July 12, 2011 - Dan Savage

  • Episode: 07088
  • (0)

Michele Bachmann signs a controversial pledge, and Dan Savage talks about marriage and monogamy.

( APPLAUSE )

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: VERY NICE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CROWD CHANTING STEPHEN]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU SO MUCH, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU FOR IS JOINING US.

THAT IS THE PURE UNCUT STUFF YOU

JUST GAVE ME.

I WISH I COULD COOK YOU PEOPLE

UP IN A SPOON.

FOLKS, WE ARE ONLY 16 MONTHS

AWAY FROM THE 2012 PRESIDENTIAL

ELECTION.

I'M AS EXCITED AS A KID ON THE

483RD NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

[LAUGHTER]

AND WHAT'S GOT ME JAZZED IS THAT

THE REPUBLICAN FIELD IS BRIMMING

WITH SUPERSTARS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'LL DECIDE

BETWEEN THE TEN OF THEM.

IT'S LIKE AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT

YOU GOT WHITE BREAD,

WHITE RICE,

CREAM OF WHEAT,

POTATOES,

MASH POTATOES,

BOILED POTATOES,

POTATO FLAKES,

MAYONNAISE,

PACKING PEANUTS,

AND FOR DESSERT: HERMAN CAIN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT WAS TASTY.

JIMMY, GIVE ME SOME MORE OF THAT

SWEET CANDY CAIN.

♪ ♪

HE'S A TRUE SON OF THE SOUTH

BORN AND RAISED THE AMERICAN WAY

♪ HIS DAD WAS A FARMER WITH

CLOTHES ON HIS BACK BUT HE

RAISED SOME CAIN AND NEVER

LOOKED BACK HERMAN CAIN ♪

OH, HERMAN CAIN ♪

GET ABOARD THE HERMAN CAIN TRAIN

>> Stephen: WOOH!

I AM ON BOARD THE HERMAN CAIN

TRAIN!

THE MAIN CAIN TRAIN!

PARTLY BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES

TO PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES, I'M

NAMES.

AND I AM INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE

FOR HERMAN CAIN.

HE'S HOTTER THAN PROPANE.

THOUGH, HE SHOULD USE SOME

ROGAINE.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S HERMAN FOR SURE-MAN.

HE DRINKS TEQUILA, AND LEAVES

THE WORM IN.

[LAUGHTER]

THE OTHER CANDIDATES ARE

SQUIRMIN'.

I'VE DETERMINED HE'S NOT GERMAN.

PLUS THE OTHER REASON I LIKE HIM

IS

YOU KNOW CAIN IS FISCALLY

CONSERVATIVE, BECAUSE THAT VIDEO

COULD NOT HAVE COST MORE THAN

$12.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S MY MAN.

THAT'S THE GUY!

AND I'M MOSTLY EXCITED BECAUSE

CAIN IS GOING TO BE MY GUEST ON

THURSDAY, JULY 28TH.

WRITE THAT ON YOUR iPAD IN INK!

[LAUGHTER]

HE WILL NOT ONLY BE SITTING DOWN

WITH ME BUT WITH THE HEAD OF

COLBERT SUPER PAC.

AND THAT GUY IS LOOKING TO

ENDORSE SOMEBODY.

[LAUGHTER]

OF COURSE, BEFORE I ENDOSED HIM,

CAIN WOULD HAVE TO SIGN THIS--

MY CANDIDATE'S PLEDGE-- FIRST.

IT'S BLANK RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT

IS.

I WOULD GET HIM TO SIGN A BLANK

PIECE OF PAPER AND IT WILL BE

SOMETHING GOOD, AMERICA AND

STUFF LIKE THAT.

BUT I'VE GOT TO GET ONE BECAUSE

EVERYONE WHO'S ANYONE IN

REPUBLICAN CIRCLES HAS ONE.

GROVER NOR QUIST HAS AN ANTITAX

PLEDGE.

ANTI-EARMARK PLEDGE, AND I'M

PRETTY SURE MITCH MCCONNELL HAS

INSPIRED MILLIONS TO TAKE AN

ABSTINENCE PLEDGE.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT RIGHT NOW SCANDAL IS ROCKING

THE REPUBLICAN PLEDGE-SCAPE.

