November 1, 2011 - Yo-Yo Ma

  • Episode: 08014
  • (0)

Herman Cain's sexual harassment controversy unfolds; Stephen returns to Wall Street; and Yo-Yo Ma, Stuart Duncan, Edgar Meyer and Chris Thile perform.

>> Stephen: (SUPREMING)

TONIGHT!

MORE CONTROVERSY FOR HERMAN

CAIN.

HIS CAMPAIGN MANAGER HAS

SWITCHED TO MENTHOL.

THEN PART TWO OF MY INFILTRATION

OF OCCUPY WALL STREET.

I SAY IF THEY'RE GOING TO PUT UP

TENTS IN DOWNTOWN MANHATTAN, I

GET TO PUT UP CONDOS IN

YELLOWSTONE.

MY GUESTS ARE YO-YO MA AND A

GROUP OF ALL-STAR MUSICIANS

WHOSE NEW ALBUM IS "THE GET TO

RODEO SESSION" I HOPE THEY PLAY

SOMETHING BY BAA-CH.

(LAUGHTER)

A NEW STUDY FOUND THAT HAPPY

PEOPLE LIVE 35% LONGER.

YEAH, BUT UNHAPPY PEOPLE'S LIVES

SEEM

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

"REPORT"!

(CROWD CHANTING "STEPHEN")

>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

A VERY SPECIAL WELCOME TO THE

SEVENTH LEVEL MAGIC USERS OUT

THERE.

(LAUGHTER)

NATION, I WILL GET RIGHT TO THE

BIG NEWS.

HERMAN CAIN IS UNDER ATTACK.

THIS IS A DARK, DARK DAY FOR

AMERICA.

AND I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT

BECAUSE HE'S, YOU KNOW...

(LAUGHTER)

AMERICAN.

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE, WHEN YOU'RE TOP IN

THE POLLS, THE MEDIA DIGS

THROUGH YOUR PAST.

IT'S NOT FUN BUT IT BEATS BEING

JOHN HUNTSMAN.

NO ONE'S EVEN DIGGING THROUGH

HIS PRESENT.

AND NOW COMES TRUMPED-UP CHARGES

THAT WHEN CAIN WAS HEAD OF THE

NATIONAL RESTAURANT ASSOCIATION

HE HARASSED FEMALE EMPLOYEES

WITH GESTURES THAT WERE NOT

OVERTLY SEXUAL BUT MADE THE

WOMEN UNCOMFORTABLE.

(LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT.

NATURALLY I ASSUME THE GESTURE

WAS SOMETHING INNOCUOUS LIKE...

(LAUGHTER)

IT COULD BE ANYTHING.

INCIDENTALLY, THAT'S ALSO A

GREAT WAY TO GET OUT OF JUROR

DUTY.

(LAUGHTER)

WELL, LAST NIGHT HERMAN CAIN

WENT ON GRETA VAN SUSTEREN TO

HERMAN VAN EXPLAIN HIPLTSZ.

JIM?

>> I MADE A GESTURE SAYING OH...

I WAS STANDING CLOSE TO HER AND

I MADE A GESTURE.

YOU ARE THE SAME HEIGHT AS MY

WIFE.

AND BROUGHT MY HAND-- DIDN'T

TOUCH HER-- UP TO MY CHIN AND

SAID "YOU'RE THE SAME HEIGHT AS

MY WIFE BECAUSE MY WIFE COMES UP

TO MY CHIN."

>> Stephen: WOMEN.

(LAUGHTER)

THEY ALWAYS TAKE COMMENTS ABOUT

THEIR HEIGHT AS SOMETHING

SEXUAL.

LIKE, HEY, LET'S STAND BACK TO

BACK TO SEE WHO'S TALLER--

EXCEPT I'LL BE FACING YOU

WITHOUT ANY PANTS ON.

(LAUGHTER)

EVERYBODY KNOWS WHO'S REALLY TO

BLAME FOR THIS CONTROVERSY.

>> SOME ANONYMOUS LADIES HAVE

SPURRED UP A CONTROVERSY WITH

RESPECT TO THE FALSE CLAIM OF

SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

>> YES!

THESE LADIES ARE THE REAL

HARASSERS.

HIDING BEHIND THEIR ANONYMITY

JUST BECAUSE THEY WERE PAID A

SETTLEMENT TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS

IN EXCHANGE FOR THEIR SILENCE.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

AND IF YOU DON'T TALK, CLEARLY

YOU'RE LYING.

BUT CAIN IS ALLOWED TO SPEAK,

THEREFORE HE IS TELLING THE

TRUTH.

