October 30, 2014 - David Miliband

  • Episode: 11016 | 
  • Views: 54,419

Stephen unveils the paperback edition of "America Again," George Takei defends democracy, and David Miliband discusses the International Rescue Committee. 

>> Stephen: TONIGHT, A NEWSOLUTION FOR VOTER APATHY-- GET

READY FOR STRIPPER POLLINGSTATIONS.

( LAUGHTER )THEN HOW CAN YOU TELL IF SOMEONE

IS AMERICAN?

IF YOU'RE OVERSEAS, LOOK FOR THECANADIAN FLAG ON THEIR BACKPACK.

AND MY GUEST, DAVID MILIBAND,HAS JUST RETURNED FROM

SUPERVISING THE RESPONSE TOEBOLA IN AFRICA.

SO REMEMBER, AUDIENCE, DO NOTLICK THE GUEST.

( LAUGHTER )U. PENN IS OFFERING A CLASS IN

WASTING TIME ON THE INTERNET.

OH!

I HOPE THEY OFFER IT ONLINE.

THIS IS THE "COLBERT REPORT."

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )WHOOO!

WHOOO!

WHOOO!

WHOOO!

( AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN!" )

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, LADIESAND GENTLEMEN.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US INHERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE

WORLD!

HOW YOU DOING, EVERYBODY?

WHOOO!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

NATION, NATION, I AM SO GLAD, IAM SO GLAD YOU ARE HERE TONIGHT

BECAUSE THE WORLD IS SWEPT UP INTHE GRIPPING NEWS STORY ABOUT

THE THREAT OF EBOLA.

BUT I TALKED ABOUT THAT ONMONDAY, SO I'VE DONE MY PART.

LET'S MOVE ON.

( LAUGHTER )TO A MUCH BIGGER STORY-- ME.

YOU SEE--( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

FOLKS, THIS PAST TUESDAY, MYBOOK "AMERICA AGAIN: RE-BECOMING

THE GREATNESS WE NEVER WEREN'T,"WAS RELEASED IN PAPERBACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )IF YOU DID NOT GET THIS BOOK

BEFORE, GET IT NOW.

AND IF YOU DID GET IT BEFORE,GET IT NOW.

BECAUSE THIS BOOK IS PERFECT FORLONGTIME FANS, OR FIRST-TIME

VIEWERS WHO ARE WONDERING, "WHOIS THIS COLBERT GUY?"

ALL YOUR QUESTIONS ARE ANSWEREDIN HERE, STARTING WITH, "HAS HE

WRITTEN A BOOK?"YOU'LL HAVE TO BUY IT TO FIND

OUT.

OF COURSE, FOR THE MILLIONS OFYOU WHO ALREADY OWN A HARDCOVER

COVER OF "AMERICA AGAIN," YOUSHOULD STILL BUY THE PAPERBACK

VERSION BECAUSE IT MAKES AWONDERFUL BOOKMARK.

( APPLAUSE )AND, FOLKS, THERE IS AN EVEN--

( CHEERS )THERE'S AN EVEN MORE IMPORTANT

REASON FOR YOU TO BUY MY BOOK--BECAUSE ON DECEMBER 18, MY SHOW

IS ENDING.

>> Audience: NO!

>> Stephen: I KNOW, I KNOW, IKNOW, BUT, FOLKS, FOLKS, AFTER

NINE YEARS, I AM TAKING AWELL-EARNED VACATION.

THOUGH I'M NOT SURE WHERE YET.

I'LL HAVE TO TALK TO MY TRAVELAGENT.

WHERE AM I GOING, GRIMMY?

( LAUGHTER )OKAY, FIRE.

SO SOME PLACE WARM?

( LAUGHTER )SOME PLACE WARM WITH GOAT HORNS.

GREECE!

OPA!

( APPLAUSE )THANKS, BUDDY.

THERE ARE SO FEW GOOD TRAVELAGENTS LEFT.

THE POINT IS, STEPHEN COLBERT,THE GUY YOU'VE SEEN HERE EVERY

NIGHT FOR NINE YEARS, WILL BEGONE.

