May 22, 2014 - Ray Mabus

  • Episode: 10110
  • (0)

Paul Rieckhoff weighs in on a growing Veterans Affairs scandal, Marco Rubio dodges a question about his marijuana use, and Ray Mabus sheds light on the U.S. Navy.

>> Stephen: TONIGHT, HEALTHCARE FOR OUR ARMED FORCES.

DOES OBAMA REMEMBER TO DOSCHEDULED MAINTENANCE ON OUR

DRONES?

( LAUGHTER )THEN ARE SOME QUESTIONS BETTER

LEFT UNANSWERED?

AND MY GUEST, THE HONORABLE RAYMABUS IS THE UNITED STATES

SECRETARY OF NAVY.

I WILL ASK HIM--( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

( LAUGHTER )THE RESTAURANT INDUSTRY SAYS

THAT FAST FOOD WORKERS COULDSOON BE REPLACED BY ROBOTS.

UNFORTUNATELY, EVEN ROBOTS CAN'TLIVE ON MINIMUM WAGE.

THIS IS THE "COLBERT REPORT."

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THEREPORT, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")

>> THANK YOU, LADIES ANDGENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

FOLKS-- FOLKS, I GOTTA TELL YOU,I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU IT IS NOT

OFTEN THAT AN AUDIENCE LOVES MESO MUCH I CAN HEAR IT WITH MY

DEAF EAR.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

NATION, I-- I GOTTA TELL YOU,FOLKS, I AM FURIOUS AT BARACK

OBAMA.

( LAUGHTER )AND I AM VICE-FURIOUS AT JOE

BIDEN.

IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY DAY, ANOTHERFEDERAL AGENCY REVEALS THEIR

LACK OF LEADERSHIP.

CASE IN POINT-- THE BUREAU OFENGRAVING AND PRINTING HAS JUST

PRODUCED A PORTRAIT OF CHIEFJUSTICE ROBERTS THAT IN NO WAY

CAPTURES THE ELFIN TWINKLE INHIS EYES.

( LAUGHTER )THIS KIND OF WORK, AND I'M

SUPPOSED TO SPEND THE MONEYTHESE PEOPLE PRINT?

NO THANKS.

AND NOW IT TURNS OUT THAT THEDEPARTMENT OF VETERANS AFFAIRS

IS LOUSY AT HELPING VETERANS ORTHEIR AFFAIRS.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> STUNNING NEW REVELATIONS INTHE SCANDAL ROCKING THE VETERANS

AFFAIRS DEPARTMENT.

>> A CNN INVESTIGATION FOUND 40VETERANS DIED AT THE PHOENIX

V.A. WHILE AWAITING TREATMENT.

>> THERE WAS A SECRET HIDDENLIST, HIDING THE FACT THAT

VETERANS WERE WAITING UP TO21 MONTHS TO SEE A DOCTOR.

>> Stephen: YES, A SECRETLIST TO SEE A DOCTOR-- THOUGH

THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN TIPPED OFFBY THE BOUNCERS OUTSIDE THE O.R.

( LAUGHTER )THERE ARE NOW SIMILAR CLAIMS IN

12 STATES, AND THE AMERICANLEGION HAS CALLED FOR THE

SECRETARY OF VETERANS AFFAIRS,ERIC SHINSEKI, TO RESIGN.

SO FAR HE HAS REFUSED, PROBABLYBECAUSE HE KNOWS ONCE HE

RETIRES, HE'LL HAVE TO USEHEALTH CARE FROM THE V.A

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

WORST OF ALL, FOR YEARS, THEPRESIDENT CLAIMED HE WOULD FIX

THIS.

>> WHEN A VETERAN IS DENIEDCARE, WE'RE ALL DISHONORED.

THE SERVICE MEN AND WOMEN WHOEMBODY WHAT'S BEST ABOUT AMERICA

SHOULD GET THE BEST CARE WE HAVETO OFFER, AND THAT IS WHAT I

WILL PROVIDE WHEN I AMPRESIDENT.

LET'S KEEP TAKING CARE OF OUREXTRAORDINARY MILITARY FAMILIES.

THIS LEADS ME TO ANOTHER PROMISEI MADE FOUR YEARS AGO--

UPHOLDING AMERICA'S SACRED TRUSTWITH OUR VETERANS.

