May 14, 2013 - Dan Brown

  • Episode: 09102
  • (0)

The House tries to repeal Obamacare again, an immigration study slams Hispanics, Maxim honors Miley Cyrus, and Dan Brown takes inspiration from Dante.

>> Stephen: TONIGHT CAN

CONGRESS REACH A COMPROMISE

ON IMMIGRATION REFORM?

OR IS PASSING LEGISLATION

JUST A JOB AMERICANS DON'T

WANT TO DO?

(LAUGHTER)

THEN WHAT'S IN THE LATEST

ISSUE OF MAXIM, SAME AS

EVERY ISSUE, PORNOGRAPHY FOR

PEOPLE WHO CAN'T TAKE

NUDITY.

AND MY GUEST DAN BROWN IS

THE BEST SELLING AUTHOR OF

THE "DA VINCI CODE" AND

ANGELS & DEMONS.

I WANTED TO INTERVIEW HIM ON

THE BEACH THIS SUMMER.

BUSINESS NETWORKING SITED

LINKEDIN IS CRACKING DOWN ON

PROSTITUTES AM NOW IF THEY

WILL JUST CRACK DOWN ON

THOSE PEOPLE WHO KEEP

INVITING ME TO JOIN

LI

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME IN

HERE, OUT THERE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, FOLKS,

PLEASE, SIT DOWN.

YOU KNOW, NATION, THERE'S

BIG NEWS WE HAVE GOT TO GET

TO.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOLKS.

NATION, IF YOU WATCH THIS

SHOW THEN YOU KNOW THAT FOR

YEARS NOW JOURNALISTS LIKE

ME HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO GET

ANYTHING TO STICK TO TEFLONA

OBAMA.

WELL, NO MORE, FOLKS.

BECAUSE EVERY DAY THIS WEEK

BRINGS A NEW SCANDAL FOR HIS

ADMINISTRATION.

AND MI SO DISAPPOINTED THAT

THE WEEK HAS ONLY 7 DAYS.

(LAUGHTER)

WE WILL HAVE MORE ON THESE

SCANDALS FOR ABOUT THREE

YEARS I'M GUESSING.

(LAUGHTER)

IN THE MEANTIME THIS

THURSDAY THE HOUSE WILL HOLD

AN HISTORIC VOTE.

>> HOUSE SPEAKER JOHN

BOEHNER ANNOUNCED THE HOUSE

OF REPRESENTATIVES WILL VOTE

ONCE AGAIN NEXT WEEK TO

REPEAL OBAMACARE.

>> THE REPUBLICAN CONTROLLED

HOUSE PLANS TO VOTE NEXT

WEEK TO REPEAL THE

PRESIDENT'S PLAN FOR THE

37th TIME.

>> Stephen: YES.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: FOR THE 37th

TIME.

37, OF COURSE, IS A PRIME

NUMBER.

MEANING IT CAN BE DIVIDED

ONLY BY VICIOUS PARTISANSHIP.

PLAV--

(LAUGHTER)

AND HOUSE SPEAKER AND GOOD

SOURCE OF BETA CAROTENE JOHN

BOEHNER IS HOLDING THIS

PARTICULAR VOTE FOR THE BEST

POSSIBLE REASONS.

>> WE'VE GOT 70 NEW MEMBERS

THAT HAVE NOT HAD THE

OPPORTUNITY TO VOTE ON THE

PRESIDENT'S HEALTH CARE LAW.

>> ITS GUYS HAVE BEEN UP

HERE LAST YEAR, UP HERE, WE

CAN GO HOME AND SAY LISTEN,

WE VOTED 36 DIFFERENT TIMES

TO REPEAL OR REPLACE

OBAMACARE.

TELL ME WHAT THE NEW GUYS

ARE SUPPOSED TO SAY.

>> Stephen: YEAH!

COME ON, MOM!

THE OLDER CONGRESS GOT TO

VOTE AGAINST OBAMACARE.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

(LAUGHTER)

WHY CAN'T WE HAVE HOLLOW

PARTISANSHIP.

WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL MY

FRIENDS?

I HATE YOU!

IT'S NOT JUST OBAMACARE,

FOLKS.

THEY SHOULD GET TO DO ALL

THE GOOD VOTES THEY WEREN'T

THERE FOR.

REPEALING PROHIBITION,

DECLARING WAR ON JAPAN,

CALLING ON AMERICA TO PUT A

MAN ON THE MOON BY THE END

OF 40 YEARS AGO.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT OF COURSE LIBERALS ARE

OUT THERE TRYING TO ROB THIS

EMPTY GESTURE OF ITS DEEP

MEANING.

>> HERE WE GO AGAIN.

THIS IS A TOTAL WASTE OF

TAXPAYER DOLLARS.

>> I THINK IT'S A HUGE WASTE

OF TIME.

>> THIS REPEAL VOTE IS A

WASTE OF TIME AND TAX

DOLLARS.

>> Stephen: OH.

THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME AND

TAX DOLLARS, DEMOCRATS.

WELL, I'VE GOT ANOTHER BILL

FOR YOU TO VOTE ON RIGHT

HERE.

(LAUGHTER)

OH, OH, OH, WAIT, I HAVE AN

AMENDMENT.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I AM TELLING YOU, FOLKS, THE

DONKEY CROWD JUST DON'T GET

IT EVERY OBAMACARE REPEAL IS

UNIQUE BECAUSE REPUBLICANS

NEVER PLAY THIS ISSUE THE

SAME WAY TWICE.

AND I KNOW BECAUSE I'VE GOT

EVERY OBAMACARE REPEAL VOTE

ON BOOTLEG.

I TRADE TAPES WITH ALL THE

OTHER FANS.

WE CALL OURSELVES DEADHEADS

BECAUSE WITHOUT HEALTH

WILL DIE.

(LAUGHTER)

AND FOLKS, THE ONLY THING I

DON'T LIKE IS WHEN THE GOP

GETS ALL SELF-INDULGENT AND

TRIES TO PLAY THEIR NEW

STUFF LIKE IMMIGRATION

REFORM.

WHICH HAS BEGUN ITS CLIMB

THROUGH CONGRESS IN A

DISTURBING REMINDER THAT

HISPANICS CAN VOTE.

(LAUGHTER)

AND MAKE NO MISTAKE, FOLKS,

THE ONLY REASON THE

REPUBLICANS ARE DOING THIS

IS BECAUSE OF THE 2012

ELECTION.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER

THAT ONE.

SADLY I DO.

DESPITE DRINKING A SMOOTHIE

OF MY ENTIRE MEDICINE

CABINET.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU THINK A COCKTAIL OF

ROLAID, LIST RECENT AND GOLD

BOND POWDER WOULD ERASE

SOMETHING.

(LAUGHTER)

LUCKILY, THERE IS A CHANCE

TO STOP THIS THING THANKS TO

SOME HARD NUMBERS FROM

CONSERVATIVE THINK TANK AND

GOP RETIREMENT HOME THE

HERITAGE FOUNDATION.

(LAUGHTER)

JIM?

>> A NEW REPORT FROM THE

HERITAGE FOUNDATION SAYING

LEGALIZING IMMIGRATION IS

GOING TO COST THE COUNTRY

TRILLIONS AND TRILLIONS OF

DOLLARS.

>> 6.3 TRILLION DOLLARS.

>> 6 TRILLION DOLLARS.

>> 6 TRILLION DOLLARS IF YOU

BELIEVE THAT STUDY.

CAN WE AFFORD THAT?

>> 6.3 TRILLION DOLLARS.

>> NOW YOU CANNOT DISMISS

HERITAGE AS A FRINGE GROUP.

THEY'RE VERY MUCH MAINSTREAM

AND YOU CANNOT DISMISS THAT

NUMBER BECAUSE IT IS GOING

TO BE DROPPED RIGHT NOT

MIDDLE OF THE IMMIGRATION

DEBATE.

