October 23, 2013 - Gwen Ifill & Judy Woodruff

  • Episode: 10011
  • (0)

Obamacare's website crashes, Stephen investigates, and Judy Woodruff and Gwen Ifill discuss the news.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

"REPORT"!

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

SETTLE DOWN HERE!

THIS IS IT RIGHT HERE!

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

CHAOS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THANK YOUFOR JOINING US.

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

I NEED YOUR ENERGY.

I NEED IT TO FIGHT INJUSTICE, TOFIGHT THE BASTARDS OUT THERE.

FOLKS, YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I'LLTELL YOU I NEED THAT KIND OF

ENERGY TONIGHT PARTICULARLYBECAUSE, FOLKS, THIS JOB IS

HARD.

(LAUGHTER)I DON'T WANT TO BRING YOU

DEPRESSING STORIES NIGHT AFTERNIGHT.

THAT'S WHY TONIGHT I AM SO HAPPYTO FINALLY HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS

TO REPORT.

MILLIONS OF AMERICANS CAN'T GETHEALTH INSURANCE.

(LAUGHTER)THE OBAMACARE WEB SITE IS A

DISASTER AND I AM LOVING IT!

(LAUGHTER)MORE TECHNO-TURD TACO WILL BE

BARACK OBAMA'S TRUE LEGACY.

IT'S HIS GETTYSBURG ADDRESS-- IFLINCOLN HAD SAID "FOURSCORE AND

ERROR 404 EMANCIPATION NOTFOUND."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)WELL, I GUESS IT'S NOT HIS

ENTIRE LEGACY.

HE'LL INDUSTRIAL THE BEER SUMMITAND HIS ALL YOU CAN KILL ROBOT

BUFFET.

(LAUGHTER)FOLKS, I'M NOT SURPRISED IT

AIN'T WORKING.

THIS WEB SITE RELIES ONSEPARATELY DESIGNED SAY

DATABASES AND SOFTWARE FROM 55DIFFERENT CONTRACTORS.

GETTING THAT MANY PEOPLE TO WORKTOGETHER IS LIKE HERDING CATS.

(LAUGHTER)ALSO, SOME OF THE CONTRACTORS

WERE CATS.

(LAUGHTER)AND BRACE YOURSELVES, FOLKS, THE

LEAD CONTRACTOR IS FROMAMERICA'S ANCIENT NEMESIS

CANADA.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)NOW, BY CANADIAN LAW WE MUST

ALSO THEY IN FRENCH.

CAN-DA!

(LAUGHTER)NOW, THE COMPANY BEHIND WEB SITE

GATE IS MONTREAL-BASEDCONSEILLERS EN GESTION ET

ANFORMASTIC.

(LAUGHTER)EXCUSE ME, I BELIEVE I JUST

ORDERED AN $80 CHEESE.

AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHODIAGNOSED OBAMACARE WITH A

TERMINAL CASE OF BLOW CHUNKAGE.

(LAUGHTER)SO DID PRESIDENT OBAMA CARE.

>> THERE'S NO SHULAR COATING IT.

THE WEB SITE HAS BEEN TOO SLOW,PEOPLE HAVE BEEN GETTING STUCK

DURING THE APPLICATION PROCESS,WE'VE HAD SOME OF THE BEST I.T.

TALENT IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRYJOIN THE TEAM AND WE'RE WELL

INTO A TECH SURGE TO FIX THEPROBLEM.

>> Stephen: YES, A TECH SURGE!

JUST LIKE OUR AFGHAN SURGE.

(LAUGHTER)WHICH MEANS WE'LL ALMOST HAVE IT

FIXED IN 12 YEARS.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)AND, A

BUT IF YOU STILL CAN'T SIGN UPONLINE, DON'T WORRY, THE

NAPOLEON OF COMMUNITY ORGANIZERSHAS A PLAN TO WIN THIS WELFARE

WATERLOO.

>> WHILE THE WEB SITE WILLULTIMATELY BE THE EASIEST WAY TO

BUY INSURANCE THROUGH THEMARKETPLACE, IT ISN'T THE ONLY

WAY.

YOU CAN ALSO APPLY IN PERSONWITH THE HELP OF LOCAL

NAVIGATORS.

THESE ARE PEOPLE SPECIALLYTRAINED TO HELP YOU SIGN UP FOR

HEALTH CARE.

>> Stephen: YEAH, HEALTH CARENAVIGATORS.

