June 20, 2013 - Joss Whedon

  • Episode: 09117
  • (0)

Iran replaces President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Rep. Steve King opposes chicken cage laws, Nestle markets bottled water to wealthy women, and Joss Whedon talks Shakespeare.

Captioning sponsored by

COMEDY CENTRAL

>> Stephen: TONIGHT, A

PROMINENT REPUBLICAN SPEAKS OUT

ON ANIMAL RIGHTS.

BOY, THEY ARE GETTING DESPERATE

FOR VOTERS.

THEN A BRAND NEW KIND OF WATER.

GET READY FOR H30.

AND MY GUEST, JOSS WHEDON, IS

THE CREATOR OF BUFFY, FIREFLY

AND DOLLHOUSE.

THE INTERVIEW WILL BE CRITICALLY

ACCLAIMED BUT IT WILL GET

CANCELED HALFWAY THROUGH.

A NEW STUDY SAYS 70% OF

AMERICANS ARE ON PRESCRIPTION

DRUGS.

IF YOU FIND THAT NUMBER

DEPRESSING, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR

ABOUT CYMBALTA.

THIS IS THE THE "COLBERT

>> Stephen: HEY, LOOK AT

THAT.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT,

EVERYBODY.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOLKS.

>> STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY

MUCH.

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT IN HERE,

OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD.

MR. AND MRS. AMERICA AND ALL

THE SHIPS AT SEA.

FOLKS, IF YOU ARE REGULAR

VIEWERS OF THIS SHOW YOU KNOW I

DON'T COVER A LOT OF

INTERNATIONAL EVENTS.

I SAY IF NEWS WANTS ME TO CARE

ABOUT IT, IT SHOULD HAVE PLANNED

AHEAD AND HAPPENED IN AMERICA.

THINK, THINK, OKAY?

BUT, FOLKS, LAST WEEK A MAJOR

STORY BROKE THAT AFFECTS ME

PERSONALLY.

THEY HELD ELECTIONS IN IRAN, AND

THEN THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED,

THEY COUNTED THE VOTES.

>> A CLERIC HAS BEEN ELECTED TO

REPLACE THE CONTROVERSIAL

MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD.

>> THE NEW PRESIDENT OF IRAN

WILL BE HASSAN ROUHANI.

>> THIS IS A CANDIDATE WHO HAS

COME IN AND INJECTED SOME

OPTIMISM AND HOPE.

>> HE SPOKE OF REFORM.

>> AND HE PROMISED GREATER

PERSONAL FREEDOMS.

>> Stephen: YES, IRAN HAS

ELECTED A MODERATE, WHICH MEANS

INSTEAD OF CALLING FOR ISRAELIS

TO BE DRIVEN INTO THE SEA,

THEY'LL BE NUDGED INTO A LAKE.

SOUNDS REFRESHING.

HOW U.S. RELATIONS WITH THE NEW

IRANIAN LEADERS WILL PLAY OUT

ONLY TIME WILL TELL, FOLKS, BUT

THE BIGGER STORY IS THAT AFTER

EIGHT YEARS, WE'RE FINALLY

SAYING GOOD-BYE TO PRESIDENT

MAHMOUD

AHMA-NA-NAAA-NA-NA-NA-NAAA-HEY-E

YYY-NEJAAD.

MAHMOUD, OF COURSE, IS KNOWN FOR

A NUMBER OF QUESTIONABLE

CHOICES, THREATENING TO WIPE

ISRAEL OFF THE MAP, DENYING THE

HOLOCAUST HAPPENED, AND MOST

OFFENSIVELY, NEVER WEARING A TIE

WITH A SUIT.

EVIDENTLY, THEY DON'T HAVE

FATHER'S DAY OVER THERE.

OF COURSE, MY RIVALRY WITH

MAHMOUD GOES ALL THE WAY BACK TO

2006 WHEN I WAS PROMISED THE

COVER OF "NEWSWEEK" MAGAZINE AND

THE AXIS OF STUBBLE OVER HERE

GOT WIND OF THAT SO HE STARTS

DEVELOPING NUKES JUST TO GET

HIMSELF ON THE COVER AND PUSH ME

UP TO THE GOLDEN CORNER.

POINT-- MAHMOUD.

BUT SEVEN YEARS LATER, MAHMOUD'S

GONE, "NEWSWEEK'S" GONE, AND

LOOK WHO'S STILL HERE.

