April 1, 2014 - John Malkovich

  • Episode: 10084
  • (0)

Obamacare enrollment hits a major milestone, college athletes seek union rights, and John Malkovich chats about his movie "Cesar Chavez."

>> Stephen: HELLO, EVERYBODY!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOININGUS!

(AUDIENCE CHANTING STEPHEN)THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

WELCOME TO THE REPORT!

THANK YOU FOR JOINING USTONIGHT!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THANK YOU FOR JOINING US IN

HERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THEWORLD!

I WANT TO WELCOME EVERYONEJOINING US, ALL THE PEOPLE HERE.

I DON'T KNOW ALL YOUR NAMESOTHER THAN LAUREN MASTERSON --

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)I'LL TRY.

FOLKS, TONIGHT WE'RE ALL HAPPYAND I WISH I COULD COME TO YOU

WITH GOOD NEWS, BUT THE WORSTIMAGINABLE THING THAT

HAPPENED -- MILLIONS OFAMERICANS ARE GOING TO GET

HEALTHCARE...

(LAUGHTER)JIM?

>> THE WHITE HOUSE ANNOUNCED7,041,000 PEOPLE SIGNED UP FOR

COVERAGE UNDER THE AFFORDABLECARE ACT.

THEY'VE REACHED THEIRANTICIPATED GOAL OF 7 MILLION.

>> THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION ISCLAIMING VICTORY IN ITS LONG,

PAINFUL STRUGGLE TO SIGN UPCONSUMERS FOR HEALTH CARE.

>> 7.1 MILLION AMERICANS HAVENOW SIGNED UP FOR PRIVATE

INSURANCE PLANS THROUGH THESEMARKETPLACES.

7.1.

>> Stephen: 7.1 MILLIONAMERICANS HAVE

SIGNED UP FOR OBAMA CARE.

NOW WHEN I GO TO MY DOCTOR'SOFFICE, THERE WILL BE

7.1 MILLION PEOPLE IN THEWAITING ROOM AHEAD OF ME.

(LAUGHTER)AND I'M SORRY, FOLKS --

AND THE HIGHLIGHTS MAZE STOPSBEING CHALLENGING AFTER YOU'VE

DONE IT THE FIRST TEN TIMES!

FOLKS, THEY WERE NEVER SUPPOSEDTO MAKE IT TO 7 MILLION.

>> 2 MILLION PEOPLE TO SIGN UPAND TEN DAYS TO GO.

>> THE LIKELIHOOD OF THEMGETTING TO THAT PLACE IS HIGHLY

UNLIKELY.

>> WE CALL IT "MISSIONIMPOSSIBLE."

>> THEY'LL PROBABLY BE A LITTLEUNDER 4.5 MILLION.

>> THERE'S NO WAY THEY'RE GOINGTO GET ANYWHERE CLOSE.

IT JUST AIN'T GOING TO HAPPEN.

>> Stephen: I JUST DON'T SEEHOW COULD KARL ROVE AND HIS LIFE

PARTNER BOARDY BE WRONG?

(LAUGHTER)AFTER ALL, THEY'RE THE

MATHEMATICAL WIZARDS THAT CALLEDOHIO FOR ROMNEY!

IT WAS ONLY LOGICAL.

IF NO ONE "HAD" SIGNED UP, NOONE "WOULD" SIGN UP.

BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS PASTPERFORMANCE ALWAYS INDICATES

FUTURE RESULTS.

THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS PLAYYESTERDAY'S WINNING LOTTO

NUMBERS.

(LAUGHTER)AND MAY I POINT OUT, I'VE NEVER

LOST -- YESTERDAY'S LOTTO.

BUT NOW THIS LAST MINUTE SIGNUPSURGE HAS COMPLETELY RAINED ON

OUR PARADE.

SERIOUSLY, WE HAD TO CANCEL THEPARADE.

