The Penny Pinch

  • Aired:  02/06/13
  •  | Views: 18,758

If America follows Canada's lead and gets rid of the penny, what will people leave in the take-a-penny leave-a-penny trays? (5:01)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CROWD CHANTING "STEPHEN!"]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WELCOME TO THE BROADCAST, EVERYBODY.

SIT DOWN HEROS.

IN HERE, OUT THERE.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

FOLKS, YOU KNOW I'M NOT --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'M NOT GOING TO FIGHT YOUR PRAISE OF ME.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FOLKS, I DON'T GENERALLY LIKE TO REPORT ON NEWS FROM CANADA.

MOSTLY BECAUSE THE HEADLINES ARE ALWAYS SCREAMING: EVERYTHING STILL OKAY.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT TONIGHT, I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO TURN OUR ATTENTION NORTH BECAUSE CANADA HAS DONE THE UNTHINKABLE.

>> IN CANADA, THEY'RE DUMPING THE PENNY.

>> IT IS THE END OF THE PENNY.

>> THE ROYAL CANADIAN MINT OFFICIALLY ENDING ITS DISTRIBUTION OF THE PENNY.

>> CANADA IS DROPPING ITS PENNY TODAY.

>> Stephen: CANADA DROPPED ITS PENNY?

[LAUGHTER]

WITHOUT THE CANADIAN PENNY, WHAT WILL WE AMERICANS OCCASIONALLY GET MIXED UP WITH OUR CHANGE?

[LAUGHTER]

MORE OF OUR PENNIES?

PROBABLY NOT.

THANKS TO THIS.

>> SOME ECONOMISTS BELIEVE THE U.S SHOULD DO THE SAME.

>> WILL THE U.S. FOLLOW SUIT?

>> WILL THAT MEAN THE END OF HONEST ABE HERE IN THE U.S.?

>> Stephen: YES, WILL THAT BE THE END OF THE LINCOLN PENNY.

OR THE NEW DANIEL DAY LEWIS PENNY.

[LAUGHTER]

SO CONVINCING.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THANKFULLY, SOME BRAVE PATRIOTS ARE RESISTING THIS PENNY PINCH.

A GROUP CALLED AMERICANS FOR COMMON CENTS, WHICH IS A DELIGHTFUL PLAY ON WORDS BECAUSE

THE PENNY IS SO COMMON.

[LAUGHTER]

I GET IT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AMERICANS FOR COMMON CENTS IS A LOBBY GROUP THAT "AIMS TO INFORM AND EDUCATE POLICYMAKERS,

CONSUMERS, AND THE MEDIA ABOUT THE PENNY'S ECONOMIC, CULTURAL, AND HISTORICAL SIGNIFICANCE."

THAT'S RIGHT, HISTORICAL SIGNIFICANCE.

FOR INSTANCE: DID YOU KNOW, HISTORIANS TELL US THERE WAS A TIME WHEN PENNIES WERE USEFUL.

[LAUGHTER]

AND AMERICANS FOR COMMON SENSE BACKS EVERYTHING UP WITH SCIENCE EVIDENCE, LIKE A RECENT POLL

WHICH SHOWED THAT "ALMOST TWO-THIRDS OF AMERICANS STILL FEEL THE PENNY SHOULD BE

RETAINED." AND YOU CAN TRUST THAT POLL, BECAUSE IT WAS CONDUCTED BY LEADING OPINION RESEARCHERS COINSTAR.

[LAUGHTER]

OF COURSE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

COINSTAR, CLEARLY IMPARTIAL.

THEY DON'T CARE IF THE GOVERNMENT GOT RID OF ALL CHANGE.

THERE ARE STILL PLENTY OF METAL DISKS FOR THEM TO COUNT.

WHO DOESN'T WANT TO KNOW HOW MANY WASHERS YOU HAVE IN YOUR POCKET?

[LAUGHTER]

OF COURSE, CYNICS SAY AMERICANS FOR COMMON CENTS CAN'T BE TRUSTED JUST BECAUSE "THEY ARE

RUN BY THE MAIN LOBBYIST REPRESENTING THE ZINC INDUSTRY, WHICH SUPPLIES MOST OF THE METAL

USED IN PENNIES."

[LAUGHTER]

TURNS OUT PENNIES ARE MOSTLY ZINC.

THAT'S WHY WHENEVER I FEEL A COLD COMING ON, I SHOVE A COUPLE UP MY NOSE.

[LAUGHTER]

HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU.

LET ME JUST GET A PENNY OVER HERE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WOW.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I GOT A GUMBALL.

[LAUGHTER]

I GOTTA SAY I GOT A LITTLE PANICKY THERE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

KIDS, DON'T TRY THAT ANYWHERE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BESIDES, WHAT KIND OF WORLD WOULD THIS BE WITHOUT THE NOBLE PENNY?

WHAT WOULD WE LEAVE IN THE TAKE-A-PENNY LEAVE-A-PENNY TRAY?

[LAUGHTER]

AND WITHOUT PENNIES, WILL I HAVE TO OFFER A NICKEL FOR YOUR THOUGHTS?

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S A 500% RAISE FOR THE SAME AMOUNT OF THINKING!

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT WILL WE DROP OFF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING TO KILL TOURISTS?

[LAUGHTER]

SO STAND BY THE NOBLE PENNY-- A SYMBOL OF FREEDOM, HOPE AND SOMETHING YOU FIND WHEN YOU MOVE

YOUR STOVE.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND THAT'S MY TWO CENTS.

ONLY POSSIBLE, THANKS TO THE