September 29, 2014 - Jamie Oliver

  • Episode: 11001 | 
  • Views: 0

Pundits imply that Obama is mimicking George W. Bush, Hillary Clinton becomes a grandmother, Kim Jong-un battles a cheese addiction, and Jamie Oliver talks "Comfort Food." 

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")

(SHOUTING)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> STEPHEN: YOU'RE NOT GONNA GETTHAT

ANYWHERE ELSE! WELCOME TO "THEREPORT"!

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US INHERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE

WORLD!

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")THANK YOU SO MUCH, EVERYBODY!

YOU WON'T GET THAT KIND OFMINDLESS ADULATION

ANYWHERE ELSE IN AMERICA!

FOLKS, I HAVE TO BE STRAIGHTWITH YOU HERE,

WHILE I MAY BE AT ODDS WITH THECURRENT ADMINISTRATION, AS A

PATRIOT, I FEEL IT'S MY DUTY INA TIME OF WAR TO SUPPORT OUR

PRESIDENT.

AND THAT'S ENOUGH.

(LAUGHTER)'CUZ I HAVE A LOT OF PROBLEMS

WITH WHAT THIS GUY DOES.

AND EVEN WHEN I DO LIKE WHAT HEDOES, I DON'T.

(LAUGHTER)CASE IN DON'T: HIS INTERVIEW

LAST NIGHT ON THIS HOUR HAS "60MINUTES" IN WHICH HE FINALLY

ADDRESSED WHY, WHEN IT CAME TOADDRESSING SYRIA, HE WAS JOHNNY

BOMB LATELY.

>> HOW DID THEY END UP WHERETHEY ARE IN CONTROL

OF SO MUCH TERRITORY?

WAS THAT A COMPLETE SURPRISE TOYOU?

>> WELL, I THINK OUR HEAD OF THEINTELLIGENCE COMMUNITY, JIM

CLAPPER, HAS ACKNOWLEDGED THAT ITHINK THEY UNDERESTIMATED WHAT

HAD BEEN TAKING PLACE IN SYRIA.

>> STEPHEN: S'CUSE ME!

BOMBING THE MIDDLE EAST AND THENTHROWING THE C.I.A. UNDER THE

BUS IS KINDA GEORGE BUSH'STHING.

(LAUGHTER)>> IT IS TRUE THAT MUCH OF THE

INTELLIGENCE TURNED OUT TO BEWRONG.

>> STEPHEN: YES, "MUCH" OF THEINTELLIGENCE TURNED OUT TO BE

WRONG.

BUT NOT ALL OF IT.

THERE WAS A COUNTRY CALLED IRAQ.

(LAUGHTER)IT WILL BE MISSED.

(LAUGHTER)AND IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME BUSH

HAS BEEN RIPPED OFF BY PRESIDENTBARACK O-ROB-A.

(LAUGHTER)TAKE THE PRESIDENT'S SPEECH LAST

WEEK AT THE ANNUAL U.N. TRAFFICFESTIVAL.

(LAUGHTER)HE STOOD UP IN FRONT OF THAT OLD

KITCHEN BACKSPLASH OR WHATEVERIT IS -- TIME TO REMODEL,

GUYS -- AND TRIED TO TALK TOUGHON I.S.I.S.

>> THE ONLY LANGUAGE UNDERSTOODBY THE KILLERS LIKE THIS IS THE

LANGUAGE OF FORCE.

SO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICAWILL WORK WITH A BROAD COALITION

TO DISMANTLE THIS NETWORK OFDEATH.

NO GOD CONDONES THIS TERROR.

NO GRIEVANCE JUSTIFIES THESEACTIONS.

THERE CAN BE NO REASONING, NONEGOTIATION WITH THIS BRAND OF

EVIL.

>> STEPHEN: SIR, WE ALREADYHAVE A BRAND OF EVIL.

IT'S TOM'S OF MAINE.

(LAUGHTER)MAYBE TOM SHOULD LEAVE MAINE

ONCE IN A WHILE TO FIND OUT WHATTOOTHPASTE IS SUPPOSED TO TASTE

LIKE!

