NYC Bike Share

  • Aired:  06/12/13
  •  | Views: 34,536

The Wall Street Journal's Dorothy Rabinowitz speaks out against Michael Bloomberg's pedal-powered plague. (4:11)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE WILL

HAVE MORE PAUL McCARTNEY IN JUST

A MOMENT BUT FIRST, FOLKS, IT'S

HARD FOR CONSERVATIVES LIKE ME--

AND McCARTNEY-- TO LIVE IN

MICHAEL BLOOMBERG'S NEW YORK

CITY NANNYOPOLIS.

HE HAS INSTITUTED SMOKING BANS,

SODA BANS AND I CAN'T EVEN TELL

YOU HOW MANY TIMES I'VE BEEN

STOPPED AND FRISKED.

OH, WAIT, I CAN-- ZERO, BECAUSE

I'M NOT BLACK OR HISPANIC.

AND NOW-- AND NOW-- THIS GUY HAS

LAUNCHED CITI BIKE, THE NATION'S

LARGEST BIKE-SHARING PROGRAM.

>> STARTING TODAY IN NEW YORKERS

CAN RENT BIKE FOR $9.95 PER DAY

OR GET A YEARLY PASS FOR $95 AND

THAT GIVES YOU UNLIMITED ACCESS

TO 6,000 BICYCLES IN BROOKLYN

AND MANHATTAN.

>> Stephen: I DON'T SEE WHY WE

NEED THIS, FOLKS, WE ALREADY

HAVE A BIKE PROGRAM WITH

UNLIMITED ACCESS FOR JUST THE

PRICE OF BOLT CUTTERS.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S WHY I AM STANDING WITH

"WALL STREET JOURNAL" EDITORIAL

BOARD MEMBER DOROTHY RABINOWITZ

WHO IS SPEAKING OUT AGAINST THIS

SPOKED MENACE.

>> DOROTHY, WHY WOULD YOU WANT A

PROGRAM LIKE THIS IN THE FIRST

SOMEPLACE ARE WE TOO FAT?

>> DO NOT READ INTO THE MIND OF

THE TOTALITARIANS RUNNING THIS

GOVERNMENT OF THE CITY.

LOOK, I REPRESENT THE MAJORITY

OF CITIZENS OF THIS CITY ARE

APPALLED BY WHAT HAS HAPPENED.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.

DOROTHY REPRESENTS THE MAJORITY

OF CITIZENS OF NEW YORK.

AS ANYONE IN CHELSEA AND THEY

WILL TELL YOU THEY ARE A FRIEND

OF DOROTHY!

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

LUCILLE BLUTH'S OLDER SISTER

KNOWS --

(LAUGHTER)

-- THAT BIKES HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A

PEDAL-POWERED PLAGUE.

>> BEFORE THIS, EVERY CITIZEN

KNEW THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT

DANGER IN THE CITY IS NOT THE

YELLOW CABS, IT IS THE

BICYCLISTS WHO VEER IN AND OUT

OF THE SIDEWALK.

THERE'S NOBODY WHO DOESN'T BLOW

BY EVERY TRAFFIC LIGHT AND WORSE

CUT IN AND OUT OF THE LANE

BECAUSE THE BIKE LANE DOESN'T

SUIT THEM AND ON THE THE

SIDEWALKS.

WE NOW LOOK AT A CITY WHOSE BEST

NEIGHBORHOODS ARE ABSOLUTELY,

YOU KNOW, BEGAMED, IS THE WORD,

BY THESE BLAZING BLUE CITIBANK

BIKES ALL AROUND THE MOST PECK

WHICH YOU AREESQUE PARTS OF THE

CITY.

IT IS SHOCKING.

>> Stephen: BEGRIMED!

BEFOULED!

BEDIRTY.

NOW WHEN YOU'RE AMBULATING ABOUT

THE HISTORIC WEST VILLAGE A

GAUDY BLUE RACK OF BIKES WILL

TAKE AWAY FROM THE SIMPLE BEAUTY

OF THE CHERRY BOXXX DISCOUNT

DILDO SHOP!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

FOR SHAME!

FOR SHAME!

AND THESE BIKES ARE NOT THE ONLY

NEWFANGLED EYESORES BESMIRCHING

OUR FAIR CITY.

WHY MUST WE HAVE ALL THESE

GARISH TERMINALS FOR THE

SUBTERRANEAN WAY OR SUBWAY AS IT

IS CALLED BY THE SLACK JAWED

CHUDS.

(LAUGHTER)

I DON'T MIND THE LABORING MASSES

TRUNDING ABOUT UNDERGROUND, BUT

MUST WE PROVIDE THEM MEANS OF

EGRESS?

LIKE A HOUSE PLANT THEY'LL SEEK

OUT THE LIGHT AND EMERGE TO THE

PUBLIC PROMENADE TO SPREAD THEIR

WORKMAN'S DISEASES AMONG THEIR

SOCIAL BETTERS.

I ASK YOU-- I ASK YOU-- WHO WILL

PAY FOR THE EITHER TO TREAT MY

FISHMONGERS AGO YOU?

I'LL TELL YOU WHEN THIS CITY

BECAME UNFIT FOR CIVILIZED LIFE.

IT WAS THE ADVENT OF THE

VERTICAL CABLED CAR FORCING

THOSE OF US WITH DELICATE

CONSTITUTIONS TO SHARE A

RATTLING PENNICULAR PRESSED IN

THE UNIFORM OF AN ORGAN BRIPD

MONKEY.

I PREFER FOR T SIMPLER WAYS OF

YORE BEING CONVEYED TO MY

APARTMENT BY FOUR STOUT EUNUCHS.

(LAUGHTER)

FIE I SAY ON YOUR BICYCLES!

WE SHALL RETURN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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