Vampire for Congress in Florida

  • Aired:  05/08/14
  •  | Views: 37,743

Tea Party candidate Jake Rush faces questions about his role-playing hobby as he vies for Florida's congressional seat. (2:57)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT, THANK YOU FORJOINING US, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOLKS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN,

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: THANK YOU,LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

FOLKS, IN HERE, OUT THERE,ALL AROUND THE WORLD, NATION,

IF YOU ARE WATCHING THENEWS YOU KNOW THAT WE ARE IN

THE MIDDLE OF THE 2014MIDTERM PRIMARIES.

WHERE CANDIDATES AREFIGHTING FOR VOTERS'

APPROVAL SO THEY CAN GO TOCONGRESS AND LOSE IT

IMMEDIATELY.

(LAUGHTER)THE FIRST PRIMARY ELECTIONS

WERE THIS LAST TUESDAY ANDAN OHIO-INDIANA AND NORTH

CAROLINA TEA PARTYCANDIDATES LOST TO

ESTABLISHMENT REPUBLICANS.

FOLKS, IT LOOKS LIKE THECOUNTRY CLUB REPUBLICANS ARE

GOING TO RUN EVERYTHING.

THEY CERTAINLY DO IN MYCOUNTRY CLUB.

(LAUGHTER)REALLY NICE.

BUT THERE'S ONE PRIMARY THETEA PARTY CANNOT LOSE.

BECAUSE THEY'RE THE ONLYONES IN IT.

FLORIDA'S THIRD DISTRICT.

THE FIGHTIN THIRD.

IT PITS REPUBLICAN INCUMBENTAND OFF BRAND CHOCOLATE

DRINK TED YOHO AGAINSTFELLOW REPUBLICAN JAKE RUSH

WHO IS RUNNING ON A PLATFORMOF TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE,

STRICT CONSTITUTIONALISM,STRONG NATIONAL DEFENSE AND

REPEAL OBAMACARE.

JAKE RUSH IS EVERYTHING YOUCOULD WANT IN A CONGRESSMAN

AND MAYBE MORE THAN YOU DO.

>> JAKE RUSH RUNNING FORTHIRD CONGRESSIONAL

DISTRICT.

>> SELLING HIMSELF AS ACONSERVATIVE STRAIGHT

SHOOTER, BUT GUESS WHAT, HEHAPPENS TO BE A VAMPIRE.

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: DID NOT SEE THAT

COMING.

WITH A NAME LIKE JAKERUSH, YOU WOULD THINK

SOFT-CORE PORN BUT AS AVAMPIRE HE GOES UNDER THE

NAME CHAZZ DARLING.

SEEN HERE AS A MALEVOLENTLORD OF THE UNDEAD WHO HAS

JUST HAD HIS EYES DILATED BYAN INCOMPETENT

OPHTHALMOLOGIST.

JAKE RUSH IS DEEPLY INVOLVEDIN LIVE ACTION ROLE PLAYING

OR LARP.

LARP IS ALSO THE SOUND HISCAMPAIGN MANAGER MADE WHEN

HE SAW THIS PICTURE.

AND CHAZZ DARLING'S JUST ONEOF THE CHARACTERS JAKE RUSH

PLAYS.

OTHERS INCLUDE LORD STAASVAN DER WINST AND ARCHBISHOP

KETERING WHO WAS BORN IN1146, MAKING HIM YOUNGER

THAN MANY FLORIDA VOTERS.

(LAUGHTER)AND JAKE RUSH WAS ONCE AN

ACTUAL ALA'CHUA COUNTYSHERIFF DEPUTY WHERE HIS

ROLE PLAYING EXPERIENCESWERE CONSIDERED AN ADVANTAGE

WHEN APPLYING FOR UNDERCOVERWORK.

BAD NEWS, CRIMINALS, HE'SNOT ACTUALLY A DRUG DEALER,

HE'S CHAZZ DARLING, VAMPIRECOP.

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