>> Stephen: NATIVE BORN

AMERICAN STUART VARNEY IS

CORRECT.

HE-- HE-- LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN, HE IS SO AWE

THENTICALLY AMERICAN HE HAS

THE SAME ACCENT AS THEY DID

IN COL ON-- COLONIAL TIMES.

(APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

FOLKS, THE HERITAGE REPORT

6.3 TRILLION PRICE TAG IS A

GAME CHANGER.

IT'S A DEAL-BREAKER.

IT MIGHT EVEN BE A BREAK

DANCER.

BECAUSE IT IS SPINNING THE

DEBATE ON ITS HEAD AND THEN

POSING LIKE THIS.

(LAUGHTER)

BOTTOM LINE, BOTTOM LINE,

FOLKS, WE CANNOT AFFORD TO

SQUANDER 6.3 TRILLION ON A

BUNCH OF FOREIGNERS.

WE OWE THAT MONEY TO-- AND

IF WE GIVE THESE MOOCHERS A

PATHWAY TO CITIZENSHIP, IT

WILL BE A FIESTA OF

FREELOADING, A CINCO

DEGIMME.

THE HERITAGE FOUNDATION

CALCULATES THIS 6.3 TRILLION

BASED ON ILLEGALS USING OUR

PUBLIC EDUCATION, HIGHWAYS,

PARKS, POLICE AND

FIREFIGHTERS.

AND YES, I KNOW THAT THEY

ARE ALREADY HERE, SO THAT

DOES NOT MEAN THEY'RE USING

THINGS LIKE THE FIRE

DEPARTMENT.

BECAUSE EVERY ONE KNOWS

UNTIL ARE YOU LEGAL, ARE YOU

NOT FLAMMABLE.

AND THE REPORTS--

(APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THE REPORT RIGHT

HERE, AND I HAVE READ IT, A

GOOD READ.

AND THE REPORT DOESN'T EVEN

MENTION THE MONEY WE WOULD

SPEND RETROFITTING EVERY

DOORWAY IN AMERICA TO

ACCOMMODATE SOMBREROS.

(LAUGHTER)

YEAH!

THE LATINO LOVERS OUT THERE

CANNOT REFUTE THIS PLAN ON

THE MERITS.

SO THEY HAVE RESORTED TO

PERSONAL ATTACKS ON THE

STUDY'S CO-AUTHOR JASON

RICHARDWINE SEEN HERE AFTER

DRINKING A REFRESHING GLASS

OF HAIR.

AT ISSUE, AT ISSUE, FOLKS,

AT ISSUE IS RICHWINE'S 2009

HARVARD DISSERTATION, IQ AND

IMMIGRATION POLICY, WHICH

STATES THAT THE AVERAGE IQ

OF IMMIGRANTS IN THE UNITED

STATES IS SUBSTANTIALLY

LOWER THAN THAT OF THE WHITE

NATIVE POPULATION AND THE

DIFFERENCE IS LIKELY TO

PERSIST OVER SEVERAL

GENERATIONS.

THAT IS SHOCKING.

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CONSIDER

THAT THE WHITE NATIVE

POPULATION OF THE UNITED

STATES IS ZERO.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

RICHWINE GETS EVEN MORE

SPECIFIC TO SAY NO ONE KNOWS

WHETHER HISPANICS WILL EVER

REACH IQ PARITY WITH WHITES

BUT THE PREDICTION THAT NEW

HISPANIC IMMIGRANTS WILL

HAVE LOW IQ CHILDREN AND

GRANDCHILDREN IS DIFFICULT

TO ARGUE AGAINST.

YES T IS DIFFICULT TO ARGUE

ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE AN

HISPANIC IQ.

NOW I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY

RICHWINE'S IDEAS OFFEND

MEMBERS OF THE HISPANIC RACE,

LIKE JENNIFER LOPEZ, DAVID

ORTIZ, DENNEY TREJO AND

FORMER PERUVIAN PRESIDENT

ALBERTO FUJIMORI.

I CAN'T TELL THEM APART.