(LAUGHTER)AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE CALLING

HIM OUT ON THIS.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA SURE SOUNDEDA LOT LIKE PRESIDENT BUSH

YESTERDAY.

>> HE'S SOUNDING A LOT LIKE HIMTHESE DAYS.

>> DID YOU HEAR THE SPEECH ATTHE U.N.?

WAS THAT VOICE MORE LIKEPRESIDENT BUSH THAN PRESIDENT

OBAMA?

>> THIS IS A SPEECH WHERE IF YOUCLOSED YOUR EYES, YOU COULD HAVE

HEARD GEORGE W. BUSH GIVING THISSPEECH.

>> STEPHEN: YES, EVERY TIME ICLOSE MY EYES, I CAN HEAR GEORGE

BUSH GIVING A SPEECH.

(LAUGHTER)HOLD ON...

SHHH, HE'S TALKING AGAIN. WHAT'STHAT, SIR?

WHY, YES, MR. PRESIDENT, I WOULDLOVE TO GET A SEGUEWAY RIDE WITH

YOU AND GO GET A HOT DOG.

LOOK OUT FOR THAT TREE!

OOH!

LOOK, SIR, I GOT TO GO BACK TOTHE SHOW AND DO THE THING.

MY EYES ARE CLOSED.

I CAN'T READ THE SCROLLY WORDSTHEY HAVE UP HERE.

OK, I'LL SEE YOU LATER. BYE.

SERIOUSLY,

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA STEAL FROMBUSH NEXT, MR. PRESIDENT?

'CUZ YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE!

EVEN POLITICO POINTED OUT THATIF YOU TYPE OBAMA'S MONEY

PHRASE -- "NETWORK OF DEATH"-- INTO THESAURUS.COM,

GEORGE W. BUSH'S "AXIS OF EVIL"COULD VERY WELL COME OUT.

YES, IT COULD VERY WELL COMEOUT.

NO, I TRIED IT AND IT DOESN'TCOME OUT, BUT IF I DIDN'T, IT

MIGHT HAVE.

CLEARLY, PRESIDENT KUMBAYA ISJUST TRYING TO LOOK TOUGH IN THE

MIDDLE EAST BY MAD-LIBBING THEGREATEST HITS OF THE BUSH

ADMINISTRATION.

I DREAD THE DAY WHEN "MISSIONACCOMPLISHED" BECOMES "JOB DID."

BUT FOLKS, WHETHER OR NOT OBAMAIS UP FOR DIDDING THE JOB, WE

KNOW THAT AFTER 2016, BARACKOBAMA WILL BE LEAVING OFFICE.

WEAK MOVE, MR. PRESIDENT.

NEVER ANNOUNCE A TIMETABLE FORWITHDRAWAL!

(LAUGHTER)OF COURSE, THE POWER VACUUM HE

LEAVES BEHIND MAY BE FILLED BYHILLARY CLINTON, AN UNSTOPPABLE

FORCE ON AN INEVITABLE PATHTOWARDS MAYBE ANNOUNCING A

CANDIDACY SOMEDAY.

(LAUGHTER)AND BIG ANNOUNCEMENT THIS

WEEKEND MAKES HER EVEN MOREMAYBE.

>> IT'S A GIRL.

A GIRL FOR CHELSEA CLINTON ANDHER HUSBAND MARC MEZVINSKY.

CHARLOTTE CLINTON MEZVINSKY.

>> IT'S THE FIRST CHILD FORCLINTON AND HER HUSBAND MARC AND

THE FIRST GRANDCHILD FOR THEFORMER PRESIDENT AND SECRETARY

OF STATE.

>> STEPHEN: YET ANOTHERHILLARY FLIP-FLOP.

FOUR DAYS AGO, SHE WASN'T AGRANDMOTHER,

NOW SHE CLAIMS SHE IS.

HOW CAN WE TRUST HER? IT GETS TOBASIC ISSUES HERE.

(APPLAUSE)NOW, I'D LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENT

TO CONGRATULATE THE HAPPYFAMILY.