FOLKS, I'D SAY I WON HISTORY.

OF COURSE, THERE IS ONE THING I

WILL MISS, NEVER KNOWING HOW TO

PRONOUNCE HIS LAST NAME.

AHMA...MAH...-- JIMMY, JUST ROLE

THE TAPE-EJAD.

PRESIDENT-- OH, BOY, LET'S SEE

IF I CAN GET THIS RIGHT.

AH-MA-NINININI-JIHAD.

HELP ME.

HELP ME GET MY MOUTH AROUND THIS

CRAZY NAME.

AHMA-OLLYOLLYOXENFREE-NIJAD.

AH-MA-WEJUSTWONANEMMY-IJAD.

AHMAD-IN-SPACE-NO-ONE-CAN-HEAR-Y

AHMAD-IN-SPACE-NO-ONE-CAN-HEAR-Y

OU-SCREAM-IJAD.

AH-I-HEART-NEW-YORK-EJAD.

ACH-MAAA-WE-COME-FROM-THE-LAND-O

ACH-MAAA-WE-COME-FROM-THE-LAND-O

F-THE-ICE-AND-SNOW-IJAD.

I'M JUST GLAD ROUHANI IS SO MUCH

EASIER TO SAY THAN AHMADINEJAD.

WAIT!

I JUST DID IT!

COME BACK, MAHMOUD!

OH, WELL.

OH, WELL.

IT'S TOO LATE NOW.

NOW THAT THIS ATROCITY IS

HISTORY, I WILL JUST DO WHAT HE

WILL DO,

HAPPENED.

NATION, YOU KNOW I AM A LONGTIME

FAN OF IOWA CONGRESSMAN AND MAN

TRYING TO FORGET WHAT HE BURIED

IN THAT CORNFIELD, STEVE KING,

BECAUSE TIME AND AGAIN,

REPRESENTATIVE KING HAS STOOD UP

TO THE "LET'S NOT ABUSE ANIMALS"

LOBBY.

OVER THE YEARS HES COME OUT IN

FAVOR OF DOG FIGHTING, SPONSORED

A FARM BILL AMENDMENT TO

LEGALIZE ARSENIC IN CHICKEN FEED

AND VOTE AGAINST EVACUATING PETS

FROM DISASTER AREAS.

HEY, DOGS ARE SAFE IN A TORNADO

AS SLONG AS THEY CHASE THEIR

TAILS IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION

OF THE WIND TUNNEL.

IT CAN'T SUCK THEM UP.

THAT'S SCIENCE.

WELL, NOW, REPRESENTATIVE KING

IS FIGHTING BACK AGAINST A

CALIFORNIA LAW THAT PAMPERS OUR

POLL TREE WITH SPACIOUS NEW

DIGS.

>> WHEN IOWA LAWMAKERS WANTS TO

FEDERALIZE AN OVERRIDE OF

CALIFORNIA LAW WRITTEN BY THE

ANIMAL RIGHTS LOBBY THAT

DICTATES HOW AMERICA RAISES

LIVESTOCK.

>> THE HUMANE SOCIETY HELPED

PASS A LAW TRIPLING THE SIZE OF

CAGES FOR EGG-LAYING HENS, NOT

JUST FOR CALIFORNIA BUT ANY

PRODUCER THAT SOLD EGGS IN THE

GOLDEN STATE.

>> IT WAS A MISTAKE FOR

CALIFORNIA TO DO WHAT IT DID.

WE CAN'T IMPOSE THAT MISTAKE ON

THE REST OF AMERICA.

>> Stephen: DAMN STRAIGHT.

THIS IS JUST ANOTHER CASE OF THE

LEFT WING LOONS IN CALIFORNIA

IMPOSING THEIR DEVIANT VALUES ON

THE HEARTLAND.

I BET THOSE CALIFORNIA CHICKENS

DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE MARRIED

BEFORE THEY HAVE AN EGG.

AND WHERE, WHERE ON EARTH ARE

FARMERS IN STEVE KING'S HOME

STATE OF IOWA SUPPOSED TO PUT

THESE LARGER CAGES.

I'M SORRY, BUT IOWA IS ALREADY

FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH EMPTY.

( LAUGHTER )

WELL, FOLKS, JUST-- AND I WANT

YOU TO LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO

LISTEN TO THE DETAILS OF THIS

INSANE LAW.

