The Beefstate Governors

  • Aired:  04/02/12
  •  | Views: 16,305

Governors from beef industry states want to end the smear campaign against lean, finely textured beef, and make the term "pink slime" a thing of the past. (4:54)

>> EVERYBODY KNOWS LIBERALS HAVE A LONG HISTORY OF SLANDERING GOOD AMERICAN

INDUSTRIES WITH HURTFUL NAMES.

SURE THESE DAYS EVERYBODY HATES AIR POLLUTION.

BUT WHEN I WAS A KID, WE CELEBRATED IT AS BONUS CLOUDS.

WELL, NOW THE ANTI-BUSINESS WORD WIZARDS HAVE A BEEF WITH BEEF.

>> A WHISTLE-BLOWER HAS COME FORWARD TO TELL CONSUMERS ABOUT THE GROUND BEEF A LOT

OF US BUY AT THE SUPERMARKET.

IS IT WHAT WE THINK IT IS OR IS IT PATTEDDED WITH THE FILLER THE WHISTLE-BLOWER CALLS PINK SLIME.

>> Stephen: OH, PINK SLIME IS BAD, BUT GREEN SLIME IS GOOD ENOUGH TO DUMP ON OUR CHILDREN.

FOLKS, PINK SLIME IS NOTHING MORE THAN GOOD OLD BEEF MIXED WITH SOME NOT SO GOOD OLDER BEEF.

HERE'S THE I WANT TO SAY RECIPE.

>> BEEF PRODUCTS INC. TODAY ALLOWED ME TO SEE FIRST THE BEEF CRAFT AT-- GRAFTS THAT

GO UP A CONVEYER BELT AND THE HUGE CENTRIFUGES THAT SPIN IT AROUND SEPARATING

THE FAT FROM THE REST, AND THEN RIPPED WITH AMMONIA GAS AND FROZEN AND SENT ALL OVER

THE COUNTRY ADDED TO AMERICA'S FAST FOOD, SCHOOL LUNCHES AND 70% OF ALL

GROUND BEEF SOLD AT GROCERY STORES.

>> BUT THAT'S NOT THE WHOLE STORY.

SOME OF IT IS ALSO POURED INTO A GLOVE TO FORM THE HAMBURGER HELPER.

I SAY FAR FROM A CHEMICAL SOAKED RECONSTITUTED HOOVE AND ORGAN SLURRY, PINK SLIME

IS ACTUALLY A DELICIOUS WHOLESOME MEAL YOU'D WANT TO SHARE WITH A FRIEND.

SPECIFICALLY YOUR BEST FRIEND BECAUSE UP UNTIL 2001 IT WAS USED ONLY IN DOG FOOD,

WHICH BEGS THE QUESTION,

WHAT ARE WE FEEDING OUR DOGS NOW AND WHEN DO I GET TO EAT IT.

(APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: FOLKS-- YEAH,

DOG FOOD.

BUT FOR SOME REASON THE TERM PINK SLIME HAS UP SET CONSUMERS AND THREE PLANTS

THAT PRODUCE PINK SLIME HAVE SUSPENDED OPERATIONS AFTER GROCERY CHAINS LIKE SAFEWAY,

KROGER AND BJs ANNOUNCED THEY WOULD NO LONGER STOCK MEAT CONTAINING IT.

BUT JUST WHEN THINGS LACK DARKEST THE-- THE ROAD IN,

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE BEEF STEAK GOVERNORS, AMERICA'S MEAT MEN.

RICK PERRY, HARRY BRANTAD,

SAM BROWNBACK.

YAH!

INCIDENTALLY PINK SLIME MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF BROWNBACK.

LAST WEEK THESE MEN ROAD TO THE RESCUE TOURING THE LAST OPERATING PINK SLIME PLANT

AND PLEDGING SUPPORT FOR THIS EMBATTLED INDUSTRY.

>> IT'S TIME TO END THE SMEAR CAMPAIGN.

>> YES, IT'S TIME TO END THE SMEAR CAMPAIGN.

THOUGH FULL DISCLOSURE PINK SLIME MAY ALSO CONTAIN TRACES OF SMEAR.

THE BEEFY THREE BELIEVE THE TERM PINK SLIME IS AN OFFENSIVE SLUR AGAINST SLURRY.

BECAUSE IT ALREADY HAS A LOVELY NAME.

>> THE REAL NAME OF THE PRODUCT IS LEAN FINALLY TEXTURED BEEF.

IT'S CALLED LFTB.

>> Stephen: YES, LFTB BECAUSE OUR BEEF NOW HAS SO MANY HERE MOANS IT'S A

MEMBER OF THE TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY.

THAT'S WHY-- (APPLAUSE) THAT'S WHY THE BEEF STATE GOV CAME UP WITH A CATCHY NEW SLOGAN.

DUDE, IT'S BEEF.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: NAILED IT!

UNLESS OF COURSE THERE IS AN ACCIDENT AT THE PROCESSING PLANT, IN WHICH CASE BEEF IS DUDE.

BUT GOVERNOR PERRY SAID ONE THING I DISAGREE WITH.

>> LET'S CALL THIS PRODUCT WHAT IT IS.

AND LET'S PINK SLIME BECOME A TERM OF THE PAST.

>> Stephen: I'M SORRY,

GOVERNOR, THE TERM PINK SLIME IS NOW ENGRAINED IN THE PUBLIC'S MIND.

PLUS THE HARVARD COOL SCHOOL OF PUBLIC HEALTH SAYS EATING ANY AMOUNT OR TYPE OF RED

MEAT SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASES THE RISK OF PREMATURE DEATH.

SO RED MEAT'S GOT A BAD NAME.

BUT I DON'T SEE ANYTHING IN THE REPORT ABOUT PINK SLIME SO WE MUST RECLAIM THAT TERM

THE WAY THE GAYS RECLAIM THE WORD YEAR.

SAY IT NOW AND SAY IT PROUD.

WE'RE HERE, IT'S SEAR,

TECHNICALLY.

EMBRACE THE NAME.

FORGET DUDE IT'S BEEF.

FROM NOW ON, BRO, IT'S SLIME.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.