AND ALL YOU'LL HAVE LEFT-- ALLYOU'D HAVE LEFT OF ME IS THIS

BOOK.

SO PICK UP "AMERICA AGAIN" INPAPERBACK FOR A LOVED ONE, OR

FOR A HATED ONE.

GO TO YOUR LOCAL INDEPENDENTBOOKSTORE, BECAUSE I HAVE A

LONGTIME WAR AGAINST AMAZON, ANDI WILL NEVER RELENT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )OR, OR, BUY IT ON AMAZON

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, JUST BUY IT.

NATION, THE MIDTERMS ARE LESSTHAN JUST UNDER A WEEK AWAY, AND

LIKE ME, THE AMERICAN PEOPLECOULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED ABOUT

THIS ELECTION.

>> A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T CAREABOUT MIDTERMS.

>> MORE THAN TWO-THIRDS OFVOTERS WILL STAY HOME ON THIS

ELECTION DAY.

>> EVEN ANECDOTALLY, PEOPLE WHOWERE LIFELONG, VERY INVOLVED IN

POLITICS THIS YEAR, ARE JUSTLIKE, "I'M OVER IT."

>> DOES ANYBODY CARE?

>> NOT REALLY.

JUST 15% SAY THEY WERE FOLLOWINGTHE MIDDERM ELECTIONS.

>> THE MIDTERMS-- THEY'RECOMING UP.

YOU KNOW, THE MIDTERMS.

I CAN SEE YOU YAWNING.

>> Stephen: I WASN'T YAWNING.

I WAS SAYING YAAAAY FOR THEMIDTERMS.

ALL THAT INDIFFERENCE HASN'TCOME CHEAP BECAUSE 2014 WILL

BE THE MOST MIDTERMSEXPENSIVE EVER, COSTING $4

BILLION, AND NOBODY IS WATCHING.

IT'S LIKE THE LONE RANGER OFELECTIONS.

I THINK I HAVE FOUND THE WAY,THE PERFECT WAY TO REINVIGORATE

OUR ELECTION PROCESS.

LAST NIGHT, I WAS UP WATCHINGCNN-- I RAN OUT OF AMBIEN.

( LAUGHTER )AND AFTER WATCHING THEM YAMMER

ON ABOUT HOW NOBODY CARES ABOUTTHE MIDTERMS, I FLIPPED OVER TO

A RERUN OF "STAR TREK," ACLASSIC EPISODE CALLED "A TASTE

OF ARMAGEDDON."

EPISODE 23, SEASON 1.

( CHEERS )YEAH, OH, YEAH.

THE GOOD OLD DAYS, BACK BEFOREKIRK'S MISSION WAS TO TRAVEL

UNIVERSE NEGOTIATING CHEAPAIRLINE TICKETS.

NOW, HUGE "STAR TREK" FANS LIKEME, OR AS WE CALL OURSELVES,

"STARRIES," KNOW THAT IN THISEPISODE THE ENTERPRISE IS SENT

TO ESTABLISH RELATIONS WITHEMINAR VII, A SOCIETY THAT HAS

DEEMED CONVENTIONAL WARFARE TOODESTRUCTIVE AND CONVENTIONAL

HATS TOO NOT-POINTY.

INSTEAD THEY HAVE A COMPUTERSIMULATE WAR AND THEN CALCULATE

THE NUMBER OF DEAD.

CITIZENS REPORTED AS KILLED MUSTSUBMIT THEMSELVES FOR

TERMINATION BY WALKING INTO ADISINTEGRATION BOOTH.

IN THE END, KIRK CONVINCES THESESOCIETIES TO LIVE IN PEACE ALL

FOR THE NOBLE PURPOSE OF BONINGAN ALIEN.

THIS EPISODE, THIS EPISODE ABOUTTWO BITTERLY OPPOSED FACTIONS

DETERMINED TO DESTROY THE OTHERREMINDED ME OF THE MIDTERMS.

THINK OF PARALLELS-- NOBODY WANTTHEMSELVES TO HAPPEN.

