China's Colbert Report Rip-Off

  • Aired:  01/23/14
  •  | Views: 68,182

China lovingly violates intellectual property rights with a bootleg version of The Report. (4:08)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY, THANK YOU SO MUCH,FOLKS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THISSHOW FROM DAY ONE OF

BROADCAST, THIS SHOW HASALWAYS BEEN ALL ABOUT

AMERICA.

BUT I HAVE RECENTLY LEARNEDTHAT I HAVE A GLOBAL REACH

AROUND.

EVIDENTLY THERE IS A NEW TVSHOW IN CHINA INSPIRED BY

ME.

AND BY INSPIRED BY I MEANINFLAGRANT VIOLATION OF

INTELLECTUAL PROPERTYRIGHTS.

JIM?

LET'S SHOCK THE CONSCIENCEOF A NATION.

LET'S SHOCK THE CONSCIENCEOF A NATION.

>> Stephen: I'VE BEEN RIPPEDOFF BY THE CHINESE!

(LAUGHTER)FOLKS, THIS IS NOTHING SHORT

OF WHOLESALE THEFT.

AND I LOVE IT.

(LAUGHTER)BECAUSE ONLY THE BIGGEST

HITS GET CHINESE BOOTLEGGED.

SEINFELD KNEW HE FINALLYMADE IT WHEN CHINA STARTED

AIRING HIGH-PANTS PETTY JEW.

(LAUGHTER)NOW MY KNOCKOFF, MY KNOCKOFF

IS CALLED THE BANQUET, ITHINK, I DON'T READ CHINESE.

AND THEY HAVE LOVINGLYPLAGIARIZED EVERYTHING ABOUT

MY SHOW FROM MY ROCKIN MUSICTO MY AWESOME IRONMAN

LANDING TO MY HAVING A POINTOF VIEW.

(LAUGHTER)WHICH FRANKLY, I DONE EVEN

KNOW YOU HOW I FEEL ABOUT.

OF COURSE, THERE ARE SOMESLIGHT DIFFERENTS, INSTEAD

OF MY EAGLE OF TRUTH THEBANQUET HAS A HELICOPTER

BECAUSE EAGLES ARE NOTSTRONG ENOUGH TO FLAP IN

CHINESE AIR.

(LAUGHTER)AND THE SHOW, I GOT TO SAY,

THE SHOWDOES AN ADMIRABLE JOB

OF CAPTURING MY CRONKITE-IANNEWS DIGNITY.

MY CRONKITEAN NEWS DIGNITY.

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THEGOVERNMENT SAYS SO.

NATION, NATION, DO YOUUNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEANS?

THE BANQUET NETWORK NINGXIATV REACHES MORE THAN 400

MILLION VIEWERS.

AS THEY SAY ON THE BANQUET,THOSE KIND OF NUMBERS GIVE

ME A-- (LAUGHTER)

THE REPORT, THE COLBERTREPORT NOW HAS A SERIOUS

TOEHOLD IN CHINA AND I'MPREPARED TO DO ANYTHING TO

APPEAL TO THE LARGEST MARKETBE EARTH.

JIMMY, LET'S MAKE OURCHINESE VIEWERS FEEL RIGHT

AT HOME.

(LAUGHTER)OH, HMMMM, HMMMM, I CAN

ALMOST SMELL MY iPHONE BEINGMADE.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH,THAT'S ENOUGH.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)AND I HAVE FIRED JAY THE

INTERN IN FAVOR OF AHARDWORKING CHINESE

REPLACEMENT, GENTLEMAN-MESS,THE INTERN, EVERYBODY,

PLEASE WELCOME, THERE YOU GO.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)NI HAO, JA-MES IS THAT HOW

YOU PRONOUNCE IT.

>> IT'S JAMES.

I GREW UP IN SEATTLE.

>> WELL COULD TO-- WELCOMETO AMERICA JA-MES.

>> DO YOU WANT ME TO GO ON ACOFFEE RUN?

>> YOUR PEOPLE CALL IT TEA.

AND YES, I WOULD LOVE SOMETEA, BY WHICH I MEAN COFFEE.

>> OKAY.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

(APPLAUSE)THEY'RE VERY LOYAL PEOPLE.

BUT FOLKS IF I REALLY WANT ACHUNK OF CHINA'S BILLION

EYEBALL AUDIENCE I NEED TOGO THERE MYSELF.

THE BANQUET, I DEMAND YOUINVITE ME TO CHINA TO APPEAR

ON YOUR SHOW.

JUST SAY THE WORD, AND I'LLSTART DIGGING.