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH NETSCAPENAVIGATOR, WHICH IS EVIDENTLY

WHAT healthcare.gov IS RUN ON.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

NOW, FOLKS, THE SETUP -- TOSETUP THESE NAVIGATORS THE OBAMA

ADMINISTRATION HAS REACHED OUTTO ESTABLISHED COMMUNITY

ORGANIZATIONS LIKE FOOD BANKS.

JOINING ME NOW AS I VISIT ONE OFTHESE HEALTH CARE HOUSES OF

HORROR IN -- "STEPHEN COLBERT'SI TRIED TO SIGN UP FOR

OBAMACARE."

(CACKLING)FIRST, I HEADED TO THE MONMOUTH

COUNTY FOOD BANK WHERE I METWITH THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR,

CARLOS RODRIGUEZ.

>> WELCOME TO THE FOOD BANK.

>> Stephen: SO WE'RE IN ANINDUSTRIAL KITCHEN TO SIGN UP

FOR OBAMACARE.

BREAK THAT DOWN FOR ME.

HOW DOES THAT WORK?

>> THIS IS ONE PART OF THE FOODBANK WHERE WE PROVIDE MEALS FOR

OVER10,000 CHILDREN A YEAR.

>> Stephen: JUST TO BE CLEAR,YOU'RE NOT A HEALTH CARE

PROVIDER OF ANY KIND.

>> THAT'S CORRECT.

>> Stephen: EVEN THOUGH PEOPLECOME TO YOU FOR OBAMACARE AND

SOUP.

>> I AM NOT A DR. .

>> Stephen: NOR ARE YOU A CHEF?

>> I AM NOT A CHEF.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

IS OBAMACARE LIMITED TO PEOPLEWHO CAN ACCESS IT?

>> OBAMACARE IS ONLY LIMITED TOTHOSE WHO WANT IT AND WHO ARE

ELIGIBLE.

>> Stephen: HOW DO I SIGN UP?

>> YOU CAN SIGN UP THREEDIFFERENT WAYS: ONLINE WITH THE

ASSISTANCE OF NAVIGATORS.

>> Stephen: WHAT IF I DON'T HAVEA COMPUTER?

>> WE HAVE AN APPLICATION WE CANHELP YOU FILL OUT.

>> Stephen: WHAT IF I DON'T HAVEA PEN?

(LAUGHTER)>> WE CAN PROVIDE ONE FOR YOU.

>> Stephen: MY PROBLEM IS THAT IDON'T HAVE HANDS.

>> WE CAN HELP YOU FILL OUT THEAPPLICATION.

>> Stephen: I CAN'T HEAR.

WHAT IF I CAN'T HEAR?

>> WE WILL FIGURE OUT A WAY TOMAKE SURE THAT THE APPLICATION

PROCESS IS COMPLETED.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT KIND OF INVASIVE QUESTIONSWILL YOU BE ASKING ME TO

NAVIGATE ME THROUGH THE PROCESSIN WILL YOU WANT TO KNOW THE

SIZE OF MY PROSTATE?

>> I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THESIZE OF YOUR PROSTATE.

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: IT'S IMPRESSIVE.

>> CONGRATULATIONS.

>> Stephen: DON'T YOU THINK BESTIDEA FOR OBAMACARE AT THIS POINT

IS JUST TO DEFUND IT?

BECAUSE THERE WOULDN'T BE ANYCOMPLAINTS ABOUT IT IF IT DIDN'T

EXIST.

>> WHAT WILL WE TELL THE FOLKSWHO ARE IN NEED OF HEALTH CARE

AND THIS IS REALLY THE ONLYOPTION BEFORE THEM?

>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU TELLTHEM BEFORE?

>> THERE WAS NOTHING AVAILABLEBEFORE NOW THERE'S SOMETHING

AVAILABLE AND WE WANT TO GETTHEM ENROLLED.

>> Stephen: I WOULD GO BACK TOTHE "THERE'S NOTHING AVAILABLE."

I WOULD BE HONEST OTHERWISE WE'DBE LYING.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BE A LIAR, DOYOU, CAR SFLOS

>> WE DON'T DO THAT HERE.

>> Stephen: HAVE YOU SIGNED UPFOR OBAMACARE?

>>>> I HAVE NOT.

>> Stephen: YOU HAVE NOT?

>> WE PROVIDE OUR EMPLOYEES FORHEALTH CARE.

