Hooker-Drawer Market

  • Aired:  08/10/11
  •  | Views: 37,017

The New York Post explains the volatile stock market with analysis that everyone can understand. (1:56)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CROWD CHANTING "STEPHEN"]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELCOME TO THE REPORT, GOOD TO

HAVE YOU WITH US.

NATION, THE DOW LOST 519 POINTS

TODAY.

IT'S THE SINGLE BIGGEST DROP

SINCE TWO DAYS AGO.

[LAUGHTER]

EVERYBODY'S TRYING TO MAKE SENSE

OF THE MARKETS.

LUCKILY, THE NEW YORK POST

EXPLAINED IT ALL WITH TODAY'S

COVER STORY.

"CRAZY STOX LIKE A HOOKER'S

DRAWERS-- UP, DOWN, UP"!

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THIS IS ANALYSIS EVERYONE CAN

UNDERSTAND.

YOU GET A HOOKER, EVERYONE'S

EXCITED THAT HER PANTIES ARE UP.

THEN THE UNDERWEAR STARTS TO

DROP, PEOPLE START GETTING

UPSET, GROWN MEN ARE CRYING,

CLUTCHING THEIR HEADS, WORRIED

FOR THEIR FUTURES AND THEIR

CHILDRENS'.

[LAUGHTER]

THEN THE HOOKER PULLS HER

UNDERWEAR UP-- HAPPY DAYS ARE

HERE AGAIN, SOMEBODY RINGS A

BELL AND EVERYBODY GOES HOME.

IF YOU PAID THE EXTRA FIFTY

BUCKS FOR THE BELL.

AND IT'S NOT A BELL.

[LAUGHTER]

I LOOK FORWARD TO MORE OF THIS

KIND OF ANALYSIS SUCH AS:

"LONDON JUST LIKE HOOKER'S

GENITALS-- BURNING!" AND

"SOMALI REFUGEES LIKE HOOKER'S

LIBIDO-- ALWAYS HUNGRY!" AND

"NEW YORK POST FRONT PAGE LIKE

HOOKER-- WILL SAY ANYTHING TO

GET YOUR MONEY."

[LAUGHTER]

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