February 27, 2012 - Peggielene Bartels

  • Episode: 08062
  • (0)

The Oscars' liberal clusterfarce unfolds, Rick Santorum criticizes Barack Obama's promotion of higher learning, and Peggielene Bartels talks about her kingship.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: YOU'RE VERY KIND!

WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

WHY NOT?

NATION, TOMORROW IS THE MICHIGAN

PRIMARY AND MITT ROMNEY KNOWS

HE'S GOT TO WIN IT.

SO ON FRIDAY HE GAVE THE SPEECH

OF A LIFETIME AT DETROIT'S FORD

FIELD.

>> G.O.P. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

MITT ROMNEY'S BIG ECONOMIC

SPEECH IN DETROIT WAS DWARFED

AND OVERSHADOWED BY ITS

LOCATION-- FORD FIELD.

WHILE ROMNEY DREW A CROWD OF

ABOUT 1,200 PEOPLE YESTERDAY,

THE 65,000 EMPTY STADIUM

SEATS... WELL, KIND OF HARD NOT

TO NOTICE THOSE

>> YEAH, THERE WERE A LOT OF

EMPTY SEATS BUT THE IMPORTANT

THING IS MITT REALLY CONNECTED

WITH THOSE EMPTY SEATS BY ALSO

BEING PLASTIC AND UNCOMFORTABLE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

HE'S BACK.

JIM?

>> THIS FEELS GOOD BEING BACK IN

MICHIGAN.

YOU KNOW, THE TREES ARE THE

RIGHT HEIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: ONCE AGAIN, ROMNEY

IS THE ONLY ONE WITH THE COURAGE

TO ADDRESS THE ISSUE OF MICHIGAN

TREE HEIGHTS.

(LAUGHTER)

MEANWHILE OBAMA REMAINS

SUSPICIOUSLY SILENT ON OUR

NATIONAL TREE ALTITUDE

CONTROVERSY.

DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THOSE

SEQUOIAS IN CALIFORNIA.

LOOK, I'M FLATTERED BUT I'M NOT

INTO THAT LIFE-STYLE.

THEN TO CLINCH THE CRUCIAL

MICHIGAN PRIMARY MITT WENT TO

FLORIDA TO SEE THE DAYTONA 500

WHERE HE PROVES HE'S JUST AN

AVERAGE MOTOR HEAD.

LISTEN TO HIM GUSH ON LOCAL

RADIO ABOUT CLOSELY HE FOLLOWS

NASCAR.

>> NOT AS CLOSELY AS SOME OF THE

MOST ARDENT FANS BUT I HAVE SOME

GREAT FRIENDS THAT ARE NASCAR

TEAM OWNERS.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Stephen: WE ALL KNOW THAT

FEELING!

WE ALL THAT FEELING.

WHAT YOUNG NASCAR FAN DOESN'T

HAVE HIS BEDROOM WALL PLASTERED

WITH POSTERS OF OWNER JACK

ROUSH?

(LAUGHTER)

THE ROUSHTER!

FOLKS, THIS IS THE TICKET FOR

ROMNEY.

IF HE WANTS TO WIN, DHOSHD MORE

OF THIS REGULAR GUY STUFFBHAT

HE OBVIOUSLY LOVES.

I MEAN, HE SHOULD EAT HOT DOGS

AND SAY "I LOVE HOT DOGS,

THEY'RE JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH."

(LAUGHTER)

"THE MUSTARD IS YELLOW.

THAT'S THE RIGHT COLOR.

THE BUN HAS THE RIGHT BRED DI

THEN HE SHOULD MENTION HE GOES

YACHTING WITH HIS FRIEND

CARLISLE HOT DOG, IV, THE GREAT

GRANDSON OF THE INVENTOR OF THE

HOT DOG.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT AS GREAT AS ROMNEY DID, RICK

SANTORUM IS CONFIDENT.

HE'S ALREADY LOOKING PAST

MICHIGAN TO HIS REAL OPPONENT,

PRESIDENT OBAMA.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA ONCE SAID HE

WANTS EVERYBODY IN AMERICA TO GO

TO COLLEGE.

WHAT A SNOB!