BUT EVEN IF RICHWINE WERE A

RACIST, THAT DOESN'T

INVALIDATE THE HERITAGE

REPORT.

FIRST OF ALL THIS WEEKEND

RICHWINE RESIGNED FROM THE

HERITAGE FOUNDATION, I

ASSUME TO SPEND MORE TIME

MEASURING HIS FAMILY'S SALT.

AND THEIR VP, THE HERITAGE

FOUNDATION, THE HERITAGE

FOUNDATION'S VP OF

COMMUNICATIONS MIKE GONZALEZ

PUT UP A BLOG POST SAYING

DR. RICHWINE DID NOT SHAPE

THE METHODOLOGY OR THE

POLICY RECOMMENDATIONS IN

THE HERITAGE PAPER.

THE DISSERTATION WAS WRITTEN

WHILE DR. RICHWINE WAS A

STUDENT AT HARVARD

SUPERVISED AND APPROVED BY

THE COMMITTEE OF RESPECTED

SCHOLARS.

ITS FINDING DO NOT REFLECT

THE POSITION OF THE HERITAGE

FOUNDATION OR THE

CONCLUSIONS OF OUR STUDY.

WELL SAID.

THAT MIKE GONZALEZ SOUNDS

PRETTY SMART.

HE'S PROBABLY ADOPTED.

NOW HERITAGE--

(APPLAUSE)

HERITAGE HERE, HERITAGE IS

SAYING THEY FIND NO CREDENCE

IN RICHWINE'S DISSERTATION.

WHICH THEY ARE CAREFUL TO

POINT OUT WAS SUPERVISED AND

APPROVED BY RESPECTED

SCHOLARS AT HARVARD.

IN OTHER WORDS, RICHWINE'S

PAPER WHICH SAYS THAT

TODAY'S HISPANIC IMMIGRANTS

HAVE LOW IQs AND WILL FOR

SEVERAL GENERATIONS DOOMING

THEM TO FAILURE IS

REPREHENSIBLE.

AND HAD NO INFLUENCE ON THIS

PAPER COWRITTEN BY THE SAME

GUY WHICH SAYS HISPANIC

IMMIGRANTS ARE A BURDENSOME

UNDERCLASS AND WILL BE FOR

SEVERAL GENERATIONS BECAUSE

THEY'RE DOOMED TO FAILURE.

BECAUSE THIS ONE IS BASED ON

HARD NUMBERS UNLIKE THIS ONE,

WHICH IS AN OFFENSIVE SCREEN

WITH NO CREDIBILITY APPROVED

BY HARVARD SO IT MUST BE

PRETTY GOOD.

(LAUGHTER)

THESE TWO PAPERS ARE TOTALLY

DIFFERENT.

IT'S LIKE-- IT'S LIKE APPLE

PICKERS AND ORANGE PICKERS.

WHICH, BY THE WAY, WE

DESPERATELY NEED.

(LAUGHTER)

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAU

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

NATION, YOU KNOW THE OLD

SAYING, IT'S NOT ABOUT

WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOSE,

IT'S ABOUT WHETHER I WIN AND

YOU LOSE.

BUT SOMETIMES I DON'T GET

FIRST PLACE OR A GOLD MEDAL

OR CHAMPION HOG AT THE

KANSAS STATE FAIR.

I TOTALLY OWNED YOU HANDS

SOLO.

SPENT A YEAR GETTING MARBLES

FOR NOTHING.

WELL, FOLKSING I'M SAD TO

SAY IT HAS HAPPENED AGAIN.

THIS IS WHO'S NOT HONORING

ME NOW.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NATION, WHO COULD FORGET

LAST YEAR WHEN I WAS NAMED

MAXIM MAGAZINE'S 6 --th

HOTTEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD.

-- 69th.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SOME SAY IT WAS

INAPPROPRIATE FOR ME TO SHOW

FULL FRONTAL THUMB BUT I SAY

IF YOU GOT IT, FLAUNT IT.

