Who's Attacking Me Now? - Canadian Broadcasting Corporation

  • Aired:  11/14/12
  •  | Views: 65,347

The maple-stream media have their mittens in a bunch over something Stephen said in "America Again: Re-Becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't." (3:51)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US!

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN") (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THANK YOU SO MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

YOU KNOW I MEAN THAT.

WELCOME TO THE "REPORT." I'VE GOT TO THANK YOU PEOPLE FOR STANDING WITH ME AND STANDING BY

ME AND STANDING BEHIND ME BECAUSE FOR SEVEN YEARS RUNNING THE "REPORT" HAS BEEN THE NUMBER

ONE CABLE NEWS SHOW ON THIS NETWORK AT 11:30.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) IT'S OFFICIAL.

I JUST FOUND THAT OUT.

FOLKS, YOU DON'T GET TO THE TOP WITHOUT MAKING A FEW ENEMIES.

SO ONCE AGAIN IT'S TIME FOR "WHO'S ATTACKING ME NOW?" (LAUGHTER) TONIGHT I AM ONCE AGAIN IN THE

CROSS HAIRS OF THE CANADIAN PRESS.

(BOOS) IT SEEMS THAT THE MAPLE STREAM MEDIA HAVE THEIR MITTENS IN A BUNCH OVER SOMETHING I SAID IN

MY NEW BOOK "AMERICA AGAIN: REBECOMING THE GREATNESS WE NEVER WEREN'T." (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THIS THING MAKES A GREAT CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR WHEREVER CANADIAN PRIS MASS IS.

HERE IT'S DECEMBER 25, THE I KNOW EVERYTHING IS METRIC UP THERE SO I'M GOING TO SAY THE

57.2 EIGHTH OF KILOVEMBER.

ACCORDING TO THE CANADIAN BROADCASTING CORPORATION, FOX IN CANADA ARE OOTRANGED ABOUT MY

CHAPTER OF ENERGY WHERE I SAY "BEFORE WE CAN HARNESS GEOTHERMAL POWER WE HAVE TO TAKE

THE PLANET'S TEMPERATURE WITH A GEOTHERMOMETER AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THE EARTH'S RECTUM

IS." (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) AND THE FOOTNOTE READS "WINDSOR, CANADA." (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

OKAY, NOW DON'T GET THEM A TWIST CANUCKS.

THAT'S A MISQUOTE.

THE FOOTNOTE ACTUALLY READS "WINDSOR, CANADA?" QUESTION MARK!

IT'S A QUESTION.

AS A JOURNALIST, IT'S MY JOB TO ASK THESE PROBING QUESTIONS.

COULD THE EARTH'S RECTUM BE WINDSOR?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT COULD JUST AS EASILY BE WINNIPEG.

(LAUGHTER) BESIDES, OKAY, THIS COULD BE A NET POSITIVE FOR WINDSOR.

JUST LOOK AT THIS ACTUAL POLL AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CANADIAN BROADCASTING CORPORATION'S ARTICLE.

"IS STEPHEN COLBERT'S DESCRIPTION OF WINDSOR AS THE EARTH'S RECTUM GOOD OR BAD FOR

THE CITY?" (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) THIS IS TRUE.

AS OF THIS TAPING THE RESULTS ARE 76.64% GOOD AND 23% BAD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) APPARENTLY THE EARTH'S RECTUM IS AN IMPROVEMENT OVER WINDSOR'S

PREVIOUS REPUTATION SO YOU'RE WELCOME, WINDSOR.

YOU JUST GOT THE COLBERT BUMP.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) DO YOU AGREE TO MAKE THIS YOUR NEW CITY FLAG AND CHANGE YOURTORYIST SIGNS.