September 30, 2014 - Jeffrey Tambor

  • Episode: 11002 | 
  • Views: 28,833

A Muslim NFL player gets punished for praying, Bobby Jindal rethinks his pro-knowledge agenda, Hans Beinholtz accentuates the negative, and Jeffrey Tambor talks "Transparent." 

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: YEAH! WHOO!

WHOO!

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU, NATION!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WELCOME TO "THE REPORT"! THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING US

HERE ON THIS BEAUTIFUL, CRISP

FALL TUESDAY NIGHT HERE INNEW YORK CITY.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I AMSAMSON AND YOUR CHEERING IS MY

LONG HAIR!

THANKS FOR BEING HERE!

NATION, I AM A HUGE FAN OF THEGAME OF FOOTED-BALL.

EVERY SUNDAY, I INVITE MY BROSOVER, GRILL UP SOME BRATS, CRACK

A COUPLE OF COLD ONES, FORGET TOTAKE THE BRATS OFF THE GRILL,

BURN DOWN MY HOUSE, APOLOGIZE TOMY BROS, AND HOLD A VIGIL FOR

LENNY.

(LAUGHTER)SO NATURALLY, I'M ALL OVER THE

HUGE CONTROVERSY SURROUNDINGLAST NIGHT'S GAME BETWEEN THE --

OH, SHOOT -- I CAN NEVERREMEMBER THE TEAMS' NAMES.

LET'S SAY THE NEW ENGLAND...

BIG GUYS VERSUS THE KANSASCITY -- UH -- CHIEFS.

OH, THE NAME OF THE TEAM ISACTUALLY THE CHIEFS?

GOOD TO KNOW.

THANKS...

UH, BUDDY.

JIM?

>> N.F.L. REFEREES CALLING A15-YARD UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT

PENALTY ON CHIEFS SAFETY HUSAINABDULLAH FOR DROPPING TO HIS

KNEES IN PRAYER AFTER SCORING ATOUCHDOWN ON MONDAY NIGHT

FOOTBALL.

ABDULLAH'S A DEVOUT MUSLIM.

HE WAS PRACTICING THE SAJDA, ARELIGIOUS PRAYER.

>> STEPHEN: A MUSLIM PRAYER INTHE END ZONE.

AND EVEN MORE SHOCKING -- I WASALLOWED TO PLAY FOOTAGE WITHOUT

THE EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT OFTHE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.

SOMETHING'S VERY, VERY WRONG!

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WEREMUSLIM FOOTBALL PLAYERS.

HOW CAN THEY PLAY IF THEY'RE NOTALLOWED TO TOUCH PIGSKIN?

(LAUGHTER)WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?

WE'LL HAVE TO SWITCH TO HALALBALLS.

(LAUGHTER)BUT THERE'S AN EVEN BIGGER

SCANDAL THAN A MUSLIM BEINGPENALIZED FOR HIS RELIGIOUS

BELIEFS -- THE N.F.L. SAID THEYSHOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT.

(LAUGHTER)THEY RELEASED A STATEMENT THIS

MORNING SAYING THAT THE REFEREE"IS NOT TO FLAG A PLAYER WHO

GOES TO THE GROUND AS PART OF ARELIGIOUS EXPRESSION AND, AS A

RESULT, THERE SHOULD HAVE BEENNO PENALTY ON THE PLAY."

NO PENALTY ON THE PLAY?

HOW ABOUT HOLDING...

THE WRONG RELIGIOUS BELIEFS?

(LAUGHTER)OKAY?

WE ALL KNOW FOOTBALL IS ACHRISTIAN SPORT.

THAT'S WHY WE HAVE PLAYS LIKE"THE HAIL MARY" AND "THE LATERAL

JUDAS."

AND, IN FOOTBALL, WE THANK ONLYJESUS.

TIM TEBOW WAS SO GOOD AT IT, WESTARTED CALLING PRAYING

"TEBOWING."

THOUGH THESE DAYS, "TEBOWING"MEANS BAGGING GROCERY AT A

SAFEWAY.(LAUGHTER)

LET ME EXPLAIN THE NATION'S GAMETO YOU. FOOTBALL WORKS LIKE THIS

PLAYERS THANK JESUS AFTER EVERYTOUCHDOWN.

THEN WHOEVER WINS IS THE TEAMJESUS LOVED MORE.