I PROMISE TO STRENGTHEN THEV.A., AND THAT PROMISE HAS BEEN

KEPT.

>> Stephen: YES, THAT PROMISEHAS BEEN KEPT, BUT HE'S

EVIDENTLY FORGOTTEN WHERE HE'SKEEPING IT.

( LAUGHTER )MAYBE THEY SHOULD CHECK THE SHOE

BOX IN THE BACK OF THE WHITEHOUSE CLOSET LABELED "TO DO."

( LAUGHTER )NOW, GET THIS, THE OBAMA PEOPLE

NOW SAY THE PRESIDENT FIRSTLEARNED OF THESE NEW

ALLEGATIONS FROM CNN.

HE HAD NO CLUE WHAT'S GOING ONIN HIS OWN ADMINISTRATION.

HERE'S AN IDEA-- GET THE N.S.A.

TO START SPYING ON WOLF BLITZER.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

FAIR WARNING, GUYS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

FAIR WARNING!

FAIR WARNING, N.S.A.-- BRINGSOME NO-DOZ.

( LAUGHTER )THE ONLY OTHER WAY THE OBAMA

ADMINISTRATION COULD HAVE KNOWNABOUT THIS IS WHEN THE THE BUSH

ADMINISTRATION TOLD THEM ABOUTIT.

>> THIS MEMO, PREPARED FORPRESIDENT-ELECT OBAMA'S

TRANSITION TEAM BY THE GEORGE W.

BUSH ADMINISTRATION, OUTLINEDTHE DIFFICULTIES VETERANS FACED

IN OBTAINING TIMELY HEALTH CARE.

IT URGED THE VETERANSADMINISTRATION TO PROPERLY

DOCUMENT DESIRED APPOINTMENTDATES AND ENSURE PATIENT WAITING

TIMES ARE ACCURATE.

FAILURE TO DO SO, THE MEMOWARNED, WOULD AFFECT QUALITY OF

CARE BY DELAYING AND POTENTIALLYDENYING DESERVING VETERANS

TIMELY CARE.

>> Stephen: THERE WAS A MEMO.

IT WARNED THEM.

BUSH EVEN PERSONALIZED IT--P.S.: V.A. TOTALLY EFF'D UP.

SEE YA.

WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA.

SMILEY FACE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

FOLKS, THESE VETERANS ARESUFFERING UNDER OBAMA'S WATCH,

AFTER HE DECLARED THEM A TOPPRIORITY, AND HIS TEAM HAD BEEN

ALERTED TO MISCONDUCT.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

IT MEANS WE FINALLY HAVE A REALSCANDAL.

A REAL SCANDAL!

JIMMY DROP THEM!

WHOOO!

WHOOO!

WHOOO!

♪ ♪FOLKS, I HAVE WAITED SO LONG.

( LAUGHTER )I KNOW I'VE CRIED WOLF BEFORE

WHAT WITH BENGHAZI AND THEI.R.S. AND THE A.P., AND FAST

AND FURIOUS, AND SOLYNDRA ANDOBAMA'S UNCLE, AND OBAMA'S AUNT,

AND OBAMA'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE.

I EVEN-- I EVEN CRIED WOLF ABOUTTHE SECRET WHITE HOUSE WOLF.

BUT THIS ONE IS DIFFERENT.

IT'S BACKED UP BY EYEWITNESSESAND DOCUMENTS AND THE BETRAYAL

OF SICK VETERANS.

IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS MORNING.

( LAUGHTER )AND THAT'S WHY I CANNOT BELIEVE

I AM GOING TO SAY THAT WE CANNOTTALK ABOUT THIS SCANDAL.

YOU SEE, WE AMERICANS MADE ADEAL WITH THE VETERANS.

WE START TWO WARS.

THEY LAY THEIR LIVES ON THE LINEWHILE WE LAY ON OUR ASSES ON THE

COUCH WATCHING "THE BACHELOR."

( APPLAUSE )I STILL HAVE FLASHBACKS WHENEVER

I HEAR THE WORDS, "JUAN PABLO."

IN RETURN WE SAY THANK YOU FORYOUR SERVICE.

AND THAT'S ABOUT IT.

