Rick Perry Presents

  • Aired:  09/08/11
  •  | Views: 69,965

Rick Perry takes on the 800-pound gorilla in the room, being stomped on by the elephant in the room, being ridden by the emperor who has no clothes: Social Security. (4:50)

>> ABSOLUTELY, AND IT WOULD HELP

THE POOR

>> Stephen: YES, ELIMINATING THE

MINIMUM WAGE WOULD HELP THE

POOR.

FOR ONE THING, THEY'D STOP

ENVYING PEOPLE WITH JOBS.

BUT FOLKS, AS IMPRESSIVE AS THE

FIELD WAS, of course, THERE CAN

BE ONLY ONE.

AND THE CLEAR WINNER LAST NIGHT

WAS MY MAN RICK PARRY -- WITH AN

A.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THIS GUY IS A STRAIGHT SHOOTER.

AND NOT JUST WHEN HE'S JOGGING.

FIRST OFF, PARRY TOOK AIM AT THE

SO-CALLED SCIENTIFIC CONSENSUS

AROUND GLOBAL WARMING.

>> JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A GROUP

OF SCIENTISTS THAT HAVE STOOD UP

AND SAID HERE IS THE FACT,

GALILEO GOT OUTVOTED FOR A

SPELL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Stephen: YEAH.

GALILEO BELIEVED THE EARTH

REVOLVED AROUND THE SUN, BUT

RESPECTED SCIENTISTS LIKE tHE

POPE AND HIS INQUISITORS

CHALLENGED THAT WITH THEIR

THEORY THAT HOT IRONS WOULD BURN

OUT HIS EYES.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND PERRY IS SUCH A BADASS THAT

HIS BIGGEST APPLAUSE LINE OF THE

NIGHT DIDN'T EVEN COME FROM

SOMETHING HE SAID.

BRIAN WILLIAMS, LET'S MAKE SOME

PEOPLE SMILE.

>> GOVERNOR PERRY, A QUESTION

ABOUT TEXAS.

YOUR STATE HAS EXECUTED 234

DEATH ROW INMATES, MORE THAN ANY

OTHER GOVERNOR IN MODERN TIMES.

HAVE YOU--

[APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: WOOOO!!!!!

WOOOO!

WAAAA!

LETHAL COCKTAIL ALL OVER MY

DESK.

I SAY WE BARBECUE THEM SONS OF

BITCHES LIKE TEXAS TOAST!!

THIS IS GREAT MOMENT FOR PERRY.

BUT LET'S FACE IT, MENTIONING

EXECUTIONS IS A SUREFIRE

APPLAUSE LINE FOR CONSERVATIVES.

IT'S LIKE SAYING "POT" TO THE

AUDIENCE OF "THE DAILY SHOW."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU PEOPLE, TOO, EVIDENTLY.

BUT THE THING THAT REALLY SEALED

MY MAN'S VICTORY WAS WHEN HE WAS

THE ONLY ONE TO MAN UP AND TAKE

ON THE 800-POUND GORILLA IN THE

ROOM, BEING STOMPED ON BY THE

ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, BEING

RIDDEN BY THE EMPEROR WHO HAS NO

CLOTHES: SOCIAL SECURITY.

HE PULLED NO PUNCHES WHEN IT

CAME TO THIS UNIVERSALLY

BELOVED, HIGHLY EFFECTIVE CANCER

ON OUR SOCIETY.

JIM?

>> IT IS A PONZI SCHEME TO TELL

OUR KIDS THAT ARE 25 OR 30 YEARS

OLD TODAY, YOU'RE PAYING INTO A

PROGRAM THAT'S GOING TO BE

THERE.

YOU CANNOT KEEP THE STATUS QUO

IN PLACE AND NOT CALL IT

ANYTHING OTHER THAN A PONZI

SCHEME.

IT IS.

THAT IS WHAT IT IS

>> Stephen: YES, SOCIAL SECURITY

IS A CLASSIC PONZI SCHEME!

YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET BACK

THE MONEY YOU PUT IN.

BUT YOUR MONEY GOES TO SOMEONE

WHO GOT IN EARLIER.

THINK ABOUT IT: MILLIONS OF

UNSUSPECTING YOUNG RUBES ARE

PAYING IN, WHILE THE FAT CATS AT

THE TOP SIT BACK AND RAKE IN AN

AVERAGE OF $1,177 A MONTH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

ALL TO FUND THEIR LAVISH

LIFESTYLES OF MOTORIZED CHAIRS

AND SPECIAL TEETH THEY CAN TAKE

OUT AT NIGHT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THIS IS A SCANDAL.

IT HAS TO END!

RICK PERRY KNOWS THAT ANY TIME A

GROUP OF PEOPLE POOL THEIR MONEY

FOR ANY REASON, IT'S A PONZI

SCHEME.

AND IT'S NOT JUST SOCIAL

SECURITY-- SAME GOES FOR BANKS.

TELL YOU WHAT --

YOU DEPOSIT A TEN DOLLAR BILL

THEN COME BACK TO TAKE IT OUT,

THEY DON'T GIVE YOU BACK THE

SAME BILL!

ONE TIME THEY TRIED TO GIVE ME

TWO FIVES!

[ LAUGHTER ]

DO THEY THINK I'M AN IDIOT?!

[ LAUGHTER ]

IF SENIORS OUT THERE ARE SO BENT

ON WANTING TO PUT THEIR MONEY

INTO A PROGRAM AND GET OTHER

PEOPLE'S MONEY OUT,

OUT, THERE'S ALREADY A PRIVATE

ALTERNATIVE.

IT'S CALLED VEGAS.

OLD PEOPLE ALREADY LOVE IT.

WE JUST PLUNK THEM DOWN AT THE

SLOTS AND LET THEM FEED THEIR

LIFE SAVINGS IN ONE NICKEL AT A

TIME.

ALL THEY NEED IS TWO PLUMS AND A

CHERRY AND THEY'VE GOT

THEMSELVES ANOTHER WEEK OF BLOOD

PRESSURE MEDS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THERE'S NO TELLING -- FOLKS,

THERE'S NO TELLING HOW LONG

WE'LL EXTEND THEIR LIVES -- IN

THAT CASINOS HAVE NO WINDOWS OR

CLOCKS.

AND FOR THE VERY FEW WHO DON'T

HIT THE RETIREMENT JACKPOT,

THERE'S A SOCIAL SAFETY NET.

WE COMP THEIR PRIME RIB BUFFET

AND SHOVE THEM INTO THE DESERT.

THEY'LL THINK THEY'RE AT THE NEW

CIRQUE DU SOLEIL SHOW: RICK

PERRY PRESENTS "VULTURE."

WE'L

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