CHARLOTTE IS A BEAUTIFUL BABY --HOPE YOU KEEP HER AS FAR AWAY

FROM PARTISAN POLITICS ASHUMANLY POSSIBLE.

BUT I JUST GOTTA SAY,"CHARLOTTE"?

KIND OF SUSPICIOUS SHE WAS NAMEDAFTER THE LARGEST CITY IN A

MAJOR SWING STATE.

(APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: IF IT HAD BEEN A

BOY, WOULD WE BE CELEBRATING THEBIRTH OF LITTLE BABY AKRON?

AND I'VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT THEELEPHANT IN THE ROOM -- BY WHICH

I MEAN ALL THE ELEPHANTS IN THEROOM.

>> THE BABY REPORTEDLY HAS ANELEPHANT-THEMED NURSERY.

>> THE NURSERY WILL BE DECORATEDWITH ELEPHANTS, OF COURSE, THE

MASCOT OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.

>> STEPHEN: YES, A NURSERYDECORATED WITH ADORABLE

REPUBLICAN ELEPHANTS.

THEY BORROWED THE DESIGN FROMPAUL RYAN'S BEDROOM.

(APPLAUSE)AND YOU KNOW IT'S A CYNICAL PLOY

TO APPEAL TO REPUBLICAN-LEANINGSWING VOTERS BECAUSE IT WAS

PREMEDITATED.

RIGHT BEFORE HER BABY WAS BORN,CHELSEA CLINTON CONVENIENTLY

HELPED LAUNCH A LINE OFELEPHANT-THEMED GIFTS TO BENEFIT

GROUPS WORKING TO STOP THEPOACHING OF AFRICAN ELEPHANTS.

A LIKELY STORY.

NO ONE POACHES AFRICANELEPHANTS.

THEY'RE SO MUCH BETTER FRIED.

(LAUGHTER)>> STEPHEN: OH, THEY ARE.

HEAR THE AUDIENCE GOING, MMM!

MMM!

WELL, AS CUTE AS BABY CHARLOTTEIS, HILLARY'S ROAD TO THE WHITE

HOUSE IS ABOUT TO BE DERAILED BYTHE GRANDMOTHER OF ALL SCANDALS.

BECAUSE FREEBEACON.COM -- YES,"THAT" FREEBEACON.COM -- HAS

UNCOVERED A SINGLE LETTERHILLARY SENT IN 1971 TO NONE

OTHER THAN SAUL ALINSKY.

YES.

SAUL ALINSKY.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)YES, AS YOU CAN TELL, A NAME

INSTANTLY FAMILIAR TO ANYONECURRENTLY WATCHING THIS IN

THE MIDDLE OF A SOCIOLOGYLECTURE ABOUT SAUL ALINSKY.

ALINSKY WAS NOT ONLY A DANGEROUSFAR-LEFT SOCIAL ACTIVIST KNOWN

FOR HIS BOOK "RULES FORRADICALS," HE WAS ALSO THE MAN

WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT.

(LAUGHTER)THIS HILLARY LETTER IS

DEVASTATING FOR CLINTON.

AFTER ALL, ALINSKY WAS ACOMMUNITY ORGANIZER FROM

CHICAGO -- A DEATH SENTENCE FORANYONE WHO WANTS TO BE

PRESIDENT.

PLUS, I'M PRETTY SURE BILLCLINTON HAD AN AFFAIR WITH

ALINSKY'S DAUGHTER, MONOCLE.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

AND HILLARY'S CLEAR DEEPRADICALIZATION AND CLOSE TIES TO

ALINSKY ARE MADE ACHINGLY CLEARBY THE WAY SHE ASKS WHEN HIS

BOOK WAS COMING OUT, AND THATSHE MISSED THEIR BIENNIAL

CONVERSATIONS.

TYPICAL LIBERAL DEVIANCE.

EVEN THEIR TIME FRAMES ARE BI.

BUT THE MOST SHOCKING THINGABOUT HILLARY'S PEN PAL

SCANDAL -- OR "PEN-GHAZI" ASI'M CALLING IT -- IS

HOW FEW PEOPLE ARE SHOCKED BYIT.

