Who's Attacking Me Now? - #CancelColbert

  • Aired:  03/31/14
  •  | Views: 809,216

The Interwebs nearly swallow Stephen whole after the dark forces of Twitter descend on The Report. (7:22)

(LAUGHTER)AND FOLKS, INTERNET EQUALITY IS

MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVER, AS ILEARNED THIS WEEKEND WHEN THE

INTERWEBS TRIED TO SWALLOW MEWHOLE.

BUT I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I GOTLODGED IN ITS THROAT AND IT

HACKED ME BACK UP LIKE A HASTILYCHEWED CHICKEN WING.

(LAUGHTER)THIS IS WHO'S ATTACKING ME NOW.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO ME

ON THE INTERNET, WE TURN TO THETV.

>> PEOPLE ARE CALLING FOR THESTEPHEN COLBERT SHOW TO BE

CANCELED AFTER A TWEET ABOUTASIANS APPEARED ON THE COMEDY

CENTRAL TWITTER ACCOUNT.

>> #CANCELCOLBERT ISTRENDING THIS MORNING.

>> #CANCELCOLBERT IS TRENDINGTHIS MORNING.

>> #CANCELCOLBERT WENT VIRAL.

>> Stephen: BUT FOLKS, I'MSTILL HERE!

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")>> Stephen: IT'S ALL BECAUSE

OF YOU PEOPLE!

THE DARK FORCES TRYING TOSILENCE MY MESSAGE OF CORE

CONSERVATIVE PRINCIPLES MIXEDWITH YOUTH-FRIENDLY PRODUCT

PLACEMENT HAVE BEEN THWARTED.

(LAUGHTER)WENT THROUGH A FEW OF THESE THIS

WEEKEND.

BUT FOLKS, I'M NOT GOING TOLIE -- IT WAS CLOSE.

WE ALMOST LOST ME.

(LAUGHTER)I'M NEVER GOING TO TAKE ME FOR

GRANTED EVER AGAIN.

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.

LAST WEDNESDAY, I SALUTEDWASHINGTON REDSKINS OWNER DANIEL

SNYDER FOR HIS NEW CHARITY, THEWASHINGTON REDSKINS ORIGINAL

AMERICANS FOUNDATION.

WHICH SOME HAVE CALLED ANOBVIOUS ATTEMPT TO WIN OVER

NATIVE AMERICANS BECAUSE IT ONLYUSES THE TERM "REDSKINS" ONCE IN

ITS NAME.

(LAUGHTER)NOW, I HAVE MY OWN RACIAL

MISUNDERSTANDING WITH THE ASIANCOMMUNITY OVER A LONG-RUNNING

AND BELOVED CHARACTER ON MYSHOW.

VERY IMPORTANT.

HE IS A CHARACTER.

HE IS NOT ME.

THIS IS THE REAL STEPHENCOLBERT.

I MEAN EVERYTHING I SAY ON THISSHOW.

HE MEANS...

WELL, YOU WOULD HAVE TO ASK HIM.

AND HE'S NOT RETURNING MY CALLS.

ANYWAY, I WAS SO INSPIRED BY DANSNYDER'S CHARITABLE OUTREACH

THAT I FORMED MY OWN CHARITY.

"THE CHING CHONG DING DONGFOUNDATION FOR SENSITIVITY TO

ORIENTALS OR WHATEVER."

(LAUGHTER)THAT WAS WEDNESDAY.

IT RERAN FOUR TIMES ON THURSDAY,WAS POSTED ON THE SHOW'S

Facebook PAGE.

NOT A PEEP OUT OF THE INTERNET.

THEN AROUND 7:00 ON THURSDAY, MYNETWORK'S PROMOTIONAL TWITTER

ACCOUNT, @COLBERTREPORT, TWEETEDTHE NAME OF MY FOUNDATION

WITHOUT PROVIDING A VIDEO LINKTO THE ORIGINAL SEGMENT OR

MENTIONING THAT I WAS INSPIREDBY THE REDSKINS CHARITY.

WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT A MEANSOF COMMUNICATION LIMITED TO 140

CHARACTERS WOULD EVER CREATEMISUNDERSTANDINGS?

(LAUGHTER)BUT I HAVE NEVER ONCE USED

@COLBERTREPORT.

AS YOU HEROES KNOW, I'M@STEPHENATHOME.

THOUGH FULL DISCLOSURE, ISOMETIMES TWEET FROM

@STEPHENATHOME AT WORK IN THEBATHROOM.