YES, TICKER TAPE PARADE WOULDHAVE BEEN BUT IN OUR PAPERLESS

SOCIETY WE WOULD PROBABLY JUSTTHROW THE iPADS OUT THE WINDOW

AND SOMEBODY COULD GET HURT.

AND THAT'S NOT GOOD, BECAUSE IHEAR V.A. HEALTH CARE IS PRETTY

BAD.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )AND IF WE TALK ABOUT THE V.A.

SCANDAL, WHAT ARE WE GOING TOTALK ABOUT NEXT, THE WAR IN

AFGHANISTAN?

I JUST FOUND OUT WE'VE GOT OVER30,000 TROOPS STILL OVER THERE.

COST ME 40 BUCKS AT MY BAR'STRIVIA NIGHT.

SO, VETERANS, AS MUCH AS THIS ISA REAL SCANDAL-- AND IT IS-- I

DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

HERE TO MAKE ME TALK ABOUT IT ISTHE FOUNDER OF THE IRAQ AND

AFGHANISTANS VETERAN OF AMERICA,PAUL RIECKHOFF.

PAUL, THANK YOU SO MUCH FORJOINING ME.

>> THANK YOU, STEPHEN, GREAT TOTALK TO YOU.

>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU.

PAUL, PAUL, DO WE REALLY HAVE TOTALK ABOUT THE V.A.?

>> YES, ABSOLUTELY, YES.

>> Stephen: BUT HOW MUCHLONGER, HOW MUCH LONGER DO WE

HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THE VETERANS?

IT'S MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND.

I'VE GOT A PICNIC TO GO TO.

>> WELL, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TOTALK ABOUT IT FOR DECADES.

THESE VETERANS ARE GOING TO BEAROUND FOR A LONG TIME AND

THEY'RE AMAZING LEADERS AND THEYDESERVE THIS COUNTRY'S FULL CARE

AND SUPPORT AND, UNFORTUNATELY,WHEN YOU'RE AT YOUR PICNIC OR AT

THE BEACH, A LOT OF OUR VETERANSTHIS WEEKEND WILL BE AT

ARLINGTON PAYING THEIR RESPECTSTO THEIR FRIENDS THAT THEY LOST.

IT'S ABOUT TIME THIS COUNTRYSTEPPED UP AND REALLY SUPPORTED

OUR VETERANS. YOU HAVE BEENGREAT.

I'VE GOT TO GIVE YOU CREDIT.

THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING OURVETERANS.

YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD OUR BACKS ANDWE APPRECIATE THAT.

BUT NOW IT'S TIME FOR AMERICA TOFOLLOW YOUR LEAD, STEPHEN.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, I WISHAMERICA WOULD BE MORE LIKE ME.

THANK YOU, PAUL.

HOW BIG OF A SCANDAL IS THIS ONA SCALE OF 1 TO BENGHAZI.

>> OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, IFBENGHAZI IS A POLITICAL

HEADACHE, THIS IS GOING TO BE ASTROKE.

I MEAN, THIS IS IS NOT GOINGAWAY.

IT'S REALLY BAD.

IT AFFECTS MILLIONS OF VETERANSWHO USE THE V.A. CARE.

IT'S BEEN IN 10 CITIES ALREADY.

WE THINK THERE MAY BE MORE.

AND THE INSPECTOR GENERAL AT THEVETERANS AFFAIRS DEPARTMENT IS

NOW INSPECTING 26 CITIES.

SO OUR MEMBERS, HUNDREDS OFTHOUSAND OF THEM NATIONWIDE ARE

OUTRAGED.

THEY'RE BETRAYED.

AND THEY NEED REAL LEADERSHIPAND REFORM AND ACTION FROM

SHINSEKI AND THE PRESIDENT ANDTHE ENTIRE COUNTRY.

>> Stephen: THERE HAVE BEEN SCANDALS AND MISMANAGEMENT AT

THE V.A. SINCE I WAS A KID.

WHY HAS THIS ONE BROKEN THROUGH?

>> I THINK THIS THE COUNTRY ISPAYING ATTENTION BECAUSE 40

VETERANS MAY HAVE DIED WAITINGAND THERE MAY HAVE BEEN

VETERANS WHO DIED WAITING INOTHER CITIES.