TAKE IT FROM CONSTANTLY SHOCKEDJOCK RUSH LIMBAUGH.

>> A LOT OF DRIVE-BY MEDIAPEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE

FASCINATED BY THE EVENTS THEYCOVER...

ARE NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST CURIOUSABOUT A BUNCH OF OLD LETTERS

THAT HILLARY CLINTON WROTE, WAYBACK WHEN, HAVE SURFACED...

IT TURNS OUT SHE WAS SENDINGLETTERS TO ALINSKY LEFT AND

RIGHT.

>> STEPHEN: YES, HILLARY WASWRITING ALINSKY LEFT AND RIGHT.

IN THAT HER SINGLE NOTE TO HIMCONTAINS A BUNCH OF LETTERS

THAT ARE READ FROM LEFT TORIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)THIS IS JUST PROOF THAT EVEN

THOUGH SHE'S BEEN SCRUTINIZEDFOR DECADES AS SECRETARY OF

STATE, A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE,SENATOR AND FIRST LADY -- BUT

THERE'S SO MUCH WE STILL DON'TKNOW ABOUT HER.

FOR INSTANCE, I WENT EVENFURTHER BACK INTO HER MYSTERIOUS

PAST AND OBTAINED A LETTERHILLARY WROTE IN 1953.

IT PROVES SHE WAS INCOMMUNICATION WITH A FOREIGN

LEADER.

IT STARTS "DEAR SANTA."

I BELIEVE THAT'S A SPANISH NAME!

(LAUGHTER)SHE GOES ON TO COLLUDE WITH THIS

REDCOAT KNOWN FOR SUPPORTINGSLAVE LABOR AND THE EXCLUSION OF

JEWS.

(LAUGHTER)THEN HILLARY PROVES HER

SOCIALIST BONAFIDES BY DEMANDINGAN ITEMIZED LIST OF FREE

HANDOUTS.

AND NO SURPRISE SHE ENDS THELETTER BY ATTACKING AMERICA'S

ENERGY PRODUCERS: "P.S. PLEASEDON'T PUT COAL IN MY STOCKING."

(LAUGHTER)>> WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK.

THANKS SO MUCH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)NATION, EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT I'M

NO FAN OF KOREAN DICTATOR ANDEVIL POTATO KIM JONG UN.

I'VE TOLD YOU BEFORE ABOUT THISMAN'S SICK AFFECTION FOR THINGS

LIKE INDUSTRIAL LUBRICANT ANDMUSHROOMS.

FOR THOSE WITHOUT HIGH DEFTVS, KIM'S THE ONE IN THE

MIDDLE.

(LAUGHTER)BUT NOW, THE "UN"-THINKABLE HAS

"KIM "-- HAPPENED.

>> NORTH KOREA'S LEADER HASN'TBEEN SEEN IN PUBLIC FOR THREE

WEEKS.

STATE TV REPORTS KIM JONG UN ISSUFFERING FROM DISCOMFORT.

>> SOME ARE SPECULATING THE31-YEAR-OLD IS SUFFERING FROM

SOME SORT OF HEALTH PROBLEMACCORDING TO HIS WEIGHT GAIN AS

WELL AS A RECENT LIMP.

>> THE BRILLIANT COMRADE, AS HEIS KNOWN, HAS GOUT, WHICH IS

CAUSED BY TOO MUCH BOOZE ANDRICH FOOD.

>> STEPHEN: WHICH HAS THEPEOPLE OF NORTH KOREA IN A STATE

OF UTTER CONFUSION BECAUSE THEIRLANGUAGE HAS NO WORD FOR "TOO

MUCH FOOD."

(LAUGHTER)AND KIM-WATCHERS LIKE ME KNOW

WHAT FOOD HE'S TOO-MUCHING OF.

>> NORTH KOREAN LEADER ISPUTTING HIS HEALTH AT SERIOUS

RISK DUE TO DANGEROUSLY HIGHCONSUMPTION OF CHEESE.