THEY'RE COSTING A TON OF MONEY,AND I'M PRETTY SURE LOUIE

GOHMERT IS FERENGI.

I'D SAY-- FOLKS, SAY INSTEAD OFTHE DESTRUCTIVE MESS OF AN

ELECTION, LET'S HAVE COMPUTERSSIMULATE ALL OUR ELECTIONS

FROM NOW ON, AND SELECT THEWINNERS.

NOW, I'M SURE MANY OF YOU ARESAYING STEPHEN THAT SOUNDS

GREAT, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE $4BILLION?

DON'T WORRY.

WE'LL STILL PISS THAT STUFFAWAY.

( LAUGHTER )BECAUSE EVERY ELECTION CYCLE,

THE COMPUTERS WILL ORDER HUGEPILES OF MONEY TO REPORT

DIRECTLY TO THE DISINTEGRATIONMACHINE.

IT WILL SAVE TIME.

YOU WON'T HAVE TO WATCH ANYCAMPAIGN ADS OR PAY ATTENTION TO

THE POLITICS.

THE ONLY DOWNSIDE IS THAT CHUCKTODD WILL HAVE TO GO BACK TO HIS

PREVIOUS JOB AS PUNXSUTAWNEYPHIL.

( LAUGHTER )AND, FOLKS, I HAVE TAKEN-- I

HAVE TAKEN THE INITIATIVE OFBUILDING MY OWN MACHINE--

BEHOLD, THE DISINTEPORTER 6700.

THE MACHINE IS LOADED WITH APILE OF $100 BILLS, AND I, I

WILL NOW DISINTEPORTER THEMONEY.

WHICH MEANS YOU WILL EITHERDISINTEGRATE OR TELEPORT SOME

PLACE ELSE.

I'M NOT SURE.

I LOST THE OWNER'S MANUAL.

EITHER WAY, EITHER WAY, FOLKS,THE MONEY WILL BE GONE, BUT I

CAN'T WATCH.

BECAUSE DURING THE COURSE OFTHIS EPISODE, I BONED THAT

MONEY.

AND...

( CHEERS )>> DON'T DO IT, STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: GEORGE TAKEI.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?

>> I'M NOT SURE.

I WAS IN THE ELEVATOR ON MY WAYTO ZABARS WHEN I ENDED UP HERE.

BUT, I OVERHEARD YOUR PLAN ANDITS MADNESS.

DON'T DO IT, STEPHEN.

>> Stephen: BUT, GEORGE, THISWILL SOLVE ALL OF OUR ELECTION

PROBLEMS AND NO ONE WILL GETHURT.

>> STEPHEN, DEMOCRACY IS ASACRED TRUST.

YES, IT'S A MESSY BUSINESS BUTTHE WILL OF THE PEOPLE MUST NOT

BE ABDICATED TO A MACHINE.

ONLY BY ENGAGING MORE DEEPLY INTHE ISSUES AND VOTING YOUR

CONSCIENCE CAN WE HOPE TO MOVEBEYOND THE ETERNAL GRIDLOCK THAT

THREATENS TO DESTROY OURSOCIETY.

NO MATTER HOW BLEAK THINGS MAYSEEM, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO

CHANGE THEM.

DO YOUR DUTY AS AN AMERICAN, ANDAS A CITIZEN OF THE GALAXY,

VOTE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: I GOTTA SAY, IGOTTA SAY, THOSE ARE POWERFUL

WORDS.

AND DISINTEGRATE.

OH, MY.

WATCH MY DOCUMENTARY "TO BETAKEI," AVAILABLE IN iTUNES.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

NATION ONCE AGAIN, IF YOU WATCHTHE NEWS, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M

TALKING ABOUT.

IF YOU KNOW THE NEWS, YOU KNOWTHAT BARACK OBAMA IS ONCE AGAIN

FAILING TO PROTECT OUR BORDERS.

COUNTLESS LATINOIDS ARE MEXICANHAT DANCING RIGHT IN TO STEAL

OUR JOBS.

LUCKILY, WE HAVE OUTSMARTEDTHEM BY HIDING THOSE JOBS IN

CHINA.