AND I HAD TO SCRAP MY PLANS FOR"STEPHEN COLBERT'S ROCKIN'

EROLLMENT FAILURE EVE," WHEREME, RYAN SEACREST AND T.I. WERE

GOING TO COUNT DOWN ON A GIANTCLOCK UNTIL THEY DROPPED AN

UNINSURED PERSON IN TIMESSQUARE.

(LAUGHTER)THEN WE DON'T TAKE HIM TO THE

HOSPITAL 'CAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVEINSURANCE.

APPARENTLY, THIS LAST-MINUTEHEALTH-SCRAMBLE WAS ALL THANKS

TO YOUNG ADULTS SIGNING UP ATHIGHER RATES.

NO ONE COULD HAVE FORESEEN THATCOLLEGE KIDS WOULD PUT SOMETHING

OFF UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE!

(LAUGHTER)BUT FOLKS, MAYBE THERE'S A

SILVER LINING HERE.

YES, THE ADMINISTRATION HITTHEIR GOAL OF 7 MILLION.

BUT IS THERE ANY WAY TO SAY THEYDIDN'T?

>> THERE'S STILL A LOT OF KEYQUESTIONS UNANSWERED ABOUT

HEALTH CARE, INCLUDING WHOSIGNED UP FOR IT.

YOUNGER HEALTHY PEOPLE WHO WILLPAY FOR OLDER SICKER PEOPLE?

AND DID EVERYONE WHO ENROLLEDPAY FOR COVERAGE?

>> HOW MANY DIDN'T HAVEINSURANCE BEFORE?

>> HOW MANY ARE YOUNG?

>> HOW MANY OF THEM HAVE PAID?

>> Stephen: YEAH, HOW MANY AREYOUNG?

HOW MANY HAVE PAID?

WHAT IF THEIR CHECK DOESN'TCLEAR?

WHAT ARE NUMBERS BUT ARTIFICIALCONSTRUCTS?

AND DID YOU KNOW THESE AREARABIC NUMERALS?!

I MEAN, THE "3" IS JUST TWOISLAMIC CRESCENT MOONS STACKED

ON TOP OF EACH OTHER!

THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON!

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SPOOKY STUFF!

AND SPEAKING OF TERRORISTS --BARACK OBAMA!

THIS MAN STOOD IN THE PEOPLE'SROSE GARDEN TODAY AND MADE

OUTRAGEOUS ACCUSATIONS ABOUTREPUBLICANS.

>> THE AFFORDABLE CARE ACT ISHERE TO STAY.

AND THOSE WHO HAVE BASED THEIRENTIRE POLITICAL AGENDA ON

REPEALING IT, THEY HAVE TOEXPLAIN

TO THE COUNTRY, WHY JEANIESHOULD GO BACK TO BEING

UNINSURED?

I GOT TO ADMIT, I DON'T GET IT.

WHY ARE FOLKS WORKING SO HARDFOR PEOPLE NOT TO HAVE HEALTH

INSURANCE?

>> Stephen: WHAT?

WHAT?

THAT'S DIRTY POLITICS!

IF VOTERS BELIEVE THE G.O.P.

WANTS TO TAKE AWAY PEOPLE'SHEALTH INSURANCE, THEN

REPUBLICANS WON'T BE ABLE TOTAKE OVER THE SENATE IN

NOVEMBER.

AND THEN HOW WILL THEY TAKE AWAYPEOPLE'S HEALTH INSURANCE?

SO, TO WIN THE MID-TERMS ISGOING TO REQUIRE SOME STRAIGHT

TALK.

WE CONSERVATIVES MUST LOOK THEAMERICAN PEOPLE IN THE EYE AND

SAY...

APRIL FOOL'S!

(LAUGHTER)GOTCHA!

GOTCHA!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: COME ON!

FIGHTING OBAMA CARE WAS AFOUR-YEAR PRANK!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BOUGHT IT.

WHY WOULD WE BE THE ONLY WESTERNINDUSTRIALIZED NATION WITHOUT

ACCESS TO AFFORDABLE HEALTHCARE?

