October 31, 2013 - Zach Sims

  • Episode: 10016
  • (0)

The NSA spying scandal reaches the Vatican, and Codecademy founder Zach Sims discusses programming.

>> TONIGHT, HOW CAN AMERICANSPROTECT THEIR PRIVACY? MY

SOLUTION? A DIARY WITH A LITTLEHEART-SHAPED LOCK.

THEN A NEVADA POLITICIAN GETS INTROUBLE, WHICH IS SHOCKING

BECAUSE NOTHING IS ILLEGAL INNEVADA.

AND MY GUEST, COFOUNDER, WHOTEACHES COMPUTER CODING SKILLS

FOR FREE.

KATHLEEN SEBELIUS, YOU WILL WANTTO STAY TUNED.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! APRILFOOLS'.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! THIS IS THE

WHOO!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]WELCOME TO THE COL-SCARE

REPORT.

JOINING US "TONIGHT-MARE".

GOOD EVENING EVERY-BONE.

>> THANK SIGN.

>> FRANKENSTEIN.

FOLKS AS YOU CAN TELL I LOVEDHALLOWS EVE, IT IS ONLY TIME OF

YEAR WHEN CHILDREN BRING BUCKETSOF CANDY RIGHT TO YOUR HOUSE.

THEY RING THE BELL, THEN HOLD UPTHEIR BUCKETS FOR YOU TO HELP

YOURSELVES, AND THEN LATER THATNIGHT THEY BRING YOU FREE EGGS

AND TOILET PAPER.

>> ONLY AMERICA.

>> BUT WHEN IT COMES TOHALLOWEEN THERE ARE SOME REAL

GRINCHES OUT THERE, SOMETIMESAFTER A NIGHT OF TRICK OR

TREATING YOU GET AN APPLE WITH ARAISER BLADE IN IT, SHATTER

FILING, I COULD CUT MYSELFMAKING A BONG OUT OF IT.

THIS IS THE WAR ON HALLOWEEN.

>> FACING A LOT OF TV FOLK AREIN THE HALLOWEEN SPIRIT TODAY.

JUST THIS MORNING, I SAW KELLEYRIPA DRESSED AS MILEY CYRUS.

AND GEORGE STEPHANOPOULUS WENTAS A TINY ASTRONAUT WHICH I

BELIEVE MAKES HIM AMERICA'SENTIRE SPACE PROGRAM.

I, OF COURSE, AM DRESSED AS ASEXY HOBO WHO GOT A WORK ETHIC,

PULLED HIMSELF UP BY HIS OWNBOOT STRAPS AND THEN GOT A TASTY

MAKEOVER.

BUT, FOLKS, ON TODAY'S, THETODAY SHOW TODAY, HALLOWEEN

DIED.

WHEN ANCHOR MATT LAUER DRESSEDUP AS MY WAKING NIGHTMARE.

I LOOK FAR WARD TO THE NEWSEGMENT, WHERE IN THE HECK IS

MATT LAUER'S DIGNITY? SPOOK CANI STUFF.

>> Colbert: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY! FOLKS, THANKS SO

MUCH.

FOLKS, IF YOU WATCH THIS SHOWYOU KNOW THAT I AM SO

DISAPPOINTED BY THE U.S.

CONGRESS.

I ONLY VOTE FOR WASHINGTONOUTSIDERS BUT THE DAY THEY ARE

ELECTED, WHAT DO THEY DO? MOVETO WASHINGTON.

LUCKILY, SOME POLITICIANS STAYTRUE TO THEIR CONSTITUENTS.

EVEN WHEN THEY GET DEVOURED IN AFEEDING FRENZY.

THIS IS BLOOD IN THE WATER.

>> SHARK, SHARK, SHARK, SHARK.

SHARK.

>> Colbert: RECENTLY LEARNED IAM A HUGE FAN OF NEVADA STATE

ASSEMBLYMAN AND EXTRA IN A COENBROTHERS MOVIE, JIM WHEELER.

AT A RECENT REPUBLICAN PARTYMEETING WHEELER EXPLAINED HOW HE

HAD RESPONDED TO A CRITIC WHOACCUSED HIM OF BEING SO WEAK

THAT IF HIS CONSTITUENTS WANTEDHIM TO, HE WOULD VOTE FOR

SLAVERY.