( LAUGHTER )AND THE NEWEST IMMIGRATIONCRISIS

COMES FROM WOMEN AND WHATTHEY'RE DOING SOUTH OF THE LADY

BORDER.

>> THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATIONJUST

PASSED A NEW MEASURE ALLOWINGBABIES OF NON-AMERICANS BUT BORN

FROM AMERICAN SURROGATES TO GETU.S. PASSPORTS.

FOREIGN CHILDREN AND THEIRPARENTS WILL GET ACCESS TO

AMERICAN EDUCATION, HEALTH CARE,WELFARE, AND RETIREMENT

SERVICES.

SOMEBODY WHISPER THAT IN THEWOMB.

>> Stephen: YES, NON-AMERICANBABIES BORN TO AMERICANS WILL

NOW BE ABLE TO GET U.S.

CITIZENSHIP.

SOMEBODY WHISPER THAT IN THEWOMB.

BUT FIRST, PRESS THE BELLYBUTTONTWICE FOR ENGLISH.

AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE THIS WEEK,THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND

SECURITY EXPANDED THE DEFINITIONOF MOTHER TO INCLUDE WOMEN WHO

GAVE BIRTH TO THE CHILD,REGARDLESS OF WHETHER THEY ARE

THE GENETIC MOTHERS, ALL TOACCOMMODATE WOMEN USING

ASSISTIVE REPRODUCTIVETECHNOLOGY SUCH AS IN VITRO

FERTILIZATION.

PREVIOUSLY, IF AN AMERICAN WOMANPREGNANT WITH AN ANONYMOUS DONOR

EGG HAD HER BABY IN, SAY,LONDON, CHILDREN WOULD NOT BE A

U.S. CITIZEN, DOOMING IT TO ALIFETIME OF BRITISH CUISINE.

I FOR ONE DO NOT THINK BABIESSHOULD BE DRINKING WARM BEER.

NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANY OFTHIS REALLY MEANS, BUT I THINK

WE ALL KNOW WHAT THIS REALLYMEANS.

>> IF FEELS LIKE AN EXPANSION OFTHE DEFINITION OF MOTHERHOOD,

JUST LIKE WE EXPAND THEDEFINITION OF GENDER AND OTHER

THINGS.

>> WHEN YOU'RE A SURROGATE,YOU'RE NOT GENETICALLY

THE CHILD'S MOTHER.

>> GOT IT.

SO THERE'S NO AMERICAN GENETICSINVOLVED AT ALL.

>> EXACTLY.

>> THIS IS DISTURBING AS WHAT WEDO TO CREATE CITIZENS IN

THIS COUNTRY. YOU'RE NOT PASSINGON THE CIVIC DUTY, THE

UNDERSTANDING OF AMERICA.

IT JUST FEELS LIKE A TOTALEROSION

>> Stephen: IT'S A TOTALEROSION, BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW

THAT CITIZENSHIP IS GENETIC, ANDAS A CHRISTIAN, I BELIEVE

AMERICAN BEGINS AT CONCEPTION.

I MEAN, UTERUS-A!

UTERUS-A!

UTERUS-A!

UTERUS-A!

OH, THAT WAS GOOD.

NATION, I GOTTA SAY I'M SCAREDTHIS LAW COULD INSPIRE A WHOLE

GENERATION OF AMERICAN WOMENTRYING TO CASH IN BY MOVING

ABROAD AND CARRYING ANCHORZYGOTES.

AND, YES, THAT MAY SOUND BAT( BLEEP ) CRAZY TO MOST PEOPLE,

BUT MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT THESEPEOPLE.

>> ARE YOU GOING TO HAVEAMERICAN WOMEN AROUND THE WORLD

TRYING TO MAKE A BUCK OFF THIS?

SO WHAT IF THAT SURROGATE MOMWHO IS AN AMERICAN DECIDES WELL

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M KIND OF SELLING CITIZENSHIPHERE.

120 GRAND AIN'T GOING TO CUT IT.

LET ME GET THAT PUPPY UP TO AQUARTER MILLION.