>> THE 31-YEAR-OLD HAS PACKED ONA LOT OF WEIGHT IN A SHORT

PERIOD OF TIME DUE TO THE LARGEAMOUNT OF IMPORTED SWISS CHEESE

HE KEEPS EATING.

>> THE DICTATOR ISAPPARENTLY OBSESSED WITH CHEESE.

THERE'S WORD HE FELL IN LOVEWITH SWISS CHEESE WHEN HE

STUDIED IN SWITZERLAND.

>> STEPHEN: YES, SWITZER-LAND.

(LAUGHTER)KIM'S MASSIVE CHEESE CONSUMPTION

IS ALL THE MORE AMAZING WHEN YOUCONSIDER THAT NORTH KOREA HAS

YET TO ACHIEVE CRACKERTECHNOLOGY.

(LAUGHTER)KIM'S FAVORITE CHEESE IS

"EMMENTAL, A CHEESE MADE INSWITZERLAND."

YOU CAN TELL IT'S SWISS BECAUSEIT TASTES NEUTRAL, AND THE HOLES

CAN BE USED FOR STORING NAZIGOLD.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)AND NOW IT LOOKS LIKE KIM IS

-- REALLY?

YOU'RE NAZI GOLD FANS?

(LAUGHTER)REALLY?

DON'T TEASE HIM ABOUT THE NAZIGOLD!

WHERE WERE THE NAZIS SUPPOSED TOPUT IT?

YOU'RE SO HARD ON THE NAZIS,STEPHEN.

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.

AND NOW -- AND NOW --(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THEY LOST THE WAR.

ISN'T THAT BAD ENOUGH?

(LAUGHTER)AND NOW -- AND NOW -- AND NOW IT

LOOKS LIKE KIM IS ABOUT TO BEDAIRY UNHAPPY.

(LAUGHTER)JIM?

>> NORTH KOREAN DICTATOR KIMJONG UN WILL NOT BE GETTING

TOP-QUALITY CHEESE ANYTIME SOON.

THE HEAD OF ONE OF FRANCE'SFAMOUS CHEESE-MAKING SCHOOLS

SAYS NORTH KOREA APPROACHED HERLAST MONTH ASKING IF SOME OF

LIL' KIM'S PEOPLE COULD TRAIN ATTHE FACILITY.

SHE SAYS SHE POLITELY TURNEDTHEM DOWN.

>> STEPHEN: GEE, KIM.

I KNOW WE ARE SWORN ENEMIES, BUTSTILL, I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL BAD

THAT SOMEONE HAS CUT YOURCHEESE.

(LAUGHTER)ESPECIALLY SINCE, HERE IN

AMERICA, CHEESE IS EVERYWHERE!

WE HAVE BLOCKS OF CHEESE,STRINGS OF CHEESE, DOODLES OF

CHEESE, CREAMS OF CHEESE, CANSOF CHEESE, FOUNTAINS OF CHEESE,

CAKES OF CHEESE, AND "IT'S" OFCHEESE.

ON SUNDAYS, AMERICANS WATCHSPORTS WHILE EATING CHEESE BALLS

AND WEARING CHEESE HATS, AND THENEXT DAY AT WORK WE DISCUSS THE

GAME WHILE GATHERING AROUND THECHEESE COOLER.

(LAUGHTER)HEY, WHAT'S THIS?

OH, IT'S THE REST OF MY LUNCH, A20-POUND WEDGE OF EMMENTAL

CHEESE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)MM-MMM!

MM-MMM!

OH, YEAH!

GUESS I'LL HAVE TO FINISH IT.

MMM!

(CHEERING)(APPLAUSE)

TASTES LIKE FREEDOM.

(LAUGHTER)MMM.

GETTING A BIG OL' KNOT OFLIBERTY IN MY CHEST.

SO KIM JONG UN, AMERICA'SMORTAL ENEMY, IF YOU EVER WANT

SOME EMMENTAL, JUST COME TONEW YORK.

I'LL HAVE A DELICIOUS BLOCKWAITING FOR YOU.

