America's Pot-astrophe

  • Aired:  04/11/13
  •  | Views: 72,253

Stoners will soon demand the civil right to marry their Mary Jane, and Republicans surrender their values for the youth vote. (4:27)

STEP FOR MAN IS LITERALLY ONE STEP BECAUSE WE PARKED THE MOON OUTSIDE THE KENNEDY STAIS CENTER.

FOLKS, WE'VE LOST OUR WAY AS A NATION.

THE MAJORITY OF AMERICANS NOW SUPPORT AMNESTY FOR ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS AND MARRIAGE FOR THE

GAYS AND NOW WE'VE LOST ANOTHER MORAL BATTLE.

>> A PUPIL SAYS MOST AMERICANS THINK MARIJUANA SHOULD BE LEGAL.

THIS THE IS FIRST TIME PEW HAS HAS HAD THIS RESULT.

>> TIMES ARE CHANGING, SOMETHING IS BLOWING IN THE WIND.

THEY SAY.

>> Stephen: EVERYTHING IS SO FUNNY WHEN YOU'RE HIGH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT THE MEDICAL MARIJUANA IN 18 STATES AND RECREATIONAL POT IS NOW LEGAL IN

BOTH COLORADO AND WASHINGTON AND THOSE TWO STATES ARE PLANNING TO TURN IDAHO INTO A BONG.

LA LAUGH EVEN WORSE, --

[LAUGHTER]

NOW, EVEN WORSE, PEOPLE ARE COMPARING THIS POT-TASTROPE.

>> A MAJORITY OF IN FAVOR OF LEGALIZING MAYOR JUAN WHY AND SAME-SEX MARRIAGE.

>> IT'S A GENERATIONAL SHIFT.

THE EVOLUTION OF SAME-SEX MARRIAGE AND SAME THING WITH MARIJUANA.

>> Stephen: I CAN'T HELP WHO I AM.

I WAS BORN ATTRACTED TO WATCHING SEVEN HOURS OF PLANET EARTH WHILE EATING A SACK OF CROUTONS.

NEXT THING YOU KNOW STONERS WILL DEMAND THE CIVIL RIGHT TO MARRY THEIR MARY JANE.

YOU MAY NOW SMOKE THE BRIDE.

IT'S NOT LIKE THE WAR ON DRUGS ISN'T WORKING.

LOOK AT THE ANIMATED CHART.

THE BLUE LINE SHOWS RATES OF ADDICTION SINCE 1970 AND THE GREEN LINE SHOWS HOW MUCH MONEY

WE SPENT ON THE WAR ON DRUGS.

THAT MIGHT LOOK LIKE THE WAR ON DRUGS IS A WASTE BUT IF YOU ARE HIGH IT LOOKS LIKE A MOUNTAIN

WITH A STREAM RUNNING OUT OF IT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND NOW POLITICS ARE COZYING UP TO BIG SPLEEF LIKE PROLEGALLIZATION COLORADO CONGRESSMAN WHO SAID MARIJUANA

OUTPERFORMED ME BY TEN POINTS SO IT WAS A GREAT ASSOCIATION FOR ME WHEN HE WON.

MARTIN THE FIRST TIME MARIJUANA IMPROVED PERFORMANCE IN ANYTHING BUT SWIMMING.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SADLY, EVEN REPUBLICAN POLITICIANS HAVE STARTED BUYING THE DRUG CULTURE PUSHERS ARE SELLING.

>> THE LAST TWO PRESIDENTS COULD HAVE BEEN PUT IN JAIL FOR THEIR DRUG USE.

I THINK WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.

IT WOULD HAVE RUINED THEIR LIVES.

A LOT OF POOR KIDS DON'T GET LUCKY.

THEY DON'T HAVE GOOD ATTORNEYS AND THEY GO TO JAIL FOR THESE THINGS AND IT'S A MISTAKE.

>> Stephen: IT'S THEIR OWN DAMN FAULT.

IF THE KIDS WANT TO RUN AROUND BREAKING LAWS WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES THEY SHOULD HAVE

GONE INTO BANKING.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT NATION, THERE MAY BE SOME SORT OF POLITICAL METHOD TO RAND PAUL'S REEFER MADNESS.

SOMETHING LIKE MYSELF COULD APPEAL TO YOUNG PEOPLE BECAUSE SOME OF THEM THINK IT'S A

MISTAKE TO PUT KIDS IN JAIL FOR MARIJUANA USE AND THROW AWAY THE KEY.

>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT RAND PAUL, HE'S PROPOT AND IF YOU GET HIGH ENOUGH MAYBE YOU'LL FORGET

ALL THE REASONS YOU WOULDN'T VOTE FOR HIM.

EVEN THOUGH THE REPUBLICAN PARTY IS DESPERATE FOR THE YOUTH VOTE.

I DON'T WANT REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFULS LIKE MARCO RUBE YES SUDDENLY SELLING OUT

THEIR VALUES TO GET IN WITH THE COOL KIDS AND IT MIGHT BE TOO LATE BECAUSE HE HAS