IS THAT TAXABLE INCOME?

>> GOOD POINT.

IS THAT TAXABLE INCOME?

OR CAN THE BABY WRITE OFF YOURWOMB AS A HOME OFFICE?

BUT, FOLKS, THERE IS A BRIGHTSIDE TO THIS FALLOPIAN LOOPHOLE.

AS YOU KNOW, I HAVE ALREADYHELPED MILLIONS PROCREATE WITH

MY EXCLUSIVE LINE OF PREMIUMMAN-SEED, STEPHEN COLBERT'S

FORMULA 401.

BUT--( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

IF THERE'S THIS MUCH MONEY TO BEMADE IN U.S.D.A. CERTIFIED

AMERICAN EGGS, THEN DADDY WANTSIN.

THAT'S WHY TONIGHT I AM PROUD TOUNVEIL MY NEW PRODUCT, STEPHEN

COLBERT'S FORMULA 4 OVUM.PREMIUM MAN-EGG.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

MEN ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO OVULATE.

THEY'RE ALSO NOT SUPPOSED TO EATAS MUCH EDAMAME AS I DO.

FOLKS, USE BOTH OF THOSEPRODUCTS AND YOU ARE GUARANTEED

AN AMERICAN BABY.

SINCE MY SEED AND THESE EGGSCOME WITH FULL DOCUMENTATION OF

CITIZENSHIP BECAUSE I PRODUCEDBOTH WHILE HAVING MY PASSPORT

PHOTO TAKEN.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS ENGLISH.

I WILL INTERVIEW HIM IN HISNATIVE TONGUE.

PLEASE WELCOME DAVID MILIBAND.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )MR. MILIBAND, THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR BEING HERE.

>> GOOD TO BE HERE.

>> Stephen: CHEERS AS WE SAY.

>> CHEERS.

>> Stephen: WHERE EVERYBODYKNOWS YOUR NAME.

YOU'RE THE FOMMER BRITISHSECRETARY.

YOU'RE MY FIRST CABINETSECRETARY TO COME OVER HERE.

THANK YOU.

IT'S AN HONOR.

>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> Stephen: WHO PUT YOU IN THEJOB?

>> THE PRIME MINISTER WAS GORDONBROWN AT THE TIME.

>> Stephen: GOOD GUY?

>> GOOD GUY.

>> Stephen: THAT'S LIKE OURSECRETARY OF STATE.

>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAYMR. SECRETARY.

>> Stephen: I DON'T HAVE TOSAY IT.

YOU HAVE TO SAY MADAM SECRETARYWHEN HILLARY CLINTON IS HERE.

YOU'RE C.E.O. OF THEINTERNATIONAL RESCUE COMMITTEE

AND YOU RECENTLY RETURNED FROMWEST AFRICA. AND THE

INCUBATION PERIOD FOR EBOLA MYUNDERSTANDING IS 21 DAYS.

HOW MANY DAYS AGO DID YOU RETURNFROM LIBERIA?

>> 20.

( LAUGHTER )WE'LL SHAKE HANDS AGAIN.

>> Stephen: NO, NO.

ALL RIGHT.

UHM-- WHY HASN'T GOVERNOR CUOMOCLAPPED YOU IN IRONS AND STUFFED

YOU IN A HEFTY BAG AND HUNG YOUOFF THE GEORGE WASHINGTON

BRIDGE?

ARE YOU COMMUNICABLE RIGHT NOW?

>> I'M NOT COMMUNICABLE,COMMUNICATING EBOLA TO YOU, IF

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE ASKING.

>> Stephen: THAT IS WHAT I'MASKING.

>> YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY SAFE.

>> Stephen: WERE YOU HELPINGPATIENTS THERE?

>> MY ORGANIZATION HAS BEEN INSIERRA LEONE AND LIBERIA FOR 15

YEARS HELPING PEOPLE DISPLACEDBY WAR AND CONFLICT, ABOUT 35

COUNTRIES AROUND THE WORLD.

THERE WAS CIVIL WAR IN SIERRALEONE AND LIBERIA.

