Colbert Galactic Initiative

  • Aired:  04/08/13
  •  | Views: 60,328

Stephen introduces the Colbert Galactic Initiative, salutes Clinton Global Initiative University students, and readies the stage for President Bill Clinton. (4:01)

COMEDY CENTRAL

[EAGLE CAW]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: WHOO!

WHOO!

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

HELLO.

HELLO, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

PLEASE, PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS.

PLEASE, PLEASE SIT DOWN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WOW, YOU SAT DOWN FAST.

[ LAUGHTER ]

LADIES ANDLADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I AM, OF COURSE, STEPHEN COLBERT.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS, CONGRATULATIONS ON WAKING UP FROM YOUR EIGHT-YEAR COMA.

[ LAUGHTER ]

LET ME GET YOU UP TO SPEED FOR SOME OF THE THINGS YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED.

FIRST OF ALL THE ECONOMY IS TERRIBLE.

LA OF LAUGH ALL HUMAN THOUGHT HAS NOW BEEN LIMITED TO 140 CHARACTERS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY NEVIL LONGBOTTOM NOW LOOKS LIKE THIS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT THAT IS A REAL MESSAGE OF HOPE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, ANOTHER BIG CHANGE IS THAT THANKS TO TED TALKS --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

-- ALL THE REAL SMARTY PEOPLE WITH THE CUTTING EDGE IDEAS ARE NOW LEGALLY REQUIRED TO USE A

HEADSET MICROPHONE WHEN CHANGING THE WORLD WITH THOUGHT.

WHY?

WELL, OBSERVE HOW IT FREES UP MY HANDS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO I CAN COMMUNICATE HOW TOGETHER WE CAN REFRAME THE ISSUES AND SHIFT THE PARADIGM SO

THAT WE CAN PULL OURSELVES --

[LAUGHTER]

--

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

INTO A BRIGHTER TOMORROW.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND TODAY, HERE, AT THE CLINTON GLOBAL INITIATIVE I'M PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THE BIRTH OF A BRAND

NEW CGI, THE COLBERT GALACTIC INITIATIVE.

THANK YOU.

VERY EXCITED.

YOU ARE THE FIRST TO KNOW.

DON'T GET ME WRONG GLOBAL IS GOOD.

IT'S CUTE, BABY STEPS.

I'M JUST THINKING A LITTLE BIT BIGGER.

I ASSUME MANY OF YOU HERE IN THIS ROOM ARE HERE FOR THE CLINTON GLOBAL UNIVERSEITY.

CGIU IS A PLACE WHERE YOUNG PEOPLE LIKE US CAN PRESENT --

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S FUN TO BE YOUNG LIKE US, ISN'T IT?

COMPANY PRESENT BOLD AND FRESH IDEAS.

I FOR ONE SALUTE YOUR COMMITMENT.

YOU ARE HERE DEVELOPING THEORIES THAT WILL ONE DAY SOLVE THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS WHILE YOUR

CLASSMATES ARE ON SPRING BREAK DEVELOPING THEORIES AS TO WHY THEY WOKE UP IN A HOT TUB NEXT

TO SOMEONE WEARING NOTHING BUT A HORSE MASK.

BUT JUST PRAISING YOU IS NOT THE ONLY REASON I'M HERE.

NO.

IN JUST A MOMENT YOU'LL WITNESS A MEETING OF TWO GLOBAL LEADERS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

ONE A STATESMAN WHO CHANGED THE WORLD CLITICLY AND CULTURAL, THE OTHER BILL CLINTON.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I FOR ONE AM AWED BY THE GREATNESS ABOUT TO APPEAR ON STAGE AND I AM HALF OF IT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THIS CHART TECHNICALLY I AM

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