WELL, ONCE AGAIN MAXIM HAS

DISPATCHED THEIR CRACK

TREATMENT OF CRACK

INSPECTORS AND THE RESULTS

ARE IN FOR 2013.

>> MILY CYRUS IS NUMBER ONE

ON THE MAXIM MAGAZINE HOT

100 LIST.

MILEY ACTUALLY BEAT OUT

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT AND

RIHANNA FOR THE HOT HONORS.

SO CRAZY MILEY SAYS IN THE

100 ISSUE.

>> MILY CYRUS IS LOVELY BUT

IF ARE YOU GIVING OUT

HOTNESS HONORS TO A DISNEY

STAR, I WOULD GO WITH WALT'S

FAVORITE GIRL, LENNY

RIESENTHAL.

SO MAYBE I DIDN'T GET NUMBER

ONE.

I WOULD SETTLE FOR NUMBER

TWO OR EVEN NUMBER 8.

BUT FOLKS I WENT OUT AND I

BOUGHT SOME MAGAZINE, AND

AFTER THREE HOURS OF

SCOURING THE PAGES IN A

LOCKED ROOM, I WAS NOWHERE

TO BE FOUND.

>> BOOO!

>> Stephen: YOU WERE A

LITTLE LATE THERE.

(LAUGHTER)

AND I KNOW WHAT THIS IS,

THIS IS AGE DISCRIMINATION.

LAST YEAR I'M HOT THIS YEAR

I'M NOT.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA--

(LAUGHTER)

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW

HARD IT IS TO STAY YOUNG AND

FIRM?

I HAVE HAD SO MUCH FAT FROM

MY ASS INJECT MOOD MY FACE

THAT MY DENTIST IS A

PROCTOLOGIST.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THIS IS A DISGRACE, MAXIM.

YOU'RE SENDING A HORRIBLE

MESSAGE TO AMERICA'S YOUNG

MALES THAT ONE YEAR THEY

COULD BE ONE OF THE HOTTEST

WOMEN ON THE PLANET AND THE

NEXT YEAR POOF.

NOTHING.

BY THE WAY, POOF-- IS WHAT I

SAY TO GET MY POUTY HOT FACE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WHO AM I KIDDING?

I'M JUST A WITHERED OLD

COUGAR.

I JUST-- I DON'T KNOW, I

JUST WANT TO BE OBJECT FIND

LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT IS THAT

TOO MUCH TO ASK?

AND JUST LOOK AT THE HOT

YOUNG THING WHO TOOK MY SPOT

THIS YEAR'S MAGAZINE AT

NUMBER 69.

MANTEI TE'O'S FAKE

GIRLFRIEND.

I'M SORRY.

MI SORRY, MAXIM, BUT I AM

WAIT HOTTER THAN HER.

HAVE YOU SEEN HER?

NEITHER HAS HE.

(LAUGHTER)

I MEAN HOW DARE-- HOW DARE

MAXIM GIVE AWAY MY HARD

EARNED SPOT TO SOME FAKE

PERSONA THAT DOESN'T EVEN

EXIST?

INSTEAD OF A GENUINE PERSON

LIKE STEPHEN COLBERT.

NOW FOLKS, DON'T KID

YOURSELF--

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: AND DON'T KID

YOURSELF, FOLKS, THIS

TOTALLY CHANGES THE GAME.

DON'T GET TOO COMFY MILEY

CYRUS BECAUSE THE FAKE

PEOPLE ARE ELIGIBLE, NEXT

YEAR'S TOP SPOT COULD BE

EVERYONE'S CANADIAN

GIRLFRIEND.

WILL YOU NEVER SEE HER

COMING.

SHE IS A MODEL BUT SHE CAN'T

COME DOWN BECAUSE HER

PARENTS HAVE A FARM AND SHE

HAS TO WORK THIS SUMMER.

AND MAXIM, I WILL NOT TAKE

THIS LYING DOWN.

UNLESS THAT'S WHAT YOUR

PHOTOGRAPHER WANTS.

IN WHICH CASE-- I'M WILLING

TO WAX EVERYWHERE.

