Virginia's Voter Fraud Fighter

  • Aired:  10/22/12
  •  | Views: 17,073

The voter watchdog spoilsports would have America believe that tampering with voter registration is a "federal crime" just because it is. (4:20)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

CHANTING STEPHEN'S NAME]

>> STEPHEN: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

NATION, TONIGHT IS THE THIRD AND

FINAL PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

BETWEEN FORMER GOVERNOR MITT

ROMNEY AND FUTURE FORMER

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I'M TIVOING IT, SO NOBODY TELL

ME WHETHER THE MODERATE OR

CONSERVATE ROMNEY KICKED THE

LETHARGIC OR ENERGETIC OBAMA'S

ASS.

LOVE LAUGH A LOT OF OPTION

THERE'S.

-- OPTIONS THERE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OF COURSE, THESE DEBATES MAY NOT

MATTER AT ALL.

BECAUSE THERE'S ONE ISSUE THAT

COULD INVALIDATE THE ENTIRE

ELECTION.

>> VOTER FRAUD IT'S A BIG

CONCERN IN THIS CASE.

>> VOTER FRAUD ALLEGATIONS.

VOTER FRAUD?

>> STEPHEN: YES, VOTER FRAUD.

NOW, I'M NOT GOING TO BORE YOU

WITH ANY SHOCKING EXAMPLES OF

VOTER FRAUD BECAUSE IT IS

VIRTUALLY NON-EXISTENT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT I SAY WE CAN'T BE TOO

CAREFUL, FOLKS.

ANYBODY VOTING THAT I DON'T

PERSONALLY KNOW IS KIND OF

SUSPICIOUS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THANKFULLY, THERE ARE SOME

HEROES OUT THERE TRYING TO KEEP

THIS PROCESS PURE.

>> A REPUBLICAN WORKER IS

ARRESTED FOR VOTER FRAUD.

>> HE IS A CONTRACTOR.

>> SOMEONE WORKING AT A BUSINESS

IN A LOCAL G.O.P. HEADQUARTERS

BUILDING SPOTTED A MAN DUMPING

VOTER REGISTRATION FORM.

THEY FOUND 8 COMPLETED FORMS IN

THE DUMPSTER.

>> STEPHEN: SO, SOME VOTER FORMS

GOT DUMPED.

THAT'S HOW THE ELECTORAL SAUSAGE

IS MADE, FOLKS.

AND LIKE WITH SAUSAGE, IT'S

OFTEN TAINTED, AND ONCE IN A

WHILE AN (bleep) GETS IN THERE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

GROUND UP.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOLKS, I CONDEMN THIS MAN'S

ACTIONS.

YOU DESTROYED VOTER REGISTRATION

FORMS, BUT ONLY EIGHT?

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT'S THE MATTER, WAS THE PAPER

STOCK TOO HEAVY?

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND WHY DIDN'T YOU SHRED THEM,

OR BURY THEM, OR BATTER FRY THEM

AT THE STATE FAIR?

[ LAUGHTER ]

FRANKLY, I'D HAVE EXPECTED

BETTER FROM THE ALBINO MONK FROM

THE DA VINCI CODE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, OF COURSE, THE VOTER

WATCHDOG SPOILSPORTS AT THE FEC

WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE THAT

TAMPERING WITH VOTER

REGISTRATION IS A "FEDERAL

CRIME" JUST BECAUSE "IT IS."

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT I SAY, IT'S ALL PART OF THE

GAME -- THE DEMOCRATS TRY TO

REGISTER VOTERS AND BUS THEM TO

POLLING STATIONS.

AND THE REPUBLICANS ARE JUST

PLAYING DEFENSE, BIG D, 'CAUSE

THAT'S WHAT WINS CHAMPIONSHIPS.

OH, BY THE WAY, SOME POLLING

PLACES WILL HAVE LINEBACKERS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO WEAR A CUP.

BUT FOR ANY DEMOCRATS STILL

WORRIED THAT YOUR VOTER

REGISTRATION FORMS MAY HAVE

ENDED UP IN THE GARBAGE, DON'T

WORRY, YOU HAVE A SPECIALLY

DESIGNATED POLLING PLACE:

THE DUMP.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OKAY?

OF COURSE, IF YOU CAN'T GET TO

THE DUMP ON ELECTION DAY, WHICH

REMEMBER, THIS YEAR IS ON

NOVEMBER 32ND.

OKAY?

[ LAUGHTER ]

I BELIEVE THAT'S A THRENSDAY,

WE'LL CHECK ON THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU CAN JUST WRITE YOUR VOTE ON

A PIECE OF LEGAL SIZED PAPER.

OKAY?

PUT YOUR VOTE THRON.

AND THEN, DON'T FORGET TO DEPOZ

IT-6--- DEPOSIT IT IN

ONE OF THESE HANDY HOME BALLOT

BOXES.

SO CONVENIENT!

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

POINT IS, IT'S YOUR

RESPONSIBILITY TO HAVE YOUR VOTE

COUNTED ON ELECTION DAY.

UNLESS YOU VOTED FOR OBAMA IN

2008.

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