(SLIDE WHISTLE)(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: THIS IS PRICELESS!

OH, YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACE!...

SERIOUSLY, YOU GOT A GROWTHTHERE. I'D HAVE A DOCTOR CHECKTHAT OUT.

NATION, MARCH MADNESS HAS NEARLYCOME TO A CLOSE, WHICH MEANS

WE'LL SOON LEARN WHICH FINALFOUR TEAM HAS WON THE CHAMPIONS'

RIGHT TO SET FIRE TO EVERY CARON CAMPUS.

(LAUGHTER)BUT ENJOY THE ACTION WHILE YOU

CAN, BECAUSE SOON, COLLEGESPORTS AS WE KNOW IT WILL BE

OVER.

>> IT'S JUST A FIRST STEP, BUTTHERE WAS A REMARKABLE RULING

TODAY THAT COULD REVOLUTIONIZECOLLEGE SPORTS.

A REGIONAL DIRECTOR OF THENATIONAL LABOR RELATIONS BOARD

RULED THAT FOOTBALL PLAYERS WHORECEIVE FULL SCHOLARSHIPS

QUALIFY AS EMPLOYEES AND MAYLEGALLY UNIONIZE.

>> Stephen: UNIONIZE?!

PLAYERS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO WANTMONEY.

THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN IT FORTHE LOVE OF SELLING SPONSORSHIP

TO TOSTITOS.

(LAUGHTER)AND THEY MADE THIS DECISION FOR

THE WORST POSSIBLE REASON.

>> THE NATIONAL LABOR RELATIONSBOARD IN CHICAGO HAD ITS

REGIONAL DIRECTOR BASE THEDECISION ON THE CONTROL THE

COACHES HAVE OVER THE LIVES OFSCHOLARSHIP ATHLETES TO FIND

THAT PLAYERS SPEND 50 TO 60HOURS PER WEEK ENGAGING IN

FOOTBALL-RELATED ACTIVITIES.

THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OFCONTROL AN EMPLOYER HAS OVER AN

EMPLOYEE.

>> Stephen: OH, RIDICULOUS!

NORTHWESTERN PLAYERS AREN'TEMPLOYEES OF THE UNIVERSITY --

THEY DON'T GET "PAID."

TECHNICALLY, THEY'RE "SLAVES" OFTHE UNIVERSITY.

(LAUGHTER)THE FIVE'S ERIC BOLLING KNOWS

THE NIGHTMARE WE'LL BE STUCKWITH AFTER UNIONS TAKE HOLD.

>> CAN YOU IMAGINE, JUST TAKETHIS ONE STEP FURTHER.

A FOOTBALL TEAM IN THE MIDDLE OFSUMMER DOING DOUBLES WHEN IT'S

HOT?

A PLAYER GOES, YOU KNOW WHAT?

THIS IS AGAINST MY LABOR BOARDRELATIONS.

HERE IT IS.

RIGHT HERE.

I HAVE THIS DOCUMENT THAT SAYS ICAN'T RUN IN 100-DEGREE HEAT.

>> Stephen: YEAH, UNIONS WILLTURN OUR PLAYERS INTO WIMPS.

YOU GOTTA BE TOUGH!

YOU DON'T HEAR THE MASCOTCOMPLAINING ABOUT THE HEAT,

MOSTLY BECAUSE HE PASSED OUTHOURS AGO INSIDE HIS PUMA SUIT.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

BUT THE N.C.-DOUBLE-ALLIGATORSBEHIND THIS CAMPAIGN LIKE FORMER

NORTHWESTERN QUARTERBACK KAINCOLTER REFUSE TO BACK DOWN.

>> STUDENT ATHLETES DON'T HAVE AVOICE.

THEY DON'T HAVE A SEAT AT THETABLE.

THE CURRENT MODEL RESEMBLES ADICTATORSHIP.

