM FORSPORT OR JUST CATCH ONE ROOTING

THROUGH YOUR GARBAGE AND GAS ITIN A BUCKET USING YOUR CAR

EXHAUST, YOU GO TO TOWN,SPECIFICALLY BRASSTOWN,

NORTH CAROLINA. NEXT UP, IFI KNOW TWO THINGS, IT'S THAT

CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE AND THATBREAKFAST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT

MEAL OF THE DAY SO IT LOGICALLYFOLLOWS THAT CHILDREN'S

BREAKFASTS MUST BE THE MOSTIMPORTANT MEAL OF THE FUTURE.

BUT A DISTURBING NEW REPORT ISUPENDING EVERYTHING WE THOUGHT

WE KNEW ABOUT THIS COMPLETEBREAKFAST.

>> WE HAVE A NEW MEDICAL ALERTNOW WITH A WARNING FOR PARENTS

THAT FORTIFIED CEREAL WE GIVEOUR KIDS TO GIVE THEM VITAMINS

MAY BE DOING MORE HARM THANGOOD.

>> MILLIONS OF CHILDREN AREEATING CEREAL WITH POTENTIALLY

UNHEALTHY AMOUNTS OF VITAMIN A,ZINC AND NIACIN.

>> WE'RE OVERFORTIFYING OURCEREALS.

>> Stephen: YOU MANIACS.

YOU OVERFORTIFIED THEM.

THE TRIX RABBIT TRIED TO WARNUS.

TRIX AREN'T FOR KIDS.

AND, SONNY, YES, HE WAS COO-COO,BUT COO-COO FOR THE TRUTH THAT

WE WEREN'T READY TO HEAR.

THAT'S WHY I'M GIVING A WAG OFMY... MY EPHEREAL-- IT'S BEGUN

TO AFFECT MY SPEECH.

A WAG OF THE FINGER TO CEREALMANUFACTURERS.

YOUR PRECIOUS VITAMIN-PACKINGLEFT OUR CHILDREN VULNERABLE TO

LIVER DAMAGE, RASHES AND IMMUNEPROBLEMS ALL BECAUSE WHEN KIDS'

CEREALS ARE FORTIFIED, NUTRIENTSARE ADDED IN AMOUNTS CALCULATED

FOR ADULTS, WHICH ITSELF ISRIDICULOUS.

ADULTS WOULD NEVER EAT THOSECHILDISH FOODS FOR BREAKFAST.

WE PREFER THE SOPHISTICATEDTASTE OF POP-TARTS WILDLICIOUS.

THEY'RE BAKED WITH REAL FRUITASTERISK.

SO UNTIL OUR CEREAL CAN BEDENUTRITIONED TO SAFE

FORTIFICATION LEVELS, PLEASE,PARENTS, FEED YOUR CHILDREN

SOMETHING THAT'S JUST ASCOLORFUL BUT BETTER FOR THEM,

LIKE THE BOX.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYONE.

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS ANAWARD-WINNING ACTOR WHO STARS IN

THE NEW ROMANTIC COMEDY CALLEDTHEY CAME TOGETHER.

I'M GOING TO TEAR HIM APART.

PLEASE WELCOME PAUL RUDD.

HEY, PAUL.

GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]NICE TO SEE YOU.

>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU.

>> NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU FORWEARING TWEED IN JUNE.

>> SEEMED LIKE THE WRONG CHOICE.

>> Stephen: IT IS BALLSY INTHAT I'M GUESSING YOU'RE

SWEATING YOUR BALLS OFF RIGHTNOW.

YOU ARE CORRECT, SIR.

>> Stephen: FOR THE FEW PEOPLEIN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE WHO

MAY NOT KNOW IT, YOU'RE ANAWARD-WINNING ACTOR/WRITER

PRODUCER, BEST KNOWNFOR "40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN" AND

"CLUELESS."

YOU HAVE A NEW MOVIE CALLED"THEY CAME TOGETHER."

IT COMES OUT TOMORROW.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A DIRTY MOVIE.

IS THERE ANY HARDCORE ACTION INTHIS?

>> SURPRISINGLY NO.

BUT THE TITLE IS MEANT TO INFERIT I'D SAY.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY THERE ISHARD CORE ACTION IN IT.

>> THERE'S A TON OF IT.

IT IS...

>> STEPHEN: YOU GO TO BONETOWN?

>> YOU GO TO BONETOWN.

STAY IN BONETOWN FOR ABOUT 80MINUTES.

>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.

THAT'S KIND OF IMPRESSIVE.

[LAUGHTER]I GOT A TWO-PART QUESTION.