(LAUGHTER)BY THE WAY, JACKSONVILLE

JAGUARS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUDID TO ANGER GOD, BUT

IT'S TIME TO APOLOGIZE.

(LAUGHTER)BUT NOW WITH MUSLIMS IN THE END

ZONE, ALL THAT'S CHANGED.

DON'T GET ME WRONG -- I'M ALLFOR PITTING CHRISTIANITY AGAINST

ISLAM TO FIND OUT WHO HAS THEBEST GOD.

(LAUGHTER)MY MONEY'S ON THE J-MAN.

WHENEVER HIS ELECTROLYTES ARELOW, HE CAN TURN WATER INTO

GATORADE.

(LAUGHTER)BUT WHERE DOES IT END?

HOW MANY OTHER RELIGIOUSCELEBRATIONS WILL WE BE FORCED

TO WATCH IN THE END ZONE?

DRUID PLAYERS PLANTING A TREE?

BUDDHIST PLAYERS RELEASING A BOXTURTLE?

SCIENTOLOGISTS GIVING THE OTHERTEAM A STRESS TEST?

BOTTOM LINE, THIS WILL--

(APPLAUSE)BOTTOM LINE, THIS WILL

COMPLETELY RUIN THE GAME OFFOOTBALL.

AND THAT JOB IS ALREADY FILLEDBY ROGER GOODELL.

(LAUGHTER)NATION, THE 2016 PRESIDENTIAL

ELECTION IS JUST AROUND THECORNER, WHERE IT IS WAITING TO

HIT AMERICA WITH A BOARD THATHAS NAILS STICKING OUT OF IT.

REPUBLICANS ARE ALREADY WARMINGUP FOR THE BIG FIGHT.

LAST WEEKEND THEY GATHERED FORTHE 9TH ANNUAL "VALUES VOTER

SUMMIT."

A FOUR-DAY ORGY OF PEOPLEFUNDAMENTALLY OPPOSED TO ORGIES.

(LAUGHTER)THERE WERE SO MANY GREAT

SPEAKERS, AND ALSO SARAH PALIN,WHO URGED THE AUDIENCE TO NEVER

BACK DOWN.

>> THEY SCREAM RACISM JUST TOEND DEBATE.

WELL, DON'T RETREAT.

YOU RELOAD WITH TRUTH, WHICH IKNOW IS AN ENDANGERED SPECIES

AT, UH, 1400 PENNSYLVANIAAVENUE, ANYWAY.

TRUTH.

(LAUGHTER)>> STEPHEN: YES, TRUTH IS IN

SHORT SUPPLY AT 1400PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE.

(LAUGHTER)EVERYONE THERE KEEPS INSISTING

IT'S A PLAZA IN FRONT OF THEWILLARD HOTEL.

(LAUGHTER)BUT YOU WON'T HEAR ANY OF THAT

FROM THE LIBERAL NBC NEWS OVERAT 20 ROCK.

(LAUGHTER)OF COURSE, THE VALUES VOTER

SUMMIT HOLDS THE FIRST BIG STRAWPOLL OF EVERY PRESIDENTIAL

ELECTION.

THIS YEAR'S WINNER WAS TED CRUZWHO SURGED TO 25% OF THE VOTE UP

FROM 42% IN 2013.

(LAUGHTER)TED CRUZ, TO KNOW HIM IS TO

"EH."

(LAUGHTER)BUT WHEN IT COMES TO 2016, I'M

JINDAL ALL THE WAY.

GOVERNOR BOBBY JINDAL FINISHED ASTRONG FOURTH IN THE STRAW POLL

AND I'M NOT SURPRISED.

BOBBY JINDAL'S A TWO-TERMGOVERNOR OF LOUISIANA, A

CHAMPION OF SMALL BUSINESS, ANDSTARTING THIS YEAR, HE'S ALLOWED

TO STAY OUT PAST 11:00.

UNFORTUNATELY, HE'S GOT A FEWSKELETONS IN HIS CLOSET.

HE'S A RHODES SCHOLAR WITH AMASTERS IN POLITICAL SCIENCE

FROM OXFORD, AND HE RAN THEUNIVERSITY OF LOUISIANA SYSTEM.

HE'S AN ACADEMIC, OR AS ONESENIOR CAMPAIGN STRATEGIST

DESCRIBED HIM...