>> Stephen: INTERESTING, SO IT'SGOOD FOR THE LITTLE PEOPLE BUT

NOT CARLOS RODRIGUEZ.

>> IF WE EVER NEEDED OBAMACAREAND IT WASN'T PROVIDED BY MY

EMPLOYER I WOULD ENROLL.

>> Stephen: I'M A DEEPLYRELIGIOUS CATHOLIC AND I DON'T

BELIEVE IN CONTRACEPTION.

CAN YOU GUARANTEE ME THE MONEYTHAT I GAVE OBAMACARE WILL NOT

GO TO PROVIDE CONTRACEPTION FORSLUTS?

(LAUGHTER)>> WE DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTROL

OVER WHAT HEALTH CARE -- WHERETHE MONEY FOR THE HEALTH CARE

GOES.

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANYCONTROL OVER THE SLUTS?

>> I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER ANYINDIVIDUAL.

>> Stephen: OKAY, WELL IFOBAMACARE IS THE LAW OF THE LAND

LET'S GET TO IT.

OKAY, I'LL JUST DROP MY TROUHERE.

>> Stephen: WE DON'T DO EXAMSHERE AT THE FOOD BANK.

WE JUST PROVIDE YOU WITH HEALTHCARE SO YOU CAN HAVE ACCESS TO A

DOCTOR.

>> Stephen: LET ME GET STRAIGHT:YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU DON'T WANT

TO CUT MY BALLS?

>> I DO NOT WANT TO DO THAT ATALL.

>> Stephen: THE T.S.A. WANTS TOCUT MY BALLS.

YOU'RE NOT WILLINGING TO DOTHAT?

>> I'M NOT WILLING TO DO THAT ATALL.

>> Stephen: THEY'RE PRACTICALLYBEGGING TO CUT MY BALLS.

>> I AM NOT CONCERNED AT ALL.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

IF I'M GOING DO THIS, I'M GOINGTO DO IT RIGHT.

WHAT'S THE RIGHT PLAN FOR ME?

>> OUR NAVIGATORS CAN WALK YOUTHROUGH THE PROCESS.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, CARLOS,LET'S SEE WHAT THEY'VE GOT.

WHEN WE RETURN, THE DRAMATICCONCLUSION OF "STEPHEN COLBERT'S

I TRIED TO SIGN UP FOROBAMACARE."

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY, AND NOW THE DRAMATICMORE OF THE THING WE WERE

WATCHING BEFORE THE COMMERCIALBREAK.

JIM?

>> PREVIOUSLY ON STEPHENCOLBERT'S "I TRIED TO SIGN UP

FOR OBAMACARE."

>> Stephen: WHEN PEOPLE AREDENIED THEIR HEALTH CARE BY

OBAMA AND THEY HAVE TO FACE THEDEATH PANEL, DO YOU TAKE THEM IN

HERE AND CUT THEM UP AND FEEDTHEM THE POOR?

AND NOW THE SHOCKING CONCLUSIONOF "STEPHEN COLBERT'S I TRIED TO

SIGN UP FOR OBAMACARE."

(CACKLING)>> Stephen: COMMUNITY ORGANIZER

CARLOS RODRIGUEZ INTRODUCE TODAYIN MY NAVIGATOR DEBBIE DEBBIE,

THANKS FOR TALKING TO ME TODAY.

>> YOU'RE WELCOME.

>> Stephen: HOW DID YOU GET INTOTHE NAVIGATOR RACKET?

>> I WAS HIRED BY THE FOOD BANKIN JANUARY AND NOW WE'RE HELPING

PEOPLE GO OUT AND APPLY FOROBAMACARE.

>> Stephen: DEBBIE, NAVIGATE ME.

WHAT DO WE DO?

>> SO FIRST THING, THIS IS WHEREI'D ASK FOR I.D.

>> Stephen: SHOULDN'T WE SCRUBUP BEFORE YOU NAVIGATE HE?

>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.

>> Stephen: I DON'T WANT ANYBODYTOUCH MIG JUNK WITHOUT -- YOU

KNOW -->> I'M NOT EXAMINING YOU.

THIS IS JUST FILLING OUT ANAPPLICATION.

>> Stephen: I DON'T HAVE TO DROPTROU?

>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.

>> Stephen: OKAY, WHERE CAN IDROP MY TROU AROUND THIS PLACE?

>> WE'RE NAVIGATING, HELPING YOUAPPLY FOR OBAMACARE.