MAYBE IT'S A PERFECT STORM.

MAYBE THE COUNTRY IS FINALLY FEDUP HEARING STORY AFTER STORY

FROM THE V.A. ABOUT HOW OURVETERANS ARE BEING NEGLECTED AND

DISAPPOINTED AND MAYBE WE CANFINALLY BREAK THROUGH.

IF THERE'S A SILVER LINING IT'STHE COUNTRY FINALLY WAKES UP

AND UNDERSTANDS THAT OURVETERANS ARE A TREMENDOUS

RESOURCE. THEY DESERVE OURSUPPORT AND OUR LOVE AND

THEY DESERVE A V.A. THAT WORKS.WE'RE NOT ASKING FAIR LOT HERE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

THE PRESIDENT SAID-- THEPRESIDENT SAID HE DID NOT HEAR

ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR SCANDALUNTIL HE SAW IT ON CNN.

>> RIGHT.

>> Stephen: CAN YOU BELIEVETHAT?

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE AREWATCHING CNN?

( LAUGHTER )>> WELL, YOU KNOW, WHAT?

NOW CNN'S FINALLY GOT SOMETHINGTO COVER OTHER THAN THE PLANE.

AND THIS IS A REAL ISSUE.

THEY'VE BEEN AGGRESSIVE ON IT.

AND OTHER FOLKS IN THE MEDIAHAVE BEEN AGGRESSIVE ON IT.

AND THIS IS NOT GOING TO GOAWAY.

EVEN IF THE HEADLINES FADE WENEED EVERYBODY TO CONTINUE TO

STEP UP, HOLD PEOPLE INWASHINGTON ACCOUNTABLE AND

SUPPORT OUR VETERANS EVERY DAYOF THE YEAR.

>> Stephen: LET ME ASK YOU AQUESTION THAT I WOULD ONLY ASK

BECAUSE THIS IS VIA SATELLITEAND YOU'RE HUNDREDS OF MILES

AWAY.

IS THE V.A. HEALTH CARE SYSTEMTHE REASON YOU'RE STILL WAITING

FOR THAT HAIR TRANSPLANT?

>> NO, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT,STEPHEN?

THAT'S OKAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT, STEPHEN, I THINKIT'S ABOUT TIME YOU SHAVED YOUR

HEAD AGAIN.

AND YOU CAN DO IT FOR CHARITY--( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

WE COULD HOOK YOU UP.

YOU LOOKED PRETTY GOOD.

AND WE'RE HAPPY TO HOOK YOU UP.

>> Stephen: MAYBE NEXT TIMEIF YOU'RE NOT HERE BY SATELLITE.

PAUL RIECKHOFF, THE I.A.V.A.

THANK YOU, PAUL.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY, THANKS SO MUCH.

FOLKS, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,BUT I FOR ONE CANNOT WAIT FOR

THE 2016 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONSBECAUSE THE POTENTIAL REPUBLICAN

CANDIDATES ARE AN EMBARRASSMENTOF RICHES, AS OPPOSED TO 2012'S

CANDIDATE, A RICH EMBARRASSMENT.AND I'M ESPECIALLY

INTRIGUED BY FLORIDA SENATOR ANDA MAN LEGALLY OLD ENOUGH TO BE

PRESIDENT, MARCO RUBIO.

OF COURSE, WHEN IT COMES TOREPUBLICANS, THE MEDIA ASK-STAPO

IS ALWAYS PLAYING YOU ITS GOTCHAGAMES.

BUT RUBIO IS NO RUBE E-O.

>> YOUNG VOTERS HAVE ASKED MEAND THEY'RE CURIOUS TO KNOW.

HAVE YOU EVER SMOKED MARIJUANA?

>> YOU KNOW WHY I NEVER ANSWERTHAT QUESTION? I'LL TELL YOU WHY

I NEVER ANSWER THAT QUESTION.

IF I TELL YOU I HAVEN'T, YOUWON'T BELIEVE ME.

>> Stephen: YEAH, NOBODYWOULD EVER BELIEVE THIS GUY'S

NOT A STONER.

I MEAN WE ALL SAW HIS NATIONALLYTELEVISED EPIC CASE OF COTTON

MOUTH.

