The Axis of Evil of the Week - North Korea

  • Aired:  01/28/13
  •  | Views: 36,331

North Korea calls America its archenemy, which is kind of a big commitment since America just got out of a 50-year archenemy thing with the Soviets. (3:47)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

THANKS SO MUCH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FOLKS, YOU KNOW, THERE ARE ENEMIES OF THIS COUNTRY WHO WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE US

DESTROYED, AND IT IS MY JOB TO WORRY ABOUT THEM AT YOU.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER EDITION OF AXIS OF EVIL OF THE WEEK.

NOW, I'M ON RECORD AS ANTI-NORTH KOREA.

THAT RECORD?

"PYONG-YANK ME. SONGS IN THE KEY OF RAGE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, FOLKS, THE KOREAN WAR WAS ONE OF AMERICA'S LONGEST CONFLICTS-- IF I REMEMBER MY

HISTORY, OUR TROOPS WERE STUCK THERE FOR 11 ZANY, YET THOUGHT-PROVOKING YEARS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WELL THIS TIME, NORTH KOREA HAS FINALLY GONE TOO FAR.

>> BOLD NEW THREATS FROM NORTH KOREA AIMED DIRECTLY AT THE UNITED STATES.

THE COMMUNIST NATION SAYS IT PLANS TO CARRY OUT A NUCLEAR TEST AND MORE LONG-RANGE ROCKET LAUNCHES.

>> STATE MEDIA MADE THE ANNOUNCEMENT THAT NORTH KOREA WAS LOCKED IN AN ALL-OUT WAR OF

CONFRONTATION WITH ITS ARCH ENEMY, THE UNITED STATES.

>> IT'S ARCHENEMY, THE UNITED STATES.

>> Stephen: WHOA, ARCHENEMIES?

FOLKS, THIS IS A SERIOUS INCREASE IN HOSTILITIES AND I CANNOT SIT IDLY BY WHILE THEY

MAKE THESE THREATS.

SO I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING RIGHT NOW TO NORTH KOREA.

HEEEEEY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HEEEEEY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

DEMOCRATIC PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF KOREA.

WE NEED TO TALK.

[ LAUGHTER ]

LOOK, UHH, WE'RE FLATTERED THAT YOU THINK OF US AS ARCHENEMIES, BUT THAT'S KIND OF TAKING OUR RELATIONSHIP

TO A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL.

KIND OF A BIG COMMITMENT AND I'M NOT SURE WE'RE READY FOR THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I MEAN WE JUST GOT OUT OF A 50-YEAR ARCHENEMY THING WITH THE SOVIETS AND THAT WAS REALLY SPECIAL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU'RE LUCKY IF YOU HATE SOMEBODY LIKE THAT ONCE IN A LIFETIME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND SINCE THEN WE THOUGHT WE'D PLAY THE FIELD.

TRIED TO HAVE SOME QUICKIES WITH IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN, BUT IT'S JUST DRAGGING ON.

THE TALIBAN WILL NOT STOP CALLING US.

DON'T GET ME WRONG, YOU'RE TERRIBLE AND WE HATE YOU.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT ARCHENEMIES?

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO TAKE A CHANCE AND RUIN WHAT WE ALREADY HAVE?

RIGHT NOW WE'RE FOES WITH BENEFITS AND THAT'S GREAT.

YOU LAUNCH SOME ROCKETS, WE IMPOSE SOME SANCTIONS, AND THERE'S NO PRESSURE TO STAY OVER

AT EACH OTHER'S COUNTRIES.

WHRAF LAUGH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HONESTLY, NORTH KOREA, CAN I JUST SAY SOMETHING TO YOU NEMESIS TO NEMESIS?

HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT LOOKING -- THOUGHT ABOUT THAT NEIGHBOR OF YOURS, SOUTH KOREA?

YOU TWO HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON.

THERE'S A HISTORY THERE.

AND I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THEY REALLY, REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU.

[ LAUGHTER ]

MAYBE THE ONE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HATE HAS BEEN RIGHT UNDER YOUR DEMILITARIZED ZONE THIS WHOLE TIME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I GUESS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS: WE LOATHE YOU; WE'RE JUST NOT IN LOATHE WITH YOU.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SO LET'S JUST KEEP OUR WRATH PLATONIC.

WE CAN STILL RATTLE EACH OTHER'S SWORDS, BUT UNTIL THESE FEELINGS BLOW OVER, DON'T THREATEN US,

WE'LL THREATEN YOU.

[ LAUGHTER ]

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