U.S. Drone Controversy

  • Aired:  11/13/13
  •  | Views: 21,940

Human rights groups argue that U.S. drone strikes are tantamount to war crimes. (2:13)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT.

THANK YOU, LADIES ANDGENTLEMEN, GOOD TO HAVE YOU

WITH US!

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, NATION!

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

LADIES AND SKBRE -->> STEPHEN, STEPHEN,

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: THANK YOU,LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

YOUR LOVE IS LIKE THE RISINGSUN AND I'M A LITTLE ROSEBUD

OPENING BEFORE YOU.

FOLKS, AS YOU KNOW, THEUNITED STATES IS THE WORLD'S

POLICEMAN.

THAT'S WHY WE EAT SO MANYDOUGHNUTS IT.

BUT APPARENTLY YOU CANNOTPOLICE SIX BILLION PEOPLE

THESE DAYS WITHOUT GETTING AFEW COMPLAINTS.

>> THE U.S. GETTING BLASTEDTODAY.

ALL BECAUSE OF DRONES.

>> TWO INTERNATIONALHUMAN-RIGHTS GROUPS SAY THAT

THEY HAVE NEW EVIDENCE THATU.S. DRONE STRIKES HAVE

KILLED DOZENS OF CIVILIANSIN PAKISTAN AND YEMIN.

>> U.S. DRONE STRIKES COULDAMOUNT TO WAR CRIMES.

>> Stephen: WAR CRIMES IF?

NO.

(LAUGHTER)TECHNICALLY WE HAVEN'T

DECLARED WAR ON THOSECOUNTRIES.

(LAUGHTER)THEY'RE JUST CRIMES.

BESIDES, I THINK WE'VE MADEIT CLEAR THAT THESE DRONE

ATTACKS ARE DONE WITHSURGICAL PRECISION.

BECAUSE THE BEST WAY FOR ASURGEON TO REMOVE YOUR

APPENDIX IS BY HELL FIREMISSILE.

(LAUGHTER)WE MAY HAVE VAPORIZED YOUR

LIVER, KIDNEY AND SPLEEN BUTYOUR APPENDIX IS ON THE RUN.

PLUS BARACK OBAMA ASSUREDWHEN ORDERING A STRIKE THERE

MUST BE NEAR CERTAINTY THATNO CIVILIANS WILL BE KILLED

OR INJURED.

AND THAT'S THE KIND OFALMOST SURE THING I'M

WILLING TO BET SOMEBODYELSE'S LIFE ON.

(LAUGHTER)NOW FOLKS, THIS HAS BEEN

GREAT FOR THE LOCALPAKISTANI ECONOMY BECAUSE OF

THE CONSTANT PRESENCE OFCIRCLING DRONES, SALES OF

SLEEPING TABLETS,ANTI-DEPRESSANTS AND

MEDICINE TO TREAT ANXIETYHAVE SOARED AS WELL AS PILLS

FOR ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.

(LAUGHTER)YES, THERE'S A REASON THAT

CIALIS COUP SELL SITTINGOUTSIDE IN BATHTUBS, BECAUSE

THAT'S ALL THAT'S LEFT AFTERTHE DRONE BLEW UP THEIR

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