(YELLING INCOHERENTLY)YEAH, THAT'S GOING TO HAUNT HIM!

(APPLAUSE)AND LAST YEAR JINDAL LECTURED

THE BASE ABOUT THE G.O.P.'SELECTORAL PROBLEMS.

>> WE HAVE GOT TO STOP INSULTINGTHE INTELLIGENCE OF VOTERS.

WE NEED TO TRUST THE SMARTS OFTHE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

WE'VE GOT TO STOP BEING THESTUPID PARTY

>> STEPHEN: WELL, I SAY, IFBEING SO STUPID YOU CAN'T

COMPLETE A METAPHOR IS WRONG,THEN MAKE LEMONADE!

(LAUGHTER)AND JINDAL'S PRO-KNOWLEDGE

AGENDA HAS HURT HIS POPULARITY.

IN RECENT CNN, ORC, WNBA POLL OFNEW HAMPSHIRE REPUBLICANS,

JINDAL GOT ONLY 3% OFRESPONDENTS, TIED WITH RICK

SANTORUM, AND FALLING JUST SHORTOF "NO ONE" AT 4%, WHICH I SAY

HE CAN USE TO HIS ADVANTAGE.

JINDAL 2016: NO ONE IS MOREPOPULAR!

(LAUGHTER)THIS MAN'S GOING ALL THE WAY.

BUT RECENTLY, JINDAL SET OUT TOCONVINCE PEOPLE HE'S A DOWN-HOME

GUY WHO'S LEARNED TO STOPLEARNING.

>> DO YOU PERSONALLY BELIEVE THETHEORY OF EVOLUTION EXPLAINS THE

PRESENCE OF COMPLEX LIFE ONEARTH?

>> LOOK, THE REALITY IS I WASNOT AN EVOLUTIONARY BIOLOGIST.

>> STEPHEN: YES, THE REALITYIS HE WAS NOT AN EVOLUTIONARY

BIOLOGIST.

HE JUST GRADUATED FROM BROWNUNIVERSITY WITH AN HONORS DEGREE

IN BIOLOGY.

(LAUGHTER)BUT COME ON!

NOBODY USES THEIR COLLEGE DEGREEIN REAL LIFE.

I WENT TO DARTMOUTH BUT I DON'TUSE MY DEGREE IN -- "DIPLOMA

WITHHELD DUE TO OUTSTANDINGLIBRARY BOOK."

I CAN'T GET A JOB WITH THAT.TRUE STORY, BY THE WAY.

AND JINDAL KNOWS WHAT IT'S LIKETO BE HANDICAPPED BY KNOWLEDGE,

SO HE WANTS TO MAKE SURE OTHERSDON'T HAVE TO SUFFER THE SAME

FATE.

>> I WANT MY KIDS TO BE TAUGHTABOUT EVOLUTION IN THEIR SCHOOL.

WHAT I BELIEVE AS A FATHER AND AHUSBAND IS THAT LOCAL SCHOOLS

SHOULD MAKE DECISIONS ON HOWTHEY TEACH.

I THINK LOCAL DISTRICTS SHOULDMAKE DECISIONS ABOUT WHAT SHOULD

BE TAUGHT IN THEIR CLASSROOMS.

>> STEPHEN: EXACTLY.

JINDAL BELIEVES EVOLUTION SHOULDBE ESTABLISHED SCIENCE ONLY ON A

"LOCAL" BASIS.

TAKE THE GALAPAGOS ISLANDS.

ON ONE OF THEM, THE FINCHESEVOLVED LONGER BEAKS TO PUNCH

HOLES IN CACTUS FRUIT.

ON ANOTHER ISLAND, THE BEAKSWERE SHORTER BECAUSE JESUS.

AND JINDAL IS OFF TO ANIMPRESSIVE RETREAT FROM

KNOWLEDGE. BUT THERE'S A LOTMORE SCIENCE HE CAN RUN AWAY

FROM. FOR EXAMPLE, HE SHOULDINSIST THAT THUNDER IS JUST GOD

BOWLING, AND LIGHTNING IS GODGETTING HIS PICTURE TAKEN WITH

HIS BOWLING TROPHY. AND YES, IREALIZE THAT THE

LIGHTNING COMES BEFORE THETHUNDER, WHICH WOULD

MEAN GOD GOT HIS TROPHY JUSTBEFORE PLAYING HIS GAME.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY --GOD BOWLS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.