>> Stephen: DICTATORSHIP?

THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS.

HOW IS GATHERING IN A STADIUM TOCHANT IN UNISON AS UNIFORMED MEN

MOVE IN FORMATION LIKE ADICTATORSHIP?

(APPLAUSE)(LAUGHTER)

AND YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT THESECLEAT-BOOTED THUGS ARE

DEMANDING.

>> COLTER SAYS ATHLETES AREMISSING OUT ON FULLY-FUNDED

ATHLETIC SCHOLARSHIPS, DUEPROCESS FOR ALLEGED NCAA

VIOLATIONS, AND GUARANTEEDCOVERAGE FOR MEDICAL EXPENSES

FOR CURRENT AND FORMER PLAYERS.

>> YOU KNOW, THESE ARE OUR LIVESAND WE WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT

WE'RE PROTECTED.

>> Stephen: YOU AREPROTECTED...

THAT'S WHAT THE CUP IS FOR.

(LAUGHTER)AND MEDICAL COVERAGE IS A BURDEN

THESE SCHOOLS CAN'T AFFORD.

YES, COLLEGE ATHLETES HELPGENERATE MORE THAN $16 BILLION

IN TELEVISION CONTRACTS.

BUT HAVE YOU BEEN TO A COLLEGECAFETERIA?

THERE'S UNLIMITED CEREAL!

YOU CAN KISS THAT GOODBYE NOW.

NOW I HEAR THAT NORTHWESTERNGRADUATES SOME QUALITY PEOPLE

WITH EXCELLENT EDUCATIONS.

BUT THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

HOW CAN YOU EXPECT TO KEEPATHLETES IN LINE WHEN YOU'RE

OFFERING CLASSES LIKE ECON 339 - LABOR ECONOMICS?

TIME TO REPLACE THAT WITHSOMETHING MORE APPROPRIATE TO

FOOTBALL, LIKE BIO-104, INTRO TOSKULL TRAUMA.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

WHAT ARE THESE PLAYER UNIONPEOPLE THINKING?

WHEN WE RETURN, WE'LL FIND OUTFROM THE HEAD OF THE COLLEGE

ATHLETES PLAYERS ASSOCIATION,RAMOGI HUMA.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY!

FOLKS, IF YOU'RE JUST JOININGOUR PROGRAM ALREADY IN PROGRESS,

BEFORE THE HALFTIME BREAK, I WASTAKING IT HOT AND HARD TO THE

NATIONAL LABOR RELATIONS BOARDFOR ALLOWING NORTHWESTERN

UNIVERSITY FOOTBALL PLAYERS TOFORM A UNION.

IF ONE OF THOSE THUGS WERE HERE,I WOULD GIVE HIM A PIECE OF MY

MIND.

HERE TO RECEIVE MY MINDPIECE, PLEASE WELCOME FORMER

LINEBACKER FOR UCLA AND HEAD OFTHE COLLEGE ATHLETES PLAYERS

ASSOCIATION, RAMOGI HUMA!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING

HERE!

>> YOU READY FOR MY BLITZ?

YOU READY!

YOU READY!

YOU IN MY HOUSE!

YOU IN MY HOUSE!

FIRST OF ALL, I DO THAT TO ALLMY GUESTS.

WE USUALLY JUST EDIT IT OUT.

I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR PUSHINGFOR THIS UNION THING.

NOW WHEN FOOTBALL GOES AWAYFOREVER, I CAN BLAME UNIONS

INSTEAD OF CONCUSSION.

RIGHT?

(LAUGHTER)SO WHY DO YOU FOLKS WANT COLLEGE

PLAYERS TO GET PAID A SALARY?

>> OUR POSITION IS THAT COLLEGEATHRETES ARE ALREADY PAID.

>> Stephen: WHY DO YOU WANTMORE, THEN?

>> WELL, THERE ARE THINGS THATAREN'T PROVIDED.

