The Word - Change We Can Believe In

  • Aired:  02/29/12
  •  | Views: 28,664

Barack Obama's plan to eliminate the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy pits rich against poor, but luckily, the poor aren't buying it. (5:08)

(LAUGHTER)

IT WILL BE GOOD FOR US.

OF COURSE, ONCE ROMNEY IS THE

NOMINEE, HE IS GOING TO FACE

ALLOUT CLASS WARFARE, FOLKS, AND

IT'S ALL BARACK OBAMA'S FAULT.

WITH HIS PLAN TO ELIMINATE THE

BUSH TAX CUTS FOR THE WEALTHY,

COMRADE BARRY HERE IS PITTING

RICH AGAINST POOR.

LUCKILY THE POOR AREN'T BUYING

IT.

AND THAT BRINGS US TO TONIGHT'S

WORD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ACCORDING

TO A NEW POLL BY THE

CONGRESSIONAL NEWSPAPER "THE

HILL," 75% OF AMERICANS THINK

THE WEALTHY SHOULD PAY 30% OR

LESS IN TAXES.

THAT'S GOOD NEWS, RICH PEOPLE.

WE GOT THE POOR IN THE PALM OF

OUR HANDS.

WHICH REMINDS ME...

(LAUGHTER).

DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY'VE BEEN.

AND, FOLKS, I THINK THE WORKING

CLASS ARE DOING THIS BECAUSE

THEY KNOW IT'S IN THEIR OWN

SELF-INTEREST AND FOX NEWS

ANALYST CHARLIE GASPARINO KNOWS

WHY.

>> MOST WORKING CLASS PEOPLE

REALIZE THAT THE MORE YOU TAKE

FROM THE RICH, THE LESS IT KIND

OF TRICKLES BACK TO THEM.

THE BOTTOM LINE IS PEOPLE WANT

MORE OF THEIR INCOME, THEY SPEND

MORE.

WORKING CLASS PEOPLE WORK.

THEY ARE DISHWASHERS, THEY ARE

BAR TENNERS.

PEOPLE THAT DRIVE CABS WANT KNOW

TIP THEM.

FOR A REASON.

I TIP EVERYBODY.

I GET A HAIR CUT FOR $15, I ADD

A $5 TIP.

THAT'S A LOT.

>> OKAY.

SO YOU ACTUALLY TIP THE PERSON

WHO...

>> I ACTUALLY TIP MY BARTENDERS

VERY WELL.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Stephen: YES, CHARLIE

GASPARINO TIPS HIS BARTENDERS

VERY WELL.

(LAUGHTER)

AND THEY EARN THAT MONEY.

THEY HAVE TO SPEND ALL NIGHT

LISTENING TO A DRUNK CHARLIE

GASPARINO.

(LAUGHTER)

THE POINT IS, FOLKS...

(APPLAUSE).

WHEN WE RICH HAVE LOWER TAXES,

WE SPEND MORE AND THE POOR

BENEFIT IN THE FORM OF TIPS.

HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.

LET'S SAY I'M A HEDGE FUND GUY

AND I TAKE HOME $27 MILLION.

EARNED EVERY PENNY.

NOW, IF MY TAXES... ARE LOW,

WHEN I GO OUT TO EAT I THROW THE

WAITRESS A COUPLE OF BUCKS.

I'M HAPPY; SHE'S PAID TO SEEM

HAPPY.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT IF PRESIDENT OBAMA CHANGES

MY MARGINAL TAX RATE, INSTEAD OF

$27 MILLION, MAYBE I'M BRINGING

HOME ONLY $25 MILLION.

AND IF THAT HAPPENS THE FIRST

THING THAT ME, CAVUTO AND

CHARLIE GASPARINO ARE GOING TO

DO IS PUNISH THE WAITRESS!

WE CAN'T AFFORD THE $13 NOW.

HELL, WE MIGHT HAVE TO DINE AND

DASH.

SO THANKS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA THE

WAITRESS CAN'T MAKE A LIVING AND

HAS TO TURN TO A LIFE OF

PROSTITUTION.

INCIDENTALLY, PROSTITUTION,

GREAT TIPS.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW WE HAVE GOT... I SAY TO HELP

AMERICA, TO BRING THIS THIS

ECONOMY BACK, TO HELP THE

WORKING POOR WE'VE GOT TO DO

JUST THE OPPOSITE.

LET'S CUT RICH PEOPLE'S TAXES

COMPLETELY BECAUSE IF WE DO IT

LOGICALLY FOLLOWS THAT DOING SO

WILL MAKE US RICH PEOPLE SO

GENEROUS THAT WORKING FOLKS CAN

EARN THEIR ENTIRE INCOME FROM

TIPS-- AS THEY SHOULD.

IN FACT, A NEW BILL IN FLORIDA

WOULD ALLOW EMPLOYERS TO PAY

TIPPED WORKERS A LOWER MINIMUM

WAGE.

FROM $4.65 DOWN TO $2.13 AN

HOUR.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

THERE'S NO PROBLEM THERE!

FLORIDA IS KNOWN FOR ITS

GENEROUS TIPPERS.

(LAUGHTER)

I MEAN, THE ELDERLY KNOW WHAT A

YOUNG PERSON NEEDS TO SURVIVE IN

1945.

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE, REMEMBER, THIS WAS

VERY IMPORTANT, EMPLOYERS, YOU

CAN PAY $2.13 AN HOUR ONLY TO

TIPPED WORKERS SO OBVIOUSLY

EVERYONE SHOULD NOW BE A TIPPED

WORKER.

FOR INSTANCE, I THINK A PLUMBER

WOULDN'T NEED A UNION PAYCHECK

IF HE GOT A HEALTHY TIP EVERY

TIME HE SNAKED OUT YOUR TRAP.

NOW, THE BEST PART...

(LAUGHTER).

THE BEST PART IS THE PLUMBER

COMES WITH A READY-MADE TIP JAR.

(LAUGHTER)

AND WISCONSIN'S TEACHERS WOULD

NEVER HAVE BEEN STRIKING IF,

INSTEAD OF A SALARY, THE RICH

KIDS TIPPED THEM.

YOU KNOW, IF THE SERVICE WAS

GOOD.

AND THIS...

(LAUGHTER).

THIS NEW ECONOMIC MODEL WOULD

WORK EVEN BETTER FOR THE MOST

IMPORTANT JOB OF ALL.

VOTING.

RIGHT NOW WE DON'T GET PAID FOR

IT.

BUT I KNOW THAT I WOULD BE

WILLING TO TKPWRA +*ES GREASE YOUR

PALM IF YOU PROVIDE ME WITH SOME

GOOD VOTER SERVICE.

BY, LET'S SAY, VOTING FOR A

CANDIDATE WHO WOULD CUT YOUR

SERVICES AND CUT MY TAXES.

(LAUGHTER)

BECAUSE WORKING-CLASS PEOPLE

ONLY ABLE TO MAKE A LIVING WAGE

BY PLEASING ME SO I MIGHT LEAVE

A FEW COINS ON THE COUNTER,

THAT'S SOME CHANGE I CAN BELIEVE