BUT, RUBIO CAN'T ADMIT THAT HE'SBURNED DOWN.

HE'S TRYING TO WIN OVERREPUBLICANS, THE PARTY THAT

BROUGHT US "JUST SAY NO," FIRSTAS A DRUG POLICY, THEN AS THEIR

ENTIRE PLATFORM.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

THAT'S WHY HE IS ALWAYS READY TONOT ANSWER THAT QUESTION.

>> IF I TELL YOU THAT I HAVEN'T,YOU WON'T BELIEVE ME.

AND IF I TELL YOU THAT I DID,THEN KIDS WILL LOOK UP TO ME AND

SAY I CAN SMOKE MARIJUANABECAUSE LOOK HOW HE MADE IT.

>> Stephen: YEAH, THINK OFTHE MESSAGE THAT WOULD SEND ALL

THE TEEN GIRLS STARING UP AT HISPOSTER ON THEIR BEDROOM WALLS

BECAUSE RUBIO'S YOUTH APPEAL,WHICH IS WIDE, HAS HAD NEGATIVE

CONSEQUENCES BEFORE.

>> WHEN I WROTE MY BOOK"AMERICAN SON," I HAD A SEGMENT

IN THE BOOK ABOUT HOW I WASN'T AVERY GOOD HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT.

I HAD A 2.1 GPA, I GOOFED AROUNDIN CLASS. SO ONE DAY

SOMEBODY SAID I ENJOYEDYOUR BOOK BUT MY SON CAME UP TO

ME AND SAID HE DOESN'T HAVE TOGET GOOD GRADES IN HIGH SCHOOL

BECAUSE LOOK AT MARCO RUBIO.

HE DIDN'T DO WELL IN HIGH SCHOOLAND LOOK HOW SUCCESSFUL HE HAS

BEEN.

>> Stephen: SEE, KIDS MIGHTLOOK AT RUBIO'S SUCCESS AND SAY

MAYBE I CAN SAVE MONEY BYCUTTING MY OWN HAIR, TOO.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

THE POINT IS-- THE POINT IS HEIS NOT GOING TO MISUSE HIS

STATUS AS A YOUTH ICON TO HOOKKIDS ON DRUGS.

WHEN IT COMES TO THE QUESTION OFWHETHER HE'S EVER SMOKED POT,

RUBIO'S OFFICIAL POSITION IS HEWOULD LIKE TO BE PRESIDENT.

AND THAT IS A MESSAGE OF HOPETHAT IS RESONATING WITH KIDS ALL

OVER AMERICA, LIKE THE YOUNG MANI MENTOR, DAVID.

DAVID, COME ON OUT HERE.

DAVID, EVERYBODY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

DAVID, THANKS SO MUCH.

HAVE A SEAT THERE, DAVID.

DAVID IS A GOOD KID.

DAVID IS PART OF MY URBANOUTREACH PROGRAM.

( LAUGHTER )WHERE I REACH OUT OF THE URBAN

AREAS INTO SOME WEALTHIERSUBURBS.

THANKS FOR BEING HERE, DAVID.

>> THANK YOU, STEPHEN.

>> Stephen: DAVID, YOU'RE AHUGE MARCO RUBIO FAN, RIGHT?

>> YEAH, BECAUSE HE'S SOSUCCESSFUL.

DID YOU KNOW MY MAN RUBE DOGHELPED DROP THE SENATE

IMMIGRATION BILL BEFORE BACKINGAWAY FROM IT ULTIMATELY VOTING

FOR IT ONLY TO SEE IT GO NOWHEREIN THE HOUSE.

HE'S THE MAN!

( LAUGHTER )( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: OKAY, OKAY, BUT,DAVID, DO YOU SLACK OFF IN

SCHOOL BECAUSE YOU HEARD SENATORRUBIO DID?

>> STEPHEN, LET ME TELL YOU WHYI NEVER ANSWER THAT QUESTION.

IF I SAID I'M NOT SLACKING OFF,YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE ME.

AND IF I DID SAY I AM SLACKINGOFF I'D BE SETTING A BAD EXAMPLE

FOR ALL THE MIDDLE SCHOOL KIDSWHO LOOK UP TO ME BECAUSE I'M IN

HIGH SCHOOL.