THEN, WHEN THE TWIT HIT THE FAN,THE BRAIN TRUST AT MY NETWORK

TOOK THE TWEET DOWN, BECAUSETHAT'S HOW THIS INTERNET WORKS.

YOU CAN JUST TAKE STUFF DOWN ANDNO ONE WILL EVER KNOW IT

HAPPENED.

JUST ASK MAYOR WIENER.

(LAUGHTER)NOW, I'M NOT TRYING TO THROW

ANYONE UNDER THE BUS HERE.

MOSTLY BECAUSE I DON'T GO THATCLOSE TO PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION.

BUT WHEN I SAW THE TWEET WITH NOCONTEXT, I UNDERSTOOD HOW PEOPLE

WERE OFFENDED.

SAME WAY I, AS ANIRISH-AMERICAN, WAS OFFENDED

AFTER READING ONLY ONE LINE OFJONATHAN SWIFT'S "A MODEST

PROPOSAL."

I MEAN, EAT IRISH BABIES?!

HASHTAG CANCEL SWIFT!

TREND IT!

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

NOW, ALL OF THIS WAS STARTED BYA HASHTAG ACTIVIST, OR A

HASHTIVIST, WHO HAS BEENVICIOUSLY ATTACKED ON TWITTER.

IF ANYONE IS DOING THAT FOR ME,I WANT YOU TO STOP RIGHT NOW.

SHE'S JUST SPEAKING HER MIND.

THAT'S WHAT TWITTER'S FOR, ASWELL AS RUNNING THE ENDING OF

EVERY SHOW I HAVEN'T WATCHEDYET.

NOW, THE CANCEL COLBERT PEOPLETHINK THAT EVEN IN CONTEXT, I'M

A RACIST.

I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I'M NOTA RACIST.

I DON'T EVEN SEE RACE.

NOT EVEN MY OWN.

PEOPLE TELL ME I'M WHITE, AND IBELIEVE THEM BECAUSE I JUST

DEVOTED SIX MINUTES TOEXPLAINING HOW I'M NOT A RACIST.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

AND THAT'S ABOUT THE WHITESTTHING YOU CAN DO.

NOW, ONCE THE CANCEL COLBERTHASHTAG GOT ROLLING, IT WAS ONE

TO HAVE THE TOP FIVE TRENDS FORMORE THAN 36 HOURS BECAUSE

EVERYBODY WANTS TO TALK ABOUTTHE KING.

(LAUGHTER)THEN IT WAS PICKED UP BY A SMALL

GROUP OF AMERICANS WHO GET THEIRINFORMATION "ONLY" FROM

TWITTER -- THE NEWS MEDIA.

THERE WERE ONLINE STORIES IN THE"U.S.A. TODAY," THE

"NEW YORKER," "VARIETY,""SLATE," THE "HUFFINGTON POST,"

THREE FEATURES ON "TIME DOT-COM"AND SEVEN ON "SALON."

CNN EVEN TOOK A BREAK FROM THEIRMALAYSIAN AIRLINER COVERAGE TO

REPORT SPOTTING WHAT THEYTHOUGHT WAS THE WRECKAGE OF MY

SHOW OFF THE COAST OF AUSTRALIA.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

BUT MAYBE MOST HURTFUL, MYFELLOW CONSERVATIVES ABANDONED

ME IN MY TIME OF NEED.

LIKE MICHELLE MALKIN, WHO"CO-SIGNED" ON TO CANCEL-COLBERT

AND CALLED ME A "COWARD."

THIS CUTS DEEP, ESPECIALLY SINCEI LEARNED EVERYTHING I KNOW

ABOUT SENSITIVITY TO THEASIAN-AMERICAN EXPERIENCE FROM

MICHELLE'S 2004 BOOK, "INDEFENSE OF INTERNMENT."

(AUDIENCE BOOING)TURNS OUT THEY HAD IT COMING.

(LAUGHTER)ONE LESS THING TO FEEL GUILTY

ABOUT.

SO TO RECAP -- A WEB EDITOR I'VENEVER MET POSTS A TWEET IN MY

NAME ON AN ACCOUNT I DON'TCONTROL, OUTRAGES A HASHTAG

ACTIVIST, AND NEWS MEDIA GETS 72HOURS OF CONTENT.

THE SYSTEM WORKED!

(LAUGHTER)BUT THIS ALL STARTED RIGHT AFTER

I TAPED THURSDAY NIGHT'S SHOW,SO I COULDN'T RESPOND UNTIL

TODAY.

IN A SENSE, I "WAS" CANCELED...

FOR THREE DAYS.

JUST LIKE JESUS.

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