IT MANDATES THAT CHICKEN CAGES

BE A PALEACEOUS 200 SQUARE

INCHES.

I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT THIS EGG

McMANSION.

THIS IS A CHICKEN XANADU.

IT'S WAY BIGGER THAN THE CAGES

KEEP MY INTERNS IN.

BY THE WAY, BY THE THE WAY, THEY

HAVE YET TO PRODUCE A SINGLE

EGG.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM

IS.

MAYBE I'M NOT FEEDING THEM

ENOUGH ARSENIC.

AND WITH 200 PURE CHICKEN INCHES

OF LUXURY, THESE BIRDS CAN DO

THE UNTHINKABLE-- TURN AROUND.

NOW, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE

SURE THEY'RE PAYING ATTENTION TO

ME WHEN I GIVE THEM THEIR

PRELAYING PEP TALK.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP, LADIES.

TODAY IS THE DAY.

NO ONE PHONE IT IN.

I'M LOOKING FOR JUMBOS.

SO GRIT YOUR BEAKS, PICK A SPOT

ON THE WALL.

I WANT TO YOU BEAR DOWN.

I WANT TO SQUAT OUT AN EGG SO

MASSIVE YOU'RE GOING TO NEED A

GODDAMN EPIDURAL.

REMEMBER, A.B.C.-- ALWAYS BE

CHICKENS.

LET'S DO THIS THING.

COME ON!

HANDS IN FOR PRAYER.

LATER, WE DO TRUST FALLS OVER A

DEEP FAT FRIAR.

BUT, FOLKS, THIS CAGE LAW, THIS

CAGE LAW HERE COULD LEAD TO

SOMETHING EVEN WORSE THAN

UNDISCIPLINED CHICKENS.

>> FARMERS NATIONWIDE FEAR

PRECEDENT.

>> IF ONE STATE CAN TELL THEM

HOW TO RAISE CHICKENS, WHAT'S

NEXT?

FREE-RANGE COWS AND PIGS?

>> Stephen: I MEAN, ANIMALS

ABLE TO MOVE THEIR LIMBS?

WHERE DOES THE MADNESS END?

THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, PRIGZ

REQUIRED TO GLIMPSE THE SKY

BEFORE DEATH.

AND AFTER THAT, IT'S A SHORT

LEAP FOR COWS NOT BEING FED

THEIR GROUND UP PARENTS.

IT'S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE

WILD.

I CAN TELL YOU'RE UPSET, TOO.

STEVE KING AND I KNOW WE

SHOULDN'T BE MAKING THESE CAGES

BIGGER.

IF ANYTHING, WE CAN GO SMALLER.

I MEAN, JUST DO HOWEVER THEY

RAISE THOSE BONELESS CHICKENS.

I MEAN, YOU CAN JUST DEFOOT THEM

AND MAKE THEM LIVE IN A PAPER

TOWEL TUBE.

SEE?

SEE?

WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT'S THAT?

HE'S PERFECTLY HAPPY IN HERE,

AREN'T YOU?

AREN'T YOU, BABY?

ALL RIGHT, AND THEN WHEN YOU

WANT A NICE, FRESH EGG, JUST

SQUEEZE AND THERE YOU GO.

NICE WORK SHIRLEY.

NICE WORK.

NOW IT'S FEEDING TIME.

THERE YOU GO.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, VERY GOOD.

SHE'S HAVING FUN, OKAY.

AND IT'S TOTALLY-- IT'S TOTALLY

HUMANE.

SEE, SHE'S FREE RANGE.

LOOK AT HER GO.

LOOK AT THAT.

LOOK AT THAT.

LOOK AT THAT.

PUT THAT BACK UP THERE.

CONGRESSMAN PASS A LAW MANDATING

MY NEW TUBE CAGES.

WE CAN CALL IT "CHICKEN A LA

KING."

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOLKS.

NATION IF YOU WIEWCH THIS SHO

YOU KNOW I'M ALWAYS LOOKING OUT

FOR AMERICA'S WOMEN.

THEY'RE JUGGLING SO MUCH THESE

DAYS-- FAMILY, WORK, AND SO MANY

DIFFERENT BRANDS OF YOGURT.

I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHICH ONE

MAKES JAMIE LEE CURTIS POOP.

AND WITH ALL THAT PRESSURE, I'M

NOT SURPRISED SO MANY WOMEN HAVE

A DRINKING PROBLEM.

