Sport Report - From Russia With Love (But No Gay Stuff)

  • Aired:  02/10/14
  •  | Views: 111,541

Buddy Cole meets with U.S. Ambassador Dan Baer to learn about Russia's anti-gay laws. (6:28)

BUT FOLKS, I DO KNOW ONE MANWHO CAN COVER THIS GAY

THREAT LIKE NO ONE ELSE,PLEASE WELCOME MY OLD FRIEND

AND LONG TIME COLBERT REPORTPRODUCER, BUDDY COLE.

BUDDY, GREAT TO HAVE YOUHERE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU,

MY FRIEND.

>> GREAT TO BE HERE,STEPHEN.

>> Stephen: NOW BUDDY, FOLKS,FOR THOSE THAT DON'T KNOW,

BUDDY AND I GO WAY BACK.

WE MET AT THEATRE CAMP WHEREHE HAD AN ALMOST AMAZING

GAYDAR.

IF YOU WERE GAY, BUDDY WOULDSMOKE YOU OUT.

>> IT'S TRUE.

I COVERED-- UNCOVERED EVERYSINGLE GAY MAN IN CAMP, WELL,

EXCEPT FOR ONE.

>> Stephen: WELL, YOU'LL GETHIM ONE DAY.

>> I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.

>> Stephen: NOW BUDDY, INEED YOU TO GO TO RUSSIA TO

INVESTIGATE THE GAY THREATTO THE GAMES.

ARE YOU UP FOR IT?

>> YES, SIR.

>> YOU SAY GAY AND ATHLETES,AND I'M THERE.

>> Stephen: GOOD MAN, BUTHERE IS THE THING, THESE

ANTIGAY PROPAGANDA LAWS ARESO VAGUE.

JUST PLEASE DON'T DOANYTHING THAT COULD MAKE THE

RUSSIAN POLICE MISTAKE YOUFOR A GAY GUY.

>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRYABOUT ME, STEPHEN.

I RECENTLY LEARNED ALL ABOUTHOW TO STAY SAFE IN RUSSIA.

FROM U.S. AMBASSADOR TO THEORGANIZATION FOR SECURITY

AND COOPERATION IN EUROPE,DAN BAER, JIM?

>> Stephen: ACTUALLY, BUDDY,I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN

SAY JIM.

>> OKAY.

STEPHEN?

>> Stephen: JIM.

(LAUGHTER)WITHIN "THE COLBERT REPORT"

PRESENTS A REPORT EXCLUSIVEFROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE.

>> BUT NO GAY STUFF.

>> DOUBLE O 14.

>> WITH ME, BUDDY COLE.

>> BEFORE HEADING TO SOCHI,I NEEDED TO LEARN ABOUT

RUSSIA'S ANTI-GAY LAWS.

SO I SAT DOWN WITHAMBASSADOR DANIEL BAER OF

THE ORGANIZATION FORSECURITY AND COOPERATION IN

EUROPE.

>> IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEETYOU.

DAN BAER.

>> VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> YOU CAN CALL ME BUDDYCOLE.

>> YOU CAN CALL ME DAN.

>> OH, THAT'S WONDERFULBECAUSE THOSE HAPPEN TO BE

OUR NAMES.

>> THAT'S TRUE.

>> SO DAN, WHAT ARE YOURRESPONSIBILITIES AS AN

AMBASSADOR?

>> WELL, WE WORK TO ADVANCEU.S. FOREIGN POLICY IN MY

CASE, AT THE IOC TO BRINGTHE VISION OF A EUROPE WHERE

EVERYBODY HAS THEIR HUMANRIGHTS RESPECTED TO REALITY.

>> SO YOU ARE ONE OF ONLYFIVE OPENLY GAY AMBASSADORS.

DO YOUR PARENTS KNOW?

>> MY PARENTS DO KNOW.

>> AND HOW DID THEY TAKE ITWHEN THEY FOUND OUT THAT YOU

WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT?

>> MY MOM HAS BEEN VERYSUPPORTIVE OF MY CAREER FOR

THE GOVERNMENT.

>> EVEN THOUGH BEING ANAMBASSADOR IS A CHOICE.

>> IT IS, YES.

>> SO AS AN AMBASSADOR AREYOU ABOVE THE LAW?

>> NO, I DON'T CONSIDERMYSELF TO BE ABOVE THE LAW,

NO.

>> COULD YOU JUST LIKE HITSOMEONE WITH YOUR CAR AND

JUST WALK AWAY SCOT-FREE?

>> NO.

>> ISN'T THAT WHATAMBASSADORS DO?

>> YOU KNOW, DIPLOMATICIMMUNITY --

>> JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT,WHAT'S THE POINT.

OH, DO YOU HAVE A SWORD?

>> I DON'T HAVE A SWORD.

>> A CAPE?

>> I DON'T HAVE A CAPE.

>> DO THEY CALL YOU YOUREXCELLENCY.

>> THEY DO FROM TIME TOTIME.

>> OH, OKAY, FINALLY SO,THERE ARE SOME PERKS.

>> THERE ARE CERTAINLY SOMEPERKS.

>> SO AS AN EXPERT, WHAT ISTHE RUSSIAN ANTI-GAY

LEGISLATION.

