Stephen Colbert's South Carolina Serious, Classy Debate - Nat Geo Wild's Response

  • Aired:  12/14/11
  •  | Views: 52,401

Ever since Donald Trump dropped out of his debate, there has been a giant ego-shaped hole in the Republican primaries, and Stephen intends to fill it with animals. (2:58)

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN"]

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

WHAT CAN I SAY?

WELCOME TO "THE REPORT."

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

FOLKS, GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY OUT THERE,

EVERYBODY OUT IN THE WORLD,

EVERYBODY IN THE MEDIA,

EVERYBODY IN HERE TONIGHT IS

TALKING ABOUT IT.

THEY'RE ASKING ABOUT IT.

MY SOUTH CAROLINA SERIOUS,

CLASSY REPUBLICAN DEBATE.

EVER SINCE DONALD TRUMP DROPPED

OUT OF HIS OWN DEBATE LAST

NIGHT, THERE HAS BEEN A GIANT

EGO-SHAPED HOLE IN THE

REPUBLICAN PRIMARY.

NOW, ORIGINALLY I PLANNED TO

HOLD MY DEBATE ON ANIMAL PLANET.

[LAUGHTER]

BAR NONE HOME TO THE CUTEST BABY

SLOTHS ON TV.

MAKES THE BABY SLOTHS ON

DISCOVERY CHANNEL LOOK LIKE

HOOKERS.

BUT, OF COURSE, I CANNOT FORGET

WHAT NATURAL FIT THIS DEBATE

WOULD BE FOR NATIONAL

GEOGRAPHIC, NAT GEO.

LAST MIGHT I TOLD EVERYBODY

INVOLVED, THE CANDIDATES, THE

NETWORKS, IF THEY WERE

INTERESTED, THEY SHOULD SEND ME

AN EDIBLE ARRANGEMENT SAYING,

"I'M IN."

NO CANTALOUPE, HONEYDEW ONLY,

NUMBER-ONE MOST REFRESHING

MELON.

WRAP IT IN PROSCIUTTO, PUT IT ON

A TOOTHPICK, THERE IS LITERALLY

NO LIMITS TO WHAT THIS MELON CAN

ACHIEVE.

WELL, FOLKS, LOOKIE WHAT ARRIVED

TODAY.

THEY HAVE IT.

BOOM.

THIS IS FROM NAT GEO WILD.

THE CARD SAYS, "I'M IN."

SO MARK YOUR CALENDARS, FOLKS.

I DON'T HAVE A DATE YET.

JUST GO AHEAD AND MARK THE WHOLE

YEAR.

THIS DEBATE IS GOING TO BE

TREMENDOUS.

NAT GEO WILD INDISPUTABLY THE

WILDEST OF THE NAT GEOs.

AMAZING.

IT'S TERRIFYING, IT'S NATIONAL

GEOGRAPHIC GONE WILD.

YOU THROW BEADS.

A RECESS MONKEY SHOWS YOU HER

TEETH.

NAT GEO WILD KNOWS THIS WILL BE

THE TOP-RATED DEBATE IN HISTORY.

SINCE IT'S NAT GEO, IT'S GOING

TO BE ALL ANIMALS.

MY CO-HOST, THE DOG WHISPERER,

THE NUMBER-ONE GUY WHO TALKS

QUIETLY TO DOGS.

RICK PERRY GOES OFF TOPIC, HE

GETS THE SHHTZ.

RON PAUL GOES WILD, FLIP HIM ON

HIS BACK, RUB

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