Black History Month - Laser Klan

  • Aired:  02/27/14
  •  | Views: 53,232

The KKK tries to build an unlikely alliance in order to carry out a futuristic terror plot. (7:11)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

TO MY ONGOING COVERAGE OF BLACKHISTORY MONTH.

OF COURSE, A SAD AND REPULSIVECHAPTER OF BLACK HISTORY IS THE

KU KLUX KLAN.

LAST YEAR, I TOLD YOU HOWKLANSMEN WERE ARRESTED FOR

OFFERING TO SELL JEWISH GROUPSA WORKABLE DEATH RAY.

WELL, RECENTLY, THANKS TO MYLONGSTANDING GOOGLE NEWS ALERT

FOR "KLAN DEATH RAY," I LEARNEDTHERE WAS AN UPDATE.

>> AN UPSTATE MAN HAS JUST PLEDGUILTY TO HELPING BUILD A DEADLY

X-RAY MACHINE THAT USESRADIATION TO KILL PEOPLE.

>> AUTHORITIES SAY THEY WERETIPPED OFF TO THE PORTABLE X-RAY

DEVICE AFTER CRAWFORD APPROACHEDLOCAL JEWISH GROUPS BECAUSE HE

WANTED THEIR HELP IN KILLINGMUSLIMS.

>> Stephen: YES, JUSTICE WASDONE.

THEY'RE A VILE, DESPICABLE HATEGROUP, BUT I CAN'T HELP FEEL

A LITTLE INSPIRED BY THE WAYTHESE KLANSMEN OVERCAME THEIR

HATRED OF JEWS TO SERVE AGREATER CAUSE-- THEIR HATRED OF

MUSLIMS.

I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF THE KLANAS A BUNCH OF REDNECKS FROM OUR

SHAMEFUL RACIST PAST.

WELL, IT TURNS OUT I WAS WRONG.

BECAUSE THEY'RE A BUNCH OFREDNECKS FROM OUR SHAMEFUL

RACIST FUTURE.

I WAS SO MOVED BY THIS STORY OFHOPE THAT I DID THE OBVIOUS

THING-- I TURNED IT INTO ACARTOON.

( LAUGHTER )( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

A CARTOON THAT ANSWERS THEQUESTION-- WHAT IF THE KLAN

COMPLETED THEIR DEATH RAY ANDUSED IT FOR GOOD?

AS FOR THE OTHER QUESTION YOU'REASKING YOURSELF RIGHT NOW-- NO,

I'M NOT ( BLEEP ) YOU.

NOW, MY NETWORK DIDN'T WANT METO AIR THIS CARTOON TONIGHT,

SENDING THIS INFLAMMATORY E-MAILTHAT READS, "WE'RE A LITTLE

CONCERNED WITH THIS, ESPECIALLYBECAUSE IT IS AIRING DURING

BLACK HISTORY MONTH."

THAT'S RIGHT.

THE MAN IS TRYING TO KEEP MEDOWN!

NOW, WERE THEY POLITE ABOUT IT?

YES.

WERE THEY MAKING A REASONABLEPOINT?

ABSOLUTELY.

DO I HAVE A PROBLEM WHERE IOVER-REACT TO BEING TOLD WHAT TO

DO?

YOU BET YOUR ASS I DO.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )I BELIEVE I MUST AIR THIS DURING

BLACK HISTORY MONTH.

IF I DON'T, I'D BE TREATINGBLACK PEOPLE DIFFERENTLY, AND

THAT IS SOMETHING I ONLY DOSUBCONSCIOUSLY!

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

NOW, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU,NOKES, I MAY NOT LIKE WHAT THIS

CARTOON SAYS BUT I WILL FIGHT TOTHE DEATH FOR THE RIGHT TO AIR

IT BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVEANYTHING ELSE READY.

IS IT RIGHT TO RUN THIS CARTOONTONIGHT?

I DON'T KNOW.

I'LL LET HISTORY BE THE JUDGE.

BLACK HISTORY.

AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IGIVE TO YOU, LASER KLAN.

>> MR. PRESIDENT.

THE ALIEN WARSHIP WILL ENTER OURATMOSPHERE IN ONE HOUR AND ALL

OF OUR WEAPONS ARE USELESSAGAINST IT.

>> WE'RE THE MOST POWERFULNATION ON EARTH!

AMERICA MUST HAVE SOMETHING THATCAN STOP THEM.

WHAT WAS THAT?

>> WELL, THERE IS LASER KLAN.

( LAUGHTER )>> SERIOUSLY, WHAT HAVE WE GOT?

>> MR. PRESIDENT, SOMETIMES YOUHAVE TO WORK WITH PEOPLE WHO

DON'T LIKE YOU.

>> THAT'S ALL I DO.

( LAUGHTER )>> IF WE SET IT TO THE NINTH

POWER IN THE CYCLOTROMMICACCELERATION CENTER.

>> NOW WE'RE AT FULL WHITEPOWER.

>> ONE AAA TRANSISTENTRESTRAINT.

>> HELLO, THIS IS PRESIDENTBARACK OBAMA.

I'M LOOKING FOR THE LASERPEOPLE.

>> YOU MEAN LASER KLAN.

>> UH, YES.

>> CALEB, CODY, WHITEY,>> IT'S GO TIME.

>> MR. PRESIDENT, WE'RE HONORED TO HELP AMERICA IN ITS

TIME OF NEED.

BECAUSE WE GOT NOTHING AGAINSTBLACK PEOPLE.

>> WE ONLY WANT TO CELEBRATE OURHERITAGE.

>> UH-HUH.

>> CAN YOU DEFEAT THESE ALIENS?

>> YES, SIR.

JUST GOT ONE QUESTION?

WHAT COLOR ARE THEY?

>> WHO CARES, THEY'RE ALIENS.

THEY'RE GRAY.

>> OKAY, THAT'S NOT WHITE.

THEY'RE AFTER OUR WOMEN!

>> WHITE WOMEN.

>> LASER KLAN-- CONFEDERATE.

>> NO!

>> YAY!

>> WHITE POWER!

>> WELL, THAT HAPPENED.

>> MR. PRESIDENT, IT WAS ANHONOR TO SAVE AMERICA.

>> THANK YOU FOR GIVING US ACHANCE.

>> IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKETO SAY TO US?

>> YES.

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE MUST NEVERHEAR OF THIS BECAUSE THEY'LL

PANIC WHEN THEY FIND OUT ABOUTTHE ALIENS.

>> SURE.

>> THAT'S WHY.

>> YOU GUYS ARE THE LUCKIESTWHITE HOUSE TOUR EVER.

THE PRESIDENT IS MEETING WITHSOME ADVISERS.

>> NO, NO, NO.

WE JUST SAVED THE WORLD.

>> THANK YOU, MASKED STRANGERS.

>> DON'T THANK THEM.

>> WHAT A RACIST!

>> LASER KLAN!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Stephen: YEAH.

I'M NOT SURE IF THAT WAS THERIGHT THING TO DO.

ADULT SWIM-- I MIGHT BE LOOKINGFOR WORK.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BLACK

ICON JEFF GOLDBLUM.

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