>> WELL, THE SO-CALLED GAYPROPAGANDA LAW BANS-- MAKES

IT ILLEGAL TO TALK ABOUTNONTRADITIONAL SEXUAL

RELATIONSHIPS IN A WAY THATWOULD EITHER MAKE THEM SEEM

GOOD OR EQUAL TO OTHERRELATIONSHIPS.

>> SO WHAT ABOUT IF YOUR GAYRELATIONSHIPS WEREN'T EQUAL

TO STRAIGHTRELATIONSHIPS?

>> WELL, I THINK THEQUESTION IS NOT A QUESTION

ABOUT ONE PARTICULARRELATIONSHIP OR ANOTHER

BUT -->> ALL PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE

THE RIGHT TO HAVE TERRIBLERELATIONSHIPS.

>> YOU KNOW.

>> WE SHOULD ALL BE FREE TOBE TRAPPED IN LOVELESS

MARRIAGES.

>> HOPEFULLY WE'RE NOT BUT ITHINK WHETHER YOU ARE GAY OR

STRAIGHT SHOULDN'T DETERMINEWHETHER YOU ARE.

>> SO THIS LAW MEANS THAT IFI WEAR LET'S SAY A RAINBOW

T-SHIRT, THAT COULD GET MEARRESTED?

>> WELL, I THINK IT COULDBECAUSE IT IS SUCH A VAGUE

LAW.

>> BUT SERIOUSLY, DAN, DON'TYOU THINK WEARING A RAINBOW

SHIRT SHOULD GET YOUARRESTED.

I MEAN WHY NOT JUST GO OUTDRESSED AS A UNICORN,

IF YOU CAN'T DECIDE ON ACOLOR WEAR BLACK OR NOTHING

AT ALL, OR JUST DON'T GOOUT.

>> WHAT PEOPLE WEAR IS ONEOF THE WAYS THAT THEY

EXPRESS THEMSELVES.

>> SO IN OTHER WORDS, NOTTOO MANY ZIPPERS.

HOW MANY ZIPPERS ON ANOUTFIT COULD ONE HAVE

WITHOUT APPEARING TOO GAY.

>> I THINK IT'S IMPORTANTNOT TO OVERTHINK THIS.

>> BUTTONS, ARE BUTTONSGAYER THAN ZIPPERS?

>> YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER HADAN OPINION ON THAT.

>> I WAS TOLD THAT IN ORDERFOR ME TO BE SAFE I SHOULD

GO ALL VELCRO, JUST SO ITHAS THAT MACHO SOUND WHEN

YOU UNDO YOUR PANTS.

>> I'LL MAKE A NOTE OF THAT.

>> SO YOU BELIEVE THE PEOPLESHOULD BE ALLOWED TO WEAR

WHAT THEY WANT.

>> I DO.

>> OH.

THAT'S INTERESTING.

YOU'RE OUT ON A LIMB THERE,DAN.

>> HOPEFULLY IT'S NOT A VERYLONG ONE.

>> I HOPE IT'S A VERY THICKONE.

>> LET ME CLARIFY, WILL THEOLYMPICS BE SAFE FOR ME?

>> I COULD CARE LESS ABOUTTHE LATVIAN LUGE TEAM, I

MEAN THEY'RE LUGERS, RIGHT?

>> YOU KNOW, I THINK AS WITHALL LARGE SPORTING EVENTS,

WE'RE ENCOURAGING EVERYBODYTO BE ATTENTIVE AND MAKE

GOOD DECISIONS ABOUT THEIRPERSONAL SAFETY.

>> I WOULDN'T WANT TO RUN AFOUL OF THESE LAWS.

I'VE BEEN PRACTICING SOMEBASIC PHRASES TO HELP ME OUT

OF TROUBLE.

CAN YOU POINT ME TO THENEAREST HARDWARE STORE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THATONE.

>> I THINK DEPENDING ON THECONTEXT, PEOPLE MIGHT BE

CONFUSED.

>> WOMEN, AM I RIGHT?

WHO NEEDS THEM, EXCEPT FORTHEIR VAGINAS?

>> IS THAT -->> I THINK THAT WOULD

PROBABLY GET YOU IN TROUBLEWITH A LOT OF PEOPLE.

>> VAGINAS, CAN I HAVE TWOOF THEM-- CAN I HAVE ONE IN

EACH COLOR.

>> HOW ABOUT THAT?

>> YOU KNOW, I THINK THEBEST ADVICE IS TO JUST BE

YOURSELF.

>> OKAY.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, DAN, DO IHAVE OFFICIAL CLEARANCE TO

ENTER SOCHI?

>> WELL, OBVIOUSLY, THEOFFICIAL CLEARANCE WILL COME

FROM THE RUSSIAN GOVERNMENTBECAUSE YOU HAVE TO GET A

VISA.

>> THAT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OFWORK.

>> I THINK IT'S WORTH DOING.

>> OKAY, WELL, THANK YOU,SIR.

I PROMISE THAT I WON'T LETAMERICA DOWN.

>> HAVE A GOOD TRIP, AND BESAFE.

>> WELL, I LEARNED A LOT.

AND I'M SURE I'LL REMEMBERSOME OF IT.

SO I'M READY FOR RUSSIA BUTIS RUSSIA READY FOR ME?

(APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: BUDDY COLE,

EVERYBODY.

CHEERS THANK YOU,BUDDY.

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