>> IF THE CITIZENS OF THEDISTRICT 39 WANTED TO MAKE

SLAVERY LEGAL, I WOULD VOTE FORSLAVERY.

YEAH.

IF THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT, IWOULD HAVE TO HOLD MY NOSE AND

BITE MY TONGUE AND PROBABLY HAVETO HOLD A GUN TO MY HEAD, BUT,

YEAH, IF THAT'S WHAT THECITIZENS OF MY CONSTITUENCY

WANTS WHO ELECTED ME THAT'S WHATTHEY ELECTED ME FOR, THAT'S WHAT

A PUBLIC IS.

>> Colbert: THAT'S RIGHT WHENWE VOTERS ELECT SOMEONE WE

BECOME HIS MASTER AND HE MUST DOWHAT WE SAY UNDER THE THREAT OF

VIOLENCE.

THERE IS ONLY ONE WORD FOR THAT,DEMOCRACY.

AND THIS MUST MAKE A HELL OF ABUMPER STICKER, JIM WHEELER, YOU

WANT SLAVES, YOU GOT THEM.

BUT OF COURSE, INSTEAD, INSTEADOF SEEING JIM WHEELER AS A

DEDICATED LAW MAKER THE THEY SAWHIM AS CHUM.

>> OTHER NEVADA LAWMAKERS ARESPEAKING AGAINST THE COMMENTS.

BRIAN SANDOVAL SAYS THOSECOMMENTS FROM WHEELER ARE DEEPLY

OFFENSIVE.

>> THE METRO CHAMBER OF COMMERCEHAS CALLED FOR ASSEMBLYMAN WHEEL

TORE RESIGN.

>> THE NEVADA DEMOCRATIC PARTYCALLED WHEELER'S COMMENTS

DISGUSTING AND EMBARRASSING TOTHE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF

NEVADA.

>> Colbert: OH COME ON THEREIS NOTHING THAT EMBARRASS IT IS

STATE OF NEVADA.

THE STATE FLAG IS A MAN ON AJAZZY PUMPING NICKELS INTO A

SLOT MACHINE.

FOLKS, THIS IS NOTHING MORE,THINKABLE IS NOTHING MORE THAN A

LIBERAL HIT JOB.

THE MEDIA TWISTED WHEELER'SSTATEMENT ALL AROUND.

AS HE MADE CLEAR ON HIS WEB SITEIN A CAREFULLY WORDING

EXPLANATION, THE ACCUSATIONSAGAINST HIM ARE ABSURD TO ANYONE

THAT VIEWED THE COMMENTS INCONTEXT.

EXACTLY.

SO LET ME GIVE YOU THE ENTIRECONTEXT TO CLEAR THIS UP.

SOMEONE SAID THAT HE WOULD VOTETO BRING BACK SLAVERY AND HE

RESPONDED, YES, I WOULD.

SEE.

A LITTLE MORE, A LITTLE MORENUANCED, ISN'T IT? AND JUST

LISTEN TO WHAT WHEELER TOLD THEEIGHT NEWS I TEAM, NEVADA'S NEWS

LEADER.

>> WHEELER TOLD THE I TEAM HE ISPROBABLY THE LEAST BIGOTED GUY

IN THE WORLD.

>> Colbert: YEAH, THE LEASTBIGOTED.

SO MOVE OVER DESMOND TUTUBECAUSE THERE IS NEW SHERIFF IN

TOWN AND HE IS WILLING TOENSLAVE YOU.

SO YOU KNOW -- YOU KNOW, FOLKS--

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Colbert: COME TO THINK OF

IT, FOLKS, HIS CRITICS AREREALLY THE RACISTS.

FOR ASSUMING THAT JIM WHEELERMEANS BLACK SLAVERY.

MAYBE HE WOULD VOTE TO ENSLAVELATINOS OR YOUNG GREEK BOYS OR

WHITE PEOPLE.

HE WILL ENSLAVE ANYONE YOU WANT.

HELL, IF JIM WHEELER'S VOTERSWANT TO SELL THEIR BLONDE

DAUGHTERS TO MALAYSIAN DRUGLORDS THAT IS JOB ONE.