WHAT IS THE MOVIE ABOUT, ANDGIVEN OUR MODERN OVERSCHEDULED

LIVES, THAT LEAVE US SO LITTLETIME TO READ BOOKS OR EVEN BE

WITH LOVED ONES, SHOULDPEOPLE BE GOING TO MOVIES?

[LAUGHTER]>> I THINK THAT'S A VERY VALID

QUESTION.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

>> TO MAKE IT EASIER, YOU CANWATCH IT ON YOUR PHONE.

IT'S AVAILABLE ON ALL PHONESTOMORROW, AND YOU... I DON'T

THINK YOU NEED TO PAY ATTENTIONTO IT.

HERE'S THE THING, THE MOVIE ISPAPER THIN.

THERE'S NO SUBSTANCE HERE ATALL.

>> Stephen: REALLY?

ME LIKEY.

>> YOU CAN KIND OF HALF PAYATTENTION TO YOUR CHILDREN.

YOU CAN KIND OF HALF PAYATTENTION TO MAKING DINNER, AND

YOU CAN JUST WATCH... AND IT'SQUICK.

FLIES BY.

>> Stephen: CAN YOU REALLY GETTHIS ON YOUR PHONE?

>> YOU WILL BE ABLE TO GET IT ONYOUR PHONE BECAUSE ALL MOVIES

ARE AVAILABLE ON PHONES NOW.

>> Stephen: I COULD WATCH ITWHILE I'M DRIVING.

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: IT'S THE LASTTHING I SEE BEFORE I GO OFF THE

ABUTMENT, YOU AND AMY POEHLERGOING TO BONE TOWN.

>> AND YOU CAN TEXT SOMEBODYWHILE YOU'RE WATCHING.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE OPENINGAGAINST "TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF

DISTINCTION."

>> TO SAY OUR MOVIE ISCOMPETITION... I KNOW YOU'RE

SAYING TRANSFORMERS ISCOMPETITION TO US.

>> Stephen: YES, IT IS.

>> I FEEL AS THOUGH THAT'S ANINSULT TO THE WORD COMPETITION.

>> Stephen: WHAT ARE YOUTALKING ABOUT?

THIS IS YOU.

THIS IS AMY POEHLER, DAVID WAIN,

WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER, SAMEGUY

>> IT'S A VERY, VERY SOLID ANDFUNNY CAST.

ED HELMS.

MICHAEL IAN BLACK.

A LOT OF REALLY FUNNY PEOPLE.

MANY OTHERS THAT I'M NOTEVEN MENTIONING.

>> Stephen: WHY ARE YOU NOTMENTIONING THEM?

DO YOU NOT LIKE THEM?

DO YOU NOT CARE FOR THEM?

>> THEY KNOW WHY.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

>> BUT IT'S A LITTLE BIT META INTHE WAY SOME OF DAVID'S FILMS

ARE, LIKE "WET HOT AMERICANSUMMER."

>> Stephen: LET'S SHOW THEPEOPLE WHAT YOU MEAN.

LET'S WATCH THE CLIP.

>> SO MOLLY, HOW DID YOU TWOMEET?

>> OH BOY, IT'S A LONG STORY.

>> WE GOT TIME.

WAITER.

MORE WINE.

>> WELL, KIND OF A CORNYROMANTIC COMEDY KIND OF STORY.

>> THAT IS TRUE.

>> HOW SO?

>> WELL, JOEL IS A TYPICALROMANTIC COMEDY LEADING MAN.

HE'S HANDSOME BUT IN ANON-THREATENING WAY.

VAGUELY BUT NOT OVERTLY JEWISH.

>> YOU'RE RIGHT.

JUST JEWISH ENOUGH.

>> AND MOLLY IS THE KIND OF CUTEKLUTZY GIRL THAT WILL DRIVE YOU

A LITLTLE CRAZY BUT YOU CAN'THELP BUT FALL IN LOVE WITH HER.

>> OKAY.

WE HAVE OUR MAIN CHARACTERS.

>> NOT QUITE.

THERE WAS ANOTHER CHARACTER JUSTAS IMPORTANT AS THE TWO OF US,

NEW YORK CITY.

>> AH.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> Stephen: SO IT'S A MOVIE

ABOUT WHAT MOVIES ARE LIKE.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, WE'RE KIND OF POKING FUNAT THE TROPES OF A

WELL-ESTABLISHED CONVENTION.

SOMETHING I THINK YOUR AUDIENCEIS FAMILIAR.

WITH.

>> IT'S LIKE SERVING A MEAL THATIS SOMETHING LIKE FOOD, LIKE A

HOT DOG.