IT'S A CLASSIC CASE OF HE

SAID/SHE'S LEGALLY PROHIBITED

FROM SAYING.

(LAUGHTER)

STILL NOT CONVINCED?

THEN HERMAN CAIN HAS A QUESTION

FOR YOU!

>> (INAUDIBLE) OPEN AND SHUT.

WHO HASN'T BEEN ACCUSED OF

SEXUAL HARASSMENT?

OKAY, SHOW OF HANDS.

SHOW OF HANDS.

LADIES, RAISE BOTH HANDS.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW SHAKE IT UP.

(LAUGHTER)

BY THE WAY, LADI

FOR YOU TO SIGN ON THE WAY OUT.

FOLKS, EVERYBODY KNOWS IT IS DAY

46 OF OKAY PAY WALL STREET AND

IT IS A DISORGANIZED MESS.

I MEAN THINK OF IT.

AT THIS POINT, THE TEA PARTY

ALREADY HAD THEIR OWN NEWS

NETWORK.

THEY HAD THE BACKING OF FORMER

REPUBLICAN MAJORITY LEADER DICK

ARMEY AND HIS POLITICAL ACTION

COMMITTEE FREEDOM WORKS.

HE FUNNELED SO MUCH CASH TO THE

TEA PARTYERS THAT THEY WERE ABLE

TO UPGRADE THEIR TRICORN HATS TO

QUAD CORN.

AND SOON THE TEA PARTY BECAME

DICK ARMEY'S DICK ARMEY.

WELL, I DON'T SEE ANY REASON WHY

WE IN THE COLBERT SUPERPAC CAN'T

BECOME PLAYAS WITH THE WALL

STREET OCCUPYYAS BY THROWING OUR

CASH AROUND.

SO RECENTLY I WENT DOWN THERE TO

MAKE THEM AN OFFER I COULDN'T

REFUSE.

LAST NIGHT I SHOWED YOU PART

ONE.

TONIGHT, IN A SURPRISE TWIST,

PART TWO.

(LAUGHTER)

JIM?

>> PREVIOUSLY ON STEPHEN COLBERT

OCCUPIES OCCUPY WALL STREET.

I WENT DEEP UNDERCOVER IN

ZUCOTTI PARK AND I MET TWO YOUNG

REBELS-- JUSTIN AND KETCHUP.

I INVITED THEM TO MY PENTHOUSE

SUITE AND OFFERED TO CO-OPT THE

MOVEMENT FOR THEIR OWN

WELL-BEING.

(LAUGHTER)

I WORRY ABOUT YOU ESPECIALLY,

JUSTIN.

KETCHUP CAN TAKE CARE OF

HERSELF.

SHE'S TOUGH.

I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT KETCHUP.

SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE CAN TAKE SOME

PUNISHMENT.

YOU, JUSTIN, YOU I'M WORRY

ABOUT.

YOU'RE FRAGILE.

LET ME BE YOUR SUGAR DADDY.

AND NOW DRAMATIC CONCLUSION OF

MY CO-OCCUPATION.

YOU HAVE SOMETHING I WANT.

I'LL BE OPEN.

YOU HAVE A MOVEMENT.

I WANTED IN ON THE TEA PARTY BUT

I DRAGGED MY FEET AND DICK ARMEY

JUMPED ON IT WITH FREEDOM WORKS

AND I FEEL LIKE A TOOL FOR NOT

GETTING A PIECE OF THAT.

WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?

WHATEVER WHATEVER IT IS, ANY

BOOTS ON THE GROUND ON THIS ONE?

>> I DON'T THINK WE CAN GIVE

THAT TO YOU, STEPHEN.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO

GIVE IT TO ME, I'M GOING TO PAY

FOR IT.

>> IT'S NOT ABOUT YOUR MONEY.

IT'S ABOUT THE THING WE'RE

TRYING TO BUILD HERE AND IT

DOESN'T REQUIRE YOUR SUPERPAC

MONEY.

>> Stephen: EXCUSE ME, I'M

SORRY.

OH, HEY, COME ON IN.

HEY, EVERYBODY, THIS IS YOSHI.

SHE WIESE THE SUPERPAC AND SHE'S

SHE'S OUR MASSEUSE.

THIS IS JUSTIN AND THIS IS

KETCHUP.

OR CATSU IN YOUR LANGUAGE.

HOW DOES THAT FEEL?

>> IT FEELS GOOD, I GUESS.

>> Stephen: TELL ME ABOUT SOME

OF THE POPULAR DISCONTENT THAT

YOU'VE HEARD THE PEOPLE ON THE

STREET ARE FEELING.

>> JUST A LOT OF FRUSTRATION, A

LOT OF ANGER.

