Christine O'Donnell Witch Test

  • Aired:  09/20/10
  •  | Views: 94,086

If Christine O'Donnell sinks to the bottom of the river and drowns, her bloated corpse can march to victory with a clean record. (3:11)

SOME ANGLES FOR MY MONUMENT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO

"THE REPORT."

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

NATION, I HAVE BEEN A DIEHARD

SUPPORTER OF DELAWARE REPUBLICAN

SENATE NOMINEE CHRISTINE

O'DONNELL EVER SINCE I LEARNED

OF HER EXISTENCE LAST WEEK.

SHE IS A DIE NAMMIC CONSERVATIVE

CHRISTIAN WHO BELIEVES

MASTURBATION IS ADULTERY, AND,

FELLAS, SHE'S SINGLE.

AND WILL COME CONDEMN YOU FOR

MASTURBATING.

THE TOTAL PACKAGE.

OF COURSE, LIBERALS LIKE BILL

MAHER ARE UNFAIRLY SMEARING HER

WITH WORDS SHE SAID.

HE PLAYED THIS CLIP ON HIS SHOW

FRIDAY.

>> I DABBLED IN WITCHCRAFT.

I HUNG AROUND PEOPLE WHO WERE

DOING THESE THINGS.

ONE OF MY FIRST DATES WITH A

WITCH WAS ON A SATANIC ALTAR AND

I DIDN'T KNOW IT.

THERE WAS A LITTLE BLOOD THERE.

>> OF COURSE THERE WAS A LITTLE

BLOOD THERE.

SAINTIAN IS SUCH A MESSY EATER.

I SAY TAKE ALL THE BABIES YOU

WANT, MISTER, BUT EAT ALL THE

BABIES YOU TAKE.

OF COURSE, THEIR SECOND DATE WAS

AT THE OLIVE GARDEN.

WHAT EVIL SOURCERY MADE THEIR

BREADSTICKS ENDLESS IN.

[LAUGHTER]

AND, MMM, TRY THE BABY PREEM

VARY A.

[LAUGHTER]

AND O'DONNELL'S FRIENDS ARE

DEFENDING HER FLIRTATION WITH

THE DARK ARTS.

AS MICHELLE MALKIN WROTE ON HER

BLOG, SO SHE TRIED IT, SHE

REJECTED IT AND SHE LEARNED FROM

IT.

SHE HAS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED

OF.

EXACTLY.

WHO IN THEIR YOUTH WASN'T A

LITTLE "LEGALLY BEELZABAB-CURIOUS.

I CAN'T COUNT HOW MANY TIMES I

SUMMONED THE GOAT-HEADED

BAPHOMET TO TAKE MATH TESTS FOR

ME, BUT EVENTUALLY I STOPPED

BECAUSE HEY, HE MAY BE THE

FATHER OF DARKNESS, BUT LIKE

MOST DADS, HE CAN'T HELP WITH

ANYTHING HIGHER THAN ALGEBRA.

OKAY.

SO SHE WAS A WITCH.

BIG BLOOD WHOOP DEE DO.

IT'S NOT LIKE SHE ATTENDED A

INDONESIAN SCHOOL WHEN SHE WAS

NINE.

JIMMY, JIMMY, CAN'T WE DO ANY

BETTER THAN THAT?

HELLO.

[LAUGHTER]

LUCKILY I HAVE A WAY TO STOP

THIS WITCH-HUNT.

MS. O'DONNELL, COME ON MY SHOW

AND WE'LL THIS A SIMPLE TEST.

WE'LL BIND YOU ARMS AND LEGS AND

THROW YOU IN THE RIVER.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IF YOU SINK TO THE BOTTOM AND

DROWN, YOUR BLOATED CORPSE CAN

MARCH TO VICTORY WITH A CLEAN

RECORD, BUT IF YOU FLOAT --

[SCREAMING]

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