SPECIFICALLY, DRINKING THE WRONG

BRAND OF BOTTLED WATER.

THAT'S ABOUT TO END, FOLKS.

CHECK OUT THIS EXCITING PRODUCT

LAUNCH CHOREOGRAPHED BY THE

FOLKS AT NESTLE.

THAT HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST

MOVING BOTTLED WATER THEME

THEATRICAL PERFORMANCE SINCE THE

16-OUNCE D.A. WON THE TONY FOR

ITS HEARTBREAKING PORTRAYAL OF

WILLIE LOMAN.

AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO RESOURCE

WATER, AN EXCITING NEW

INTERPRETATION OF TWO HYDROGEN

AND ONE OXYGEN ATOMS, AIMED AT

STYLISH HIGHER INCOME WOMEN.

BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE

CAUGHT IN THE HAMPTONS DRINKING

LAST YEAR'S WATER.

AND RESOURCE WATER IS MORE THAN

JUST REFRESHMENT, LADIES.

IT WILL HELP YOU ATTAIN TOTAL

ELECTROENLIGHTENMENT UPON I

WOULD NEVER DRINK RESOURCE WATER

BECAUSE I'M A DUDE.

I ONLY DRINK WATER MEANT FOR

GUYS.

THAT'S CALLED BEER.

BUT AS A BUSINESSMAN, I DO LOVE

ALL THESE INNOVATIONS IN BOTTLED

WARRANT MARKETING.

ANYTHING TO KEEP AMERICANS FROM

DRINKING THE COMMIE WATER

FLOWING OUT OF THEIR COMMUNAL

TAP.

BECAUSE I SAY IT'S A SLIPPERY

SLOPE FROM GROUP DRINKING WATER

TO GROUP SHOWERING.

NOT IN MY LIFE, BUDDY.

NO, RESOURCE WATER IS JUST THE

LATEST MEMBER OF THE NESTLE

FAMILY OF IMPLASTICIZED WATER

ALONG WITH ARROWHEAD, DEER PARK,

ICE MOUNTAIN ACQUA PANNA, ACQUA

PANNA, AND ZEPHYR HILLS.

NAMING ALL THOSE WATERS MADE ME

THIRSTY.

I COULD GO FOR A POLAND SPRINGS.

AND POLAND SPRING.

FOLKS, WITH THESE PRODUCTS

NESTLE IS HOPING TO CORNER THE

DEMOGRAPHIC THAT MARKETERS

CRAVE-- CARBON-BASED LIFE FORMS

AGED ZERO TO ANYTHING.

IT'S ALL PART OF THE VISION OF

NESTLE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD,

PETER BRABECK.

HERE HE IS EXPLAINING WHY OUR

MOST PRICELESS RESOURCE COULD

USE A PRICE TAG.

>> ( translated ): WATER IS,

OF COURSE, THE MOST IMPORTANT

RAW MATERIAL WE HAVE TODAY IN

THE WORLD.

IT'S A QUESTION OF WHETHER WE

SHOULD PRIVATIZE THE NORMAL

WATER SUPPLY FOR THE POPULATION

AND THERE ARE TWO DIFFERENT

OPINIONS ON THE MATTER.

THE ONE OPINION, WHICH I THINK

IS EXTREME, AS A HUMAN BEING,

YOU SHOULD HAVE A RIGHT TO

WATER.

THAT'S AN EXTREME SOLUTION.

PERSONALLY, I BELIEVE IT'S

BETTER TO GIVE A FOODSTUFF A

VALUE SO WE'RE ALL AWARE IT HAS

ITS PRICE.

>> Stephen: THERE IS NO MORE

COMFORTING SPOKESPERSON THAN A

CALCULATING GERMAN SPEAKING MAN

OUTLINING HIS PLAN TO CONTROL

THE WORLD'S WATER SUPPLY.

AND HE'S RIGHT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, A LOT OF

GERMAN FANS HERE TONIGHT.

AND HE'S RIGHT.

WITHOUT PUTTING A PRICE ON IT,

HOW WOULD WE KNOW WE NEED WATER.

DEATH?

SO KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK,

NESTLE.

AT THIS RATE, THERE WON'T BE ANY

BODY OF WATER YOU CAN'T PUT A

PRICE ON, AT LEAST THE ONES THAT

AREN'T ALREADY CHOCK FULL OF

YOUR PLASTIC BOTTLES.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

MY GUEST TONIGHT ISOON ACCLAIMED

TV WRITER AND DIRECTOR WHO HAS

MOVED ON TO SHAKESPEARE.

