"Bang with Friends" App

  • Aired:  02/07/13
  •  | Views: 31,804

What happened to the old days of wooing someone by waiting for last call and shambling into a cab with any nonresistant warm body? (2:53)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.

NATION, I TRY TO STAY POSITIVE, BUT FACTS ARE FACTS.

I KNOW IT, YOU KNOW IT.

AMERICAN VALUES ARE IN THE CRAPPER.

CASE IN POINT, I JUST SAID CRAPPER ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.

[LAUGHTER]

JIMMY, DID WE BLEEP THAT?

>> NO, WE DIDN'T.

>> Stephen: GODDAMMIT!

[LAUGHTER]

AND NOW IT APPEARS THAT AMERICA HAS HIT ROCK BOTTOM WITH A NEW APP ON FACEBOOK CALLED "BANG

WITH FRIENDS" THAT LETS YOU PRIVATELY NOMINATE THOSE IN YOUR FRIENDS NETWORK YOU WANT TO HOOK

UP WITH.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT SEX, IT'S AN HONOR JUST TO BE NOMINATED.

[LAUGHTER]

NOW THE FRIENDS DON'T KNOW YOU'VE NOMINATED THEM UNLESS THEY ALSO NOMINATE YOU, IN WHICH

CASE, THE APP ALERTS YOU BOTH.

THEN, IT'S OFF TO MEET FOR, LET'S SAY, COFFEE.

[LAUGHTER]

I BELIEVE THAT'S CALLED STEAMING THE MILK.

[LAUGHTER]

FOLKS, IT'S DISGUSTING AND PERILOUS.

WHEN I'M ON FACEBOOK, I'M CONSTANTLY CHECKING OUT MY FRIENDS' ADORABLE CAT PICTURES.

ONE WRONG CLICK, NEXT THING I KNOW I'M WAKING UP IN BED WITH SOME STRANGE CALICO, COUGHING UP HAIRBALLS.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

RELATIONSHIPS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO START THIS WAY.

WHERE'S THE MYSTERY?

WHERE'S THE ROMANCE?

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLD DAYS WHEN YOU WOULD WOO SOMEONE BY WAITING UNTIL THE BARTENDER

YELLED "LAST CALL" AND THEN SHAMBLING INTO A CAB WITH THE FIRST WARM BODY THAT DIDN'T

ACTIVELY RESIST YOU.

[LAUGHTER]

GET IT TOGETHER, NATION.

FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO TELL YOUR GRANDKIDS YOU MET NANA USING A

FACEBOOK APP?

NO, YOU WANT TO SHOW THEM THE HEARTFELT LOVE LETTER YOU WROTE TO HER ONE NIGHT AT 3:00 AM.

[LAUGHTER]

FOLLOWED BY AN INSTAGRAM OF YOUR JUNK.

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S THE SEPIA THAT MAKES IT SO ROMANTIC.

GOD, I HOPE THAT'S SEPIA.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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