SO I APPLAUD BOBBY JINDAL FORDEFTLY FLOATING HIS PRESIDENTIAL

TRIAL BALLOON.

BUT DON'T CALL IT THAT, BECAUSETHE SCIENCE ISN'T IN ON

BALLOONING YET.

I MEAN, IF HOT AIR RISES, HOWCOME HELL IS BELOW US?

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK.

FOLKS, I DON'T THINK IT'S ANYSURPRISE.

I'M NOT GOING TO BREAK ANY NEWSHERE WHEN I SAY I CONSIDER

MYSELF A POSITIVE GUY.

BUT NOW A RECENT STUDY HAS MADEME SAD ABOUT BEING SO HAPPY,

BECAUSE RESEARCHERS HAVE FOUNDTHAT PEOPLE WITH PESSIMISTIC

VIEWS OF THE FUTURE WERE MORELIKELY TO LIVE

LONGER AND HEALTHIER LIVES

THAN THOSE WITH A ROSIEROUTLOOK.

THAT'S RIGHT, NEGATIVE NELLIESLIVE LONGER --

A PHENOMENON KNOWN AS THEMCCAIN EFFECT.

THE REASON, RESEARCHERS SAY, ISTHAT THOSE WHO ARE DEFENSIVELY

PESSIMISTIC MAY BE MORE LIKELYTO INVEST IN PREPARATORY OR

PRECAUTIONARY MEASURES.

FOR INSTANCE, A MAN WHO ALWAYSINSISTS ON WEARING PROTECTION IS

LESS LIKELY TO GET A GIRLPREGNANT.

JUST LIKE A MAN WHO ALWAYSINSISTS ON WEARING A PARACHUTE

IS ALSO LESS LIKELY TO GET AGIRL PREGNANT.

(LAUGHTER)THE SAME REPORT HAD BAD NEWS FOR

HAPPY PEOPLE.

DR. DILIP JESTE EXPLAINS.

>> EXCESSIVE OR OVER-CONFIDENCECAN CREATE PROBLEMS.

IT MAY PRODUCE FEELINGS OFINVINCIBILITY, AND THAT COULD

RESULT IN UNNECESSARYRISK-TAKING.

FOR EXAMPLE, TEENAGERS ORYOUNGSTERS MAY START DRINKING,

SMOKING, USING SUBSTANCES.

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S RIGHT,OPTIMISM COULD LEAD TEENAGERS TO

DRINK, SMOKE OR USE DRUGS.

WHEREAS PESSIMISM COULD CAUSETHEM TO ALSO DO THAT.

(LAUGHTER)AND IT'S NOT JUST TEENS --

RESEARCHERS REPORTED THATSUBJECTS WHO WERE IDENTIFIED AS

MOST OPTIMISTIC AS CHILDREN WERETHE ONES WHO DIED THE SOONEST.

OKAY.

THAT FINDING REALLY MAKES MEDEPRESSED.

(LAUGHTER)THOUGH PROBABLY NOT AS DEPRESSED

AS THE SCIENTIST WHOSE JOB ITWAS TO COUNT THE NUMBER OF HAPPY

CHILDREN WHO DIED.

(LAUGHTER)HANG IN THERE, BUDDY.

THE STUDY WAS CONDUCTED ATUNIVERSITY OF ERLANGEN-NURNBERG

USING DATA FROM A NATIONALLYREPRESENTATIVE SURVEY IN

GERMANY.

YES, GERMANY.

LAND OF NIETZSCHE, GOETHE ANDSAUERKRAUT, THE CONDIMENT THAT

TASTES THE MOST LIKE HUMANTEARS.

(LAUGHTER)LUCKY FOR ME, I HAPPEN TO KNOW

ONE OF THE GERMANS WHOPARTICIPATED IN THIS STUDY.

PLEASE WELL COME FRIEND OF THESHOW AND GERMANY'S AMBASSADOR TO

THE U.N., THE HONORABLE HANSBEINHOLTZ.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)PLEASE, SIT DOWN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING

BACK.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HEREAMBASSADOR.

>> HANS: GLAD TO BE HERE.

I HAD FEARED OUR NEXT MEETINGWOULD BE AT MY FUNERAL.

