Stephen Colbert's Big Gay Roundup

  • Aired:  06/27/13
  •  | Views: 53,833

The American Medical Association pushes for reversing a ban on blood donations from gay men, and Disney introduces same-sex parents into one of its shows. (4:02)

OH, THEY'LL BE FINE.

FOLKS, YESTERDAY THE SUPREME

COURT OVERTURNED THE DEFENSE

OF MARRIAGE ACT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I LIKE TO CHEER FOR PRETTY

COLORS TOO.

BUT THEY ARE SURRENDERING

THIS COUNTRY TO THE RADICAL

GAY AGENDA OF JOINT TAX

RETURNS.

IT'S UNNATURAL.

BUT LUCKILY ONE TV SHOW IS

NOT BACKING DOWN.

AND I HOPE IT'S THIS ONE.

THIS IS STEPHEN COLBERT'S

BIG GAY ROUND UP.

(APPLAUSE)

YEE WHAT!

-- I WANT TO THANK MY OLD

PAL INTERNATIONAL MOVIE STAR

STEVE CAR REL FOR NEVER

ASKING ME HOW I WOULD USE

THAT FOOTAGE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: YOU'RE A GOOD

MAN.

NOW FIRST IN THE GAY ROUNDUP,

FOLKS, I TRUST THE GAYS

ABOUT AS FAR AS I COULD

THROW THEM.

NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW, I

DON'T PICK UP GAY MEN TO

THROW OR ANY OTHER REASON.

COME TO THINK OF, IT,

THEY'RE IN BETTER SHAPE THAN

I AM SO IT MIGHT BE EASIER

TO LET THEM THROW ME BUT I

GUESS I TRUST THE GAYS LESS

FAR THAN THEY COULD THROW ME,

ARE WE CLEAR?

GOD, THEY HAVE TO COMPLICATE

EVERYTHING.

AND NOW THEY'RE COMPLICATING

BLOOD DONATION.

>> THE AMERICAN MEDICAL

ASSOCIATION IS PUSHING FOR A

REVERSAL OF A DECADES-OLD

BAN ON BLOOD DONATIONS FROM

GAY MEN SAYING THAT THE LAW

IS OUTDATED.

GAY MEN HAVE BEEN BANNED

FROM DONATING BLOOD SINCE

THE AIDS CRISIS IN THE

1980s.

BUT NOW THE AMA SAYS THERE

ARE BETTER TESTING

PROCEDURES AND BETTER

UNDERSTANDING OF HIV.

>> Stephen: FOLKS LETING GAY

PEOPLE DONATE BLOOD IS AN

ENDORSEMENT OF THE GAY

LIFESTYLE.

IN FACT, I'M PRETTY SURE A

GAY BLOOD TRANSFUSION IS HOW

YOU GET GAY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: IT'S LIKE BEING

BITTEN BY A RADIOACTIVE

SPIDER.

YOU GET ALL THE GAY

SUPERPOWER SUPERSTRENGTH,

WEB SLINGING AND THE DESIRE

TO WEAR SKIN TIGHT SPANDEX

ON BROADWAY.

NEXT ON THE ROUNDUP-- , LIKE

A TRUE AMERICAN, I LOVE ALL

THINGS DISNEY.

MOSTLY BECAUSE ALL THINGS

ARE OWNED BY DISNEY.

(LAUGHTER)

AN MY FAVORITE SHOW IS THE

DISNEY CHANNEL GOOD LUCK

CHARLIE, A FAMILY SITCOM

ABOUT THE UPS AND DOWNS OF

RAISING FIVE CHILDREN.

NOW AS A FAN I FEEL LIKE

I'VE BEEN KICKED RIGHT IN

THE MICKEYS BECAUSE IN A

FIRST FOR THE DISNEY CHANNEL,

NEXT SEASON ONE OF LITTLE

CHARLIE'S PLAY DATES WILL BE

WITH A KID WHO HAS TWO MOMS.

TWO MOMS!

THEY'LL PROBABLY BE HAVING

THEIR OWN PLAY DATE WITH

CRAYONS AND CONSTRUCTION

PAPER, OR AS THEY CALL IT,

SCISSORING.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: OH, I KNOW, I

KNOW.

UGLY STUFF.

FOLKS, I AM OUTRAGED AND I

AM NOT ALONE.

THE FAITH AND FREEDOM

NETWORK AND FOUNDATION

RAILED, THE ENTERTAINMENT

INDUSTRY IS DOING EVERYTHING

HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO NORMALIZE

HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONS AN ON

THE TEA PARTY NATION THEY'RE

SAYING WALT DISNEY MUST BE

SPINNING IN HIS GRAVE, YES,

OR AT THE VERY LEAST SOMEONE

HAS PUT HIS FROZEN HEAD ON A

LAZY SUSAN.

DISNEY, I DEMAND THAT YOU

DROP THIS TWO MOMMIES PLOT

AND GO BACK TO DELIVERING

WHOLESOME MESSAGES.

LIKE TEACHING OUR CHILDREN

THAT THEY CAN BE A PRINCESS

IF THEY LET A MAN MAKE OUT

WITH HIM WHILE THEY'RE

DRUGGED.

OR-- OR--

(APPLAUSE)

OR THAT THERE IS NOTHING

WRONG WITH BEASTIALITY IF A

CANDLE SAYS IT'S OKAY.

(LAUGHTER)

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(APPLAUSE)

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