Clergy-Matic Ecclesi-Action Center 3:16

  • Aired:  05/19/11
  •  | Views: 36,387

Stephen introduces his comprehensive preventative training program for Catholic priests. (2:54)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

FOLKS, THE CATHOLIC CHURCH

HAS BEEN ROCKED BY SCANDAL

OVER THE PAST DECADE AND I'M

NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT THOSE

SICKENING DAN BROWN NOVELS.

I'VE KNOWN MANY CLERGIMAN,

MR. BROWN, AND VERY FEW OF

THEM HAD ACCESS TO

ANTI-MATTER TECHNOLOGY.

OF COURSE I'M TALKING ABOUT

THE SEXUAL ABUSE SCANDAL.

HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, SHAMEFUL

CHAPTER BUT THERE IS GOOD

NEWS.

THE UNITED STATES CONFERENCE

CONFI CATHOLIC BISHOPS HAS

RELEASED THE RESULTS OF AN

EXHAUSTIVE 1.8 MILLION

DOLLAR STUDY EXAMINING THE

ROOT CAUSES OF THIS TRAGIC

ABUSE OF TRUST.

AND I'M RELIEVED TO REPORT

THAT THEY HAVE FOUND THE

COURAGE TO PLACE THE BLAME

WHERE IT BELONGS, ON FREE

LOVE IN THE 1960s.

(LAUGHTER)

THE DAMN HIPPIES.

OF COURSE DURING THE SUMMER

LOVE IT WAS ALL TOO EASY TO

GET CAUGHT UP IN THE

DEBAUCHERY OF PRIESTSTOCK.

DON'T EAT THE BROWN

EUCHARIST, MAN.

(LAUGHTER)

AND FOLKS, IT COULD ALL HAVE

BEEN AVOIDED AS THE STUDY

SAID, POOR TRAINING OF

PRIESTS LIKELY CONTRIBUTED

TO THE ABUSE PROBLEM.

YOU SEE THIS IS NOT A MORAL

FAILING BY THE LEADERSHIP OF

THE CHURCH.

IT IS SIMPLY A TRAINING

ISSUE.

LIKE THE NEW GUY PUTTING THE

WRONG TYPE OF PAPER IN THE

PHOTO COPIER.

EXCEPT IT'S NOT PAPER, AND

IT WASN'T A PHOTO COPIER.

WELL, FOLKS, ONCE AGAIN, IT

FALLS TO ME.

I'M GOING TO FIX THIS THING.

I AM PROUD TO INTRODUCE MY

NEW COMPREHENSIVE PREVENTIVE

TRAINING PROGRAM.

JOIN ME AT THE CHRERJKYMATIC

HE CLEESEAS PARTICULAR

CENTER-- ECLESIASTIC CENTER

316.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WELCOME TO THE ECLESIACTION

CENTER WITH ITS PATENTED DO

NOT-- SCREEN.

NOW IF YOU ARE A MAN OF THE

CLOTH, I WANT YOU TO PAY

CLOSE ATTENTION.

READY?

DO GIVE SERMONS.

COUNCIL YOUR FLOCK.

PREACH THE GOOD WORD.

DON'T MOLEST ANYONE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: YES,.

>> STEPHEN, I HAVE A

QUESTION.

>> Stephen: NO, THERE ARE NO

QUESTIONS CAN.

(LAUGHTER)

EVER