>> WHAT DO YOU THINK THE

GREATEST REMEDY FOR THIS ANGER

IS?

KETCHUP?

>> WHAT DO I THINK THE REMEDY

IS?

>> Stephen: YOSHI.

>> I THINK WE NEED TO START--

(LAUGHS)

I THINK WE NEED TO START FROM

THE GROUND....

>> Stephen: DOES THAT FEEL GOOD?

>> IT DOES.

THAT WE NEED TO START FROM THE

GROUND UP.

>> Stephen: I'M JUST SAYING LET

THE SUPERPAC HELP YOU AND THIS

IS HOW WE'RE ROLLING ALL THE

TIME.

POPPING THE CHAMPAGNE, YOSHI'S

ON THE JET.

THIS TIME TOMORROW YOU COULD BE

HAVING A MASSAGE IN LONDON

TALKING ABOUT THE DOWNTRODDEN.

FROM UP HERE, YOU KNOW WHAT I

MEAN?

YOU CAN SEE EVERYTHING.

>> WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, STEPHEN

I THINK WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO GET

OUR MESSAGE OUT PRETTY WELL ON

OUR OWN SO FAR.

>> Stephen:.

THANK YOU, YOSHI.

THANK YOU.

>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> THANK YOU.

>>.

>> Stephen: (SPEAKS JAPANESE)

CAN WE GET REAL FOR A SECOND?

I'M OFFERING YOU MY SHOW TO PUMP

THE MESSAGE.

OBVIOUSLY WE WANT TO, YOU KNOW,

JUST TWEAK IT.

I EVEN MADE UP A SIGN FOR YOU.

"CORPORATIONS ARE NOT PEOPLE."

THAT'S A SIGN, RIGHT?

YOU BELIEVE IN THAT?

>> I BELIEVE THAT.

>> Stephen: OKAY, LET'S JUST

TWEAK IT.

CORPORATIONS ARE... ARE NOW

PEOPLE.

>> IT'S NOT A TWEAK, THOUGH.

THAT'S A BIG IMPORTANT CHANGE.

>> Stephen: BUT THE SUPREME

COURT HAS RULED THE CORPORATIONS

ARE PEOPLE.

THEREFORE THEY ARE.

AND YOU SAYING THEY'RE NOT IS

DEHUMANIZING.

SEE HOW YOU'RE THE MONOER?

>> THEY'RE JUST NOT PEOPLE.

>> Stephen: IT JUST SEEMS PRETTY

RACIST OF YOU TO SAY, OH,

CERTAIN PEOPLE DON'T GET TO BE

PEOPLE.

A CORPORATION OWNS WHAT YOU'RE

PARK THAT YOU'RE ON RIGHT NOW.

>> WELL, THE THING THAT OWNS THE

PARK....

>> Stephen: YOU UNDERSTAND HOW

UGLY THAT SIGNS?

HEY, BOY, WHERE'S MY SHRIMP?

>> I THINK WE'RE MOVING AWAY

FROM THE AGENDA ITEM.

>> Stephen: THE AGENDA ITEM IS

SHE'S A RACIST.

WHY NOT LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD

BY GETTING SOME MONEY OF YOUR

OWN!

YOU'VE GOT TO FIGHT FIRE WITH

FIRE.

THAT'S JESUS.

>> THAT'S NOT SOMETHING JESUS

SAID.

>> Stephen: JESUS SAID FIGHT

FIRE WITH FIRE.

HE ALSO SAID MONEY TALKS, BULL

(BLEEP) WALKS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> WE'VE HAD LOTS OF LARGE

DONATIONS AND PROBABLY WILL

CONTINUE TO HAVE LARGE DONATIONS

BUT THAT DOES NOT GIVE THE

PERSON WHO DONATES IT ANY SORT

OF SWAY OR INFLUENCE.

>> Stephen: RIGHT.

BECAUSE WHAT I'M SAYING IS I

UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE VALUES.

AND I'M WILLING TO WORK AROUND

THOSE.

>> YOU CAN'T WORK AROUND THE

VALUES.

>> Stephen: WELL, DOES THAT EVEN

CHANGE THE MESSAGE?

LET'S KEEP THE MESSAGE.

CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPLE,

CORPORATIONS AREN'T PEOPLE.

WHO GIVES A FLYING FIG LEAF.

>> I DO.

>> Stephen: I KNOW YOU DO AND I

BELIEVE IN THAT.

AND SO DOES MY MONEY.

>> WE DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY.

>> FINE, I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT

A FEW MOVEMENTS THAT ALSO DIDN'T

WANT ANY CORPORATE BACKING.