FOR MORE, LET'S GO TO ME ON A

DIFFERENT CAMERA.

[LAUGHTER]

THANKS STEPHEN.

THERE'S SOMETHING CALLED THE

"MARRIAGE VOW" PUT OUT BY THE

IOWA CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN

GROUP, THE FAMILY LEADER AND

IT'S HEAD, BOB VANDER PLAATZ.

IN THE 14-POINT PLEDGE

CANDIDATES HAVE TO FIRST VOW

"PERSONAL FIDELITY TO MY

SPOUSE."

IT'S ESSENTIAL FOR CANDIDATES TO

SWEAR TO THAT ONE.

CUZ THAT VOW THEY SAID AT THEIR

WEDDING (bleep).

THIS IS SOMETHING BINDING -- A

PDF SENT TO YOU BY SOME GUY

NAMED VANDER PLAATZ.

[ APPLAUSE ]

THE REST OF THE PLEDGE DEFENDS

MARRIAGE BY VOWING "VIGOROUS

OPPOSITION TO INTIMATE UNIONS

WHICH ARE BIGAMOUS, POLYGAMOUS,

POLYANDROUS, SAME SEX, ETC."

[LAUGHTER]

THAT ET CETERA IS AN ESSENTIAL

CATCH-ALL, BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT

OF FREAKY STUFF GOIN' ON IN

IOWA.

[LAUGHTER]

OKAY?

MAN ON CORN, CORN ON MAN, CORN

ON COB, BUTTER ON CORN ON COB ON

MAN.

BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING,

"STEPHEN, THAT SOUNDS DELICIOUS,

[LAUGHTER]

BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS

PLEDGE HAD SOMETHING

CONTROVERSIAL IN IT."

WELL, IT DOES.

IN THE PREAMBLE TO THE PLEDGE.

HERE ON THE FIRST PAGE.

>> IT SAYS THAT SLAVERY HAD A

DISASTROUS IMPACT ON

AFRICAN-AMERICAN FAMILIES, YET

SADLY A CHILD BORN INTO SLAVERY

IN 1860 WAS MORE LIKELY TO BE

RAISED BY HIS MOTHER AND FATHER

IN A TWO-PARENT HOUSEHOLD THAN

WAS AFRICAN-AMERICAN BABY BORN

AFTER THE ELECTION OF THE FIRST

OF USA'S FIRST AFRICAN-AMERICAN

PRESIDENT.

>> Stephen: TOUGH MEDICINE, BUT

IT'S TRUE.

UNDER SLAVERY NOT ONLY DID BLACK

KIDS HAVE A FATHER AND A MOTHER,

BUT A LOT OF TIME THEY HAD A

BIOLOGICAL FATHER WHO ALSO

OWNED THEM.

THAT'S BEING INVESTED IN YOUR

KIDS LIVES.

[LAUGHTER]

SO FAR ONLY TWO CANDIDATES HAVE

HAD THE COURAGE TO SIGN THE

PLEDGE.

ONE WAS FORMER PUBLIC FIGURE

RICK SANTORUM.

JIM?

>> THIS IS A PLEDGE YOU WOULD

SIGN?

>> IN FACT I ACTUALLY DID SIGN,

YES.

>> YOU DID SIGN IT.

>> LOOK, WHEN I FIRST READ IT I

WAS TAKEN ABACK, BUT I CAN'T

ARGUE THAT I WASN'T.

>> Stephen: YES, HE SIGNED IT,

BUT ONLY AFTER HE WAS TAKEN

ABACK, OKAY?

GOES LIKE THIS.

OH, MY GOD.

OH, NO.

WHAT THE -- WHAT THE --

(bleep) OKAY.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT THE OTHER PERSON TO STEP UP,

DO THE RIGHT THING AND SIGN THE

PLEDGE IS MICHELE BACHMANN

WHO USED THE PUBLIC BACKLASH

AGAINST THE PREAMBLE'S

INSENSITIVE SLAVERY REFERENCE TO

MAKE A SENSITIVE SLAVERY

REFERENCE.

