Thought for Food - Doritos Tacos & Flavorlopes

  • Aired:  06/20/12
  •  | Views: 17,679

Taco Bell creates a miracle product, and Flavorlopes replace bland envelope glue with five fruit flavors. (5:45)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

NOW, FOLKS... FOLKS THEY SAY YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT WHICH IS WHY TO STAY SEXY I EAT ONLY BEEF CAKE.

(LAUGHTER) THIS IS THOUGHT FOR FOOD.

NATION, I ALWAYS LOVE WHEN A PRODUCT MADE IN AMERICA BECOMES A HIT WORLDWIDE.

FROM BLUE JEANS TO THE IPHONE TO HELLFIRE MISSILES.

(LAUGHTER) IN THE MIDDLE EAST, THOSE THINGS ARE BLOWING UP.

(LAUGHTER) WELL, TONIGHT I AM PROUD TO REPORT THAT AMERICA HAS DONE IT AGAIN.

>> DORITOS, TACO BELL, THE 3:00 A.M. MUNCHIES, PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER AND GET ONE OF THE MOST

SUCCESSFUL PRODUCT LAUNCHES IN HISTORY.

100 MILLION DORIE TOES TACOS HAS SOLD IN JUST TEN WEEKS.

IS THAT POSSIBLE?

>> Stephen: OH, IT'S VERY POSSIBLE.

AND TEN MINUTES LATER IT'S VERY PASSABLE.

(LAUGHTER) THINK ABOUT THAT.

100 MILLION DORITOS TACOS.

TO PUT THAT MANY PERSPECTIVE IF YOU LAID ALL THOSE TACOS END TO END THIS GUY WOULD EAT THEM.

(LAUGHTER) FOLKS, THIS MIRACLE PRODUCT JUST MIGHT BE OUR WAY OUT OF OUR GLOBAL FINANCIAL MELTDOWN.

A CRUNCHY DORITO SHELL CAN INCREASE THE SALES APPEAL OF ANYTHING.

YES, EUROPE IS IN FINANCIAL FREEFALL BUT THE SOLUTION'S OBVIOUS.

GOOD-BYE EURO; HELLO EURITO.

(LAUGHTER) AND DETROIT ALWAYS NEEDS A BOOST SO ON EVERY NEW CAR, REPLACE

CRUMPLE ZONES WITH CRUNCH ZONES.

IF YOU GET INTO AN ACCIDENT, YOU CAN JUST EAT YOUR WAY TO SAFETY.

(LAUGHTER) YOU ARE YOUR OWN JAWS OF LIFE.

AND, FOLKS, I AM NOT SURPRISED THESE TACOS ARE POPULAR.

I AM A LONG-TIME FAN OF DORITOS AND I KNOW THAT NOTHING CAN IMPROVE THEIR TASTE.

(LAUGHTER) EX... YUM.

(LAUGHTER).

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) OH, YEAH.

YUM.

HMM.

(LAUGHTER) THAT'S SO GOOD I'M GOING CHEW THE REST OF THAT LATER.

(LAUGHTER) NEXT UP: I LOVE WRITING LETTERS.

THERE'S SOMETHING SO NICE ABOUT THAT HANDS-ON EXPERIENCE OF CUTTING UP MAGAZINES TO SPELL

"I'M WATCHING YOU." (LAUGHTER) OF COURSE, WHEN I'M LICKING

ENVELOPES THAT'S PRECIOUS TIME MY TONGUE COULD BE SPENDING TASTING FOOD.

WELL, NOW THERE'S A SOLUTION: FLAVORLOPES.

THIS AMAZING ACTUAL PRODUCT REPLACES THE BLAND ENVELOPE GLUE WITH FIVE FRUIT FLAVORS: APPLE,

CHERRY, GRAPE, ORANGE AND STRAWBERRY.

IT'S THE BEST CHANCE MOST AMERICANS HAVE OF GETTING THREE TO FOUR SERVINGS OF FRUIT A DAY.

(LAUGHTER) FOLKS, THIS IS THE GREATEST INNOVATION IN POSTAL FLAVOR TECHNOLOGY SINCE THOSE STAMPS I

GOT FROM THAT GUY AT THE PHISH CONCERT.

(LAUGHTER) THAT MADE ME TASTE SOUND.

(LAUGHTER) THAT'S WHY FROM NOW ON I'M GOING TO USE FLAVORLOPES TO WRITE ALL MY LETTERS.

IN FACT, I'M GOING TO WRITE A LETTER TO MY NANA RIGHT NOW.

OKAY.

DEAR NANA, HOW ARE YOU?

RING, RING, THAT'S THE PHONE,

GOTTA GO, LOVE STEPHEN.

(LAUGHTER) ALL RIGHT, JUST PUT THAT THERE,

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL PUT THAT IN THERE.

NOW JUST SEAL MY FLAVORLOPE AND... YUM, YUM.

THAT'S LIKE A STRAWBERRY SHORT CAKE MADE LOVE TO A BOILED HORSE.

(LAUGHTER) AND, FOLKS MANNA!

MANNA!

AND THE SUCCESS OF FLAVORLOPES REMINDS ME THAT ALL TOO OFTEN THERE ARE THINGS MY MOUTH COMES

IN CONTACT WITH THAT HAVE NO TASTE.

NOW, SURE, THE STRAW BRINGS THE TASTY DRINK TO MY LIP BUT THE STRAW ITSELF IS A BLAND PLASTIC TUBE.

IN BETWEEN SIPS I'M IN A PHANTOM ZONE OF FLAVORLESSNESS.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HAS NO FLAVOR BUT SPENDS A LOT OF TIME IN MY MOUTH?

MY TEETH.

THEY DON'T TASTE LIKE ANYTHING.

I WANT VENEERS INFUSED WITH RAZZLEBERRY.

(LAUGHTER) AND WHAT ABOUT ALL THIS BORING AIR I BREATHE?

IT'S PASSING OVER MY TONGUE RIGHT NOW AND I'M TASTING NOTHING.

THAT'S WHY I'M PROUD TO INTRODUCE STEPHEN COLBERT'S TASTE-PIRATOR.

IT'S A CRUNCHY DORITO SHELL BREATHING MASK.

(LAUGHTER) YOU CAN STRAP IT ON AND TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

YOUR LUNGS WILL NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN.

(LAUGHTER) WARNING: OVERUSE OF THE TASTE-PIRATOR MAY LEAD TO SEVERE CASES OF NACHO LUNG.

(LAUGHTER) I'LL EAT ANYTHING THAT MOVES!