(LAUGHTER)WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK!

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AWORLD-RENOWNED CHEF AND TV HOST.

I'LL ASK WHERE YOU GET THAT OVENTHAT ALWAYS HAS THE MEAL READY

IN IT.

PLEASE WELCOME JAMIE OLIVER!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: HEY, JAMIE!

THANKS FOR COMING ON!

NICE TO MEET YOU!

ALL RIGHT.

WE'VE GOT A LITTLE FOOD TO EATLATER WHICH I'M VERY EXCITED

ABOUT.

>> YEAH, WE DO.

>> STEPHEN: BUT BEFORE WE DOTHAT, LET'S GET TO

THE HEAT OF THE MEAT IF YOUWILL.

YOU ARE A WORLD-RENOWNED CHEFAND YOUR BOOK IS CALLED "COMFORT

FOOD: THE ULTIMATE WEEKENDCOOKBOOK."

>> YES, SIR.

>> STEPHEN: BEFORE WE GETTO "COMFORT FOOD," AREN'T YOU

MR. EAT HEALTHY, LET ME GO TOYOUR SCHOOL AND RUIN MCNUGGETS

FOR YOU? IF YOU'RE A HEALTHYGUY, HOW CAN YOU WRITE

"COMFORT FOOD," BECAUSE THIS HASGOT SOME CALORIES IN IT

>> I'VE ALWAYS CELEBRATED THEJOY OF COOKING REAL FOOD.

DEFINITELY IN THIS DAY AND AGE,YOU HAVE TO WATCH WHAT YOU EAT

FOR SURE.

THERE'S ENOUGH STUFF INHERE THAT'S NICE AND HEALTHY

BUT THE INDULGENT STUFF, YOUCAN'T MAKE A HEALTHY PIE.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. YOU CAN'T.

YOU CAN'T MAKE A HEALTHYDESSERT.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YOU'VEGOT TO EAT THAT STUFF!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: SO WHAT YOU'RE

SAYING IS, IF YOU'RE GOING TO DOIT, DON'T HALF-ASS IT, GO ALL

THE WAY?

>> YES, FOR SURE!

I MEAN, NOT EVERY DAY.

BUT DEFINITELY, THIS IS THESTUFF MEMORIES ARE MADE OF!

>> STEPHEN: ARE THESE YOURCHILDHOOD RECIPES?

THESE ARE INCREDIBLY COMFORTINGDISHES.

THEY'RE ALMOST COMA FOOD.

WERE THESE DISHES YOUR CHILDHOODDISHES?

>> SOME OF THEM WERE.

SOME ARE THE FOOD FROM MYCHILDHOOD, THE STUFF ANY NAN

DID, MY GRAND-DAD DID, MY MOM,THE WEEKENDS, THE BARBECUE AND

STUFF LIKE THAT.

BUT IN THESE DAYS, I THINK IT'SNICE TO REACH OUT TO SOCIAL

MEDIA AND WE DID THIS THING ONINSTAGRAM WHERE WE ASKED THE

COMMUNITY WHAT WAS YOUR COMFORTFOOD?

AND IT WENT CRAZY. WECOUNTEDTHROUGH THEM ALL, AND I THOUGHT

IT WAS IMPORTANT TO STUDY ANDTEST AND COOK COMFORT FOOD

FROM ALL AROUND THE WORLD.

>> STEPHEN: WHY IS ITCOMFORTING OTHER THAN THE FACT

THAT IT PUTS YOU DOWN LIKE ANOLD DOG?

BEFORE WE HAD XANAX, WE HADMASHED POTATOES.

>> IT RELEASES ENDORPHINS ANDALL KINDS OF THINGS.

THERE'S' SOMETHING ABOUT A PIEOR MEATBALLS OR SOMETHING THAT

MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'REGETTING A HUG.

>> STEPHEN: EVENTUALLY YOUR BODYHUGS YOU ALL THE TIME.

>> YES.

>> STEPHEN: IT'S LIKE ANOTHERPERSON ON YOU.

