May 5, 2011 - Bill James

  • Episode: 07060
  • (0)

Donald Trump applies his wisdom to same-sex marriage, and Bill James discusses true crime.

( APPLAUSE )

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: VERY NICE,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

BIG SHOUTOUT.

THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

I WANT TO SAY HELLO TO

EVERYBODY WATCHING ALL

AROUND THE WORLD, ESPECIALLY

OUR VIEWERS IN NEW ZEALAND.

(LAUGHTER)

IS THERE ANY HOBBITS IN NEED

OF A MASSAGE?

I AM YOUR MAN.

CALL ME.

(APPLAUSE)

GET MY FINGERS IN THOSE

HAIRY TOES.

NATION, I GOT TO TILL, WHEN

WE SHOT BIN LADEN IN THE

FACE, I WAS AS EXCITED AS

THE NEXT GUY.

UNLESS THE NEXT GUY WAS BIN

LADEN.

BUT ENOUGH.

WE GET IT.

PRESIDENT OBAMA IS AWESOME.

HE'S A GUTSY LEADER WHO

KILLED BIN LADEN.

I DON'T LIKE THIS NEW OBAMA

WHO HUNTS MUSLIM EXTREMISTS.

I LIKED THE OLD BAMA WHO IS

A MUSLIM EXTREMIST.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

I DON'T KNOW, THINGS CHANGE,

I GUESS.

AND FOLKS, I ADMIRE THE

PEOPLE TRYING TO MAKE THE

PRESIDENT SEEM LESS AWESOME

BY CRITICIZING HIM FOR NOT

RELEASING THE PHOTOS OR

TAKING TOO MUCH CREDIT, BUT

COME ON, THAT'S LIKE

CRITICIZING SEX FOR RIPPING

DOWN THE SHOWER ROD.

(APPLAUSE)

NOW FOLKS, I WOULD LOVE, I

WOULD LOVE TO TALK ABOUT

SOMETHING ELSE AT THE TOP OF

THE SHOW BUT THE TV PEOPLE

WON'T LET ME.

>> WE'RE BRINGING YOU

DETAILS ABOUT THE HELICOPTER

USED BY NAVY SEALS IN THE

BIN LADEN RAID.

>> NATIVE AMERICAN LEADERS

ARE CRIT SIZING THE USE OF

THE CODE NAME GERONIMO FOR

OSAMA BIN LADEN.

>> WE ARE GETTING WORD TODAY

ABOUT THE HEROIC DOGS ROLE

IN BIN LADEN'S TAKEDOWN.

>> THE DEATH-OF-OSAMA BIN

LADEN IS CELEBRATED ON

AMERICAN STREETS AND ON-LINE

AND SOMEHOW MILEY CYRUS

ENDED UP RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE

OF IT.

>> Stephen: OH MY GOD.

MILEY CYRUS KILLED BIN

LADEN.

ALTHOUGH, YOU KNOW WHAT, IT

WAS COVERT OP, SO PROBABLY

HANNA MONTANA.

OH GOD, SEE HOW THEY SUCK

YOU IN?

I WAS FEELING DESPERATE FOR

SOME OTHER NEWS SO I TURNED

TO THIS THING CALLED THE

INTERNET.

IT'S REALLY COOL.

IT'S LIKE PEOPLE ARE SENDING

YOU FAXES TO A TV ON YOUR

DESK.

SO FOLKS, FRESH FROM THE

INTERWEB I PRESENT THE TALK

TRENDING NONBIN LADEN STORY,

BABY DUCK WATCHING A YO-YO.

LOOK AT HIM.

LOOK AT THOSE BABY DUCKS.

(APPLAUSE)

THEY CANNOT STOPWATCHING IT.

THEY ARE FOCUSED ON IT LIKE

PRESIDENT OBAMA WAS FOCUSED

ON CATCHING BIN LADEN.

DAMMIT!

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

THAT JUST SNUCK UP ON ME

LIKE A NAVY SEAL TEAM.

STOP IT!

(LAUGHTER)

>> FOLKS, THE ONLY UPSIDE TO

THIS BIN LADEN BINGE IS THAT

IT'S ALLOWING PEOPLE WITH

BAD NEWS TO GET IT OUT THERE

AND GET IT IGNORED.