(LAUGHTER)

THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE WHO GO

OUT AND WORK HARD EVERYDAY AND

PUT THEIR SKILLS TO TASK THAT

AREN'T TAUGHT BY SOME LIBERAL

COLLEGE PROFESSOR TRYING TO

INDOCTRINATE THEM.

>> Stephen: YEAH, WHAT A SNOB.

OBAMA THINKS EVERYBODY SHOULD GO

TO COLLEGE LIKE HE DID.

WELL, PARDON ME, YOUR HIGHNESS,

BUT SOME OF US WEREN'T HANDED A

TICKET TO HARVARD BY BEING THE

BIRACIAL SON OF A SINGLE MOTHER

ON FOOD STAMPS.

(LAUGHTER)

MUST BE NICE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SANTORUM THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

RICK SANTORUM UNDERSTANDS THE

REAL AMERICAN DREAM-- THAT IF

YOU WORK HARD ENOUGH YOUR

CHILDREN CAN HAVE FEWER

OPPORTUNITIES THAN YOU DID.

(LAUGHTER)

AND SANTORUM KNOWS SOMETHING

EVEN MORE DANGEROUS ABOUT

COLLEGE THAN THE RISK THAT OUR

CHILDREN MIGHT SUCCEED.

JIM?

>> 62% OF KIDS WHO ENTER COLLEGE

WITH SOME SORT OF COMMITMENT

LEAVE WITHOUT IT.

>> Stephen: NOW I HAVE NO IDEA

IF THAT'S A REAL STATISTIC SO

I'M GOING TO TAKE THAT ON FAITH

THAT HE DIDN'T YANK THAT OUT OF

HIS ASS.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I'LL LET SOME COLLEGE GRAD LOOK

IT UP ON HIS FANCY INTERNET.

(LAUGHTER)

THE POINT IS, A PERSON OF FAITH

CANNOT GO TO COLLEGE WITHOUT

LOSING THEIR BELIEF IN GOD.

I MEAN, LOOK AT RICK SANTORUM.

HE HAS A BACHELOR'S DEGREE, AN

M.B.A. AND A LAW DEGREE.

HE'S LOMB ALMOST COMPLETELY LOST

HIS FAITH.

HE ENROLLED AS A FRESHMEN AT

PENN STATE HE WAS A 14th CENTURY

MONK.

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S NOT JUST FOUR-YEAR COLLEGES

FOLKS.

OUR GODLESS PRESIDENT OVER HERE

HAS BEEN PUSHING A PLAN TO SEND

YOUNG PEOPLE TO ALL SORTS OF

ATHEIST IVORY TOWER

INSTITUTIONS.

>> TONIGHT I ASK EVERY AMERICAN

TO COMMIT TO AT LEAST ONE YEAR

OR MORE OF HIGHER EDUCATION OR

CAREER TRAINING.

IT CAN BE A COMMUNITY COLLEGE OR

A FOUR-YEAR SCHOOL.

VOCATIONAL TRAINING OR

APPRENTICESHIP.

>> Stephen: VOCATIONAL TRAINING?

HOW DARE YOU, SIR?

YOU WANT TO SEND OUR GOOD

GOD-FEARING CHILDREN TO I.T.T.

AND THEY'LL COME BACK AS TRUTH

SPOUTING ATHEIST GAY TRUCK

MECHANICS.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I AM DEALING WITH THIS PROBLEM

RIGHT NOW.

MY FURNACE IN THE STUDIO HAS

BEEN ON THE FRITZ SO I HAD TO

CALL IN ONE OF THESE RADICAL

LEFTIST REPAIRMEN.

HANK, HOW'S IT GOING OVER THERE?

>> HELLO, LITTLE GOD-MAN.

ARE YOU ANXIOUS FOR YOUR MAGIC

HOT-AIR MACHINE TO WORK AGAIN?

PERHAPS YOU SHOULD PRAY TO THE

INVISIBLE BEARDED FATHER IN THE

SKY.

>> Stephen: HANK, YOU WERE A

DEVOUT BAPTIST BEFORE YOU WENT

TO TRADE SCHOOL.