SO I AM CALLING ON ASSEMBLYMAN'SCONSTITUENTS TO JUST PROVE HOW

DEDICATED THIS MAN IS.

START A PETITION CALLING ON JIMWHEEL TORE PUNCH HIMSELF IN THE

BALLS.

I MEAN, A SOLID NUT PUNCH.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Colbert: NOT ONE OF THOSE

KNUCKLE GLANCERS, THECONSTITUENTS DEMAND A REAL WIND

UP JUNK STUNNER.

ASSEMBLYMAN, YOU DO THE WILL OFTHE PEOPLE AND I GUARANTEE YOU

THAT YOUTUBE VIDEO WILL GET ALOT MORE LIKES THAN YOUR SLAVERY

ONE.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> FOLKS SPEAKING OF SPOOKY,EVERY DAY AMERICA WAKES UP TO A

NEW REVELATION ABOUT NSA SPYING,JUST HOW DEEP DOES IT GO AND WHY

DOES THAT CLOCK ON MY BED KNOWEXACTLY WHAT TIME I NEED TO WAKE

UP?

>> STILL, FOLKS, THE MORE ILEARN, THE SAFER I FEEL.

NSA IS PROTECTING AMERICA ANDTHEIR GLOBAL SPY NETWORK MAKES

US INVINCIBLE TO ANYONE WHO ISNOT A 29-YEAR-OLD DUDE WITH A

THUMB DRIVE.

>> BUT WITH SOME LEAKS IN MY OWNHOUSE AND I HOPE THE GOVERNMENT

HANDLES THE LEAKS THE SAME WAYBY HIRING A CONTRACTOR TO WHACK

IT A FEW TIMES WITH A MONKEYWRENCH.

BECAUSE TODAY BROUGHT ANOTHERTHE EXPLOSIVE REVELATION.

>> THERE IS ANOTHER NEW REPORTON THE NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY

TODAY.

AND ITALIAN MAGAZINE CALLEDPANORAMA REPORTS THE NSA MAY

HAVE SPIED ON THE POPE.

AND SOME CARDINALS.

SOURCES AT THE MAGAZINE HAVEBEEN TOLD THE NSA EAVESDROPPED

ON VATICAN PHONE CALLS BEFORETHE CONCLAVE, THAT TOP SECRET

MEETING OF CARDINALS.

>> #01: FOLKS.

I AM A DEVOUT CATHOLIC BUT IBELIEVE THE NSA MUST SPY ON THE

VATICAN, THEY ARE TAPPING THEDIRECT LINE TO GOD.

AND AS I HAVE POINTED OUT, THISGUY HAS GOT A BEARD, SPENT A LOT

OF TIME IN THE MIDDLE EAST AND IKEEP HEARING HE HAS GOT SOME

"PLAN" THAT FOR SOME REASONALWAYS INVOLVES YOUR GRANDPA

DYING.

BUT SADLY, SADLY, THERE AREMISGUIDED CRITICS OUT THERE WHO

VALUE SOMETHING MORE THAN TOTALOPERATIONAL AND SITUATIONAL

AWARENESS.

LET'S GO DOWN.

>> UTTERLY OUT OF CONTROL.

>> THERE HAS TO BE A BALANCEBETWEEN PRIVACY AND SECURITY.

>> THE UNITED STATES HAS SIMPLYGOT THE BALANCE WRONG.

TOO MUCH INVASION OF PRIVACY INTHE PURSUIT OF SECURITY.

>> #01:.

>> COME ON WHAT IS THE BIG DEALABOUT A GOVERNMENT INVASION OF

PRIVACY, AT THIS POINT WE HAVEINVADED EVERYWHERE ELSE.

THANKFULLY, THERE IS A WAY TOKEEP THE NSA SPYING PROGRAM

ALIVE WHILE STILL MAINTAININGAMERICA'S SENSE OF PRIVACY AND

THAT BRINGS US TO TONIGHT'SWORD.

THE.

>> Colbert: SEE NO EVIL, THISWEEK THE HOUSE INTELLIGENCE

AGENCY HELD HEARINGS ON THENATIONAL SECURITY PROGRAM, I

HOPE AL QAEDA DOESN'T WATCHC-SPAN.