(LAUGHTER)

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY, MY GUEST TONIGHT

IS AN INTERNATIONALLY BEST

SELLING AUTHOR WHOSE LATEST

NOVEL IS INFERNO.

WHAT A COINCIDENCE, THAT'S

WHERE I PUT ALL MY BOOK.

PLEASE WELCOME DAN BROWN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

HEY, MR. BROWN, NICE TO MEET

YOU.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE YOU

AND I WERE MOST INFLUENTIAL

PEOPLE AT TIME 100, YOU

KNOW.

CONGRATS, YOU STILL

INFLUENTIAL?

>> DEEPLY.

>> Stephen: BECAUSE THE

ANGELS AND THE DEMONS AND

THE "DA VINCI CODE", 80

MILLION IN PRINT, RIGHT, THE

DA VINC AYE CODE.

>> CORRECT.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE LIKE THE

SECOND MOST POPULAR AUTHOR

NEXT TO GOD, I THINK.

AND LIKE THE GUINNESS BOOK.

>> GOD HAD 2,000 YEARS TO

SELL BOOKS, THOUGH.

>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND.

AND YOU HAVE HAD A FEW YEARS

TO GO GUNNING FOR HIM.

>> NOT TRUE.

>> Stephen: BECAUSE YOUR NEW

BOOK IS CALLED INFERNO.

ALL RIGHT.

THIS ONE IS BASED ON DANTE'S

INFERNO.

>> THAT'S THE ONE.

>> Stephen: THAT'S THE ONE,

OKAY.

I HAVE READ DANTE'S INFERNO.

WILL I-- DO I KNOW THE END

OF THIS ONE?

DOES IT END WITH LIKE SATAN

IN A GIANT FROZEN LAKE

CHEWING ON BROUGHT

UTT-- BROUGHTUS, CASSIUS

AND-- .

>> YOU BRUNNED IT FOR

EVERYBODY.

SSES SPOILER ALERT, CLIMB UP

THE LADDER AND GET TO PURG

TORE.

SO ARE YOU GUNNING FOR MY

CHURCH IN THIS ONE TOO?

BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT A THING

FOR THE CATHOLIC CHURCH, MY

FRIEND.

>> THAT IS NOT TRUE.

>> Stephen: IT IS TRUE.

I READ YOUR BOOK AND

EVERYTHING IN YOUR BOOK IS

FACT.

>> THAT IS TRUE.

AND YOU CAN SAYS CHURCH IS

THIS EVIL ORGANIZATION THAT

CRUSHES KNOWLEDGE.

>> THAT IS-- WHAT I SAY

ABOUT THE CHURCH IS THAT,

THE QUESTION I ASK IN THE

"DA VINCI CODE" IS WHAT DOES

IT MEAN FOR CHRISTIANITY IF

CHRIST WERE NOT LITERALLY

THE SON OF GOD.

>> Stephen: IT MEANS

EVERYTHING IS FALSE BECAUSE

THE CHURCH IS THE

RESURRECTION.

THAT'S WHAT THE MESSAGE IS,

HE WASN'T A SPART DUDE THERE

IS A LOT OF THOSE.

I'M SURE YOU ARE SMART.

JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD, MY

FRIEND, END OF STORY OR

RATHER BEGINNING, CHECKMATE.

>> OKAY,.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> Stephen: DID I JUST WRITE

A BOOK, I THINK I JUST WROTE

A DAN BROWN NOVEL.

>> WELL DONE.

>> Stephen: NO, I LOVE YOUR

BOOKS.

I READ THEM ALL.

EVEN LIKE DECEPTION POINT.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: AND THE DIGITAL

FORTRESS, I READ THEM ALL

BECAUSE I LOVE THE RAGE THEY

FILL ME WITH.

(LAUGHTER)

WHY DO YOU-- WHY DOW PUT

EVERYTHING IN PUZZLE FORM?

WHY IS EVERYTHING SUPPOSED

TO BE SOMETHING WE GOT TO

FIGURE OUT?

>> I LOVE PUZZLES.