>> Stephen: ARE YOU GOING TOWEAR GLOVES?

>> I DON'T NEED THEM.

>> Stephen: CAN I WEAR THEM>> IF YOU PREFER, SURE.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

(LAUGHTER)I'M GOOD.

YOUR>> YOUR FIRST NAME AGAIN,

PLEASE?

>> WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?

>> Stephen: I'M TRYING TO FILLOUT YOUR APPLICATION.

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW PEOPLE AREWORRIED HEALTH CARE NAVIGATORS

ARE SCAM ARTISTS WHO ARE GOINGTO STEAL OUR IDENTITIES.

IDENTITY THEFT, ARE YOU FAMILIARA THAT?

>> I UNDERSTAND THAT BUT --.

>> Stephen: IF I GIVE YOU MYNAME YOU'RE ME AND SUDDENLY

YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE ANDDRIVING MY AUDI.

>> WHAT ABOUT MY WIFE AND AUDECONOMY?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEM?

>> THEY'RE WONDERFUL, I'M SURE.

I HAVE A CERTIFICATE THAT PROVESI'M A NAVIGATOR.

>> Stephen: CAN I SEE YOUR GUN?

>> I DON'T HAVE A GUN.

I HOPE YOU'RE NOT ARMED.

>> Stephen: YOU ASKING ME IF I'MARMED.

I WANT TO KNOW IF THAT'S PART OFHEALTH CARE NAVIGATION.

I KNOW OBAMACARE IS COMING FROMOUR GUNS.

>> NO, IT'S NOT.

>> Stephen: SO IT'S OKAY IF I'MARMED.

>> NO!

>> Stephen: YOU'RE GOING ASK MEPERSONAL INFORMATION AS WE GO

FORWARD.

>> CORRECT.

>> Stephen: SO I MIGHT FEELUNCOMFORTABLE AT TIMES.

>> I UNDERSTAND THAT.

>> Stephen: WHY DON'T WEESTABLISH A SAFE WORD.

(LAUGHTER)PUMPKIN PATCH.

IF I SAY PUMPKIN PATCH THATMEANS IT'S GETTING HEAVY FOR ME

AND I NEED TO PULL OUT.

>> OKAY, CAN I HAVE YOUR NAMEPLEASE?

>> Stephen: PUMPKIN PATCH.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)SORRY, I PANICKED.

FIRST NAME IS STEPHEN.

>>, IS T-E-V-E-N-?

>>.

>> Stephen: P.H..

I'M NOT AN ANIMAL.

>> AND YOUR MIDDLE INITIAL?

>> Stephen: TYRONE MOS DEF.

>> DO YOU HAVE A SUFFIX?

>> Stephen: I DO, IT'S D.F.A.

HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THEWORLD FEATURING --

>> OH, THERE'S MORE?

>> Stephen: FEATURING FLO-RIDA.

>> RIDER.

>> Stephen: RIDA.

♪ I GOT THAT BUBBLE YUM BUM DOES OBAMACARE COVER BUBBLE YUM

BUMS?

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT BUBBLE YUMBUM IS.

SORRY.

AND I NEED YOUR BIRTH DATE,PLEASE.

>> Stephen: ARE YOU GETTING ME APRESENT?

>> UM, NO.

>> Stephen: HOW OLD WOULD YOUSAY I AM, DEBBIE?

>> UM, I'M NOT VERY GOOD ATGUESSING AGES.

>> Stephen: WHATEVER, JUST GUESSGUESS.

BEST -- GUESS.

>> I DON'T LIKE --.

>> Stephen: OH, IT'S ALL JUSTFUN!

IT'S FUN!

>> I DON'T LIKE GUESSING.

>> Stephen: I'LL DO YOU FIRST.

>> OKAY.

>> Stephen: 64.

>> (LAUGHS)NO.

THAT EKE OKAY.

>> Stephen: GO, A AHEAD, YOU'RENOT GOING TO HURT MY FEELINGS.

>>>> OKAY, 30.

>> Stephen: VERY GOOD.

I WAS BORN IN 1983.

(LAUGHTER)>> NOW YOU'RE MALE, RIGHT?

>> Stephen: LAST TIME I CHECKED.

(LAUGHS)>> THE NEXT THING THEY ASK FOR

IS --.

>> Stephen: I'M SORRY.

ARE YOU GOING TO CHECK, BY THEWAY?

>> NO!