(LAUGHTER)>> YOU CAN'T RUSH THIS FOOD,

IT'S STUFF YOU HAVE TO PUT LOVEINTO.

>> STEPHEN: I HAVE A PROBLEMWITH THAT.

>> WHY?

>> STEPHEN: THIS IS AMERICA, IWANT TO EAT FAST AND GO BACK TO

MY INTERNET.

(LAUGHTER)YOU HAVE A FAVORITE COMFORT FOOD

YOU COULD SERVE ME?

>> I'VE GOT ONE FROM MYCHILDHOOD.

>> STEPHEN: I HAVE ONE FROM MYCHILDHOOD, TOO.

CAN I GIVE IT TO YOU?

>> STEPHEN: SURE, CAN I GIVE ITTO YOU?

>> YES PLEASE.

>> STEPHEN: WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

A PUDDING.

>> STEPHEN: I HAVE A BLUEBERRYCOBBLER.

>> WHOO!

>> STEPHEN: IF I DO THAT WITHMINE, IT'S GOING TO BE A MESS.

>> OKAY.

>> STEPHEN: OKAY, HERE WE GO.

NO, THIS IS BASICALLY KIND OFAN EVOLUTION OF MY MOM AND MY

NAN'S STICKY TOFFEE PUDDING.

>> STEPHEN: AND THAT'S SOMEHOMER FORMBY'S DECK POLISH?

WHAT IS THAT?

>> IF YOU BRUSH IT ON, ITKEEPS THE STEAM INSIDE. BUT ALSO

IT DOES LACQUER FLOORBOARDSBEAUTIFULLY.

NO, BUT IT GOES WAFER THIN CRISPONCE YOU'VE DONE IT BUT IT GETS

BETTER THAN TAT.

WHAT YOU CAN DO, ONCE YOU BRUSHTHIS BEAUTIFUL THING -- THIS IS

A BEAUTIFUL THING.

WHAT I DO IS I GET BEAUTIFULDATES, THAT'S THE SECRET

ININGREDIENT, AND I REHYDRATETHEM IN EARL GREY TEA.

THAT'S A TWIST OF FLAVOR.

>> STEPHEN: YOU KNOW, ONCE YOUSTART COOKING YOU COMPLETELY

CHANGE LIKE A MARVEL SUPERHERO(LAUGHTER)

YOU TALK IN A COMPLETELYDIFFERENT WAY!

>> ONCE YOU'VE DONE THAT, I LIKETO SIMPLY FILL THE ORIFICE

WITH --(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> AND THEN, LIKE THE JAMES BONDCHAMPAGNE MOMENT, IF YOU CAN

JUST CUT YOURSELF A WEDGE, AREGULAR PORTION,

AND JUST LET IT ALL OOZE OUT.

>> STEPHEN: AHHH!

OH, JESUS!

OH, MY GOD!

>> AND THAT'S A BIG PORTION,DUDE.

>> STEPHEN: YOU SAID A REGULARPORTION.

OKAY.

I'LL DO YOU HERE. THIS ISBLUEBERRY COBBLER.

>> IT GETS THE TASTE BUDS GOING.

BELIEVE ME.

OH, NO, THIS IS GOOD!

THIS IS IMPRESSIVE!

>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU VERYMUCH.

I'LL GIVE YOU MY REGULAR PORTIONOF BLUEBERRY COBBLER.

(LAUGHTER)I'LL TAKE A LITTLE ICE CREAM

RIGHT THERE, OKAY, PUT THAT ONTHE SIDE, AND JUST A LITTLE --

(LAUGHTER)ALL RIGHT, CHEERS, CHEERS.

WHATEVER YOU DO, GET SOME SWEETPART THERE.

READY?

>> YEAH.

>> STEPHEN: ALL RIGHT.

MMM!

>> MMM!

>> STEPHEN: I HAVE FOUND THISINTERVIEW...

SO COMFORTING...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)JAMIE OLIVER, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

JAMIE OLIVER, "COMFORT FOOD"!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "THE

REPORT," EVERYBODY!

THIS IS SO DAMN GOOD!

GOOD NIGHT!

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