Tip/Wag - Pixar's Gay Agenda, America's Obesity & Adidas Shackle Sneakers

  • Aired:  06/26/12
  •  | Views: 33,394

Any 15-year-old girl who resists an arranged marriage must be gay, America has 41 pounds on skinny countries, and civil rights leaders knock athletic shackles. (5:28)

RIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)X�.& NATION, SOME PEOPLE LIKE A THIN MINT, OTHER LIKE A JUNIOR MINT,

I PREFER A JUDGMENT.

THIS IS TIP OF THE HAT, WAG OF THE FINGER.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) FIRST UP, THE NEW PIXAR MOVIE "BRAVE" CAME OUT THIS PAST WEEKEND.

ACCORDING TO THE FILM'S MAKERS IT'S THE STORY OF A HIGHLAND

PRINCESS WHO REJECTS THE SUITORS PICKED BY HER MOTHER AND FIGHTS FOR THE CHANCE TO CHOOSE HER OWN PATH.

AND WE IN THE MEDIA KNOW WHAT IT'S REALLY ABOUT.

A LESBIAN PRINCESS!

(LAUGHTER) BECAUSE ANY 15-YEAR-OLD GIRL WHO RESISTS AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE HAS GOT TO BE GAY.

(LAUGHTER) WHICH IS WHY I'M ISSUING A WAG OF MY FINGER TO PIXAR FOR THEIR

BLATANT RAINBOW AGENDA.

I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT, THEY HAVE BEEN RUBBING IN THE OUR FACES FOR YEARS.

LIKE "MONSTERS, INC.

" A BIG HAIRY GUY LOOKING FOR A ONE-EYED MONSTER.

(LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) YEAH.

THEY'RE NOT FOOLING ANYBODY.

NOT FOOLING ANYBODY.

OR THE ONE ABOUT THE ELDERLY BACHELOR AND HIS FURRY PAL WITH THE KINKY COLLAR TRYING TO GET IT UP.

(AUDIENCE REACTS) OR "CARSpbPL 2" WHICH BOTH SUCKED AND BLEW.

(LAUGHTER) NEXT UP ON TIP/WAG, RESEARCHERS AT THE LONDON SCHOOL OF HYGIENE

AND TROPICAL MEDICINE-- WHERE I BELIEVE THEY TEACH YOU HOW TO USE A MANGO AS A DEODORANT--

THEY'VE JUST RELEASED AN EXCITING NEW STUDY.

>> DATA SHOWS THE ENTIRE ADULT GLOBAL POPULATION IS NEARLY 17 MILLION TONS OVERWEIGHT.

>> Stephen: 17 MILLION TONS!

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I CAN REALLY GO FOR 17 MILLION TONS OF RIBS.

BECAUSE GUESS WHO'S NOT JUST PULLING THEIR WEIGHT BUT CRAMMING IT INTO A PAIR OF

STRETCH PANTS?

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THAT'S WHY WE GIVE A TIP OF MY HAT TO THE U.S.A. FOR BEING THE

FATTEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!

WHOO!

U.S.A.!

U.S.A.!

(CROWD CHANTING "U.S.A.") (LAUGHTER) ACCORDING TO THE REPORT,

ALTHOUGH ONLY 6% OF THE GLOBAL POPULATION LIVE IN AMERICA, WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR MORE THAN A

THIRD OF ITS OBESITY.

(AUDIENCE REACTS) WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

WHO KNOWS?

BECAUSE WE'RE ALREADY 27th IN MATH.

(LAUGHTER) THE REPORT FOUND THAT WHILE THE AVERAGE GLOBAL BODY WEIGHS 137 POUNDS, THE AVERAGE NORTH

AMERICAN BODY CAME IN AT 138 POUNDS.

DO YOU HEAR THAT, SKINNY COUNTRIES?

WE'VE GOT 41 POUNDS ON YOU!

LISTEN UP, BANGLADESH, YOUR MAMA'S SO SKINNY THAT WHEN SHE SITS AROUND THE HOUSE SHE SITS

COMFORTABLY IN EVERY CHAIR.

(LAUGHTER) WE'VE GOTTEN TERRIBLY WORRIED ABOUT HER HEALTH.

YOU'VE GOTTA EAT.

THE MONSOONS ARE COMING.

(LAUGHTER) NATION, I WAS ACTUALLY WORRIED ABOUT HER JUST THEN.

THIS IS GREAT FOR US.

WE'RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT AN ENERGY CRISIS IN THIS COUNTRY.

WELL, FAT IS LITERALLY STORED ENERGY.

LET'S JUST DROP AN INJECTION WELL INTO OUR BIG BUTTS AND FRANK THAT CRACK!

FRACK THAT CRACK!

(APPLAUSE) FINALLY, REGULAR VIEWERS OF THE SHOW KNOW THAT I AM ALL ABOUT

WEARING A SWEET SET OF B-BALL TANKS FOR THE ROCKING THE DUNK HOLE.

ALSO, I LIKE ATHLETIC SHOES WHICH IS WHY I AM ISSUING A WAG OF MY FINGER AT THE P.C. POLICE

FOR DENYING ME THE LATEST SPARE OF SUPER FLY SNEAKS.

LAST WEEK AIR, DEE DOCTOR-ASSISTED SUICIDE ANNOUNCED PLANS TO REDUCE THEIR

NEW J.S. ROUND HOUSE SHOES IN AUGUST BUT THEY WERE DEEMED OFFENSEIVE TO AFRICAN AMERICANS.

>> ADEE DAS, ONE OF THE MOST RECOGNIZED BRANDS HAS DEVELOPED SNEAKERS WITH RUBBER SHACKLES ON.

CIVIL RIGHTS LEADERS SAY THE SHOES ARE INSENSITIVE AND REMIND THEM OF SLAVERY.

>> OH, YES, BLACK PEOPLE HAD TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT SLAVERY UNTIL YOU REMINDED THEM WITH

THESE SHOES.

(LAUGHTER) COME ON!

WHY DOES EVERYTHING IN AMERICA HAVE TO BE ABOUT RACE?

THE PROOF THAT THESE SHOES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH SLAVERY IS RIGHT THERE ON THEIR FACEBOOK

SAYS WHICH SAYS "GOT A SNEAKER GAME SO HOT YOU LOCK YOUR KICKS TO YOUR ANKLES?" SEE?

THEY'RE JUST PLAYFULLY SUGGESTING THESE SNEAKERS ARE SO COOL SOMEONE MIGHT MURDER YOU TO

STEAL THEM.

(LAUGHTER) AND WHY ARE THESE SHOES GETTING SINGLED OUT NO?

NO ONE EVER COMPLAINS THAT CRICKETED WAR CRIMINAL CHARLES TAYLOR HAS HIS OWN LINE OF FOOTWEAR.

(LAUGHTER) IF ADIDAS WANTS TO MAKE AMENDS I SUGGEST THEY RELEASE SNEAKERS

THAT HIGHLIGHT MORE POSITIVE ASPECTS OF AFRICAN AMERICAN HISTORY.

LIKE THE G WASHINGTON CARVERS WHICH HAVE INSOLES MADE OF PEANUT BUTTER.

(LAUGHTER) NOW YOUR MOVE CAN BE SMOOTH OR CRUNCHY.

(LAUGHTER) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)