>> NOW, ONE WITNESS, AMERICANUNIVERSITY LAW PROFESSOR STEPHEN

LAD DACK CLAIMS THE NSA PROGRAMVIOLATED THE FOURTH AMENDMENT,

NOW, LUCKILY, MICHIGANREPRESENTATIVE AND MEATLOAF

STUNT DOUBLE MIKE ROGERSCOUNTERED WITH THE LATEST IN

JUSTIFICATION TECHNOLOGY.

>> I WOULD ARGUE THAT MAYBE THEFACT THAT WE HAVEN'T HAD ANY

COMPLAINTS COME FORWARD WITH ANYSPECIFICITY, ARGUING THAT THEIR

PRIVACY HAS BEEN VIOLATEDCLEARLY INDICATES IN TEN YEARS,

CLEARLY INDICATES THAT SOMETHINGMUST BE DOING RIGHT, SOMEBODY

MUST BE DOING SOMETHING EXACTLYRIGHT.

>> Colbert: YEAH, FOR TENYEARS NO ONE COMPLAINED ABOUT

THE THING THEY DIDN'T KNOWEXISTED.

NOW, I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW, THATIS SOUND LOGIC TO ME.

WHAT IS YOUR ANSWER FOR THAT,PROFESSOR?

>> BUT WHO WOULD BE COMPLAINING?

>> SOMEBODY WHOSE PRIVACY WASVIOLATED.

YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR PRIVACYVIOLATED IF YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR

PRIVACY IS VIOLATED, RIGHT?

>> Colbert: RIGHT.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR PRIVACYWAS VIOLATED THEN IT WASN'T.

IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE IF YOUDON'T THINK ABOUT IT.

FOLKS, IT IS JUST LIKE, IT ISJUST LIKE WHEN SOMEONE LIES TO

YOU, TECHNICALLY THEY ARETELLING YOU THE TRUTH AS LONG AS

YOU NEVER FIND OUT IT WAS A LIE.

REALLY, IN THE END, IT IS REALLYAN ISSUE OF TRUST.

FOR EXAMPLE, I TRUST THAT MYCHILDHOOD DOG SKIP IS HAVING FUN

CHASING RABBITS AT THAT FARMUPSTATE.

THAT REMIND ME, HAPPY 41STBIRTHDAY, SKIPPER, I HOPE YOU

GOT THAT BONE I SENT YOU.

NOW, CONGRESSMAN ROGERS, IBELIEVE GETS IT.

PRIVACY IS NOT SOME PHYSICALTHING THAT YOU CAN HAVE OR NOT

HAVE VIOLATED.

IT IS A STATE OF MIND LIKE ZEN.

PROFESSOR VLADEK, HE, CERTAINLYEVEN YOU AGREE WITH THAT.

>> I DISAGREE WITH THAT.

I THINK IF THE TREE FALLS IN THEFOREST AND MAKES A NOISE WHETHER

YOU ARE THERE OR NOT.

>> Colbert: YES, IT MAKES ANOISE AT THE, THAT THE NSA WAS

LISTENING TO.

AND IT IS IMPORTANT THAT THETREE NEVER FIND OUT.

OR, RATHER, RATHER, LET ME GIVEYOU ANOTHER TREE ANALOGY.

LET'S SAY INSTEAD OF FALLING INTHE FOREST THE TREE IS STANDING

OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE AND I AMHIDING IN IT WATCHING YOU

SHOWER.

NOW, SO FAR, SO FAR, I AM NOTVIOLATING YOUR PRIVACY, BUT THE

SECOND YOU SEE ME THROUGH THEWINDOW, SUDDENLY I AM THE

CRIMINAL? WHAT ABOUT MY PRIVACYANY AM TRYING THOMAS BAIT HERE.

>> I AM TRYING TO MASTURBATEHERE.

>> NOW, COME TO THINK OF IT ..

>> NOW, THERE ARE REALLY ALLSORTS OF VICTIMLESS CRIMES LIKE

THIS.

WE KNOW PEOPLE GET ASSAULTEDBECAUSE THEY CALL THE POLICE,

BUT I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ANYONECALLING THE COMES BECAUSE THEY

WERE MURDERED.

THEREFORE, CLEARLY, NO ONE WASKILLED.