FOR INSTANCE, DID YOU KNOW

THAT IN THE WAKE OF HISTOR I

HAD SEX SCANDAL SENATOR JOHN

ENSIGN GAVE HIS RESIGNATION

SPEECH TO CONGRESS ON MONDAY?

NEITHER DID CONGRESS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> BECAUSE NONE OF THEM

SHOWED UP.

(LAUGHTER)

WHY EVEN APOLOGISE.

HE COULD HAVE BANGED ANOTHER

AIDE'S WIFE RIGHT THERE ON

THE PODIUM.

THE MEDIA, THE MEDIA ALSO

DID NOT COVER THE BAYER ASS

PHOTOS OF KATE MIDDLETON'S

PHOTOS THAT SUR FACED ON THE

INTERNET YESTERDAY.

AND THAT SONY PLAYSTATION

REVEALED THAT 25 MILLION

MORE PEOPLE HAD THEIR DATA

HACKED.

WELL, WITH THE NEWS MEDIA

THIS DISTRACTED, I WOULD

LIKE TO GET A FEW THINGS OFF

MY CHEST.

I AM A WEALTHY PERSON.

BUT I STEAL CLIF BARS IF

FROM WHOLE FOODS.

MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL.

ALSO, I AM A METH ADDICT.

I AM A TWEAKER FREAK.

I AM A SHANK BANGING BAG

CHASER.

RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW MI

HUFFING BUZZER DUST TILL

DAWN.

FINALLY I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE

THIS TIME TO CONFESS TO THE

1990 VERMEER HEIST AT THE IS

ISABELLA STEWART GARDNER

MUSEUM IN BOSTON.

HERE IS VERMEER'S

MASTERPIECE, THE CONCERT.

VALUED AT $250 MILLION.

I-- I AM KIND OF SICK OF IT.

YOU CAN COME PICK IT UP NOW.

OKAY.

WHOO!

THAT FELT GOOD.

NOT AS GOOD AS DOING A BUMP

OF PRIMO GLASS OUT OF A

(LAUGHTER)

>> NATION, FEAR IS JUST THE

STATE OF MIND.

BUT THEN AGAIN SO IS MAD-COW

DISEASE.

THIS IS THE THREATDOWN.

THREAT NUMBER THREE,

SUPERMAN, FOLKS, I'VE ALWAYS

WANTED TO BE LIKE THE MAN OF

STEAL.

FROM LEAPING TALL BUILDINGS

TO NAILING TERRY HATCHER.

LAST WEEK KAL-EL BROKE MY

HEART.

>> IN THE 900th ISSUE OF

ACTION COMICS, SUPERMAN SAYS,

QUOTE, I INTEND TO SPEAK

BEFORE THE UNITED NATIONS

TOMORROW AND INFORM THEM

THAT I IN RENOUNCING MY U.S.

CITIZENSHIP.

>> Stephen: WHAT?

(LAUGHTER)

SUPERMAN IS SUPPOSED TO

FIGHT FOR TRUTH AND JUSTICE

AND THE AMERICAN WAY.

LIKE USING HIS SUPERSTRENGTH

TO LIFT THE WORLD'S BIGGEST

GULF.

AND THE WORST BETRAYAL HERE

FOLKS, HE IS THROWING AWAY

HIS AMERICAN CITIZENSHIP AT

THE U.N.?

LET'S ALL HOLD HANDS AROUND

THE SECURITY COUNCIL AND

ACHIEVE PEACEFUL COMPROMISE

THROUGH RESOLUTION.

THE GUY'S BASICALLY DENNIS

KUCINICH WITH HEAT VISION.

STOP IT.

STOP IT!

YOU ARE SETTING ON FIRE.

JEEZ.

LOOK AT THAT THING.

FOLKS, WE SHOULD HAVE SEEN

THIS EUROIFICATION OF

SUPERMAN COMING.

AFTER ALL HE IS A

70-YEAR-OLD MAN WEARING A

SPEEDO.

THANK GOD, THANK GOD WE HAVE

LUX LUTHOR, JOB CREATOR.