THANK GOODNESS WE ARE THERE, 500STAFF DEPLOYED TO FIGHT

THE EBOLA VIRUS WHICH IS VERYDANGEROUS, KILLED AT LEAST 5,000

PEOPLE.

THE SITUATION THERE IS MANYTIMES WORSE THAN THE OFFICIAL

FIGURES SUGGEST.

>> Stephen: BUT WHY SHOULD WELET GUYS LIKE YOU WHO GO OVER

THERE TO HELP THOSE PEOPLE-- ANDTHAT'S GREAT-- TO GO OVER THERE

AND HELP THOSE PEOPLE, WHYSHOULD WE LET YOU BACK INTO

WESTERN COUNTRIES THAT DON'THAVE EBOLA.

AREN'T YOU A DISEASE VECTOR NOW?

>> I'M NOT.

IT'S A REASONABLE QUESTION ANDLET ME ANSWER WHY. I DIDN'T GO

THERE TO SEE PATIENTS. I WENTTHERE TO MEET OUR

STAFF, TO SUPPORT THE WORKTHEY'RE DOING TO, MEET THE

GOVERNMENTS THERE, TALK ABOUTWHAT THEY'RE DOING, SO I COULD

COME BACK HERE AND GIVE PEOPLETHE REAL FACTS ABOUT THE

SITUATION.

WHICH IS THAT WHILE THESITUATION THERE IS MANY TIMES

WORSE THAN THE OFFICIAL FIGURESSUGGEST, THE SITUATION HERE IS

COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, AND MANYTIMES BETTER THAN THE GENERAL

LEVEL OF HYSTERIA THAT YOU'VEHEARD IN THE MEDIA AND

ELSEWHERE.

>> Stephen: NOW THAT YOU'RE INTHE UNITED STATES AND YOU'VE

SEEN OUR SITUATION HERE, HOWLONG BEFORE WE CAN GO BACK

OUTSIDE AND GO BOWLING AND STUFFLIKE THAT?

( LAUGHTER ).

>> I WOULD LOVE TO GO BOWLINGWITH YOU.

GIVE ME THE DATE.

>> Stephen: WE CAN'T GOBOWLING BECAUSE THE GUY IN NEW

YORK HE WENT BOWLING HERE IN NEWYORK.

HE DID, HE WENT E-BOWLING.

HE WENT E-BOWLING AND I CAN'TPUT MY HAND OVER THAT LITTLE

BLOWER.

>> HE DIDN'T LEAVE ANY EBOLA INTHE BOWLING BALL.

I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT.

>> Stephen: IS THIS ALL YOUGUYS DO IS EBOLA?

WHAT IS YOUR FOCUS?

>> OUR FOCUS IS WHEREVER THEREIS WAR, CONFLICTS AND DISASTER

WE GO THERE WITHIN 72 HOURS TOHELP ON HEALTH, EDUCATION, WATER

AND SANITATION AND EVENTUALLY,BECAUSE THESE CIVIL WARS GO ON

FOR YEARS, HELP PEOPLE WITHECONOMIC LIVELIHOOD TO STAND ON

THEIR OWN FEET IN THE MIDST OFTERRIBLE CONFLICTS.

AND I'M VERY, VERY PROUD THAT WEGOT 12,000 STAFF AROUND THE

WORLD, AMERICANS, BUT ALSOMAINLY PEOPLE FROM THOSE

COUNTRIES, WHETHER IT'S HELPINGWITH EDUCATION IN AFGHANISTAN,

WHETHER IT'S GETTING MEDICALSUPPLIES INTO SYRIA.

THESE ARE LOCAL PEOPLE WHO WE'REEMPLOYING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

IN THE MOST WAR-TORN, MOSTVULNERABLE, THE MOST DANGEROUS

PARTS OF THE WORLD.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE MOSTWAR-TORN, MOST DANGEROUS PART OF

THE WORLD RIGHT NOW?

>> AT THE MOMENT IT'S SYRIA.

IT'S A COUNTRY OF 22 MILLIONPEOPLE.

