Amazon's Audacious Photography Patent

  • Aired:  05/14/14
  •  | Views: 119,218

Amazon elevates the patent game to an art form by claiming ownership of an extremely common photography technique. (4:23)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY,

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

NATION, NATION, I LOVE THEU.S. OF A AND THERE

ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT MAKEAMERICA GREAT.

WE INVENTED FLIGHT, WESEQUENCE DNA.

WE PUT CHEESE INSIDE APIZZA CRUST.

BY MANIPULATING THE PIZZA'SDNA.

AND ALL THOSE OTHER INNOVATIONSRIGHT THERE HAVE ONE THING

IN COMMON.

THEY ARE PATENTED. PATENTS ARE AFAST TRACK TO MONEY TOWN

AFTER THOMASEDISON PATENTED HIS LIGHT

BULB HE WAS ROLLING IN CASHWHICH HE SPENT PERFECTING

HIS GREATEST INVENTION,THOMAS'S ENGLISH MUFFINS

WHICH OF COURSE STARTED AS AFAILED ATTEMPT AT A

PHONOGRAPH RECORD.

THE BEST PART IS YOU DON'TNEED TO INVENT THE LIGHT

BULB TO RECEIVE A PATENT.

BECAUSE THE CASH GENERATINGRIGHTS HAVE BEEN GRANTED TO

SUCH ACTUAL INVENTIONS ASTHE NECK FANNIE PACK, THREE

LEGGED PANTY HOSE AND THEGERBIL SHIRT.

WHICH INNOVATIVELY COMBINESA SHIRT, A GERBIL HABITAT

AND BEING ALONEFOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

BEST OF ALL, BEST OF ALL,EVEN IF YOUR INVENTION NEVER

MAKES A PENNY, ACCUSINGSOMEONE OF STEALING IT CAN.

BECAUSE IN 2011 ALONE UNUSEDPATENTS GENERATED $29

BILLION IN LAWSUITS, LEGALFEES AND SETTLEMENTS WORTH

TENS OR HUNDREDS OF MILLIONSOF DOLLARS.

SO IN YOU HAVE AN IDEA, YOUWORK HARD, SOME DAY YOU TOO

CAN GET SUED BY SOMEONE WHOHAD A SIMILAR IDEA.

AND FOLKS, THE PATENT GAMEHAS JUST BEEN ELEVATED TO AN

ART FORM BY AMAZON.

WHO IT WAS RECENTLY REPORTEDHAS BEEN GRANTED THE PATENT

FOR PHOTOGRAPHY AGAINST AWHITE BACKGROUND.

YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT.

AMAZON NOW HAS LEGALOWNERSHIP OF THE IDEA OF

DISPLAYING A THING.

WAIT, WAIT, JIMMY, NO, THATLOGO IS ON A WHITE

BACKGROUND.

QUICK, CHANGE IT TOSOMETHING THAT AMAZON WON'T

OBJECT TO.

THAT'S BETTER OKAY.

THAT'S GOOD.

NOW THOUGH THAT ISTECHNICALLY STILL WHITE,

BECAUSE NOW IF ANYONEDISPLAYS SOMETHING ON A

WHITE BACKGROUND AMAZONCOULD SERVE THEM WITH A

LAWSUIT.

WHICH OF COURSE WILL BEDELIVERED IN A MASSIVE BOX

THAT IS 90% BUBBLE PACK.

AND AMAZON DID A BANG UP JOBOF MAKING THIS IDEA SOUND

LIKE A THING THEY HAVETHOUGHT OF, BECAUSE IN THEIR

PATENT AMAZON DESCRIBES INONE PITHY SENTENCE A

BACKGROUND COMPRISING AWHITE CYCLORAMA, A FRONT LIGHT

SOURCE POSITIONED IN ALONGITUDINAL ACCESS INTERSECTING

THE BACKGROUND AND IMAGE CAPTUREBETWEEN THE BACKGROUND AND

FRONT LIGHT SOURCE IN THELONGITUDINAL ACCESS AND

ELEVATED PLATFORM POSITIONEDBETWEEN THE IMAGE CAPTURE

POSITION AND THE BACKGROUNDIN THE LONGITUDINAL AXIS TO

THE FRONT LIGHT SOURCE BEINGDIRECTED TOWARD A SUBJECT ON

THE ELEVATED PLATFORM.

NOW I KNOW, I KNOW THATSOUNDS LIKE BULL [BLEEP],

BUT IT'S ACTUALLY MALEBOVINE FECAL MATTER EXTRUDED

ON A LONGITUDINAL AXIS.

WELL, FOLKS, WELL, FOLKS,I'M SO IMPRESSED BY AMAZON'S

STATE OF THE ART CALLING OFDIBS. STEPHEN WANTS IN.

TONIGHT I AM OFFICIALLYFILING A PATENT ON THE IDEA

OF FILING PATENTS.

THE MECHANISM-- (APPLAUSE)

THE MECHANISM IS SIMPLE.

WHEN AN INDIVIDUAL DROPS OFFA PATENT APPLICATION AT THE

PATENT OFFICE, THE SECONDTHE PATENT HITS THE DESK

THEY ARE IN BREACH OF MYPATENT.

AT WHICH POINT THEY GIVE MEMONEY.

AFTER THAT-- (APPLAUSE)

ONCE I GOT THE GREEN THENIT'S JUST A QUESTION OF HOW

MANY GERBIL SHIRTS AM I GONNABUY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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