>> WE'RE PRESENTING SOMETHINGTHAT'S ALMOST LIKE A MOVIE.

BUT IT DOES TEND TO KIND OF...

>> Stephen: IT SOUNDS LIKETHAT'S ALMOST AN ATTACK ON

ROMANTIC COMEDIES.

>> IT'S NOT AN ATTACK ONROMANTIC COMEDIES.

AT THE SAME TIME, IT IS A BIT OFAN HOMAGE, BUT AS KIND OF...

[LAUGHTER]>> Stephen: IT'S AN HOMAGE.

>> IT'S A TOOTHLESS ATTACK BUT AVICIOUS HOMAGE.

>> Stephen: WOW

I LOVE IT.

THAT'S WONDERFUL.

>> IT'S SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE.

AND THEN JUST AS WE'RE POKINGFUN AT THESE THINGS THAT YOU'VE

SEEN A HUNDRED TIME, IT WILLVEER OFF INTO JUST

WEIRDSVILLE, WHERE A SCENEWILL EVOLVE OR DEVOLVE INTO

SOMETHING JUST BIZARRE THAT HASNOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING.

>> Stephen: WOW.

MUCH LIKE THE TRANSFORMERSMOVIE.

PERFECT.

PERFECT.

>> YOU SEE.

>> Stephen: THAT IS HOW YOUPUT ASSES IN THE SEATS, PAUL

RUDD.

>> SUCK ON THAT, MICHAEL BAY.

>> Stephen: CAN YOU STICKAROUND FOR A MINUTE, BECAUSE I

THINK WE NEED MORE OF THIS.

CAN YOU STICK AROUND?

>> I'VE GOT TO GO.

>> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHTBACK WITH MORE PAUL RUDD.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> Stephen: WE'RE BACK WITH

STAR OF STAGE AND SCREEN,MR. PAUL RUDD.

PAUL, I GOT TO TELL YOU, WHEN ITHINK OF PAUL RUDD, THE ONE

MEMORY THAT COMES TO MIND FOR MEIS ONE OF THE FIRST TIMES I EVER

MET YOU WAS... I WAS ON THE SETOF SOMEBODY'S TV SHOW, YOU WERE

THERE, MY DAUGHTER WAS THERE ATAGE SIX, AND SHE WAS BORED, AND

YOU SANG, "OOPS I DID IT AGAIN"WITH HER OVER AND OVER AGAIN TO

KEEP HER ENTERTAINED, AND MYWIFE AND I AGREE WITH HER, THAT

MIGHT MAKE YOU THE NICEST PERSONON THE PLANET.

[AUDIENCE REACTS] IT WAS THESWEETEST THING.

[APPLAUSE]>> THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU TO

SAY, BUT IN TRUTH IT WAS YOURDAUGHTER THAT WAS ENTERTAINING

ME.

>> Stephen: OH, REALLY?

THAT'S ALSO A VERY NICE THINGFOR YOU TO HAVE SAID.

>> LOOK, I WAS DRUNK.

I BARELY EVEN REMEMBER.

>> Stephen: I WAS WONDERING.

BECAUSE YOU OFTEN COME OFF ASNICE, AND WHAT I WANT TO KNOW,

ARE YOU AN ASSHOLE WHO IS AGREAT ACTOR, OR ARE YOU A REALLY

NICE GUY WHO IS A TERRIBLEACTOR?

>> I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU, ITHOUGHT THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME

WE'D EVER MET.

[LAUGHTER]>> Stephen: YOU'RE A GREAT ACTOR

NOW, YOU'RE GETTING READY, ONETHING THAT'S GOT ME EXCITED, ONE

THING I LIKE ABOUT ACTORS, ONEREASON I WISH I WAS AN ACTOR IS

YOU GUYS SOMETIMES WILL GET PAIDTO GET FIT, YOU KNOW WHAT I

MEAN?

>> RIGHT.

>> Stephen: LIKE THE ROCK WILLGET BULKED UP FOR HERCULES.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE ANT MAN,MARVEL'S ANT MAN.

>> RIGHT.

>> Stephen: HAVE PEOPLE... AREYOU LIKE GETTING JACKED BEFORE

THEY SHRINK YOU DOWN?

HAVE YOU HAD TO GET FIT?

>> I'VE HAD TO KIND OF TRY ANDGET IN BETTER SHAPE.

I DON'T REALLY GET TOO JACKED.

>> Stephen: REALLY?

>> IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE FORSOMEBODY THAT'S TRYING TO BE AT

ANT.