>> HERE IS THE STATEMENT AGAINST

HER SPOKESWOMAN.

SHE BELIEVES SLAVERY WAS

HORRIBLE AND ECONOMIC

ENSLAVEMENT IS ALSO HORRIBLE.

>> YES, TAXATION IS ECONOMIC

SLAVERY.

AND MICHELE BACHMANN STANDS UP

AGAINST SLAVERY IN ALL FORMS--

WHETHER IT'S THE SLAVERY OF

HEALTHCARE--

>> THIS IS SLAVERY.

IT'S NOTHING MORE THAN SLAVERY.

>> Stephen: THE SLAVERY OF THE

NATIONAL DEBT--

>> IT IS A SLAVERY, IT IS A

SLAVERY THAT IS A BONDAGE TO

DEBT AND A BONDAGE TO DECLINE.

>> Stephen: OR SLAVERY OF THE

LOINS--

>> IF YOU'RE INVOLVED IN THE GAY

AND LESBIAN LIFESTYLE, IT'S

BONDAGE.

IT IS PERSONAL BONDAGE, PERSONAL

DESPAIR AND PERSONAL

ENSLAVEMENT.

>> Stephen: YES, PERSONAL

ENSLAVEMENT.

OR PERSONAL DOMINATION,

DEPENDING ON WHAT ROLE YOU'RE

PLAYING THAT NIGHT.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO HAVE A

PERSONAL SAFE-WORD.

PERHAPS BACHMANN.

YOU SEE, SHE'S SENSITIVE TO THE

PAIN OF SLAVERY BECAUSE TO HER,

EVERYTHING IS SLAVERY.

"DONT' WALK" SIGNS -- THAT'S

JUST AMBULATORY SLAVERY.

[LAUGHTER]

FAT FREE CHEESE -- THAT'S JUST

FLAVOR SLAVERY OR "FLAVORY."

[LAUGHTER]

THE FAMILY LEADER HAS

PULLED THE SLAVERY STATEMENT

FROM THE PREAMBLE BUT THESE TWO

SIGNED IT BEFORE THEY TOOK THE

SLAVERY LANGUAGE OUT.

AND I HOPE THEY LIVE BY THOSE

WORDS.

BUT WITH ALL THESE PLEDGES OUT

THERE, HOW CAN CANDIDATES KEEP

TRACK OF EVERYTHING THEY'RE

SUPPOSED TO BE HONORING?

WELL, I'M PROUD TO INTRODUCE

STEPHEN COLBERT'S PLEDGE SHOCK

COLLAR.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S THE SAME SOUND-RECOGNITION

TECHNOLOGY THAT TRAINS DOGS TO

STOP BARKING.

IT'S GOT TWO ELECTRODES, RIGHT

HERE.

YOU JUST STRAP IT ON THE

CANDIDATE LIKE THIS.

GET THAT SUCKER ON THERE NICE.

AND TIGHT.

OKAY.

THERE YOU GO.

OKAY.

NOW.

THE CANDIDATE WEARS IT,

AND IF THE CANDIDATE EVER

FORGETS THE PLEDGES HE HAS

SIGNED AND -- I DON'T KNOW --

SAYS THAT WE SHOULD RAISE TAXES

ON THE TOP TWO PER--

ARRRRGGGGHHH!

[ APPLAUSE ]

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NATION, ALL'S FAIR WHEN IT COMES

TO COVERING PRESIDENTIAL

CANDIDATES BUT THERE ARE SOME

THINGS IN POLITICS THAT ARE

OFF-LIMITS -- LIKE A CANDIDATES'

SPOUSE OR CHILDREN.

BUT LATELY, THE BLAME-STREAM

MEDIA HAS STARTED GOING AFTER

MICHELE BACHMANN'S HUSBAND

DR. MARCUS BACHMANN.

THEY'RE ATTACKING HIS CHRISTIAN

PSYCHO-THERAPY BUSINESS IN AN

ATTEMPT TO RUIN HIS GOOD NAME.

>> DR. BACHMANN'S BRAND OF

COUNSELING IS HIGHLY

CONTROVERSIAL AND COULD BECOME A

CAMPAIGN ISSUE.