THEY ALWAYS END UP SELLING OUT

FOR THE BIG BUCKS.

PLEASE WELCOME JOSS WHEDON.

THANKS FOR COMING ON.

>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

>> Stephen: NICE TO MEET YOU.

I'M A BIG FAN OF YOUR WORK.

>> AS AM I-- OF YOURS.

I'M A FAN OF YOUR WORK.

>> Stephen: OH, I'M A FAN OF

MY WORK AS WELL.

WONDERFUL.

NOW, JOSS-- NOT JOSH.

>> TWO Ss.

>> Stephen: WHY DID YOU DROP

THE H.

WHAT KIND OF NAME IS JOSS?

>> WELL, IT'S SORT OF A

BASTARDIZED CHINESE WORD MEANING

LUCK.

IF YOU READ JAMES CLAVELL IT IS.

>> I READ SSHOULD, OGUN BUT

THAT'S JAPANESE.

>> TIPAN.

>> Stephen: I DON'T READ

CHINESE.

WHAT WAS YOUR NAME BEFORE IT WAS

JOSS.

>> IT WAS JOSEPH OR JOE OR JOEY,

WHICH IS WHY I CHANGED.

>> Stephen: OKAY, CAN I CALL

YOU JOEY?

>> NO.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, LET'S

MOVE ON.

YOU KNOW, YOU ARE THE EMMY

WINNING FILM AND TV CREATOR

PRODUCER, DIRECTOR, WRITER,

COMPOSER-- COMPOSURE?

>> YES, OF THIS MOVIE.

>> Stephen: YOUR WORK

INCLUDES BUFF, AND THE AVENGERS.

THE NEW FILM IS "MUCH ADO ABOUT

NOTHING."

WHY, IF YOU'RE THE SUPER BIG

BLOCKBUSTER DIRECTOR OF THE

AVENGERS, BILLION-DOLLAR MOVIE

AT LEAST, RIGHT, AT LEAST.

OKAY?

JUST NOD OR SOMETHING.

>> YES 1.5 IF WE'RE GOING TO BE

TECHNICAL.

>> Stephen: YOU DIDN'T WANT

TO BRAG.

$1.5 BILLION.

THAT WAS $500 MILLION SHY, AND

YOU WERE KIND OF INSULTED.

WHY DO YOU GO SLUMMING WITH THE

SHAKESPEARE NOW?

>> WELL, BECAUSE IT'S SOMETHING

I LOVE VERY MUCH BECAUSE

SHAKESPEARE IS SOMETHING THAT I

AND ALL THE ACTORS IN THE MOVIE,

IT'S WHAT WE GREW UP WITH.

IT'S WHAT WE STUDIED.

>> Stephen: IT'S OLD, THOUGH.

IT'S OLD.

>> Stephen: SO AM I.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT 400

YEARS OLD.

YOU COULD WRITE SOMETHING BETTER

THAN SHAKESPEARE, RIGHT?

>> OH, TOTALLY.

>> Stephen: YOU WROTE THE

AVENGERS, RIGHT?

YOU GOT THAT THOARE, IN THERE,

HE THROWS IN THOSE THUS AND

THOUS.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT SHAKESPEARE YOU

LIKE IS THERE I CAN NEVER

UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY'RE SAYING.

>> HOPEFULLY IF YOU SEE "MUCH

ADO ABOUT NOTHING," YOU WILL

UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY'RE SAYING.

THE STUFF THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT

IS VERY HUMAN, VERY MUCH WHAT

WE'RE GOING THROUGH NOW AS

MODERN PEOPLE.

IT'S ABOUT OUR IDENTITIES AS MEN

AND WOMEN AND IT'S MEATY FOR AN

ACTOR.

>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN

BY IDENTITY.

MEN ARE MEN AND WOMEN ARE WOMEN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY IDENTITY.

>> THERE IS THE CHARACTER OF

BEATRICE AND BENEDICT WHO ARE

THE SORT OF WARRING COUPLE WHO

EVENTUALLY BECOME LOVERS AND

BEATRICE IS VERY CRITICAL OF THE

WAY SOCIETY IS RUN.

>> Stephen: IS IT A "WILL

THEY OR WON'T THEY "KIND OF

THING.

>> IT'S THE ORIGINAL WILL THEY

OR WON'T THEY.

