Colbert Super PAC - Super Fun Pack Treasure Hunt

  • Aired:  04/02/12
  •  | Views: 15,980

Whoever wins the Super Fun Pack Treasure Hunt will receive a university visit from the actual Stephen Colbert, not the Venezuelan knockoff. (3:56)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE REPORT, EVERYONE.

>> STEVE BE, STEPHEN,

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: THANK YOU,

EVERYBODY.

>> USEFUL ENERGY.

I HAVE ALWAYS SAID AMERICA'S COLLEGES AREN'T ARE AN INCUBATOR OF IMAGINATIVE IDEAS.

FOR INSTANCE, MANY STUDENTS IMAGINED THAT COLLEGE WILL HELP THEM GET A JOB.

(LAUGHTER)

>> WELL, LAST THURSDAY I TOLD YOU ABOUT A UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS STUDENT WHO

PROPOSED A BOLD NEW IDEA,

COLLEGE STUDENTS FORMING THEIR OWN SUPER PAC IN THE IMAGE OF COLBERT SUPER PAC.

YOU KNOW OUR MOTTO, MAKING A BETTER TOMORROW TOMORROW.

NOT BAD.

SO NOT TO BE OUTGOLDENED, I INTRODUCED AN EVEN BOLDER NEW IDEA, THE COLBERT SUPER

PAC SUPERFUN PACK.

NOW IF YOU DID NOT CATCH THE SHOW LAST THURSDAY, NO DOUBT YOU ARE THINKING JUST ONE THING.

>> WAS'S IN THE BOX.

WHAT'S IN THE [BLEEP] BOX!

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: WE WERE, WE WERE GOING TO INCLUDE GWYNETH PALTROW'S HEAD, BUT WE LOST IT.

THANKS UNITED AIRLINES.

OH, GATE CHECK IT.

IT WILL BE PERFECTLY SAFE.

NOW SINCE THEN, THIS LIMITED EDITION KIT HAS BEEN ORDERED BY NEARLY 400 COLLEGE

STUDENTS WHO WILL SOON BE STARTING SUPER PACS AT THEIR COLLEGE, UNIVERSITY OR

CORRECTIONAL FACILITY.

THIS KIT INCLUDES STEP-BY-STEP FILING INSTRUCTIONS FROM MY LAWYER TREVOR POTTER.

IT ALSO INCLUDES THIS TURTLE DON'T LIKE ME NULT BUTTER T-SHIRT AND MUCH, MUCH MORE

ALL CONTAINED IN THIS COMMEMORATIVE CARDBOARD BOX SUITABLE FOR RECYCLING.

BUT ORDER NOW AND WILL YOU ALSO RECEIVE THIS ACTUAL SECRET DECODER RING,

SUPERSECRET PAC MESSAGES.

WHAT MESSAGES?

WELL, THAT'S FOR ME TO KNOW AND FOR YOU TO KARF FRAGLEZOX.

NOW WILL YOU, YOU WILL NEED THIS THING TO SOLVE THE FUN PACK'S ACTUAL TREASURE MAP

LEADING YOU TO AN ACTUAL TREASURE.

TREASURE MAP'S IN THE BOX.

WHOEVER FINDS THE TREASURE WILL RECEIVE A VISIT TO THE AMERICAN UNIVERSITY OF THEIR

CHOICE FROM THE ACTUAL STEPHEN COLBERT.

NOT THE VENEZUELAN KNOCKOFF I SENT TO MALL OPENS AND CONGRESSIONAL HEARINGS.

OF COURSE-- (APPLAUSE) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) AS THE LEADER OF THE SUPER

PAC, YOU'LL NEED STRATEGIC POLITICAL ADVICE, THE KIND I GET FROM HAM ROVE.

HE HAS ALL THE BRAINS OF KARL ROVE, WITH HALF THE SODIUM.

SO IN EACH AND EVERY KIT I AM INCLUDING HAM ROVE PROTEGE, HAMLET ROVE, OKAY.

THIS IS AN ACTUAL ONE POUND CANNED HAM WHO WILL ADVICE YOU RIGHT UP UNTIL THE

ELECTION OR UNTIL YOU GET THE MUNCHIES AT 2 A.M.

SO GO TO COLBERT SUPER PAC.COM AND BEGIN TAKING WADS OF MONEY FROM TRUSTING PEOPLE WITHOUT PROMISIN

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