FOR INSTANCE, IF A COLLEGEATHLETE GETS INJURED, THEY'RE

NOT GUARANTEED MEDICAL EXPENSES.

>> Stephen: WALK IT OUT, TOUGHIT OUT.

FIND THE EXTRA GEAR. DO THESEWORDS MEAN NOTHING?

>> IF THEY GO OUT AND GET HURT,THEY GET STUCK WITH MEDICAL

EXPENSES AND FORMER PLAYERSDON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SUPPORT

THEM AS WELL.

THEY GENERATE MULTI-BILLIONDOLLARS, AND THE NCAA FACE THE

SAME RISK AS THE PRO GUYS.

THEY FOUND CTE WHICH IS ACONDITION THEY FOUND IN OTHER

PLAYERS.

>> Stephen: WHAT DOES BRAINDAMAGE HAVE TO DO WITH

UNIONIZING?

IF THERE WAS MORE BRAIN DAMAGE,THE PLAYERS WOULDN'T THINK TO

UNIONIZE(LAUGHTER)

>> THE NFL PLAYERS HAVE A UNIONAND ARE ABLE TO NEGOTIATE

THROUGH COLLECTIVE BARGAINING.

A COLLEGE ATHLETE COMMITTEDSUICIDE, THEY FOUND BRAIN

TRAUMA, AND AT THIS POINT WE SEETHE MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR

INDUSTRY TO GET COMPREHENSIVEPROTECTION, WE FORM A UNION.

>> Stephen: NO ONE IS FORCINGTHE PLAYERS TO PLAY.

THEY JUST SAY, HEY, I DON'T WANTTO BE IN THIS SITUATION.

WHY DON'T I, SAY, BE A THEATERMAJOR?

(LAUGHTER)>> WELL, THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD

POINT, BUT IN AMERICA, YOU KNOW,EMPLOYEES, NO ONE IS FORCED TO

GO TO THEIR JOB, BUT IT DOESN'TMEAN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE A VOICE

IN YOUR WORKPLACE FORPROTECTION.

>> Stephen: WHAT -- IF PLAYERSUNIONIZE --

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU.

(LAUGHTER)BUT IF PLAYERS, YOU KNOW,

UNIONIZE, WE'VE SEEN WHAT UNIONSHAVE DONE TO EMPLOYMENT IN THE

UNITED STATES, ALREADY.

ARE YOU READY FOR THE OHIO STATEUNIVERSITY'S FRONT LINE TO BE

OUTSOURCED?

YOU READY FOR THAT?

YOU GO TO THE GAME, YOU HEARON THE LOUD SPEAKER, HELLO, MY

NAME IS KEVIN(IN A MIDDLE EASTERN ACCENT)

>> Stephen: WON'T UNIVERSITIESJUST NO LONGER GIVE FULL

SCHOLARSHIPS TO GET AROUND THERULING THE SAME WAY EMPLOYERS

DON'T HAVE FULL-TIME EMPLOYEESTO GET AROUND THE ObamaCare

REQUIREMENT?

>> THAT'S NOT REALLY IN THEBOOK.

THIS IS A VERY LUCRATIVE,MULTI-BILLION-DOLLAR INDUSTRY,

SO THERE IS ACTUALLY ANINCENTIVE TO DRAW RECRUITS IN

AND THE WAY YOU DRAW THEM IN ISOFFER THEM A SCHOLARSHIP OR

MONEY IN EXCHANGE FOR SERVICES.

>> Stephen: BUT IT'S NOT INEXCHANGE FOR SERVICES.

THEY'RE STUDENT ATHLETES.

THAT'S THE TERM YOU SEEM TO BEMISSING OUT ON.

STUDENT ATHLETES, NOT EMPLOYEES.

STUDENT ATHLETES.

WHAT PART OF STUDENT ATHLETEDON'T YOU GET?

(LAUGHTER)>> THEY'RE STUDENTS --

>> Stephen: YES.