>> Stephen: OH-- OH-- OKAY.

SO ARE YOU NOT ANSWERING MYQUESTIONS BECAUSE YOU'RE

INFLUENCED BY MARCO RUBIO'S NOTANSWERING QUESTIONS?

>> LET ME YOU WHY I'M NOT GOINGTO ANSWER THAT QUESTION,

STEPHEN.

IF I TELL YOU -->> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, ALL

RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH, DAVID.

JUST ANSWER THIS MUCH-- DO YOU,A YOUNG PERSON WHO WILL BE ABLE

TO VOTE IN 2016, THINK MARCORUBIO COULD BE ELECTED

PRESIDENT?

>> WHAT ARE YOU HIGH?

( LAUGHTER )LET ME TELL YOU WHY I'M NOT

GOING TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION.

>> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHTBACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY. MY GUEST TONIGHT ISIN CHARGE OF 900,000 MEMBERS OF

THE NAVY AND MARINE CORPS. ICERTAINLY HOPE HE'S ORDERED THEM

TO TUNE IN TONIGHT. PLEASEWELCOME SECRETARY OF THE NAVY

RAY MABUS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SECRETARY MABUS, THANKS SO MUCHFOR COMING ON.

SIR, NICE TO HAVE YOU ON.

>> GLAD TO BE HERE.

>> Stephen: HAPPY FLEET WEEK.

>> THANK YOU.

IT'S A GREAT, GREAT FLEET WEEK.

>> Stephen: IT ABSOLUTELY IS.

BUT, PLEASE, BE CAREFUL OUTTHERE.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU IN ALITTLE SAILOR SUIT RUNNING

AROUND TOWN SINGING, "NEW YORK,NEW YORK."

ALL RIGHT?

>> DEAL, NEITHER SHOULD YOU.

>> Stephen: STAY AWAY FROMTHE PAINTED LADIES.

NOW, SECRETARY OF THE NAVY, WEREYOU IN THE NAVY?

>> YES, 40 YEARS AGO.

>> Stephen: 40 YEARS AGO. WHATWAS YOUR RANK?

>> LIEUTENANT J.G. ON A CRUISERIN THE NORTH ATLANTIC.

>> Stephen: DOES IT FEEL GOODNOW TO BE HEAD MAN?

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: DO YOU WISH YOUCOULD GET IN A TIME MACHINE AND

GO BACK AND SAY, "HANG IN THERE,BUDDY.

YOU GET TO BOSS THESE PEOPLEAROUND LATER."

>> THE MOST AMAZED PEOPLE WERETHE PEOPLE ON MY SHIP WHEN I GOT

APPOINTED TO THIS JOB.

>> Stephen: DID THEY TESTIFYAGAINST YOU IN FRONT OF THE

SENATE?

>> IF THEY WERE STILL ALIVE.

>> OOOOOH!

>> Stephen: HE MEANS HOW OLDTHEY ARE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

OKAY.

THE NAVY.

>> THE NAVY.

>> Stephen: THE NAVY, YOUGUYS GOT-- YOU GOT-- YOU GOT

BOATS FOR THE WATER.

YOU GOT SEALs FOR THE LAND.

YOU GOT JETS FOR THE SKY.

DO WE NEED THE OTHER BRANCHES OFTHE MILITARY?

OR CAN THE NAVY JUST HANDLE ALLOF IT?

>> YOU KNOW, WE'VE GOT THEMARINE CORPS, TOO.

>> Stephen: RIGHT.

>> SURE.

>> Stephen: SO TOGETHER,UNDER THE DEPARTMENT OF THE

NAVY, HAVE YOU GUYS GOT ITCOVERED?

>> WE'RE THE GREATEST FIGHTINGFORCE THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN.

>> Stephen: HOW DOES THE ARMYFEEL ABOUT THAT STATEMENT?

>> BUT WE NEED OUR SISTERSERVICES.

>> Stephen: YOU NEED THEM?

>> WE NEED OUR SISTER SERVICES.

WE NEED A GREAT ARMY.

WE NEED A GREAT AIR FORCE.

>> Stephen: HOW IS THE NAVYDOING RIGHT NOW?

HOW MANY SHIPS HAVE WE GOT?

