Herman Cain Train

  • Aired:  07/12/11
  •  | Views: 36,450

In the GOP's all-you-can-eat superstar buffet of white bread and potato candidates, Herman Cain stands out as dessert. (3:59)

( APPLAUSE )

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: VERY NICE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CROWD CHANTING STEPHEN]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU SO MUCH, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU FOR IS JOINING US.

THAT IS THE PURE UNCUT STUFF YOU

JUST GAVE ME.

I WISH I COULD COOK YOU PEOPLE

UP IN A SPOON.

FOLKS, WE ARE ONLY 16 MONTHS

AWAY FROM THE 2012 PRESIDENTIAL

ELECTION.

I'M AS EXCITED AS A KID ON THE

483RD NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

[LAUGHTER]

AND WHAT'S GOT ME JAZZED IS THAT

THE REPUBLICAN FIELD IS BRIMMING

WITH SUPERSTARS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'LL DECIDE

BETWEEN THE TEN OF THEM.

IT'S LIKE AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT

YOU GOT WHITE BREAD,

WHITE RICE,

CREAM OF WHEAT,

POTATOES,

MASH POTATOES,

BOILED POTATOES,

POTATO FLAKES,

MAYONNAISE,

PACKING PEANUTS,

AND FOR DESSERT: HERMAN CAIN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT WAS TASTY.

JIMMY, GIVE ME SOME MORE OF THAT

SWEET CANDY CAIN.

♪ ♪

HE'S A TRUE SON OF THE SOUTH

BORN AND RAISED THE AMERICAN WAY

♪ HIS DAD WAS A FARMER WITH

CLOTHES ON HIS BACK BUT HE

RAISED SOME CAIN AND NEVER

LOOKED BACK HERMAN CAIN ♪

OH, HERMAN CAIN ♪

GET ABOARD THE HERMAN CAIN TRAIN

>> Stephen: WOOH!

I AM ON BOARD THE HERMAN CAIN

TRAIN!

THE MAIN CAIN TRAIN!

PARTLY BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES

TO PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES, I'M

NAMES.

AND I AM INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE

FOR HERMAN CAIN.

HE'S HOTTER THAN PROPANE.

THOUGH, HE SHOULD USE SOME

ROGAINE.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S HERMAN FOR SURE-MAN.

HE DRINKS TEQUILA, AND LEAVES

THE WORM IN.

[LAUGHTER]

THE OTHER CANDIDATES ARE

SQUIRMIN'.

I'VE DETERMINED HE'S NOT GERMAN.

PLUS THE OTHER REASON I LIKE HIM

IS

YOU KNOW CAIN IS FISCALLY

CONSERVATIVE, BECAUSE THAT VIDEO

COULD NOT HAVE COST MORE THAN

$12.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S MY MAN.

THAT'S THE GUY!

AND I'M MOSTLY EXCITED BECAUSE

CAIN IS GOING TO BE MY GUEST ON

THURSDAY, JULY 28TH.

WRITE THAT ON YOUR iPAD IN INK!

[LAUGHTER]

HE WILL NOT ONLY BE SITTING DOWN

WITH ME BUT WITH THE HEAD OF

COLBERT SUPER PAC.

AND THAT GUY IS LOOKING TO

ENDORSE SOMEBODY.

[LAUGHTER]

OF COURSE, BEFORE I ENDOSED HIM,

CAIN WOULD HAVE TO SIGN THIS--

MY CANDIDATE'S PLEDGE-- FIRST.

IT'S BLANK RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT

IS.

I WOULD GET HIM TO SIGN A BLANK

PIECE OF PAPER AND IT WILL BE

SOMETHING GOOD, AMERICA AND

STUFF LIKE THAT.

BUT I'VE GOT TO GET ONE BECAUSE

EVERYONE WHO'S ANYONE IN

REPUBLICAN CIRCLES HAS ONE.

GROVER NOR QUIST HAS AN ANTITAX

PLEDGE.

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