THEY'RE ATHLETES.

>> Stephen: I ACCEPT YOURAPOLOGY, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

RAMOGI HUMA FROM THE COLLEGEATHLETES PLAYERS ASSOCIATION!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK!

MY GUEST TONIGHT HAS A NEW FILMABOUT CESAR CHAVEZ.

WHAT CRAZY THING WILL HOLLYWOODTHINK OF NEXT?

PLEASE WELCOME JOHN MALKOVICH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)ALL RIGHT, SIR.

YOU'RE A HOLLYWOOD ROYALTY --OSCAR NOMINEE, EMMY WINNER --

YOU'RE CLEARLY A LIBERAL, RIGHT?

YOU'RE A LIBERAL, RIGHT?

>> YES.

>> Stephen: GOATEE GIVES YOU AWAY.

>> IT'S MERELY A SOUL PATCH.

>> Stephen: IT KIND OF IS ANDJUXTAPOSES NICELY WITH THE SUIT

MADE OF SKY YOU BROUGHT WITH YOUTODAY.

I HAVE TO SAY THE FRIENDLINESSOF THE SUIT MAKES THIS PART MUCH

SCARIER, ALL RIGHT?

(LAUGHTER)OKAY.

WHY ARE YOU PLAYING THE HERO INTHE MOVIE ABOUT LABOR ORGANIZER

CAESAR CHAVEZ?

>> THE HERO?

>> Stephen: YEAH, BECAUSEYOU'RE THE RANCH OWNER, YOU'RE

THE JOB CREATOR, YOU'RE THEFRIEND OF RICHARD NIXON.

YOU'RE THE HERO OF THE MOVIETRYING TO STOP THE LABOR

ORGANIZERS FROM SUCCEEDING.

WHY PLAY HERO FOR ONCE?

YOU'RE USUALLY THE BAD GUY.

>> YEAH, I MEAN, IT HAPPENS,YEAH.

>> Stephen: YEAH.

IT'S DIFFICULT FOR ME TOTHINK OF SOMEONE WHO CAN

CALL RICHARD NIXON ON THEPHONE AS A HERO.

>> Stephen: I AGREE -- ALITTLE BIT.

>> BUT I'M NOT SURE I WOULDCLASSIFY AS HEROIC SOMEONE WHO

SIMPLY DOESN'T WANT TO PAYANYBODY A LIVING WAGE.

>> Stephen: OKAY, YEAH.

BUT WHAT THE MARKET WILL BEAR,OKAY...

THE INVISIBLE HAND OF THE MARKETSAYS YOU PAY PEOPLE AS LITTLE AS

YOU POSSIBLY CAN SO YOU CAN MAKEMORE MONEY AND PAY THEM.

OKAY?

(APPLAUSE)MAYBE WE SHOULD EXPLAIN TO THE

PEOPLE THE STORY.

I KNOW THE STORY OF CAESARCHAVEZ BECAUSE I WORKED WITH

THESE LOONS OVER IN THE UNITEDFARM WORKERS ABOUT FOUR YEARS

AGO.

TELL THE PEOPLE WHAT CHAVEZTRIED TO DO TO THE GOOD GRAPE

GROWERS OF CALIFORNIA.

>> WELL, HE TRIED TO ORGANIZETHE UNION, TO PAY PEOPLE AT

LEAST SOMETHING APPROACHING ADOESN'T DAY'S PAY FOR A DECENT

DAY'S WORK --?

MM-HMM.

WHO GETS TO SAY WHAT THAT IS?

CAESAR CHAVEZ.

>> SURE.

AND THINGS LIKE MAYBE GIVE THEMA PLACE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

>> Stephen: IT'S A FIELD, FORGOD'S SAKE

(LAUGHTER)IT'S A FIELD.

>> OKAY.

>> Stephen: WE HAVE A LITTLECLIP HERE.

JIMMY, ROLL THE CLIP.

>> WHO THE HELL IS THIS CASARCHAVEZ?