AT A TIME WHEN WE CUT THIS

MAN'S TAXES AND DEREGULATE

HIS KRYPTONITE MINE.

NEXT, FOLKS, IT'S NO SECRET.

I LOVE FOOTBALL.

IT'S GOT ALL THE GRACE OF

BALLET EXCEPT EVERYONE IS A

NUT CRACKER.

BUT OUR NATIONAL BLOOD SPORT

IS UNDER ATTACK BY THREAT

NUMBER TWO, MADDEN NFL 12.

THE LATEST INSTALLMENT OF

THE POPULAR FRANCHISE HAS A

HORRIFYING NEW FEATURE.

>> MADDEN NFL 12 HAS A NEW

CONCUSSION RULE.

AND IT HAS TAKEN HELMET TO

HELMET HITS AND HEAD FIRST

TACKLING OUT OF THE GAME.

WHERE IF A PLAYER SUFFERS A

CONCUSSION, THEY WILL TAKE

HIM OUT OF THE GAME FOR THE

REMAINDER OF THE GAME.

>> Stephen: WHAT?

TAKE HIM OUT OF THE GAME.

NO, YOU PUT THE CON CUSSED

PLAYERS BACK IN.

IT'S THE BRAIN DAMAGED ONES

WHO DON'T FEEL FEAR.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: NOW WORST, EVEN

WORSE, FOLKS, WHEN ARE YOU

TRYING TO CONTINUE THE GAME

WITH YOUR PLAYERS WHOSE

SKULLS HAVE NOT PUSSIED OUT,

THE GAME'S ANNOUNCERS KEEP

YAKKING THAT YOUR PLAYER WAS

REMOVED BECAUSE OF THE

SERIOUSNESS OF HEAD

INJURIES.

FOLKS, WE CANNOT LET REAL

WORLD CONSEQUENCES

INNOVATE-- INVADE OUR

MINDLESS VIDEO GAMES.

WHAT'S NEXT, WHEN I RAM A

POLICE BARRICADE IN GRAND

THEFT AUTO DO I HAVE TO GO

TO TRAFFIC SCHOOL?

IF I PICK UP A PROSTITUTE DO

I HAVE TO PLAY GRAND THEFT

CHLAMYDIA TEST?

I SAY IF ANYTHING, IF

ANYTHING, VIDEO GAMES SHOULD

INFORM OUR REAL LIVES.

ANGRY BIRDS HAS TAUGHT ME A

LOT ABOUT GETTING PIGS OFF

MY ROOF.

IF YOU KNOW A BETTER WAY

THAN LAUNCHING A TERRIFIED

PIGEON FROM A SLING SHOT I'M

ALL EARS.

AND REAL WAR SHOULD BE A LOT

MORE LIKE CALL OF DUTY BLACK

HAWKE.

IN REAL BATTLES PEOPLE DIE.

BUT IMAGINE THE BOOST TO

ENLISTMENT OF FIRE FIGHTS

ENDED WHEN YOUR MOM BRINGS

YOU A SNACK.

FINALLY, FOLKS, I LOVE ALL

THE FOX NETWORKS.

FROM THE SMOKING HOT LADIES

ON FOX NEWS TO THAT SMOKING

HOT LADY ON AMERICAN IDOL.

BUT THERE IS ONE, ONE FOX

SHOW OUT THERE THAT IS

TONIGHT'S THREAT NUMBER ONE.

"GLEE".

FOLKS, FOLKS, I USED TO BE A

GLEEK BUT NOW I AM A

GLOUTSPOKEN GLITIC BECAUSE

"GLEE" IS CLEARLY IN THE

POCKET OF BIG GAY.

FOR MORE WE TURN TO KRIV

HOUSTON'S GAY NEWS LEADER.

>> WHAT THESE TELEVISION

PROGRAMS ARE DOING IS GLAMOR

GLAMORIZING HOMOSEXUAL

BEHAVIOR.

GLAMOUR SIZING HOMOSEXUAL

CONDUCT AND WHAT PEOPLE SEE

ON TELEVISION INFLUENCES

THEIR BEHAVIOR AND

INFLUENCES THEIR CHOICES.

>> AND WE ALL NOW ABOUT

PRODUCT PLACEMENT.