10.6 MILLION PEOPLE HAVE BEENDISPLACED FROM THEIR HOMES.

THREE MILLION REFUGEES IN THENEIGHBORING COUNTRIES.

IN JORDAN, YOUR SECOND CLOSESTALLY IN THE REGION, COUNTRY OF

SIX MILLION PEOPLE, OVER AMILLION REFUGEES.

THAT'S LIKE THE WHOLE OF BRITAINCOMING TO AMERICA.

JUST IMAGINE -->> Stephen: THEY TRIED THAT

AND WE KICKED THEIR ASS.

>> EXACTLY.

( APPLAUSE )>> Stephen: GLOBALLY, HOW MANY

REFUGEES ARE THERE OUT THERERIGHT NOW?

>> EVERY FOUR SECONDS A PERSONIS DISPLACED FROM THEIR HOME,

WHETHER INSIDE THEIR OWN COUNTRYOR OVER A BORDER, 52 MILLION

PEOPLE LAST YEAR.

A WORLD RECORD.

WORLD RECORD.

>> Stephen: WHAT IF THEY ALLCONVERTED TO JUDAISM?

DOESN'T ISRAEL HAVE TO TAKETHEM?

>> THE TRAGEDY IT IS A LOT ARELEFT IN REFUGEE CAMPS, IN URBAN

AREAS, LEFT IN LIMBO.

THEY'RE ALMOST LEFT WITHOUT AFUTURE AT ALL AND OUR JOB IS TO

MAKE SURE WE GIVE THEM A MODICUMOF DIGNITY, WE HELP THEM

SURVIVE.

WE HELP THEM TRY AND GAIN SOMECONTROL OVER THEIR SHATTERED

LIVES.

>> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS LIKEIT COULD BE A DANGEROUS JOB AT

TIMES.

>> IT'S VERY DANGEROUS.

AND THE COURAGE, ONE OF THE MOSTINSPIRING THINGS THAT I'VE SEEN

OVER LAST YEAR, I'VE BEEN INTHIS JOB FOR ABOUT A YEAR, THE

MOST INSPIRING THING IS THECOURAGE OF OUR FRONT LINE

WORKERS WHO SAY EVEN WHEN THEIRCOLLEAGUES HAVE BEEN KILLED,

WE'VE HAD TRAGICALLY EARLIERTHIS YEAR IN SOUTH SUDAN, THE

FAMINE SITUATION ON THE HORIZON,WE HAD TWO PEOPLE KILLED, TWO OF

OUR STAFF KILLED, EVEN THOUGHTHEY WERE INSIDE A U.N.

COMPOUND.

AND I WENT TO VISIT SOME OF THESURVIVORS, AND THE-- A WOMAN IN

CHARGE OF OUR TEAM IN SOUTHSUDAN HAD JUST COME BACK FROM

VISITING HER FAMILY IN UGANDA,AND SHE SAID TO ME, "I'M

DETERMINED TO COME BACK BECAUSETHESE PEOPLE HERE DESERVE SOME

HELP."

AND THAT'S THE KIND OF PEOPLEWHO ARE WORKING FOR US.

AND THAT'S THE KIND OF PEOPLE ITHINK MAKE A DIFFERENCE AROUND

THE WORLD.

>> Stephen: WELL, IF YOU DODECIDE TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT OF

THE UNITED STATES, YOU HAVE MYSUPPORT.

>> WILL THE COLBERT NATIONBECOME PART OF RESCUE NATION?

>> Stephen: OR THAT'S ANINTERESTING THING.

THE SHOW IS ENDING IN DECEMBER.

THE COLBERT NATION NEEDSSOMETHING TO DO.

WHAT IF THEY BECAME PART OFRESCUE NATION?

>> TAG UP AT THE I.R.C., VISITRESCUE.ORG, THE WEB SITE, JOIN

THE EFFORT TO REALLY MAKE ADIFFERENCE AROUND THE WORLD.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, DAVID.

DAVID MILIBAND, INTERNATIONALRESCUE COMMITTEE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR THEREPORT, EVERYBODY.

GOOD NIGHT.

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