>> Stephen: THERE HAS TO BETHAT MOMENT WHEN IT'S HOT AND

ANT MAN TAKES OFF HIS SHIRT.

HE'S GOT LIKE A SIX-PACKTHORAX DOWN HERE.

>> I'M WORKING ON MY MANDIBLES.

I'M TRYING TO GET IN BETTERSHAPE.

IT IS KIND OF PAR FOR THECOURSE.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE TRYING TOGET IN BETTER SHAPE BECAUSE

YOU'RE 57 OR IS IT LIKE... DIDTHE STUDIO SEND LIKE A NO

NONSENSE EASTERN EUROPEAN MAN TOMAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL

UNTIL YOU HAVE SHOULDERS?

>> A LITTLE OF BOTH.

I THOUGHT... NORMALLY I HAVE HADTO CHANGE MY BODY A LITTLE BIT,

WORKING ON MOVIES, BUT FOR MEIT'S ALWAYS BEEN THE OPPOSITE

WAY.

I'VE WORKED ON SEVERAL MOVIESWITH JUDD APATOW WHO INSISTS

THAT I GET FATTER.

>> Stephen: REALLY?

>> HONEST TO GOD.

HE SAYS I... HE HAS SAID, I WANTFAT RUDD.

THAT'S HOW HE SAYS IT.

I'VE HAD TO EAT CUPCAKES in

"THIS IS 40" HE WANTS ME MUSHY.

THIS IS ONE OF THE FIRST TIMESI'VE HAD TO GO THE OTHER WAY.

>> Stephen: IT'S LIKE DE NIRO,ONLY DOING HALF OF "RAGING

BULL."

>> DE NIRO AND I VERY SIMILAR,IN STYLE AND APPROACH.

AND WE BOTH OWN HOTELS

>> Stephen: I DO A DE NIRO.

YOU EVER SEEN MY DE NIRO.

>> I HAVEN'T.

>> Stephen: "YEAH, SEE? I'MROBERT DE NIRO, SEE?

YEAH, SEE, I RUN THIS TOWN."

>> THAT'S FANTASTIC.

THAT'S AMAZING.

>> Stephen: NOW PAUL, AT ACERTAIN POINT WE PROBABLY

SHOULD GO TO COMMERCIAL.

>> HEY, IT'S YOUR SHOW.

>> I'M NOT SURE IT IS RIGHT NOW.

>> THAT SEEMED AGGRESSIVE.

>> Stephen: THAT CAME ACROSSVERY AGGRESSIVE AND RUDE OF ME.

>> KIND OF A DICK.

YOU'RE KIND OF REEVALUATINGEVERYTHING YOU SAID ABOUT THE

"OOPS I DID IT AGAIN."

>> Stephen: I WANT TO THANKYOU, PAUL RUDD.

I THINK WE ALL WANT TO THANKPAUL RUDD FOR BEING HERE.

>> BY THE WAY, THE ONLY REASON IGOT THAT AGGRESSIVE, RIDDLED

WITH HGH AND STEROIDS.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE 'ROID RAGINGRIGHT NOW?

COULD YOU TEAR A PHONE BOOK INHALF?

>> NOT ONLY COULD I TEAR A PHONEBOOK IN HALF, I COULD GO AT

LEAST 80 HOME RUNS IN A SEASON.

>> Stephen: ARE YOUR TESTICLESTHE SIZE OF CURRANTS?

>> LITTLE TINY BLACK CURRANTS.

THEY ARE.

>> Stephen: I WANTED SO MUCHFOR THIS TO BE A GOOD

EXPERIENCE FOR YOU.

I DO LIKE YOU SO MUCH.

YOU'RE SUCH A LOVELY GUY.

>> IT WAS.

IT REALLY WAS.

I'VE ENJOYED IT.

I HOPE I HAVEN'T LET YOU DOWN.

>> Stephen:, NO YOU HAVEN'T,BECAUSE NONE OF THIS IS GOING ON

AIR. WE'RE CUTTING ALL OFTHIS OUT. IT'S ALL GONE.

>> IF THAT'S THE CASE, LET'SKEEP TALKING ABOUT MY TESTICLES.

[LAUGHTER]>> Stephen: HEY, TALK IS

CHEAP.

[LAUGHTER][CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, WE'VE GOT TO GO.

PAUL RUDD, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

"THEY CAME TOGETHER."

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE

REPORT," EVERYBODY.

WE'LL SEE YOU IN TWO WEEKS.

GOOD NIGHT.

Captioning sponsored by COMEDY CENTRAL

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH

access.wgbh.org

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