>> THE NAVY'S DOING GREAT. WEHAVE 289 SHIPS AND BUILDING TO

306 BY THE END OF THIS DECADE.

>> Stephen: WHAT ARE THEEXTRA ONES ON TOP THERE, ALL

AIRCRAFT CARRIERS, RIGHT?

>> NOT QUITE.

>> Stephen: HOW MANY AIRCRAFTCARRIERS DO WE HAVE, SIR?

>> 11.

>> Stephen: MY UNDERSTANDINGIS WE CAN PARK ONE OF THOSE

BAD BOYS OFF THE COAST OF ANYCOUNTRY AND SHUT DOWN THEIR AIR

SPACE. IS THAT TRUE?

>> WE CAN PARK ONE OF THOSEALMOST ANYWHERE AND DO WHATEVER

WE NEED TO DO( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

MY FAVORITE RECRUITING POSTER ISA CARRIER STRYKER WITH ALL THE

PLANES, AND IT SAYS, "SOMETIMESWE FOLLOW THE STORM TO THE

SHORE. SOMETIMES WE ARE THESTORM."

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Stephen: THAT, FOR ANY OF

THE SAILORS HERE FOR FLEET WEEK,THAT'S A GREAT PICKUP LINE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

OKAY, NOW, OKAY, MODERN WARFARE.

DO WE NEED A MASSIVE NAVYANYMORE?

WE'VE BEEN FIGHTING A LOT OFWARS, AND SOME KIND OF DUSTY,

DRY PLACES THAT IT WOULD BE HARDTO BRING A BOAT-- IT'S HARD TO

BRING A BOAT ALL THE WAY TOKABUL.

DO WE NEED A BIG NAVY ANYMORE?

>> WE NEED A BIG NAVY BECAUSE90% OF THE WORLD'S TRADE TRAVELS

BY SEA.

95% OF OUR TELECOMMUNICATIONS GOUNDER THE SEA.

KEEPING THE SEA LANES OPEN, OURPRESENCE AROUND THE WORLD TO

DETER FOLKS FROM DOING BADTHINGS, TO REASSURE PEOPLE THAT

ARE OUR ALLIES, WE NEED A GREATNAVY.

WE'VE GOT A MARITIME DEFENSESTRATEGY NOW.

>> Stephen: IS GLOBALWARMING GOOD FOR YOU GUYS?

BECAUSE WITH RISING SEA LEVELS,THERE WILL BE MORE OCEAN FOR YOU

TO NAVY IN?

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

( CHEERS )50 YEARS FROM NOW, 50 YEARS FROM

NOW, FLEET WEEK IS GOING TO BEIN COLUMBUS, OHIO.

>> THAT'S WHY ONE OF OUR BIGGESTBASES IS IN INDIANA.

>> Stephen: IS IT REALLY?

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: THERE'S A NAVALBASE IN INDIANA?

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: THAT'S A GOODCONGRESSMAN.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

THAT'S A REALLY GOODCONGRESSMAN.

WOW.

>> WE DO HAVE MORE OCEAN TO NAVYON, AND WHEN THE-- AS THE ICE IS

MELTING IN THE ARCTIC, OURRESPONSIBILITIES INCREASE.

40% OF-- 70% OF THE WORLD LIVESWITHIN 40 MILES OF AN OCEAN.

SO AS SEA LEVELS RISE,INSTABILITY FOLLOWS.

THAT GIVES US MORERESPONSIBILITIES.

>> Stephen: YOU GET TO-- YOUGET TO NAME SHIPS, DON'T YOU?

>> I DO.

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHATSOUNDS REALLY GOOD--

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THE USS "STEPHEN COLBERT."

DOESN'T THAT JUST ROLL OFF THETONGUE, SIR?

( APPLAUSE ).

>> YOU KNOW, IT DOES.

THE ONLY PROBLEM IS YOU HAVE TOBE DEAD FIRST.

>> Stephen: OH!

LIKE SUPER DEAD?

OR JUST A LITTLE DEAD?

>> YOU KNOW, WE CAN MAKEEXCEPTIONS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: SECRETARY MABUS,THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING

ME.

SECRETARY OF THE NAVY, RAYMABUS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR THEREPORT, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL SEE YOU IN A WEEK.

GOOD NIGHT.

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