TELL ME IF YOU'VE EVER HEARD OF

THEM.

YOU EVER HEARD OF THE LEFTY

LUCYS?

OR THE MILLION MAN MAMBO?

YOU EVER HEARD ABOUT THEM

>> NO.

>> Stephen: BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T

HAVE ANY MONEY BACKING THEM.

MILLIONS COULD HAVE MARCHED ON

WASHINGTON TWO YEARS AGO, MAMBO

DOWN THE MALL, YOU'VE NEVER

HEARD ABOUT IT.

>> IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

>> Stephen: AS FAR AS YOU KNOW

IT DIDN'T.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT CHANGING THE

WORLD.

LET'S CHANGE THE WORLD.

LET'S IT THIS GROUND.

LET'S DO THIS THING.

LET'S DANCE ON THE EDGE OF A

KNIFE.

>> THE PROBLEM....

>> Stephen: LET'S LIVE

DANGEROUSLY.

LET'S GET INTO IT.

LET'S STRAP ON AND GET ON TOP.

TOP OF OUR GAME.

GET THE MESSAGE OUT THERE.

LET'S BE EMPOWERED.

LET'S LET THE LITTLE MAN

RECOVERY!

I'M A BIG MAN WHO'S GOING TO

HELP YOU DO THAT.

>> WE'RE NOT TRYING TO RECREATE

THE PROBLEMS THAT ALREADY EXIST.

ONE OF THE PROBLEMS IS THE

UNDERINFLUENCE OF MONEY IN

POLITICS SO FOR US TO ACCEPT

LARGE DONATIONS FROM YOU OR

ANYBODY WOULD BE CREATING THAT

PROBLEM.

>> Stephen: I WAS MAN ENOUGH TO

KNOW WHEN I'D BEEN BEATEN.

THE REVOLUTION WOULD NOT BE

TELEVISED.

KETCHUP, JUSTIN, I KNOW YOU GUYS

HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE

REVOLUTION.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TALKING TO

ME.

>> THANK YOU.

THANKS, STEPHEN.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: NO, SERIOUS.

THAT'S YOUR MONEY.

>> NO, NO.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: SO WILL THEY TAKE ME

UP ON MY SNAUFR SINCE THAT

INTERVIEW, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

REPORTS THE GROUP HAS RAISED

OVER

$450,000.

SO WHO GAVE THEM THAT MONEY?

HERE'S A LITTLE HINT.

HE'S GOT TWO THUMBS AND SO DO I.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

MY GUEST TONIGHT HAVE CREATED A

UNIQUE FUSION OF BLUEGRASS AND

CLASSICAL MUSIC.

I HOPE THEY PLAY "DUELING

CELLOS."

PLEASE WELCOME YO-YO MA, STEWART

DUNCAN, EDGAR MAIER, CHRIS

BAILEY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NICE TO MEET YOU.

GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, MY

FRIEND.

ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN.

LET'S GET STRAIGHT TO IT.

THE NAME OF THE NEW ALBUM IS

CALLED "THE GOAT RODEO

SESSIONS."

WHAT'S A GOAT RODEO?

(LAUGHTER)

BECAUSE IMMEDIATELY I'M

PICTURING MONKEYS IN COWBOY HATS

RIDING GOATS.

HOW CLOSE AM I?

I THINK I'VE SEEN THAT ON ESPN

2.

WHAT'S A GOAT RODEO.

>> YOU'RE PRETTY CLOSE.

A GOAT RODEO WE'RE LED TO

BELIEVE IS A SITUATION THAT'S SO

VERY CHAOTIC THAT EVERYTHING

WOULD HAVE TO GO RIGHT FOR

EVERYONE NOT TO BE SCREWED.

>> Stephen: SO IN THE VERNACULAR

OF AMERICA IT'S A CLUSTER

(BLEEP).

THE

(LAUGHTER)

OBVIOUSLY YO-YO'S INVOLVED SO

YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP IT CLASSY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> I'M THE GOAT.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE THE GOAT!

>> Stephen: SO YOU'VE BEEN ON

THE SHOW BEFORE, EVERYBODY KNOWS

YOU'RE THE CELLO MASTER

EXTRAORDINAIRE.

BUT ALL THESE OTHER MUSICIANS

HERE, EVERYBODY UP ON STAGE IS A

MASTER.

YOU GOT YO-YO, YOU GOT CHRIS

CHRIS, YOU GOT EDGAR EDGAR AND

YOU GOT TZU TZU BACK HERE.

EDGAR BACK HERE, YOU WON THE

AVERY FISHER PRIZE.

YOU'RE A MacARTHUR GENIUS AWARD

WINNER.