YOU THROW A SODA IN A MOVIE

AND WITHIN A FAW SECONDS

EVERYBODY IN THE THESE

CERTIFICATE THIRSTY FOR THAT

PARTICULAR BRAND.

>> Stephen: EXACTLY.

AND "GLEE" MAKES YOU THIRSTY

FOR GAYS.

AFTER EVERY EPISODE-- I JUST

WANT TO WRAP MY LIPS AROUND

A TALL COOL ONE.

NOW THESE, THESE YOU CAN

SPOT, THE SUBLIMINAL GAY

CODE.

DID YOU CATCH THAT?

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: ITS'S SUBTLE BUT

IT'S IN THERE.

FOLKS, "GLEE" IS GLAMORIZING

HOMOSEXUALITY, IT MAKES

BEING GAY LOOK SO GREAT.

>> I'M GOING TO KILL YOU.

>> WELCOME BACK, LADY.

>> Stephen: DID YOU SEE

THAT?

FREE DRINKS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: WELL, "GLEE",

I'M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR

PRODUCT PLACEMENTS ANY MORE.

I'VE ALREADY BEEN TRICKED

INTO BUYING YOUR SLUSHEES,

YOUR TRACK SUITS AND YOUR

WHEELCHAIRS.

YOU MAKE BEING PARALYZED

LOOK LIKE SO MUCH FUN.

SO FROM NOW ON I AM ONLY

WATCHING STRAIGHT TV.

LIKE HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER.

THAT BARNEY

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

FOLKS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

FOLKS, RIGHT NOW THIS VERY

EVENING IN COLUMBIA, SOUTH

CAROLINA, THEY ARE HOLDING

THE INAUGURAL REPUBLICAN

PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

SPONSORED AND BROADCAST ON

FOX NEWS.

BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME

IN ITS HISTORY C OPINION

SPAN HAS SOMETHING BETTER TO

FILM.

AND THE CANDIDATES RESPONDED

TO FOX'S CALL.

MITT ROMNEY, SAID I COULDN'T

BE THERE.

SARAH PALIN, OPTED OUT.

NEWT GINGRICH, STOPPED

ANSWERING HIS PHONE.

MIKE HUCKABEE WHO HAS A SHOW

ON FOX NEWS DECLINED FOX

NEWS.

LUCKILY, THE REN CANS HAVE A

DEEP BENCH.

MITCH DANIELS, JOHN HUNTSMAN

AND MICHELLE BACHMAN WHO

ALSO SAID NO.

BUT I CANNOT WAIT TO GET

HOME TO WATCH IT BECAUSE

THIS DEBATE HAS EVERY THING

YOU TUNE IN FOR.

PODIUMS, MICROPHONES, AND

ELEVATED PLATFORMS.

LIGHTS SO YOU CAN SEE IT.

AND A STAND BEHIND THOSE

PODIUMS ACTUAL UPRIGHT

BREATHING BIPEDS LIKE TIM

PAWLENTY, RICK SANTORUM,

HERMAN CAIN, RON PAUL AND

THIS GUY RIGHT THERE WHOSE

NAME ESCAPES ME, EVEN THOUGH

HE'S BEEN ON MY SHOW TWICE

IN THE LAST YEAR.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: HELP ME OUT, ME.

>> PLEASE WELCOME GOVERNOR

GARY JOHNSON.

>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, WHO?

>> GARY JOHNSON.

>> Stephen: NOTHING.

OKAY.

WELL, HE SEEMS NICE.

OF COURSE, I BELIEVE DEBATES

ARE WON BY THOSE WHO SAY THE

MOST.

AND BY THAT STANDARD NONE OF

THESE GUYS CAN COULD BEAT

DONALD TRUMP.

HE SAYS THINGS ALL THE TIME.

LIKE THIS WEEK WHEN ASKED

HIS THOUGHTS ON GAY MARRIAGE,

HE SAID THIS TO THE "NEW

YORK TIMES".

>> IT'S LIKE IN GOLF ARC LOT

OF PEOPLE, I DON'T WANT THIS

TO SOUND TRIVIAL BUT A LOT

OF PEOPLE ARE SWITCHING TO

THESE REALLY LONG PUTTERS.