>> OH, YES, BUT UPON LEARNING

THE NUANCES OF H.V.A.C.-- THAT'S

HEATING, VENTILATING AND AIR KK

TO THE UNINITIATED-- THE IDEA OF

AN OMNISCIENT CLOUD MAN SEEMED

QUAINT.

IT IS SCIENCE NOT YAHWEH THAT

COOLS YOU IN THE SUMMER AND

HEATS YOU IN THE WINTER

>> I KNOW THAT, HANK, BUT

H.V.A.C. DOESN'T EXPLAIN ALL THE

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE?

>> I WAS ONCE LIKE YOU-- DRUNK

ON THE OPIATE OF THE MASSES.

THEN TWO YEARS PLUS EVENINGS AND

WEEKENDS AS DEVRY REVEALED THE

EMPTINESS BEHIND YOUR RELIGIOUS

DELUSIONS.

(LAUGHTER)

GOD IS DEAD AND BASE BOARD

HEATING IS AN ABOMINATION!

(LAUGHTER)

>> SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH MY

THERMOSTAT.

>> GOD ONLY KNOWS.

>> Stephen: THANKS, HANK, WE'LL

BE RIGHT BACK.

(CH

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN AMERICAN

WOMAN WHO BECAME KING OF A

VILLAGE IN GHANA.

EITHER A OR SASHA BARON COHEN IS

SHOOTING A NEW MOVIE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

PLEASE WELCOME KING PEGGY!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YOUR MAJESTY, THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR JOINING US.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: NOW THIS IS A VEST

VERY INTERESTING STORY WE'LL GET

TO IN JUST A MOMENT BUT FIRST

YOU COULDN'T HAVE DRESSED UP FOR

ME?

>> (LAUGHS)

>> Stephen: IS THIS THE OFFICIAL

CROWN YOU'RE WEARING?

>> YES, IT'S AN OFFICIAL CROWN

I'M WEARING.

IT'S NOT GOLD BECAUSE I CAN'T

TAKE THE GOLD WITH ME RIGHT NOW

>> SO THE GOLD BACK IN GHANA?

>> YES.

>> Stephen: YOUR FASCINATING

STORY IS IN THE NEW BOOK "KING

PEGGY, AN AMERICAN SECRETARY,

HER ROYAL DESTINY AND THE

INSPIRING STORY OF HOW SHE

CHANGED AN AFRICAN VILLAGE."

FIRST OF ALL, EXPLAIN TO THE

GOOD PEOPLE OF AMERICA-- MY

KINGDOM--

(LAUGHTER)

HOW YOU BECAME... YOU'RE AN

AMERICAN CITIZEN NOW, YOU WERE

BORN IN GONNA.

>> YES.

CITIZEN NOW.

HOW YOU BECAME THE KING OF THIS

VILLAGE?

>> WELL WHEN MY UNCLE PASSED

AWAY THEY DID THE RITUALS AND

THEN I WAS CHOSEN BECAUSE I WAS

THE FIRST WOMAN SO THEY DID IT

THREE TIMES TO MAKE SURE I'M THE

WOMAN THEY WANTED.

>> Stephen: SO HE PASSES AWAY.

DID YOU KNOW HE PASSED AWAY.

>> NO, I DIDN'T KNOW.

THEY CALLED ME AT 4:00 IN THE

MORNING.

THAT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE AFTER

TODAY.

>> Stephen: I WOULD IMAGINE TO

GO FROM SECRETARY TO KING WOULD

CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

>> SO IT'S REALLY SPECIAL.

>> Stephen: SO FIRST OF ALL WHY

KING, WHY NOT KING?

>> I'D BE A LOUSY QUEEN BECAUSE

THE KING IS SUPPOSED TO BE IN

CHARGE OF ALL THE EXECUTIVE

POSITIONS BUT IF I BECOME A

QUEEN, I'D HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE

KING BECAUSE I'D HAVE TO COLLECT

ALL THE DATA FROM THE TOWN AND

THEN TALK TO THE KING ABOUT IT

AND THE KING DOESN'T REALLY WORK

ON IT I WOULD DO EVERYTHING.