MY DAD IS A BIG CODE GUY.

HE'S AN INTERNATIONALLY BEST

SELLING MATH TEXTBOOK

AUTHOR.

I GREW UP WITH CODES AND

SYMBOLS IN THE HOUSE.

WE HAD TREASURE HUNTS, ALL

KINDS OF CIPHERS AND I THINK

THEY ARE A LOT OF FUN.

>> Stephen: SO IT COMES TO

YOU NATURALLY.

>> YEAH, IT IS A BIT OF A

FIXATION.

>> Stephen: DOW LIKE

ANAGRAMS.

>> I DO.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

WELL, YOU KNOW --

>> AM I GOING TO REGRET

SAYING I LIKE ANAGRAMS.

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, DAN

BROWN, THE NAME DAN BROWN IS

AN ANAGRAM W ALL YOUR

SUCCESS THE NAME DAN BROWN

IS A BRAND NOW.

NOT ONLY THAT, BUT I READ

YOUR BOOKS ON THE TOILET

WHILE I'M WORKING THE BRAN

DOWN.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: I THINK I JUST

WROTE ANOTHER DAN BROWN

NOVEL.

>> WELL DONE.

>> Stephen: NOW WHY SUCH A

COMPLICATED POEM TO BASE

THIS BOOK ON?

>> WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAD

WRITTEN A LOT ABOUT THE FINE

ARTS.

BUT I HAD NEVER WRITTEN

ABOUT THE LITERARY ARTS.

SO ON SOME LEVEL DANTE

CALLED IT TO ME AS SOMETHING

FRESH.

AND WHAT BETTER PIECE OF

LITERATURE THAN INFERNO TO

BASE A THRILLER ON.

IT WAS A THRILLER OF ITS

DAY.

>> Stephen: NOW YOU ARE A

HERETIC, SO-- IN YOUR BOOK

ARE THE HER HE PARTICULARS

TILL IN RED HOT IRON COFFINS

FOREVER?

>> THEY ARE, WHERE THEY

BELONG.

>> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD.

AND DID YOU WRITE THIS TO

FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF WITH

WHERE YOU'LL BE WHEN YOU DIE?

>> NO, ACTUALLY.

I WROTE THIS TO-- .

>> Stephen: I'M NOT LETTING

YOU OFF.

>> YOU'RE NOT, OKAY.

I WROTE THIS WITH THE HOPE

THAT THE PEOPLE, THE PEOPLE

WHO LOVE THRILLER WAS COME

TO IT, BE INSPIRED TO EITHER

DISCOVER OR REDISCOVER ONE

OF THE GREATEST WORKS OF

LITERATURE EVER WRITTEN,

DANTES DIVINE COMEDY.

>> Stephen: I THOUGHT IT WAS

"DA VINCI CODE"-- I MEAN

IT'S GOOD, DON'T GET ME

WRONG, I ENJOYED IT.

BECAUSE YOU GET TO SEE

ROBERT LANGDON AGAIN IN THIS

ONE.

>> YOU DO.

>> Stephen: TOM HANKS IS IN

THIS ONE.

>> HE IS.

>> Stephen: I'M DEFINITELY

GOING TO READ THIS BOOK.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: NO, I DON'T

THINK I HAVE EVER SAID THAT

TO A GUEST BEFORE.

BECAUSE I GENERALLY DON'T

READ ANY OF THE BOOKS THAT

THE GUESTS-- I'M NOT A BIG

READER.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY WE

HAVE AUTHORS ON.

WE SELL SO MANY BOOKS.

BUT YOU DON'T NEED MY HELP

TO SELL A BOOK.

YOU'RE DAN BROWN FOR CHRISTS

SAKE.

>> I APPRECIATE ALL THE HELP

I GET.

>> Stephen: WELL, YOU'RE

WELCOME.

DAN BROWN, THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR JOINING ME.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: DAN BROWN, THE

BOOK IS INFERNO.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

SSES THAT'S IT FOR THE

REPORT, EVERYBODY.

GOOD