VERY UNATTRACTIVE.

IT'S WEIRD.

YOU SEE THESE GREAT PLAYERS

WITH THESE REALLY LONG

PUTTERS BECAUSE THEY CAN'T

SINK THE THREE FOOTERS ANY

MORE.

AND I HATE IT I'M A

TRADITIONALIST.

I HAVE SO MANY FABULOUS

FRIENDS WHO HAPPEN TO BE GAY

BUT I'M A TRADITIONALIST.

EXACTLY.

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE IS LIKE

GOLFERS USING THOSE WEIRD

LONG CLUBS.

IT'S UNNATURAL.

GOD CREATED ADAM AND EVE,

NOT ADAM AND BIG BERTHA.

I AM SURE, I'M SURE THAT

DONALD'S WISDOM CAN BE

APPLIED TO A HOST OF OTHER

PRESSING ISSUES.

LIKE WHETHER WE SHOULD RAISE

THE DEBT CEILING.

IT'S BAD, LIKE ALMOND

BUTTER.

THEY'RE MAKING BUTTER OUT OF

EVERY KIND OF NUT THESE DAYS,

CASHEW BUTTER, ALMOND BUTTER,

DEBT CEILING.

>> AND I'M SURE--

(APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: AND I'M SURE

HE'S GOT A PLAN FOR

MEDICARE.

MEDICARE IS LIKE A NICE SET

OF CUFFLINKS, NOBODY WEARS

CUFFLINKS ANY MORE.

WHEN I WAS GROWING UP YOU

WORE A BELT THAT MATCHED

YOUR SHOES, NICE TIE PEN AND

CUFFLINKS T WAS SIMPLE YOU

LOOKED SHARP, BROWN SHOES

BLACK BLELT, BLACK SHOES,

BLACK BELT, MEDICARE.

(APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: NOW OF COURSE

THE REAL TEST OF A PRESIDENT

IS HOW HE'LL PERFORM AS

COMMANDER IN CHIEF.

WILL HAVE TO ARTICULATE OUR

MISSION IN AFGHANISTAN.

>> SHAVING CREAM IS A GEL

NOW.

>> AFGHANISTAN.

(APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: SO AMERICA, TAKE

HEART.

DONALD TRUMP COULD BE IN THE

WHITE HOUSE.

WHICH IS LIKE THE OLD DAYS

WHEN YOU HAD TO LICK A

STAMP.

NOW THERE'S STICKERS.

WITHIN WELCOME BACK.

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN

EXPERT.

TURNING HIS ATTENTION TO

TRUE CRIME.

I WILL ASK HIM WHO HAS GOT

THE RECORD FOR HEADS BATTED

IN.

PLEASE WELCOME BILL JAMES.

HEY, MR. JAMES.

>> THANKS SO MUCH FOR

COMING.

>> ALL RIGHT, SIR, YOU WERE

FAMOUS FOR IN THE '70s AND

'80s YOU REVOLUTIONIZED

BASEBALL STATISTICS BY

APPLYING YOUR OWN, YOUR OWN

METH, YOUR OWN ANALYSIS.

WHAT DID YOU DO?

>> I-- DID A LOT OF STUPID

STUFF WZ.

>> Stephen: WHAT IS WATT

STUPID STUFF YOU CUT OUT,

SERB ASPECT APPROXIMATES OF

ANALYSIS.

>> I STARTED COUNTING A LOT

OF THINGS THAT PEOPLE HADN'T

THOUGHT TO COUNT BEFORE.

THAT WAS ONE THING.

AND I CONSISTENTLY ASKED THE

QUESTION, WHICH HAS NOTHING

TO DO WITH THE BOOK I'M HERE

FOR.

>> Stephen: I CONSISTENTLY

ASKED THE QUESTION WHAT IS

THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THIS TO

THE QUESTIONS THAT PEOPLE

ARE DEBATING.

>> Stephen: AND IT TURNS OUT

THERE WAS NO RELATIONSHIP

BETWEEN WHAT THEY WERE

SAYING AND WHAT THEY WANTED

TO SAY.

>> VERY OFTEN, YES.

>> Stephen: SO YOU BLEW

EVERYBODY OUT OF THE WATER.