NOW, BY THE SAME LOGIC, BY THESAME LOGIC, FOLKS, I HAVE NOT

INSULTED MIKE ROGERS AS LONG ASHE NEVER HEARS ME SAY THE REASON

MIKE ROGERS USES CIRCULAR LOGICIS BECAUSE HIS HEAD IS JAMMED UP

HIS OWN ASS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Colbert: OF COURSE,

OBVIOUSLY I DO NOT MEAN A WORDOF THAT, I ADMIRE WHAT

HISTORIANS WILL NOW CALL THEROGERS DOCTRINE.

WHEN IT COMES TO PRIVACY VERSUSSECURITY, WE CAN HAVE ONE OF

THEM AS LONG AS WE DON'T KNOWWHICH ONE IT IS.

THAT WAY, WE CAN MAINTAIN OURCONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS OR IF THEY

DO TAKE AWAY OUR RIGHTS JUSTDON'T LET US FIND OUT.

THAT WAY, WE WILL STILL HAVETHEM.

AND THAT'S THE WORD.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>

>> Colbert: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS THECOFOUNDER OF THE ACADEMY WHICH

TEACHES COMPUTER PROGRAMMING FORFREE SO IF YOU BUY ONE OF THOSE

BOOKS YOU ARE REALLY A DUMMYNOW.

PLEASE WELCOME ZACH SIMS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Colbert: HEY, ZACH, THANKS

SO MUCH FOR COMING ON.

LET ME GIVE THE PEOPLE A LITTLEBIT OF YOUR CV HERE.

YOU WENT TO COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY?

>> YEP.

>> Colbert: NOT EASY TO GETINTO, RIGHT?

>> IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL.

ALL RIGHT? ANYBODY WOULD KILLFOR THAT, RIGHT? YOU DROPPED

OUT.

>> YEP.

>> Colbert: OKAY.

>> FEW PEOPLE WOULD DO THAT.

>> Colbert: FEWER PEOPLE WOULDDROP OUT.

YOU DROPPED OUT TO CALLED COACADEMY, IT TEACHES PEOPLE HOW

TO CODE PROGRAMS, CODECOMPUTERS, RIGHT?

>> YES.

>> Colbert: WHY? WHY? WHYWOULD YOU DO THAT?

>> WE THINK EVERYONE NEEDS TOUNDERSTAND THE BASICS OF

COMPUTING, WHAT THEY DO EVERYDAY IN THE REAL WORLD, INTERACT

SO MUCH WITH TECHNOLOGY AND WEWANT TO TEACH EVERYONE TO

UNDERSTAND THAT.

>> Colbert: WHY DO I NEED TOUNDERSTAND THAT, CAN'T I SAY

SIRI DO A CODE FOR ME.

>> IF WE DID THAT WE WOULDN'THAVE SUCH PROBLEMS WITH --

>> Colbert: THE PRESIDENT SAIDHE CALLED THE BEST AND THE

BRIGHTEST FOR THAT, DID THEYCALL YOU?

>> NOT YET, I AM WAITING.

>> Colbert: YOU WOULD BE THEBEST AND THE BRIGHTEST.

BUT WHY DO YOU THINK -- WHY DOYOU THINK EVERYBODY -- YOUR

MISSION IS FREE, RIGHT?

>> YES.

>> Colbert: HOW DO YOU -- SOYOU HAVE THE SAME BUSINESS MODEL

AS TWITTER.

SO HOW DO YOU MAKE MONEY?

>> RIGHT NOW WE DON'T, SO WEHAVE A LOT OF INVESTORS IN THE

COMPANY AND EVENTUALLY WE AREHOPING TO CONNECT THE PEOPLE

THAT ARE LEARNING ON THE SITEWITH OPPORTUNITIES TO WITH THEIR

SKILL SET.

>> Colbert: I WOULD NOT SAY WEHAVE A LOT OF INVESTORS AND NOT

MAKE MONEY IN THE SAME SENTENCE.

OKAY, HOW WOULD IT HELP ME TOLEARN HOW TO CODE?

>> SO YOU HAVE A WEB SITE,RIGHT, YOU CAN CHANGE THIS TO,

CHANGE YOUR WEB SITE AND BETTERINTERFACE WITH YOUR FANS AND WE

THINK EVERYONE CAN BENEFIT BYLEARNING BASIC PROGRAMMING.