DR. BACHMANN RUNS A CHRISTIAN

COUNSELING FIRM.

THAT AT TIMES, ACCORDING TO

FORMER PATIENTS, HAS TRIED TO

CONVERT GAY MEN INTO

HETEROSEXUALS THROUGH CHRISTIAN

PRAYER.

>> Stephen: CHRISTIANITY IS THE

ONLY WAY TO CURE GAYNESS.

JUST GET ON YOUR KNEES, TAKE A

SWIG OF WINE, AND ACCEPT THE

BODY OF A MAN INTO YOUR MOUTH.

[LAUGHTER]

NOW IN THE PAST, DR. BACHMANN

HAS DENIED THAT HIS COUNSELING

CENTER ENGAGES IN GAY THERAPY.

BUT THE GAY RIGHTS ORGANIZATION

"TRUTH WINS OUT" SENT AN

UNDERCOVER HOMOSEXUAL, POSING AS

AN OVER-COVER HOMOSEXUAL, TO

RECORD HIS COUNSELORS WITH

SECRET HOMOSEXUAL CAMERAS.

JIM?

>> HE COULD CURE YOUR

HOMOSEXUALITY?

>> YES.

>> IS THAT WHAT HE SAID?

>> YES.

>> THE TRUTH IS GOD HAS DESIGNED

OUR EYES TO BE ATTRACTED TO THE

WOMEN'S BODY, TO BE ATTRACTED TO

EVERYTHING, TO BE ATTRACTED TO

HER BREASTS.

>> Stephen: YES! BREASTS!

THANK YOU, JESUS!

[LAUGHTER]

GOD WANTS US TO STARE AT THEM!

THAT'S WHY HE PUT THOSE LITTLE

THINGS ON THE TIP -- WHAT DO YOU

CALL THEM?

LITTLE CHEST PENISES?

WHATEVER, NIBLETS.

WHATEVER!

AND WHEN THE GAY MAN ASKED THE

COUNSELOR IF IT WAS ADVISABLE TO

ATTEND A FRIENDS' GAY WEDDING,

THE COUNSELOR RECOMMENDED HE GO

WITH "A HETEROSEXUAL

ACCOUNTABILITY BUDDY IN TOW."

[LAUGHTER]

SOUND ADVICE.

WHEN GOING TO A SAME SEX GAY

WEDDING, ALWAYS BRING ANOTHER

DUDE.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT WAY HE CAN DRINK WITH YOU,

DANCE WITH YOU, AND SHARE A

HOTEL ROOM WITH YOU.

REMEMBER -- INSIST ON ONE KING

SIZED BED.

BECAUSE TWO QUEENS IS KIND OF

GAY.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NORMALLY, I'M AS STRAIGHT AS THE

NEXT GUY, BUT TONIGHT, MY NEXT

GUY IS OUR GUEST DAN SAVAGE.

HE IS WEAPONS-GRADE GAY.

AND HE'S THE WORST KIND, TOO:

SMART, THOUGHTFUL, CHARMING, AND

HE ALWAYS SMELLS LIKE THE FIRST

DAY OF SPRING.

[LAUGHTER]

SO TO STEEL MYSELF FOR HIS

APPEARANCE TONIGHT, I'M GOING TO

BRING MY OWN HETEROSEXUAL

ACCOUNTABILITY BUDDY TO KEEP ME

ON THE STRAIGHT AND

NARROW-MINDED.

OKAY, I'LL GET MY BUILDING

MANAGER TAD OUT HERE. TAD?

>> Stephen: SO, YOU'RE A

HETEROSEXUAL, RIGHT?

>> EXACTLY, I'M A CONFIRMED

BACHELOR.

I WOULD NEVER MARRY A WOMAN.

>> Stephen: SMART MAN.

KEEPING YOUR OPTIONS OPEN.

>> RIGHT, I DON'T WANT TO GET

TIED DOWN.

I WANT TO BE AVAILABLE--

FOR WOMEN.

>> Stephen: GREAT- ARE YOU BUSY

RIGHT NOW?

>> WELL, NOW'S NOT A GREAT TIME.