(LAUGHTER)>> >> STEPHEN: COME ON, HANS,

YOU'VE GOT PLENTY OF GREAT YEARSAHEAD OF YOU.

>> HANS: TIME IS A CRUELINVENTION TO CREATE THE ILLUSION

OF GROWTH.

IN TRUTH, THE MOMENT WE ARE BORNIS THE MOMENT WE BEGIN TO DIE.

>> STEPHEN: DON'T FOCUS ON THENEGATIVES.

LIFE'S TOO SHORT.

>> HANS: NOT SHORT ENOUGH.

LIFE IS A NOOSE WITH KILOMETERSOF SLACK, TEASING US WITH THE

PROMISE OF RELEASE.

AND YET HERE I REMAIN, DOOMED TOGREET ANOTHER SUNRISE, ALONE

EVEN IN COMPANY, THE OLD MAN ONTHE TOWN BENCH WHOSE ONLY TRUE

FRIENDS ARE THE DUCKS HE FEEDS,THOUGH SOON, THEY, TOO, WILL BE

DEAD.

>> STEPHEN: WELL YEAH, BUT YOUWILL BE ALIVE, HANS.

ACCORDING TO THE RESEARCH, YOURBLEAK WORLD VIEW IS GOING TO

KEEP YOU GOING FOR A LONG TIME.

>> HANS: REALLY?

>> STEPHEN: YEAH.

HANS: THAT'S WONDERFUL!

I AM GOING TO LIVE!

YIPPEE!

AAGGHH, MEIN HEART...

>> STEPHEN: HANS, ARE YOUOKAY?

YOU LOOK AWFUL!

>> HANS: YOU REALLY THINK ILOOK AWFUL?

DON'T SAY THAT JUST TO MAKE MEFEEL BETTER.

>> STEPHEN: NO, SERIOUSLY, YOULOOK LIKE YOU'RE AT DEATH'S

DOOR.

>> HANS: THANK YOU, STEPHEN.

I AM SAVED.

IT IS MY FATE TO ONCE MORE RIDETHIS COLD ROCK AROUND THE SUN,

ONLY TO WIND UP EXACTLY WHERE ISTARTED -- ALONE.

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S THE SPIRIT,BUDDY.

THE HONORABLE HANS BEINHOLZ,EVERYBODY!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY!

MY GUEST TONIGHT PLAYS ATRANSGENDER WOMAN IN THE NEW

SHOW "TRANSPARENT" ON AMAZON.

IT'S PUTTING MOM-AND-POPTRANSGENDER SHOWS OUT OF

BUSINESS.

PLEASE WELCOME JEFFREY TAMBOR!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)MR. TAMBOR, THANKS SO MUCH FOR

COMING ON.

NICE TO SEE YOU!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THANK YOU SO MUCH.

PLEASE.

PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

JEFFREY, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WE ONLY MET THE FIRST TIMETONIGHT.

CAN I CALL YOU JEFFREY?

>> YES.

>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU VERYMUCH.

YOU MAY CALL ME STEPHEN.

I'M A HUGE FAN OF YOUR WORK, THELARRY SANDERS SHOW, ARRESTED

DEVELOPMENT.

CURRENTLY STARRING IN THE NEWAMAZON SERIES TRANSPARENT.

>> YES SIR

>> STEPHEN: THE SHOW ISFASCINATING TO ME. IN IT,

YOU PLAY A --

>> A TRANSGENDER, OR SOMEONE WHOIS TRANSITIONING

I PLAY MORA PFEFFERMAN WHO WASTHE PATRIARCH OF THE

PFEFFERMAN FAMILY AND IS NOWTHE MATRIARCH

>> STEPHEN: AND PREVIOUSLY WASCALLED MORT.

>> AND IS NOW CALLED MORA.

>> STEPHEN: LET'S WATCH A CLIPFROM THE SHOW

CAN YOU HELP ME OUT HERE? AREYOU SAYING YOU'RE GOING

TO START DRESSING LIKE A LADY,ALL THE TIME?

NO HONEY, ALL MY LIFE. MY WHOLELIFE, I HAVE BEEN DRESSING UP.

LIKE A MAN. THIS IS ME.

LIKE A MAN. THIS IS ME.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> DO NOT HURT MY FEELINGS.

(LAUGHTER)>> STEPHEN: I NEED YOUR HELP.

