Formidable Opponent - Mitt Romney

  • Aired:  10/11/12
  •  | Views: 76,814

Stephen argues the centrist Mitt Romney seen at the debate is the real Mitt Romney, but Stephen thinks Stephen got sucked in. (4:46)

>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

FOR TWO YEARS MITT ROMNEY HAS BEEN A SEVERE CONSERVATIVE.

BUT LAST WEEK HE MOVED TO THE CENTER IN HIS VICTORIOUS DEBATE.

SO WHICH IS THE REAL MITT ROMNEY?

A MYSTERY THIS DEEP REQUIRES A MAN WHO REALLY KNOWS THE MEANING OF "TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE." ME, STEPHEN COLBERT!

THIS IS FORMIDABLE OPPONENT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ ♪

[BELL RINGING]

>> STEPHEN, THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME.

>> WELL, I'LL GO ON ANY SHOW TO PROMOTE MY NEW BOOK "AMERICA AGAIN, REBECOMING THE GREATNESS WE NEVER WEREN'T."

[ LAUGHTER ]

NEXT WEEK, I'M GUEST-HOSTING "HERE COMES HONEY BOO BOO." 'CUZ A DOLLAH MAKES ME HOLLAH!

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> WELL, I'D NEVER STOOP THAT LOW MYSELF, BUT I'VE GOT TO ADMIRE SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION.

>> OH NO-- THERE'S SOME SHAME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> I'D LOVE AN AUTOGRAPHED COPY.

>> YOU BET: OKAY.

HERE WE GO.

ALL RIGHT.

TO STEPHEN, YOU COMPLETE ME.

STEPHEN.

ALL RIGHT.

THERE YOU GO.

>> THANKS VERY MUCH.

>> OKAY, STEPHEN, VOTERS RESPOND TO AUTHENTICITY.

SO MITT'S CLEAR VICTORY IN THE 1ST DEBATE PROVES HIS NEW MODERATE VALUES ARE THE REAL ONES.

>> YOU ARE ADORABLE.

WHO GOT SUCKED IN BY ROMNEY?

WHO GOT SUCKED IN?

YOU DID!

>> NO, I DIDN'T.

>> YES, YOU DID!

>> KNOCK IT OFF.

>> WHO DOESN'T LIKE IT WHEN I TALK LIKE THIS?

YOU DON'T!

>> HEY, IF ANYONE "FELL FOR IT," IT'S YOU HARD LINERS WHEN YOU NOMINATED MITT.

FOR PETE'S SAKE, HE GAVE US ROMNEYCARE.

THE INSPIRATION FOR OBAMACARE!

>> WHICH HE WILL REPEAL AND REPLACE!

>> WITH MORE ROMNEYCARE!

>> WHICH HE LEAVES THAT UP TO INDIVIDUAL STATES!

AND I'M SURE MISSISSIPPI WILL STEP RIGHT UP TO THE PLATE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> HE'S LOOKING OUT FOR THE MIDDLE CLASS.

>> HE'S PROMISING A 20% TAX CUT FOR THE TOP 1%.

>> HE'S ALSO PROMISING TO CLOSE THEIR TAX LOOP HOLES, SO THEY'LL STILL PAY THE SAME AMOUNT.

>> THEN WHY CUT THEIR TAXES?

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> I DON'T KNOW.

BUT I JUST DON'T SEE HOW A GUY CAN CHANGE HIS BELIEFS OVERNIGHT AND STILL COME OFF AS CREDITABLE IN A DEBATE.

>> OH, IT'S EASY.

HERE, LET'S SWITCH SIDES.

>> UHH...OK.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> SO NOW YOU'RE ME.

AND I'LL PRETEND TO BE YOU.

I HAVE POSTULATED THE THEORY MITT ROMNEY IS A SECRET CENTRIST PRETENDING TO BE A CONSERVATIVE POSING AS A MODERATE.

IPSO FACTO, I YIELD THE FLOOR.

-- I YIELD THE REMAINDER OF MY TIME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW YOU DO ME.

>> MYAH, SEE, MYAHH.

I KNOW THAT ROMNEY'S EMBRACE OF MODERATION IS MERELY A COVER FOR ACTUALLY BEING THE ULTRA CONSERVATIVE HE WAS IN THE PRIMARIES.

MYAH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> WOW, I DO A GREAT DE NIRO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> YES, YOU DO.

>> WELL, STEPHEN I AGREE WITH WHAT YOU JUST SAID.

ROMNEY'S A SECRET CONSERVATIVE.

YOU WIN.

>> WAIT.

BUT I WAS BEING YOU WHEN I SAID THAT, SO I LOSE.

>> DOES IT REALLY MATTER WHO WON, AS LONG AS I DID?

[ LAUGHTER ]

OKAY, LET'S SWITCH BACK.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> YOU TRIPPED ME.

>> SORRY.

>> WELL, LET'S SWITCH SIDES.

>> NO, WE JUST DID.

>> I DON'T THINK SO.

>> NO, WE TOTALLY DID.

ANYWAY, THANKS AGAIN FOR THE BOOK.

>> WAIT, YOU GAVE ME THE BOOK.

YOU EVEN SIGNED IT FOR ME.

>> NO YOU SIGNED IT FOR ME.

"TO STEPHEN. I COMPLETE YOU."

>> OH, MY GOD.

I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> AND WE ONLY SWITCHED POSITIONS ONCE.

>> IMAGINE HOW MITT ROMNEY MUST FEEL.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> I BET PRETTY GOOD, BECAUSE IT'S WORKING.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> YOU'VE GOT A POINT.

>> AND YOU SIR, ARE--

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