>> YOU BLEW EVERYBODY OUT OF

THE WATER WITH THAT.

NOW YOU HAVE GOT A NEW LOVE

YOU'RE SHARING WITH PEOPLE.

IT'S AN OLD LOVE OF YOURS

BUT NEW TO US.

IT'S CALLED POPULAR CRIME.

REFLECTIONS ON THE

CELEBRATION OF VIOLENCE.

NOW YOU KNOW, YOU USED TO BE

KNOWN FOR FOLLOWING SPORTS.

NOW IT'S VIOLENT CRIME.

WHY NOT JUST FOLLOW FOOTBALL

AND KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE

STONE?

>> HOW MANY BIRDS COULD YOU

KILL WITH WAY BASEBALL BAT.

>> Stephen: WOW, HOW MANY,

YOU'RE THE EXPERT.

>> I DON'T KNOW.

I CAN'T TELL YOU BUT A LOT

OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED

WITH BASEBALL BATS.

>> Stephen: REALLY?

>> YES WZ WHONS'S THE BABE

RUTH OF BASHING HEADS IN?

>> I FORGOT TO DO RESEARCH

ON THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WOULD

YOU ASK.

>> Stephen: WHAT, WHY THE

LOVE OF POPULAR CRIME?

YOU'VE ALWAYS ENJOYED --

>> I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN

INTERESTED IN THEM.

CRIME STORIES ARE KEYS TO

WHAT PEOPLE GOES ON INSIDE

YOUR HEAD THAT YOU DON'T

ORDINARILY TALK ABOUT.

CRIME STORIES ARE ONE OF THE

MOST INTERESTING THINGS IN

THE NEWSPAPER OR ON THE

INTERNET BECAUSE THEY TELL

YOU THINGS ABOUT WHAT IS

GOING ON IN PEOPLE'S LIVES.

THEY MAKE DETAILS OF

PEOPLE'S LIVES TREMENDOUSLY

IMPORTANT AND FOCUS

ATTENTION ON THEM IN A WAY

THAT, AND IT EXPOSES THE

SIDE OF PEOPLE'S LIVES THAT

THEY NEVER TALK ABOUT

OTHERWISE.

AND-- JUST BECOMES VERY

INTERESTING.

>> Stephen: IS THERE

SOMETHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO

TALK ABOUT RIGHT NOW?

>> IS THERE SOME SIDE OF

YOUR LIFE YOU'RE TRYING TO

TELL US ABOUT RIGHT NOW?

YOU CAN ADMIT ANYTHING.

NO ONE WILL PAY ATTENTION

BECAUSE OF BIN LADEN.

I AM A METH TWEAKER, YOU

KNOW THAT.

>> INDEED.

I HAVE HEARD RUMORS, YES.

>> Stephen: YES.

SO WHAT IS IT, YOU SAY THIS

IS AS SOMETHING ABOUT OUR

CULTURE THAT WE CELEBRATE

VIOLENCE SO MUCH THAT WE ARE

SO OBVIOUS-- OBSESSED WITH

THE LURID DETAILS OF CRIME.

>> PORE ABOUT HUMAN NATURE

THAN ABOUT OUR CULTURE.

ALL CULTURES ARE

OBVIOUSED-- OBSESSED WITH

CRIME STORIES.

THE BIBLE IS FULL OF CRIME

STORIES.

EVERY CULTURE AROUND THE

WORLD IS OBSESSED WITH CRIME

WHICH ARE VERY MUCH THE SAME

ACROSS TIME AND ACROSS CULL

DURES.

WE ARE VERY INTERESTED IN

WHERE THAT GIRL WENT.

AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.

>> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT

SOME OF THE MORE FAMOUS

VIOLENT CRIMES IN AMERICA.

CAN YOU APPLY STATISTICAL

ANALYSIS TO VIOLENT CRIME

LIKE LIZZIE BORDEN.

LIZZIE BORDEN TOOK AN AXE,

GAVE HER FATHER 40 WHACKS

WHEN SHE SAW WHAT SHE HAD

DONE, SHE GAVE HER MOTHER

41.

WHAT IS HER WHACK AVERAGE.