I'M GOING TO PUT MY CARDS ON THETABLE.

>> DO IT.

>> STEPHEN: OKAY.

I NEED YOUR HELP.

I'M NOT AN ACTOR.

YOU'RE AN ACTOR, AND YOU --(LAUGHTER)

I DON'T UNDERSTAND -- I DON'TUNDERSTAND CERTAIN THINGS.

>> I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU THROUGHTHIS.

(LAUGHTER)>> STEPHEN: BE GENTLE.

BE GENTLE.

>> BE GENTLE WITH ME.

>> STEPHEN: TRANSGENDER TO MEIS FASCINATING LIKE QUANTUM

PHYSICS IS.

>> OKAY.

>> STEPHEN: AND QUANTUMPHYSICS, A PARTICLE CAN BOTH BE

THERE AND NOT.

>> RIGHT.

>> STEPHEN: AND THEY CAN BOTHBE TRUE.

>> RIGHT.

BY THE WAY, I'M LOST.

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S THE WAY IAM WHEN IT COMES TO

UNDERSTANDING THE TRANSGENDERCOMMUNITY.

HOW CAN SOMEONE BE BOTHIDENTIFIABLE AS A

MAN BUT SELF-IDENTIFY AS A WOMANTHEIR ENTIRE LIFE.

HOW CAN BOTH BE TRUE?

>> MORA, SINCE SHE WAS 5, HASFELT SHE WAS IN THE WRONG BODY

AND AT 70 YEARS OF AGE OR 70YEARS OF OLD, HAS MADE A BREAK

FOR FREEDOM AND HER AUTHENTICITYAND SHE BECOMES FOR THE FIRST

TIME HERSELF AND THE LEADER OFTHE FAMILY AND A TRUE PARENT.

>> STEPHEN: DOES ANYONE IN THEFAMILY KNOW BEFORE THIS?

>> NO, AND IN THE SERIES

I HAVE TO COME OUT TO EACH ONEOF THEM, WHICH IS ALSO VERY

COMMON, AND IT'S THE GREATESTTRANSFORMATIVE ROLE I'VE EVER

HAD IN MY LIFE.

>> STEPHEN: AND YOU ARE --(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I HAVE BEEN INFORMED TO ASKPEOPLE HOW THEY SELF IDENTIFIED.

HOW DO YOU SELF IDENTIFY?

>> JEFFREY TAMBOR, SON OFBARNEY AND EILEEN TAMBOR,

I AM FOR THE PURSUIT OF FREEDOM,AUTHENTICITY AND HAPPINESS.

>> STEPHEN: AND YOUR GENDER?

(APPLAUSE)HOW DO YOU --

>> MY DAUGHTER IS SEVEN YEARSOLD AND I SAID, HONEY, THIS IS A

LITTLE DIFFERENT.

THIS IS THE WOMAN WHO'S INTRANSITION, AND SHE SAYS, DADDY,

I GET IT.

SEVEN YEARS OLD, SHE SAYS,DADDY, SHE'S MORE COMFORTABLE

BEING A WOMAN.

(APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: I'M GOING TO GET

THERE.

>> YOU'VE GOT TO GET THERE.

>> STEPHEN: I'M FIRST TO ADMITI'M A CIS HETERO(BLEEP).

CAN I ASK A SERIOUS QUESTION?

IS THERE GOING TO BE A HELL BOY3?

>> OH, MY GOD!

THERE'S ACTUALLY TALK OF A HELLBOY 3, BUT THEY BETTER HURRY, OR

I'M GOING TO BE IN A WALKER.

>> STEPHEN: JEFFREY TAMBOR!

SUCH A JOY TO HAVE YOU HERE!

>> AND SUCH A JOY TO BE HERE.

>> STEPHEN: I'VE NOT HELD AGUEST'S HAND THIS LONG, AND

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL AND SOFT.

>> THANK YOU.

>> STEPHEN: YOU'VE TAKEN ME ONA JOURNEY.

>> THANK YOU.

>> STEPHEN: THE SHOW ISFANTASTIC AND I WANT TO

CONGRATULATE MYSELF FOR SAYINGSO!

(LAUGHTER)JEFFREY TAMBOR, "TRANSPARENT"

NOW ON AMAZON!

WE'LL BE BACK!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "THE

REPORT," EVERYBODY! GOODNIGHT!

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