David Petraeus's "All In" Affair

  • Aired:  11/12/12
  •  | Views: 73,655

CIA Director David Petraeus has an improper relationship with his biographer, which puts every biographer and subject, including Lincoln, under suspicion. (3:02)

( THEME SONG PLAYING ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHOOO!

WHOOO!

YES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THANK YOU.

I COULD FLY HIGHER THAN AN EAGLE FOR YOU ARE THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS.

NATION THIS HAS BEEN A TOUGH FEW WEEKS FOR AMERICA.

FIRST HURRICANE SANDY RAVAGED THE EAST COAST.

THEN OBAMA WAS RE-ELECTED.

DO YOU KNOW HE IS COMING FOR OUR GUNS.

HOW WILL WE FIGHT THE NEXT HURRICANE?

(LAUGHTER) WELL, ON FRIDAY, FOLKS, OUR NATION WAS DEALT YET ANOTHER BLOW.

>> OUT OF NOWHERE CIA DIRECTOR DAVID PETRAEUS RESIGNED AFTER ADMITTING HE

CHEATED ON HIS WIFE.

THE OTHER WOMAN THE PERSON WHO WROTE HIS BIOGRAPHY, PAULA BROADWELL.

>> Stephen: THEIR, HE HAD AN AFFAIR WITH HIS BIOGRAPHER, ALL-IN, IT APPEARS-- IT A

PORES THAT THE TITLE OF CHAPTER FIVE ANACONDA-- (LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: MAY NOT REFER TO A GROUND OFFENSE ANY AFGHANISTAN.

WHOLE DIFFERENT TYPE OF SURGE.

(LAUGHTER) WELL, FOLKS, THIS EXPLOSIVE REVELATION PUTS EVERY BIOGRAPHER AND SUBJECT UNDER SUSPICION.

MEANING WE CAN NOW SAY WITH SOME CERTAINTY THAT DORA CONCERNS GOODWIN BANGED ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

I MEAN JUST LISTEN-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: JUST LISTEN TO WHAT SHE SAID ON MY SHOW LAST WEEK.

>> IT'S SEXY, DON'T YOU THINK?

>> Stephen: YOU MEAN LINCOLN OR DANIEL-DAY LEWIS.

WAS LINCOLN SEXY?

>> I THINK SO AND I'VE BEEN SAYING IT FOR YEARS BUT EVERYBODY THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY.

>> Stephen: YOU PULITZER PRIZE WINNING WHORE!

(LAUGHTER) ONCE AGAIN, MY APOLOGIES TO DORIS KERNS GOODWIN, SHE IS A GREAT LADY, NO ONE SHOULD

EVER SAY THAT ABOUT HER.

(LAUGHTER) BUT FOLKS, I TOO HAVE A PAINFUL ADMISSION TO MAKE.

YOU SEE, I AM THE AUTHOR OF TWO GLOWING BOOKS ABOUT MYSELF.

I AM AMERICA, AND SO YOU CAN.

AND THE NEW AMERICA AGAIN, REBECOME THE GREATNESS WE NEVER WEREN'T.

IT'S A BEST-SELLER.

MAKES A GREAT CHRISTMAS GIFT.

(APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: AND FOLKS, IT'S TIME FOR ME TO COME CLEAN.

I HAD AN IMPROPER RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BIOGRAPHER-- (LAUGHTER) SPENT A LOT OF TIME ALONE

WITH THE AUTHOR OF THESE BOOKSMENT THERES WITH A CONNECTION AND LET'S JUST SAY HE GOT A LITTLE HANDSY.

AND I DID THINKS-- THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD DO.

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