Distractions & Reactions at the State of the Union

  • Aired:  01/29/14
  •  | Views: 96,451

Obama's fifth State of the Union address ushers in a year of action, and Republicans respond with a diverse variety of Tea Party viewpoints. (4:03)

>> Stephen: (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: LOVELY PEOPLE,THANK YOU SO MUCH, VERY NICE,

WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

FOLKS, YOU KNOW, ASIMPORTANTS AS FOOTBALL IS

THERE ARE OTHER STORIESOUT THERE.

FOR INSTANCE THE LEADER OFTHE FREE WORLD SPEAKING TO

CONGRESS.

LAST NIGHT I WAS RIVETED TOTHE STATE OF THE UNION IN

THAT I HAD SURGEONS RIVET MYEYELIDS OPEN TO MAKE ME

WATCH IT. NOW FOLKS, I GOT TOSAY, I AM GLAD I DID BECAUSE

THIS WAS OBAMA'S FIFTH TIMEBEFORE A JOINT SESSION OF

CONGRESS.

TRADITIONALLY THE MOSTIMPORTANT ADDRESS OF ANY

PRESIDENCY, I MEAN WHO AMONGUS CAN FORGET THESE IMMORTAL

WORDS FROM GEORGE W. BUSH'SFIFTH STATE OF THE UNION.

>> HUMAN ANIMAL HYBRIDS.

>> Stephen: THAT WAS A BIGPROBLEM BACK THEN.

THAT WAS A BIG PROBLEM BACKTHEN, WE FORGET HOW BIG OF A

PROBLEM THAT WAS BACK THEN.

IF PRESIDENT BUSH HADN'TWARNED US ABOUT IT, RIGHT

NOW YOUR COWORKER WOULD BE ALABRA-DUDE.

AND YOUR SON WOULD BEPLAYING SOCCER AGAINST PUMA

BOY.

WHO IS REALLY VERY GOOD.

VERY FAST PLAYER WELL, FOLKS.

HIS FIFTH STATE OF THE UNIONHAD A STRONG CENTRAL THEME.

>> LET'S MAKE THIS THE YEAROF ACTION.

>> Stephen: AND WHAT BETTERWAY TO START A YEAR OF

ACTION THAN WITH AN HOUR OFTALKING.

(LAUGHTER)AND OH DID HE TALK ABOUT

THINGS LIKE THIS,.

>> Stephen: TODAY WOMEN MAKEUP ABOUT HALF OUR WORKFORCE.

BUT THEY STILL MAKE 77 CENTSFOR EVERY DOLLAR A MAN EARNS

THAT IS WRONG.

AND IN 2014 IT'S ANEMBARRASSMENT.

IT IS TIME TO DO AWAY WITHWORKPLACE POLICIES THAT

BELONG IN A MADMEN EPISODE.

>> Stephen: WORKPLACE POLICYAS THAT BELONG IN A MADMEN

EPISODE.

I'M SORRY I KNOW YOU ARE JUSTSAYING THAT TO DISTRACT FROM

YOUR DOMESTIC SPYING PROGRAMTHAT BELONGS IN A HOMELAND

EPISODE.

NOW SPEAKING OF DISTRACTIONSJOE BIDEN NOW TAKE A LOOK, I

WANT TO YOU TAKE A LOOK, ALITTLE BIT OF FOOTAGE HERE.

WE FOUND SOME FOOTAGE.

AND I WANT TO SEE IF YOU CANSPOT THE EXACT MOMENT WHEN

THE VICE PRESIDENT STRIPPEDTHE EVENT OF ALL DIGNITY.

(LAUGHTER)NOW WHO IS HE POINTING AT?

WELL, BELTWAY GOSSIP SAYS THATHE WAS POINTING TO A DUDE HE

MET AT AN AIRPORT CHILISTHE NIGHT BEFORE.

SEE, I TOLD YOU I WAS VICEPRESIDENT.

(LAUGHTER)ANYWAY, OBAMA SAID OTHER

STUFF TOO.

BUT THE REAL HIGHLIGHT OFEVERY STATE OF THE UNION IS

THE REPUBLICAN RESPONSE.

AND LAST NIGHT WAS SOHISTORICAL WITH THE

REPUBLICANS BROUGHT THEIR AGAME AS IN A LOT OF PEOPLE

TALKING.

YOU HAD YOUR MIKE LEE FORTHE TEA PARTIERS.

RAND PAUL FOR THE OTHER TEAPARTIERS.

AND CUBAN AMERICANCONGRESSWOMAN ILIAN-- ILEANA

ROS-LEHTINEN FOR LOSS PARTYGRANDE DEL TEA.

NO MATTER WHAT KIND OFREPUBLICAN YOU ARE THERE WAS

A SPEECH FOR YOU, LIKE YOUROWN PERSONAL SLEEP NUMBER

BUT FOR RAGE.

AND THAT IS NOT EVENINCLUDING THE OFFICIAL

RESPONSE FROM HOUSEREPUBLICAN CONFERENCE CHAIR

AND STAY AT HOMECONGRESSWOMAN KATHY McMORRIS

ROGERS.

THE BIG QUESTION IS, HOWWOULD SHE RANK ON A SCALE OF

RUBBIO TO 10.

JIM?

>> YOU KNOW, FIRSTOFF, IT'SA MAJOR PROBLEM THAT SHE

DIDN'T PROVIDE CONTENT FOR AWEEK'S WORTH OF THE LATE

NIGHT.

>> SHE DIDN'T DO ANY HARM.

>> I DON'T THINK ANYONE DIDANY HARM.

I DON'T THINK THEY DIDANYONE ANY GOOD.

THERE IS NO NURSERY RHYME,THE COW KILLED NELLY IN THE

BELLY IN THE BARN, DIDN'T DOHER ANY GOOD, DIDN'T DO HER

ANY HARM.

>> Stephen: WELL SAID,GEORGE, WELL SAID, THE WHOLE

EVENING WAS A COMPLETE WASTEOF TIME.

BY THE WAY A COW KICKEDNELLY IN THE BELLY IS ALSO

THE REPUBLICAN'S PLAN FORCONTRACEPTION.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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