>> Stephen: SO THERE'S A QUEEN

OVER THERE RIGHT NOW.

>> YES, YES, YES.

>> Stephen: WHAT'S SHE LIKE?

(LAUGHTER)

>> SHE'S OKAY.

>> Stephen: IS SHE A BIT OF A

DRAMA QUEEN?

>> (LAUGHS)

>> Stephen: YOU GET ALONG?

>> YES, WE DO GET ALONG.

>> Stephen: SO LET'S GO BACK TO

HOW YOU WERE CHOSEN.

SO HE PASSES ON, THEY DO A

RITUAL WHERE THEY... WHERE DO

THEY GO FOR THIS RITUAL?

>> THEY GO TO ANCESTORS AND POUR

LIBATIONS.

>> Stephen: WHAT'S IS THIS LIE

BRAGS?

>> IT'S SCHNAPPS.

>> Stephen: SO IN GHANA THEY

POUR THIS NAPS ON THE GROUND TO

FIND THEIR KING?

THE ANCIENT AFRICAN SCHNAPPS?

WHY SCH NAPPS?

>> IN THE ANCIENT DAYS THE

PEOPLE GAVE THEM SCHNAPPSS.

THEN WHAT HAPPENS?

>> THEY POUR IT ON THE GROUND

AND IT THESE STEAM UP.

>> Stephen: AND IN THE MIDDLE OF

THE NIGHT YOU WAKE UP AND WHAT

DO THEY SAY IN

>> THEY SAY YOU ARE A KING FOR

ALL TIME RIGHT NOW.

WHICH WAS REALLY SOMETHING THAT

I WASN'T EXPECTING AND I WAS

REALLY HAPPY THAT I WAS CHOSEN

BECAUSE FOR A SECRETARY TO BE A

KING, NOT EVERYBODY IS GOING TO

BE A KING.

>> NO, THAT IS... I HOPE YOU'RE

HOLDING ON THE THE MOVIE RIGHTS

TO THIS.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW WHO WOULD BE GREAT?

QUEEN LATIFAH AS KING PEGGY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

FANTASTIC.

IT'S A NATURAL.

>> THAT WOULD BE NICE!

>> Stephen: HOW BIG IS THIS

VILLAGE?

>> WE HAVE ABOUT 7,000 PEOPLE.

>> Stephen: AND AS KING WHAT DO

YOU HOPE THE DO?

>> AT THE MOMENT... WHEN I WENT

THERE THE TOWN WAS IN A MESS.

I'VE BEEN ABLE TO HELP THEM WITH

THE HELP FROM THE PEOPLE OF THE

UNITED STATES BY GOING TO

www.kingpeggy.com AND THEY HELP

US TO BRING WATER.

WHEN I TOOK OVER THERE WAS NO

CLEAN WATER AND I'M TRYING TO

RAISE FUNDS TO HAVE AN AMBULANCE

FOR THEM BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE

AN AMBULANCE AND MOST OF THE

TIME THE PEOPLE DIE ALONG THE

WAY WHEN THEY TRY TO TAKE PEOPLE

FOR MEDICAL ACHIEVEMENT.

>> Stephen: SO YOU'RE A GOOD

KING?

>> I'M A VERY GOOD KING.

I'M VERY GOOD KING.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: SO CHOOSING YOUR

LEADER BY POURING SCHNAPPS ON

THE GROUND SEEMS LIKE A FAIRLY

EFFECTIVE ELECTORAL SYSTEM.

DO YOU THINK WE CAN USE THAT IN

THE UNITED STATES?

WOULD YOU TEAM WILL?

BECAUSE...

>> WELL, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT TWO

DIFFERENT CULTURES.

>> Stephen: THOUGH WE DRINK A

FAIR AMOUNT OF SCHNAPPS OVER

HERE, TOO.

>> THIS ISN'T PEPPER MEANT

SCHNAPPSS.

THIS IS REAL.

>> Stephen: WHAT IS THAT LIKE?

>> IT TASTES WONDERFUL.

>> Stephen: DOES IT TASTE

WONDERFUL RIGHT AWAY OR AFTER?

(LAUGHTER)

>>

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR THE

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