>> NOBODY KNOWS.

SOMEBODY SAY HE'S FROM ARIZONA.

WORD IS HE USED TO HANG AROUNDTHE OTHER COUNTIES FROM C.S.O.

IN THE VALLEY STIRRING UPTROUBLE.

I HEARD HE'S MEXICAN.

SEEMS A SAFE BET.

>> Stephen: NOW, CHAVEZ HAD AMOTTO --

(SPANISH)-- IT MEANS "YES, WE CAN."

OBAMA STOLE THAT FROM HIM ANDDIDN'T PAY HIM ANY ROYALTIES, AS

FAR AS I COULD TELL.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

A, ISN'T THAT UNION BUSTING INAND OF ITSELF?

AND, B, WHAT DO YOU THINKOBAMA'S GOALS AND CHAVEZ'S

GOALS, OR THESE EARLY UNIONGOALS, WHAT DO THEY HAVE IN

COMMON?

>> WELL, FIRST, I WOULD SAY THATOBAMA MAYBE COULD HAVE USED A

DIFFERENT PHRASE, SUCH AS "IFYOU LIKE YOUR LETTUCE, YOU CAN

KEEP YOUR LETTUCE."

GRANTED, I MEAN, PROBABLY HESHOULD HAVE PAID FOR IT.

BUT I'M NOT SURE THAT IT'S AQUESTIONABLE -- LET ME PUT IT TO

YOU THIS WAY -- IF THE WORLDWERE DIFFERENT, AND IF EVERYBODY

HERE'S POSITION WAS REVERSED,AND WE HAD TO CROSS A MEXICAN

BORDER TO FIND WORK, DON'T YOUTHINK IT'S JUST A QUESTION OF

SIMPLE FAIRNESS THAT, IF YOUWORK LIKE THEY DO -- LIKE DOGS

IN THE BLAZING SUN ALL THETIME -- THAT YOU MAKE ENOUGH TO

EAT AND CLOTHE A FAMILY ANDEDUCATE A FAMILY?

(APPLAUSE)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, IF YOUWANT YOUR LETTUCE, YOU CAN KEEP

YOUR LETTUCE -- CHAVEZ -- THEREWASN'T ENOUGH FOR THEM TO JUST

GET A LIVING WAGE.

THEY HAD TO DENY US OUR LETTUCE.

BECAUSE IN THE '70s -->> BUT ONLY --

>> Stephen: NO, THERE WAS ALETTUCE SHORTAGE.

WILL YOU ADMIT THERE WAS ALETTUCE SHORTAGE IN THE 1970s?

WILL YOU ADMIT IT, YES OR NO,SENATOR?

>> I WILL ONLY SAY THIS, THEYDIDN'T BOYCOTT BIB OR ICEBERG

LETTUCE.

WHY SHOULD WE CARE?

IT WAS ONLY THINGS LIKE ARUGULA(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: YOU'RE RIGHT.

I APOLOGIZE.

I'M SORRY.

I APOLOGIZE.

(LAUGHTER)THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL SUIT.

DID YOU DESIGN THAT?

>> I DID.

>> Stephen: YOU HAVE YOUR OWNCLOTHING LINE.

>> I DO.

>> Stephen: WHAT'S IT CALLED?

TECHNO-BOHEMIAN.

>> Stephen: CAN I SMELL LIKEMALKOVICH, IF I WANT?

>> I DON'T THINK YOU'D WANT.

>> Stephen: NO?

A LITTLE MALKOVICH?

>> NO, I DON'T HAVE A FRAGRANCE?

>> Stephen: YOU DON'T?

WOULD BIT OKAY IF I SMELLED YOU?

>> SURE.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: LIKE A BABY'SBOTTOM.

JOHN MALKOVICH!

THE MOVIE IS CESAR CHAVEZ, INTHEATERS NOW!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR THE

REPORT, EVERYBODY!

GOOD NIGHT!

Loading...