I HAVE SOME GUYS OVER HERE, WE

WERE GOING TO GO DOWN TO THE

BOILER ROOM.

>> Stephen: TO FIX THE BOILER?

>> SURE.

>> Stephen: WELL, THAT'S GOING

TO HAVE TO WAIT.

I NEED A FULL-TIME HANDYMAN FOR

A VERY ROUGH JOB.

>> TO HELP WITH THE INTERVIEW?

>> Stephen: SURE.

>> OKAY.

>> Stephen: WHEN WE COME BACK,

TAD AND I WILL GO DOWN ON -- SIT

DOWN ON -- SIT DOWN WITH DAN

SAVAGE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A NATIONALLY

SYNDICATED SEX ADVICE COLUMNIST,

WHO SAYS MONOGAMY IS OUT-DATED.

YOU KNOW WHAT NEVER GOES OUT OF

STYLE?

HELL.

PLEASE WELCOME DAN SAVAGE!

LET'S GO, TAD.

LET'S GO!

COME ON!

LET'S GO!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WOOH!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

DAN THIS, IS TAD, HE IS MY

HETEROSEXUALITY ACCOUNTABILITY

BUDDY.

>> LOOVES FAMILIAR.

>> Stephen: GO PACKERS!

YOU ARE THE COUNTRY'S LEADING

SEX ADVICE COLUMNIST.

YOU ARE AN AUTHOR.

YOU STARTED THE IT GETS BETTER

PROJECT THIS FALL.

IN THE TPHORBGTS MAGAZINE

THERE'S A RECENT PIECE ABOUT

YOU.

IN IT YOU SAY A SUCCESSFUL

MARRIAGE, ONE OF KEYS IS

ELIMINATING THE REQUIREMENT OF

MONOGAMY.

>> NOT EXACTLY WHAT I SAID.

>> Stephen: YOU SAID WE

SHOULDN'T BE --

>> YOU SID IT SHOULDN'T BE THE

OPEN CHARACTERISTIC OF A

MARRIAGE.

>> Stephen: IF YOU DON'T MAKE

THAT.

DID YOU VOW TO BE MON NOTHING

MUSS WITH YOUR HUSBAND?

>> NO.

>> Stephen: THAT'S A A

MARRIAGE IT'S A JOINT CHECKING

ACCOUNT.

[LAUGHTER]

>> ARE THE CLINTONS MARRIED?

>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW.

>> ARE THE VITTER'S MARRIED?

EXSENATOR ENSIGN DO -- IS HE

MARRIED?

WE ONLY HERE MONOGAMY THAT IS A

PART OF MARRIAGE.

WE NEVER HEAR --

>> Stephen: WE DO.

YOU ARE SAYING WE SHOULDN'T PUT

SO MUCH WEIGHT ON IT?

>> WE'RE BAD ATE IT.

LOOK AT THE CLINTON, LOOK AT THE

VITTER'S, THE LIMBAUGH'S --

>> Stephen: I KNOW I SHOULD DO

CRUNCHES.

>> BUT YOUR MARRIAGE DOESN'T

COLLAPSE.

>> Stephen: MY HEART FAILS.

MARRIAGE IS AN EXERCISE.

YOU HAVE TO WORK AT IT.

WHAT IS HEAVEN FOR IF YOU DON'T

SET THESE GOAL?

>> IF PEOPLE MAKE A MONOGAMOUS

COMMITMENT THEY SHOULD TRY TO

HONOR IT.

MANY PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THEY ARE

IN MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIPS AND

THOSE WHO MADE THE COMMITMENT

WILL FALL SHORT AND THEN WHAT?

SHOULD IT BE A RELATIONSHIP END

ENDING EVENT.

OR SHOULD IT BE SOMETHING THAT

YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET PAST.

THE MARRIAGE SHOULD BE EXPECTED

TO SURVIVE.

>> Stephen: THAT IS NOT WHAT

YOU ARE SAYING.

YOU ARE BACK PEDALING?

>> I'M NOT.

>> Stephen: HIGH FIVE, BUDDY.

YOU WERE ACTUALLY SAYING THAT

PLAYING AROUND OUTSIDE A

RELATIONSHIP CAN BE GOOD.