>> YOU CAN APPLY STATISTICS

TO VIOLENT CRIME BUT IT

WOULD MAKE A VERY BORING

BOOK AND I DIDN'T DO IT.

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE

OPINIONS ABOUT WHETHER

PEOPLE ARE IN JAIL WHO ARE

INNOCENT?

LIKE WHAT ABOUT LIZZIE

BORDEN.

YOU THINK SHE DID IT.

>> NO, SHE DID NOT DO IT SHE

DID NOT-- .

>> Stephen: IT RHYMES.

>> IF IT RHYMES, YOU DID THE

CRIME.

THAT'S A LAW, I THINK.

>> IT CERTAINLY SHOULD BE,

YES.

AND JOHNNY COCHRAN HAS

PASSED ON, YOU CAN APPLY TO

REPLACE HIM.

>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT SOME

OF THE BIG ONES GOING ON

RIGHT NOW.

LIKE AMANDA KNOX.

>> I DID NOT TALK ABOUT

AMANDA KNOX.

IT'S TOO RECENT.

I TRIED TO WRITE ABOUT CASES

WHERE YOU ACTUALLY KNEW WHAT

HAPPENED.

I MEAN, THE ONLY THING WE

KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT THE

AMANDA KNOX CASE IS THE

ITALIAN JUSTICE SYSTEM IS A

TERRIBLE MESS.

OTHERWISE NOTHING IS REALLY

APPARENT AT THIS POINT.

>> Stephen: BUT SHE'S

CLEARLY INNOCENT.

>> I THINK SO.

>> Stephen: YEAH, BECAUSE

SHE'S ATTRACTIVE.

>> WELL.

>> Stephen: ARE EVIL PEOPLE,

ARE MURDERS ATTRACTIVE

PEOPLE OR UGLY PEOPLE.

>> FOR THE MOST PART THEY

ARE UGLY PEOPLE.

NO, SERIOUS.

>> Stephen: REALLY?

NESS SERIOUSLY.

>> Stephen: SO THAT EVIL IS

UGLY.

>> WELL, NO, BUT MOSTLY

PEOPLE NOT LIVING THE BEST

OF LIVES.

AND THEY HAVE HARD LIVES AND

THEY EXPRESS IT BY-- .

>> Stephen: CHOPPING PEOPLE

UP.

>> YEAH, OCCASIONALLY.

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A

FAVORITE MURDERER?

>> LET'S SEE, THE, THE ONLY

MURDER FOR WHOM I HAVE

SYMPATHY WAS WINNIE JUDD IN

1932 BECAUSE SHE LIVED TO BE

A NICE SWEET OLD LADY AND

KIND OF OUTGREW IT.

>> Stephen: IT WAS A PHASE.

>> RIGHT.

A PHASE SHE WAS GOING

THROUGH.

>> Stephen: ARE THERE GREAT

UNSOLVED MURDER CASES IN

AMERICAN HISTORY RIGHT NOW.

>> ONE OF THE THINS THAT

MAKES A CRIME ENDURINGLY

FASCINATING IS THAT WE DON'T

KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

ONCE YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

IN A CASE, THE CASE TENDS TO

LOSE INTEREST.

THE PURSUIT OF TRYING TO

FIGURE, PUT THIS ALL

TOGETHER THAT MAKES A CASE

FASCINATING.

>> Stephen: BASEBALL HAS A

STATISTICS THAT MAKES THINGS

CHECKABLE.

IS THERE A LIKE IN CRIME,

WHAT IS THE ONUS WAGNER CARD

OF MURDER.

>> I'M SURE PROBABLY ONE OF

JOHN WAYNE DAYSY'S PAINTING.

I DON'T HAVE ANY.

>> Stephen: THEY DID SELL.

>> THEY DID SELL.

>> Stephen: EVEN AS A CHILD

DID YOU ENJOY CRIME STORIES.

>> WHEN EVEN WHEN I WAS A

SMALL KID, YES.

>> Stephen: AND DID THIS

ALARM ANYONE?

>> STATE SERVICES WASN'T AS

ROBUST THEN AS THEY ARE NOW.

(APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO

MUCH.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> THAT'S IT FOR THE REPORT,