>> Colbert: IS THIS -- WHATKIND OF LANGUAGES ARE WE TALKING

ABOUT HERE? BECAUSE THEY SAYTHE OLDER YOU GET, THE HARDER IT

IS TO LEARN A LANGUAGE, AND I AMIN BY LATE TWENTIES.

WHAT LANGUAGES ARE WE TALKINGABOUT?

>> WE DO PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING,JAVASCRIPT, RUBY PYTHON, TO

BUILD THINGS.

>> Colbert: EACH ONE OF THOSETHINGS IS SOMETHING --

>> HTML YOU HAVE HEARD OF.

>> Colbert: IT IS AN INTERNETTHING.

IT BUILDS WEB SITES AND OTHERTHINGS.

OKAY, HOW MANY PEOPLE USE THISSITE?

>> AT THIS .10S OF MILLIONS.

>> Colbert: WOW.

>> YEAH.

>> Colbert: AND ALL OVER THEWORLD?

>> ALL OVER THE WORLD, IN EVERYCOUNTRY OF THE WORLD.

>> Colbert: OKAY.

WELL, WHY DO YOU LET THEM? ARETHE CHINESE USING IT?

>> THE CHINESE ARE USING THIS.

>> Colbert: WHAT PERCENTAGE OFTHE USERS ARE CHINESE?

>> MUCH LESS THAN THE PERCENTAGEOF AMERICANS.

>> Colbert: REALLY? WHATPERCENTAGE OF THE CHINESE, SIR?

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TELL ME NSAIS GOING TO BE ON YOUR ASS.

>> THEY KNOW, THOUGH.

>> Colbert: I AM SURE.

>> THEY KNOW EVERYTHING.

>> Colbert: EXACTLY.

THEY HAVE PICTURES OF YOUSHOWERING.

OKAY.

BUT SHOULD WE BE LETTINGCOUNTRIES THAT ARE OUR LEAST

ECONOMIC RIVALS LEARN THESETHINGS FOR FREE? I MEAN, IF

CODING IS REALLY IMPORTANT,AREN'T YOU A TRAITOR?

>> WE ARE IN A CYBER WAR.

>> WE ARE HOPING EVERYONE TOBECOME COMPETITIVE BY WORKING

TOGETHER SO WE HAVE PEOPLE INCHINA THAT ARE CREATING LESSONS

AND PEOPLE IN THE U.S. ARETAKING AND LEARNING FROM AND ALL

GET BETTER TOGETHER.

IT IS NOT NECESSARILYCOMPETITIVE.

>> Colbert: SO YOU ARE ONE OFTHOSE WORLD, ONE WORLD

GOVERNMENT KUMBAYA LET'S ALLHOLD HANDS AND CODE TOGETHER AND

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

>> SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

>> Colbert: SOMETHING LIKETHAT.

OKAY.

SO WHAT AM I GOING TO DO, I AMGOING TO AN IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL

SHOULD I DO WHAT YOU DO, YOUKNOW? SHOULD I JUST DROP OUT,

TURN ON AND LOG IN? IS THEREANY PURPOSE OF GOING TO COLLEGE

OTHER THAN GETTING A HIGH PAYINGJOB WHEN YOU COME OUT? IS THERE

AT THIS POSSIBLE REASON FORHAVING A LIBERAL EDUCATION OTHER

THAN CASH?

>> COLLEGE EDUCATION IS GOING TOHELP YOU LEARN THINGS AND

INTRODUCE TO PEOPLE AROUND YOUAND IT IS REALLY EXPENSIVE SO

WHAT PEOPLE ARE PAYING FOR ISBRY, THEY ARE HOPING TO GET JOBS

AFTERWARDS AND LETTING THEM DOWNAS A COUNTRY.

>> Colbert: THAT'S MY ROB WITHYOUR SITE IT IS FREE AND I

BELIEVE THE PURPOSE OF GOING TOCOLLEGE IS TO ACQUIRE CRIPPLING

DEBT.

>> THEN THE SYSTEM IS WORKING.

>> Colbert: BECAUSE THE PEOPLEWHO WORK FOR ME SAY ON THIS SHOW

WHO HAVE COLLEGE LOANS I KNOWWILL NEVER QUIT.