CHAISE SAY SOMETHING SMART.

(LAUGHTER)

>> PLEASURE TO BE ON THE SHOW.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: PLAY IT SAFE, I LIKE

THAT.

USE THE BRAIN.

I NOTICED... I READ ON HERE THE

SONGS ARE FANTASTIC.

I NOTICED THAT YOU THREE WROTE

ALL OF THEM.

WHY ARE YOU DRAGGING THIS DEAD

WEIGHT AROUND.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU DID NOTHING ON HERE SDPLFRJT

YOU'RE BASICALLY A SESSION

MUSICIAN ON THIS THING, YO-YO.

>> I LIKE TO TAKE IT'S EASY, YOU

KNOW?

I'M OLDER THAN ALL THESE PEOPLE.

>> ARE YOU THERE TO PROVIDE

CLASS?

BECAUSE YOU'RE CLASSY, YOU'RE...

THE CELLO... YOU'RE A CLASSY

GUY.

YOU'RE CLASS ON TAP.

(LAUGHTER)

>> WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU

TO SAY BUT I DO NOT TWIN

MacARTHUR PRIZE.

>> Stephen: NO, YOU'RE JUST...

YOU JUST WON THE MEDAL OF

FREEDOM FROM THE PRESIDENT.

(LAUGHTER)

RIGHT?

IS THAT ALL?

OH, THIS LITTLE THING, I ONLY

WEAR IT ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS.

DOES HE EVER PLAY THE YO-YO MA

CARD ON YOU GUYS?

DOES HE EVER SAY "REMEMBER WHEN

WE WERE ALL PLAYING AT THE

INAUGURAL?

OH, I FORGOT, THAT WAS JUST ME."

(LAUGHTER)

TELL ME ABOUT "THE GOAT RODEO

SESSIONS."

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THIS

MUSIC?

>> IT'S GENRE-PROOF.

>> Stephen: AS AN AMERICAN, I

HAVE THE CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO

PIGEON HOLE YOU.

(LAUGHTER)

>> EXACTLY.

THIS IS TOTALLY AMERICAN.

>> Stephen: IT'S TOTALLY

AMERICAN?

>> YES, TOTALLY.

>> Stephen: SO IT'S... HOW...

WHAT?

SO IT'S WHAT?

IT'S BELCHING THE NATIONAL

ANTHEM?

WHAT IS... WHAT'S TOTALLY

AMERICAN MEAN TO YOU, YO-YO?

>> WELL, LET'S SEE, WHAT'S

TOTALLYERN?

IT HAS BLUEGRASS ELEMENTS IN IT,

CELTIC ELEMENTS IN IT, BLUEGRASS

BEING ROOT MUSIC AND FROM

APPALACHIA, FROM DIXIE LAND,

FROM THE BLUES, IN FACT.

SO... AND OF COURSE WE NEEDED

SOME GEOGRAPHIC DISTRIBUTION SO

THEY HAVE HIRED ME...

(LAUGHTER)

TO KIND OF FILL THE ROLE OF, YOU

KNOW, THE CELLO ROLE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: THEY SAY IF IT AIN'T

GOT THAT CELLO IT DON'T THAT

MELLOW.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S IT, RIGHT?

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YO-YO, YOU'VE DONE SOME MANY

GENRES, CROSSED OVER INTO SO

MANY GENRES.

WHAT'S NEXT?

THRASH METAL?

FOLK SUNK IN TRIP HOUSE?

CHILL WAVE?

>> SHREDDING.

>> Stephen: SHREDING?

HOW WOULD ONE SHRED ON A CELLO?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

THIS IS THAT'S AN EXPLORATION.

I THINK WE'RE ALL JOINED

TOGETHER TO TRY TO GO TO DO TWO

THINGS, WE WANT TO DO SOMETHING

VERY WELL BUT WE ALSO WANT TO

TAKE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF RISK TO

GO TO THE EDGE WHERE YOU SEE A

BETTER VIEW.

AND SHREDDING MIGHT BE THE NEXT

THING.

I DON'T KNOW.

IT DEPENDS ON WHAT MY FRIENDS

WANT TO DO AND WHAT THEY SHOW ME

BECAUSE I KEEP LEARNING WHEN MY

FRIENDS TEACH ME NEW THINGS.

>> Stephen: ARE YOU GUYS READY

TO ALL TEACH US SOMETHING RIGHT

NOW

>> SHRED AWAY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: WELL, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN, YO-YO MA, STEWART

DUNCAN, EDGAR MEYER AND CHRIS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK FROM "THE

GOAT RODEO SESSIONS."

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

Captioning sponsored by

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