IN THE PAST YEAR, DID YOU CHANGEJOBS, STOP WORKING, START

WORKING FEWER HOURS OR NONE OFTHESE HE?

>> Stephen: I WON TWO EMMYS.

>> NICE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: THANKS.

JUST SAY TWO HEM EMMYS, WRITETHAT ON THE SIDE.

>> TWO EMMYS.

>> Stephen: NOT EVERYBODY WINSTWO IN ONE YEAR.

>> OKAY, I'LL CIRCLE THAT.

WHAT I NEED YOU DO IS SIGN ANDDATE THE BOTTOM.

>> Stephen: YOU DON'T NEED TOKNOW MY SEXUAL HISTORY?

>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT THE LEASTBIT CURES YOU?

>> NO.

>> Stephen: YOU WANT REFERENCES?

>> NO THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: PHONE NUMBERS?

>> NO THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: I HAD A THREESOMEONCE.

>> OKAY, THANKS.

>> Stephen: I SAID NO.

>> OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.

WHEN YOU PUT IN YOUR APPLICATIONAND GET ELIGIBILITY YOU'LL GET

ALL OF IF PLANS THAT YOU'REELIGIBLE FOR.

>> Stephen: DO I GET TO KEEP MYDOCTOR.

>> IT'S IN THE PLAN THAT YOUSELECT, YES.

>> Stephen: DO I HAVE TO STAYWITH MY DOCTOR?

BECAUSE I DON'T -->> NO, YOU ABSOLUTELY DON'T HAVE

TO.

>> Stephen: I DON'T LIKE MYDOCTOR.

HE STUCK HIS FINGER UP MY BUTT.

(LAUGHTER)YEAH, WAY TOO MUCH.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS LOOKINGFOR.

HE DIDN'T FIND IT.

>> OKAY.

GOOD.

>> Stephen: IT WAS A SURPRISE TOME, YOU SNOFRNLTS OKAY.

>> Stephen: I'M JUST -- MINDINGMY OWN BUSINESSES AND HE PUSHES

THE THONG ASIDE AND IN HE GOES.

YOU KNOW?

>> OKAY.

(LAUGHTER)THEY DON'T DO THAT TO LADIES,

RIGHT?

THAT'S FOR THE GUYS.

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: THAT'S FOR THE GUYS?

>> YES.

>> OKAY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRYTO PUT IN YOUR --.

>> Stephen: SHOULD I SIGN IT?

>> YES.

>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.

>> NO, NO, NO, PLEASE, NO.

WE DON'T WRITE ON THE COMPUTER.

>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, MYMISTAKE, I APOLOGIZE.

GET HER A NEW COMPUTER, PLEASE.

AND THIS IS IT, I'M REALLYSIGNING UP RIGHT NOW.

WE'RE REALLY DOING IT.

>> CORRECT.

>> Stephen: OKAY, THANKS DEBBIE,THANKS FOR HELPING LETTING US

JOIN OBAMACARE.

(LAUGHTER)AUTHENTICATING, PLEASE WAIT.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)("PRICE IS RIGHT TROMBONE)

WEB PAGE CANNOT BE FOUND!

OBAMACARE IS A TRAIN WRECK!

THANK YOU, DEBBIE!

I DON'T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE.

WHOO!

I DON'T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE!

HALL HA!

I'M FREE!

NO HEALTH CARE FOR ME OR MYFAMILY!

WHOO!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)DEBBIE!

DEBBIE, CARLOS!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

MY GUESTS TONIGHT ARE THE FIRSTFEMALE ANCHOR TEAM IN NATIONAL

TELEVISION NEWS.

I'D LOVE TO MEET THE MAN WHOHIRED THEM.

PLEASE WELCOME JUDY WOODRUFF ANDGWEN IFILL!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)HEY, JUDY, GOOD TO SEE YOU

AGAIN!

GEP, ALWAYS GREAT TO HAVE YOUGUYS BACK.

OBVIOUSLY EVERYBODY KNOWS WHOYOU GUYS ARE.

YOU'RE THE FIRST FEMALE TEAMANCHORING THE NEWS.

WHAT DID YOU DO WITH JIMLEHRER'S BODY?

(LAUGHTER)WHY -- WHAT DID HE DO TO DESERVE

TO BE SHUNTED ASIDE BY YOU TWOPUSHY BROADS.

>> WE CAN TELL YOU, STEPHEN,THEN WE'D HAVE TO KILL YOU.

