Higgs Boson Humor

  • Aired:  03/07/12
  •  | Views: 23,590

The New York Times reports that physicists are getting closer to finding the so-called "God particle" with the Large Hadron Collider. (2:16)

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE REPORT," EVERYBODY.

GOOD TO SEE YA.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

[AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN"]

I CAN'T STOP THAT.

I CAN'T STOP THAT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

I CANNOT STOP YOUR LOVE ANY MORE THAN I CAN STOP THE INCOMING TIDE.

NATION, AS YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN COMMITTED FROM DAY ONE BRINGING YOU UP-TO-THE-MINUTE NEWS ON THE

LARGE COLLIDEER.

I HAVE DONE COUNTLESS STORY ON THIS.

[LAUGHTER]

WELL, NOW, FOLKS, DRAMATIC DEVELOPMENTS AS PHYSICISTS ARE GETTING CLOSER TO FINDING THE

SO-CALLED GOD PARLIAMENT, THE ELUSIVE SUBATOM CAL PARTICLE IS CLEARLY THEORETICAL.

I READ IT IN TODAY'S "NEW YORK TIMES," WHOSE CONTINUED EXISTENCE IS ALSO PURELY THEORETICAL.

[LAUGHTER]

EVIDENTLY IT SEEMS THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER WORKS BY RAMPING ELECTRONS UP TO 99% OF THE SPEED

OF LIGHT AND THEN SMASHING THEM TOGETHER TO RELEASE A SHOWER OF PARTICLES.

WELL, IN AN UNEXPECTED TURN, NOT ONLY DO THE ELECTRONS SMASH INTO EACH OTHER, THEY HAVE STRUCK THE

PHYSICIST'S FUNNY BONE.

BECAUSE IT SAYS HERE ON THE EFFORT TO ISOLATE THE PARTICLE,

IT HAS LED TO A JOKE IN PHYSICS CIRCLES NOW.

THE HIGS BOSON HAS NOT BEEN DISCOVERED YET, BUT ITS MASS IS 125 BILLION ELECTRON VOTES.

[LAUGHING]

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE TWO INDEPENDENT PARTICLE ACCELERATORS HAD CORRELATING

BUMPS IN THEIR DATA SETS.

[LAUGHTER]

IT WORKS ON SO MANY LEVELS AND IN SO MANY DIMENSIONS.

WELL, I GUESS YOU HAD TO BE THERE.

[LAUGHTER]

AND SIMULTAN

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