NO MATTER HOW POORLY I TREATTHEM.

SO LET'S SAY THAT THIS UTOPIANFUTURE OF YOURS COMES ABOUT.

>> SURE.

>> Colbert: AND EVERYBODYLEARNS BLEEP, BLURP AND YOUR

CODING THING WHAT WILL WE DO? ALL JUST SITTING IN LIKE

WINDOWLESS CUBICLES CODINGMADDEN 3,000? WHAT WILL AMERICA

BE PRODUCING IF WE ARE ALLCODING?

>> I THINK EVERY I HAVE WILLCHANGE BASED ON PEOPLE

UNDERSTANDING PROGRAMMING.

>> Colbert:.

>> YOU CAN SELL YOUR THINGSONLINE AND TELL PEOPLE WHAT THEY

HAVE IN STOCK THAT DAY.

UNDERSTAND HOW TO -->> Colbert: WHAT DO YOUR

PARENTS THINK OF THIS?

>> I THINK THEY ARE HAPPY.

>> Colbert: REALLY? BECAUSETHEY ARE NOT WRITING THE CHECKS

TO -->> THAT IS PROBABLY THE BIGGEST

UPSIDE.

>> Colbert: UH-HUH.

>> THAT IS THE FACE I GOT FROMTHEM.

IT IS NOT THE BEST PICKUP LINEIN THE WORLD, HI I USED TO GO TO

AN IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL AND NOW IWORK FOR FREE.

>> YES, EVEN WORSE.

>> Colbert: IS CODING REALLY AJOB OR MORE LIKE A CALLING?

BECAUSE I HAVE HEARD, YOU KNOW,OBVIOUSLY IT IS LOGIC BASED

WHICH IS LIKE MATH, I HAVE HEARDMATH IS LIKE MUSIC, IS A CALLING

TO CODE, IS IT LIKE A CALLING TOPLAY THE PIANO?

>> I THINK YOU CAN BE BE GOODWITH ANYTHING WITH A CALLING.

AND I THINK PROGRAMMING -->> Colbert: THIS IS A FLUKE.

>> I USED TO BE A TOLLBOOTHOPERATOR ON THE NEW JERSEY

TURNPIKE AND ONE DAY JON STEWARTDROPPED BY AND HE GOES MAY I

NEED A CORRESPONDENT, GET IN MYCAR.

ZACH SIMS, CODE ACADEMY, THANKSFOR JOINING ME.

GET ONLINE.

IT IS FREE.

WE WILL BE RIGHT B

>> Colbert: WELCOME BACK.

AND IF YOU FAST FORWARDED YOURDVR TOO MUCH FROM THE

COMMERCIALS, WELCOME BACK AGAIN.

FOLKS, IT IS GETTING NEAR ONMIDNIGHT WHICH MEANS BEDTIME FOR

YOU YOUNGSTERS OUT THERE.

LUCKY FOR THEM I AM MASTER OFTHE BEDTIME STORY.

I AM SO GOOD MY STORIES HAVEBEEN KNOWN TO PUT GROWN MEN TO

SLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF LUNCH.

I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE ONE OF MYFAVORITES.

SO SNUGGLE IN AND ENJOY.

ONCE, LONG, LONG AGO, ON THEWINDSWEPT HIGHLANDS OF THE

HETHERTY A CLAN OF HAPPYMORCHTION LAID THE FIRST STONE

OF A NEW MONSTER I ARE, THERETHEY DEDICATED THEIR LIVES TO

WORSHIPPING AND MAKING THEWORLD'S FINEST SCOTCH.

>> WHEN THEY PRIDE THE BONG THELIQUID GO GOLD THAT POURED FORTH

WAS WARM WITH A SMOKE THATSEEMED TO FLOAT ON THE WINDS OF

AGES PAST.

MMM.

THAT IS NOT THE END OF OUR TALE.

GOVERNMENT WARNING.

ACCORDING TO THE SURGEON GENERALYOU SHOULD NOT OPERATE HEAVY

MACHINERY AFTER CONSUMING THISPRODUCT.

SPOOKY STUFF.

AND THE NAME OF THAT LITTLE BOYWAS, 43 PERCENT ALCOHOL BY

VOLUME.

THE END.

GOOD

Loading...