>> Stephen: IT SOUNDS LIKE A

BUFFY ANGEL KIND OF THING?

>> I THINK THAT'S WHAT HE WAS

GOING FOR.

>> Stephen: LET'S TAKE A LOOK

AT THIS FILM HERE, JIMMY.

>> BUT ARE YOU SURE BENEDICT

LOVES BEATRICE ENTIRELY.

SO SAYS THE PRINCE.

I PERSUADED THEM, IF THEY LOVED

BENEDICT TO WISH HIM AFFECTION.

>> WHY DID YOU SO.

DOES NOT THE GENTLEMAN DESERVE

AS FULL AND FORTUNATE A BED AS

BEATRICE.

>> I KNOW HE DESERVES AS MUCH,

BUT NATURE NEVER FRAMED A

WOMAN'S HEART OF PROUDER STUFF

THAN THAT OF BEATRICE.

>> Stephen: I NOTICED

SOMETHING-- A, I NOTICED TWO

THINGS THERE.

ONE IS THAT-- I UNDERSTAND WHAT

THEY WERE SAYING, WHICH WAS

SHOCKING TO ME.

AND, SECOND, THAT'S NOT IN THE

GLOBE THEATER.

WHERE ARE YOU SHOOTING THAT.

>> OH, THAT WAS IN MY HOUSE.

>> Stephen: THE WHOLE THING

IS A TAX DODGE?

WHAT DO-- WHY ARE YOU SHOOTING--

JUDGEY ARE YOU SHOOTING IN YOUR

HOUSE?

>> I DID START A MICROBUDGET

STUDIO WITH MY WIFE TO MAKE

LOWER BUDGET MOVIES SO THEY

COULD DO WHATEVER I WANTED.

>> Stephen: WHAT MICROBUDGET?

>> MICROBUDGET-- THERE'S LOW

BUDGET AND THEN THERE'S MICRO.

IT'S THE LEAST YOU CAN MAKE A

MOVIE FOR, BASICALLY.

NO, I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU A

NUMBER.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, FINE,

NOT $1.5 BILLION.

>> NOT EVEN 1 BILLION.

>> Stephen: WHY WOULD YOU LET

ANYONE SHOOT IN YOUR HOUSE.

YOU KNOW WHAT CREWS CAN DO TO A

HOUSE.

HOW MUCH DUNKIN' DONUTS WAS

GROUND INTO YOUR LIVING ROOM RUG

BY THE TIME THIS WAS OVER?

>> WE COULDN'T AFFORD DUNKIN'.

>> Stephen: AMERICA RUNS ON

DUNKIN'.

SO WHAT KIND OF HOUSE ARE WE

TALKING HERE?

NICE PLACE?

>> YEAH, IT'S LOVELY.

MY WIFE IS AN ARCHITECT.

SHE ACTUALLY DESIGNED IT.

>> Stephen: WHAT HAPPENS IN

AVENGERS 2?

I'M SORRY, I JUST HAVE TO GET TO

THAT.

>> IT SEEMS LIKE A NATURAL

SEGUE.

>> Stephen: I JUST GOTTA ASK,

WHAT HAPPENS IN AVENGERS TWO.

IS STONY STARK IN THAT THAT?

IN "IRON MAN THREE "HE TAKES OUT

THING IN HIS CHEST AND THAT

POWERS THE SUIT.

HOW CAN HE BE IN AVENGERS 2.

>> THEY JUST REPLACED IT.

IT'S ELSEWHERE.

I CAN'T GIVE IT ALL AWAY, BUT

HE'S STILL GOT IT.

>> Stephen: SO HE'S HAS AN

ATOMIC ASS.

WELL, ARE YOU GOING TO DO MORE

OF THIS MICROBUDGET STUFF.

IF YOU HAD YOUR DRUTHERS WHAT

WOULD BE THE NEXT THING YOU

WOULD DO THAT IS NOT THE BIGGEST

BUDGET MOVIE ALL TIME.

>> I'D LIKE TO DO A BALLET.

>> Stephen: HONEST TO PETE.

HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF A SALUTE TO

WOMEN'S WATER BOTTLES.

JOSS, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR

JOINING ME.

JOSS WHEDON.

THE MOVIE IS "MUCH ADO ABOUT

NOTHING."

IT'S A BIG DEAL ABOUT SOMETHING.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR THE

REPORT, EVERYBODY.

GOOD NI