Monkey on the Lam - Florida - Monkey on the Gram

  • Aired:  10/15/12
  •  | Views: 10,910

The people of St. Petersburg have ignored Stephen's selfless attempts to macaque-block them, and now the plundering monkey has come back to bite them. (3:56)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

NATION, WHOEVER COINED THE PHRASE AS FUN AS A BAREL OF MONKEYS NEVER HAD TO HOSE OUT A 50 GALLON DRUM OF

BONOBO FILTH.

THIS IS MONKEY ON THE LAM.

(APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: NATION, FOR SEVEN YEARS NOW I'VE BEEN BRINGING YOU THE LATEST IN BREAKING MONKEY FUGITIVE NEWS.

THAT THE COW ARDS IN THE LEMUR STREAM MEDIA WON'T TOUCH.

NOW I DON'T DO IT FOR THE PEABODY'S, THOUGH IT IS NICE WHEN SOMEBODY ACKNOWLEDGES YOUR WORK.

NO, I DO IT BECAUSE I'M LOOKING OUT FOR YOU.

MY HIRE PRI MATE VIEWERS.

AND YOU MIGHT REMEMBER BACK IN MARCH OF 2010 DURING WHAT MANY CALL THE SPRING OF THE MONDAY QUI, I BLEW THE LID

OFF THE STORY OF A RAMPAGING MACK QIA.

>> TONIGHT A LONG DOVER DUE WARNING OF THE RES DENS OF SYNTH PETERSBURG FLORIDA WHERE LAST NIGHT THEY

SPOTTED A RHESUS MACK QIA MONDAY QUI THAT ELUDED AUTHORITY FORCE OVER A YEAR.

SO CITIZENS OF FLORIDA YOU MUST CATCH THIS MONKEY BEFORE SPRING BREAK BECAUSE WHILE GIRLS MAY GO WILD,

MONKEYS ON THE LAM GO APE

[BLEEP]

(LAUGHTER) NOW I KNOW, SICK STUFF.

BUT DON'T WORRY, MONKEY GOES APE [BLEEP] SHOWS UP ON YOUR CREDIT CARD STATEMENT AS BANANA MAINTENANCE.

NOW BUT WHEN I SOUNDED THE APE ALARM TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO, NO ONE IN ST.

PETERSBERG LISTENED.

AND TODAY THIS MONKEY MANIAC IS STILL HE LUTEDING THE LONG HARRY ARM OF THE LAW.

>> THE SEARCH IS ON FOR THE MYSTERY MONKEY OF ST.

PETERSBURG.

>> NOT TOO MUCH TRAFFIC.

NICE TALL TREES.

REALLY IS THE KIND OF PLACE WHERE A MONKEY COULD MAKE A HOME.

AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.

THE MYSTERY MONKEY SETTLED DOWN HERE, GOT COMFORTABLE.

THE WILDLIFE EXPERTS SAY MAYBE A LITTLE TOO COMFORTABLE.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.

THEY'RE CALLING IT THE MYSTERY MONKEY.

INSTEAD OF CATCHING THE SIMIAN PSYCHO THEY GAVE HIM A NICK NAME.

AND WORSE THE NICK NAME WASN'T SIMIAN PSYCHO.

NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ALL THESE T-SHIRTS?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) FOLKS, THE PEOPLE OF ST.

PETERSBERG HAVE IGNORED MY SELF-LESS ATTEMPT TO MACAQUE BLOWSOM.

AND NOW THIS MONKEY HAS COME BACK TO BITE THEM, LITERALLY.

THE RHESUS MACK QIA HAS BITTEN SOMEONE IN THE AREA OF BOYD HILL NATURE PARK, AN ELDERLY WOMAN.

>> I DON'T THINK IT WAS AN ATTACK.

I THINK THE MONKEY JUMPS ON HER BACK, BOTH FREAKED OUT.

>> Stephen: SURE, YEAH.

(LAUGHTER) SURE, NOT REALLY AN ATTACK.

BOTH SIDES FREAKED OUT.

I MEAN AT THIS POINT WHO KNOWS WHO STARTED IT.

MAYBE THE OLD LADY JUMPED OUT OF THE TREE.

NATION, GIVE THEN MONKEY'S LATEST ACTIONS WE NEED TO UPDATE OUR GRAPHIC.

THIS IS MONDAY QUI ON THE GRAM.

>> Stephen: FOLKS, WE CANNOT LET THIS MONKEY GO AROUND MALLING INNOCENT SENIORS.

UNLESS THAT'S A SOCIAL SECURITY PLAN MITT ROMNEY IS NOT TELLING US ABOUT.

WE'LL BE RIG

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