Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show 2012

  • Aired:  02/14/12
  •  | Views: 78,959

Although surely wonderful in their own way, members of the shelter dog underclass are just not Kennel Club material. (3:11)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE

REPORT."

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

(CROWD CHANTING "STEPHEN").

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE

REPORT."

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, NATION.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YOU HAVE MADE AN EXCELLENT

CHOICE ENDING YOUR NIGHT WITH

ME.

I AM A POWERFUL APHRODISIAC.

I'M LIKE A HUMAN OYSTER ONLY

WITH LESS MUSCLE TONE.

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE, TODAY IS ALSO THE

FINALS OF THE WESTMINSTER KENNEL

CLUB DOG SHOW.

I LOVE IT!

THE PAGEANTRY, THE EXCITEMENT,

THE SEXUAL TENSION.

(LAUGHTER)

I MEAN, WHEN ARE THAT ANATOLIAN

SHEEPDOG AND THAT JUDGE'S LEG

GOING TO DO IT ALREADY?

(LAUGHTER)

AND, FOLKS, THERE ARE BIG

CHANGES IN THIS YEAR'S SHOW.

FOR MORE WE GO TO FOX NEWS'

WIREHAIRED PINSCHER.

SPEAK, SHEP, SPEAK!

>> THE WESTMINSTER DOG SHOW HAS

DROPPED THE DOG FOOD BRAND

PEDIGREE AS A SPONSOR CLAIMING

ADS LIKE THIS ONE WITH A SHELTER

DOG WITH TOO SAD.

(AUDIENCE REACTS).

>> Stephen: WOW, I KNOW ALL

DOGS GO TO HEAVEN BUT I HOPE

THERE'S A SEPARATE SECTION FOR

THESE UGGOS.

(LAUGHTER)

JUST IMAGINE YOU'RE AT HOME,

YOU'RE WATCHING CULTURED CANINE

ARISTOCRATS, THE EPITOME OF

CLASS AND E MAT LAT AINL GLANDS

AND THE NEXT THING YOU'RE FACED

WITH THIS.

>> SHELTER DOGS AREN'T BROKEN.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

THEY SIMPLY EXPERIENCED MORE

LIFE.

DO NOT PITY A SHELTER DOG.

ADOPT ONE.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Stephen: OH, YES, I OFTEN

SAY AWW WHEN I'M DISGUSTED, TOO.

NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG, FOLKS.

I'M SURE SHELTER DOGS ARE WONDER

IN THEIR OWN WAY!

THEY'RE JUST NOT KENNEL CLUB

MATERIAL.

THESE DOGS ARE THE CANINE 1%.

(LAUGHTER)

THE JOB CREATORS FOR GROOMERS,

TROPHY MAKERS, AND JUDGES THAT

FONDLE BALL SACKS.

(LAUGHTER)

SHELTER DOGS ARE A CANINE

UNDERCLASS RELYING ON THE DOG

CATCHER'S SAFETY NET TO TAKE

CARE OF THEIR OUT-OF-WEDLOCK

PUBPIES.

GET A JOB!

ACCORDING TO PEDIGREE'S

COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR,

PEDIGREE WAS DROPPED BECAUSE

WESTMINSTER IS FOCUSED ON THE

PURE BRED MISSION AS WELL THEY

SHOULD, MADAM.

IT'S THE SAME PURE BRED MISSION

THAT LED TO SUCH A STRONG STOCK

OF EUROPEAN ROYALS.

(LAUGHTER)

HOW SAD THEY HAD TO PUT DOWN THE

DUKE OF GLOUCESTER FOR HIP

DYSPLASIA.

GRAVE LITTLE GUY.

SO BRAVO, WESTMINSTER KENNEL

CLUB FOR KEEPING YOUR STANDARDS

UNSULLIED BY THE MIXED

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