>> IT CAN SAVE A MARRIAGE AT

TIMES.

>> Stephen: FOOLING AROUND CAN

SAVE A MARRIAGE.

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT.

[LAUGHTER]

BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN SAYING FOR

YEARS THAT GAY PEOPLE ARE TRYING

TO DESTROY THE INSTITUTION OF

MARRIAGE AND NOW THAT YOU ARE

MARRIED YOU ARE DESTROYING IT

FROM THE INSIDE.

>> GAY PEOPLE ARE FORCING

STRAIGHT FOAM ADMIT THEY

REDEFINED MARRIAGE DECADES AGO.

IT WAS A PROPERTY TRANSACTION

WHERE A MAN TOOK POSSESSION OF

ANOTHER MAN'S PROPERTY, DAUGHTER

AND THEN WIFE.

>> Stephen: I STILL BELIEVE IN

A DOWRY.

I GOT MANY CATTLE WHEN I GOT

MARRIED.

>> IT'S A LEGAL UNION OF TWO

EQUALS AND THEY GET TO DEFINE

IT.

IT COULD BE MONOGAMOU S,

RELIGIOUS OR NOT.

IT'S UP TO THAT COUPLE.

THAT INSTITUTION.

THERE'S NO LOGICAL CASE THAT CAN

BE MADE TO EXCLUDE GAY PEOPLES

FROM AN INTUITION THAT DOESN'T

INCLUDE STRAIGHT COUPLES

MONOGAMOUS OR NOT.

>> Stephen: HAVE YOU HAD

AFFAIRS?

>> IT DEPENDS IS IT ADULTERY IF

I'M COMMITTING IT AT ONE END OF

THE GUY AND HE IS COMMITTING IT

AT THE OTHER END OF THE SAME --

SAME GUY?

>> TAILGATING.

>> Stephen: GO PACKERS.

>> CHAIN SAWS.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Stephen: YOU SAY -- YOU SAY

THAT IN SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS ONE

OF REASONS WHY MONOGAMY ISN'T

NECESSARY --

>> I DON'T SAY IT'S NOT

NECESSARY.

IT'S NECESSARY IF YOU REQUIRE

IT.

PEOPLE CAN MAKE THOSE

COMMITMENTS.

YOU JUMBLED UP MY POINT.

IF IT'S IMPORTANT TO A COUPLE

AND THEY WANT TO MAKE A

MONOGAMOUS COMMITMENT, I BELIEVE

IT WORKS FOR THEM STAOEFRBLGTS

WHAT IF ONLY ONE OF THEM WANTS

THAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP?

>> THAT PERSON SHOULDN'T MAKE

THAT COMMITMENT AND FIND

SOMEBODY THAT DOESN'T WANT THAT

COMMITMENT AND MARRY THAT

PERSON.

>> Stephen: THAT ARGUMENT

AMIES TO GAY PEOPLE BEAUTIFULLY

I'M SURE.

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M MARRIED TO A WOMAN.

I'M NOT MARRIED TO A GUY.

IF YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH

SOMEONE ELSE, I TOTALLY

UNDERSTAND IF WE'RE MARRIED.

BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I'M

NOT SATISFYING YOU BUT --

>> BUT YOUR WIFE IS MARRIED TO A

MAN AND STRAIGHT WOMEN HAVE TO

BE REALISTIC ABOUT WHAT MEN ARE

AND WHAT MEN ARE LIKE.

I.

>> People: WHO ARE SEXUALLY

SATISFIED WHO AREN'T BOILING ARE

LIKELY TO BE CONTENT AND STAY

MARRIED.

THERE'S SEXLESS MARRIAGES OUT.

THERE WE TELL TELL PEOPLE YOU

SHOULD DIVORCE.

I'M AGAINST DIVORCE.

MY POSITION IS CONSERVATIVE AND

TRADITIONAL.

>> Stephen: YOU ARE

CONSERVATIVE AT WHICH END OF THE

GUY?

[LAUGHTER]

DAN SAVAGE SEX ADVICE COLUMNIST

>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR THE

REPORT, EVERYBODY.

I HAVE TO HELP TAD WITH THE

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