>> Stephen: THE PBS NEWSHOUR ISAN HOUR.

DO WE NEED AN HOUR OF NEWS EVERYNIGHT?

(LAUGHTER)THE GUYS OVER ON THE NETWORKS

ARE DOING IT-- AND THE GIRLS,AND DIANE SAWYER-- THEY'RE DOING

IN THE A HALF HOUR EVERY NIGHTPLUS COMMERCIALS AND, BOOM,

WE'RE WATCHING "JEOPARDY."

(LAUGHTER)>> BUT YOU GET SO MUCH MORE ON

THE PBS NEWSHOUR.

>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU GET?

>> WELL, YOU GET COVERAGE OF THEDAY'S MOST IMPORTANT STORIES,

WHETHER IT'S HEALTH CARE REFORM,THE HEALTH CARE LAW THAT YOU

JUST SPENT SOME TIME TALKINGABOUT, THE KEYSTONE PIPELINE,

THE -- WHAT'S HAPPENED WITH THEDRONE STRIKES.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE TALKING ABOUTIN-DEPTH.

>> IN-DEPTH.

>> Stephen: TIME FOR IN-DEPTH.

WHAT IS THE VALUE OF IN-DEPTHAND, GWEN, YOU ANSWER IN FIVE

WORDS OF LESS, PLEASE.

>> THERE IS NOT MUCH VALUE IN --THAT'S FIVE!

>> Stephen: SORRY, THERE IS NOTMUCH VALUE IN IN-DEPTH.

SORRY, THAT'S ALL WE HAVE TIMEFOR, GWEN.

>> SEE, THAT'S THE THING.

WE NEVER RUN OUT OF TIME.

>> Stephen: BUT HERE'S THEPROBLEM WITH YOU TWO IS THAT

YOU'RE VERY LEVEL HEADED.

I GET INFORMATION FROM YOU.

WHEN I WATCH THE NEWS I'MLOOKING FOR EMOTION.

WHICH OF YOU IS GOING TO BE THECONSERVATIVE, WHICH ONE IS GOING

TO BE THE LIBERAL AND WHAT AREYOU GOING TO BE FIGHTING OVER?

>> IF YOU WANT FIGHTING AND YOUWANT OPINION THERE ARE LOTS OF

PLACES TO GO.

OUR VIEW, STEPHEN, IS THAT OURVIEWERS ARE SMART AND CURIOUS SO

WE'RE GOING TO GIVE THEMINFORMATION AND LET THEM MAKE UP

THEIR OWN MINDS.

>> I SPENT A LOT OF TIME ONCOLLEGE CAMPUSES WHERE STUDENTS

SAY TO ME "I ONLY WATCH COLBERT"OR "I ONLY WATCH JON STEWART"

AND THEN I TELL THEM YOU GUYSWATCH US TO FIND OUT WHAT'S

REAL.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: I DO, I DO WATCH YOU

GUYS BECAUSE I'M HOPING YOU'LLTAKE MY SUGGESTION OF HAVING

MARK SHIELDS AND DAVID BROOKSFIGHT IN A PIT.

(LAUGHTER)THAT WOULD BE EXCITING.

>> I CAN TELL THEM.

>> Stephen: MODERN BEAR-BAITING.

YOU GUYS HAVE BOTH BEEN IN THENEWS FOR A LONG TIME.

HOW DO YOU THINK IT'S CHANGED?

YOU SEEM TO HAVE AN OLDER MODELOF NEWS THAT IS NEWS AS

INFORMATION NOT NEWS ASENTERTAINMENT.

>> I DON'T THINK IT'S OLD.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, LOOK, WEBELIEVE THAT VIEWERS ARE SMART,

THEY CAN MAKE UP THEIR OWNMINDS.

I THINK THAT'S A NEW IDEA.

I THINK FRANKLY BECAUSE MOST OFWHAT -- MUCH OF WHAT YOU SEE ON

TELEVISION TODAY IS ABOUTOPINION.

>> Stephen: OPINION IS ALSO AGREAT PENNY-PINCHER BECAUSE YOU

DON'T TO BACK OPINION UP WITHANYTHING.

(LAUGHTER)WE DO THIS SHOW FOR $1.29 AN

EPISODE.

(LAUGHTER)THIS IS CHEAPER PER POUND THAN

GREEN BEANS.

I CAN JUST MAKE UP ALL THE FACTSI WANT.

YOU GUYS, DO YOU FACT CHECK THETHINGS YOU'LL BE TELLING US?

>> WELL, WHEN WE ASK FOR MONEYTHAT'S BECAUSE WE HAVE TO PAY TO

GET THE NEWS.

IT'S A NOVEL IDEA THAT WE HAVETO GO GET THE NEWS AND BRING IT

BACK AND THEN LET PEOPLE DECIDE.

>> Stephen: THAT BRINGS ME TOANOTHER PROBLEM.

YOU GUYS ARE IN THE POCKET OFBIG DO NATEORS.

(LAUGHTER)BECAUSE YOU GUYS GET YOUR MONEY

FROM VIEWERS -->> VIEWERS LIKE YOU.

>> Stephen: VIEWERS LIKE YOU.

EXACTLY.

BUT WHAT IF VIEWERS LIKE THEMHAVE A SCANDAL.

WILL YOU BE REPORTING ON VIEWERSLIKE THEM KNOWING THAT THEY

COULD PULL THE FUNDING ON YOURSNOW.

>> IF IT'S A SCANDAL THAT WETHINK AFFECTS -- MOST PEOPLE IN

THE COUNTRY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT,SURE

>> WHEN B.P. WAS DUMPING OILINTO THE GULF, THEY WERE ONE OF

OUR UNDERWRITERS AND EVERY NIGHTWE WOULD SAY "B.P. IS MANY OF

OUR UNDERWRITERS, NOW LET METELL YOU HOW MANY BARRELS OF OIL

WENT INTO THE GULF TODAY."

IT DIDN'T STOP US FROM COVERINGTHE STORY BUT IT ALLOWED US TO

COVER THE STORY.

>> Stephen: DO THEY STILLUNDERWRITE YOUR SNOW

>> NO, ACTUALLY.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: INTERESTING.

INTERESTING.

INTERESTING.

ALL RIGHT, NOW I'M THRILLED THATWE HAVE TWO FEMALE ANCHORS

FINALLY GIVING US THE NEWS BUT,OF COURSE, LIKE THE HIGHLANDER,

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.

HOW WILL YOU ACTUALLY BACK STABEACH OTHER AND BECOME THE ONLY

ANCHOR.

>> YOU KNOW, WE DON'T WANT TO DOTHAT.

>> Stephen: I KNOW YOU DON'TWANT TO BUT IT'S AN UGLY

BUSINESS.

ARE YOU GUYS FRIENDS?

>> YES.

>> WE ARE FRIENDS, WE LIKE EACHOTHER.

WE RESPECT EACH OTHER.

AND LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, STEPHENTHINK HOW FAR THE COUNTRY HAS

COME JUST USING HALF OF ITSTALENT.

THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH FARTHER WECAN GO IF WE USE ALL OF THE

TALENT.

IF WOMEN ARE ALLOWED TO DO WHATMEN HAVE DONE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, BUT AM I

GOING TO BE ABLE TO GET MY MANNEWS WHEN I CHECK IN WITH THE

LADIES?

BECAUSE LAST NIGHT I REPORTED ONWHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT BETWEEN

A LION AND A TIGER.

I DON'T THINK A WOMAN WOULDREPORT ON THAT.

I BROKE THAT STORY, JUDY.

>> YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.

>> Stephen: I FWLEK STORY.

>> HERE'S THE THING.

WHEN WE GOT THIS JOB WE THOUGHTIT WAS A NATURAL PROGRESSION FOR

US.

AND WE WERE SURPRISED AND TAKENABACK BY HOW MANY WOMEN--

ESPECIALLY YOUNG WOMEN-- REACTEDEMOTIONALLY ABOUT THE IDEA THAT

WE ARE SITTING IN THESE CHAIRSSO I DON'T KNOW YOU, JUDY, BUT I

FEEL LIKE I'VE TAKEN IT MORESERIOUSLY SINCE I'VE BEEN IN THE

CHAIR BECAUSE I DID BEFORE.

>> Stephen: YOU SHOULD TAKE ITMORE SERIOUSLY.

THE PBS NEWSHOUR HAS BEEN SOSILLY FOR SO MANY YEARS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOININGME.

GWEN IFILL, JUDY WOODRUFF.

ALWAYS NICE TO HAVE YOU ON!

JUDY WOODRUFF, GWEN IFILL.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR THE

REPORT EVERYBODY. GOODNIGHT.

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