Mitt Romney's Blue-Collar Equestrian Pastime

  • Aired:  06/12/12
  •  | Views: 98,474

Mitt Romney's horse Rafalca might head to the Olympics, which is exactly what Mitt needs to win over Joe Six-Pack. (5:36)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

THE (AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN") COME ON!

COME ON!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) YEAH!

FOLKS, I THINK... I THINK...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I DO NOT CARE, I DO NOT CARE!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) LISTEN, THE DOOM CRIER CANS SAY WHAT THEY WANT, I THINK YOU

PEOPLE JUST PROVED THAT THERE IS NO ENERGY CRISIS.

(LAUGHTER) WE OUGHT TO FRACK YOU.

AND I MEAN IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY.

(LAUGHTER) WELCOME TO THE "REPORT," THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

NATION, WE ALL SEE THE NEWS.

LAST WEEK'S JOBS REPORT WAS MISERABLE.

THE ECONOMY IS NOT GETTING ANY BETTER.

OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH NUCLEAR PAKISTAN HAS NEVER BEEN MORE TENSE AND EUROPE IS ON THE VERGE

OF COLLAPSE.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS IN?

THINGS ARE LOOKING UP FOR MITT ROMNEY.

(LAUGHTER) AND, FOLKS, THE OLD ROMNEY LUCK CONTINUES!

>> THE ROMNEYS MIGHT BE GOING TO THE OLYMPICS.

A HORSE ANNE ROMNEY CO-OWNS CAME IN THIRD IN AN OLYMPIC QUALIFYING EVENT.

>> Stephen: THE ROMNEYS' HORSE MIGHT GO TO THE OLYMPICS!

(LAUGHTER) THOUGH ONE WOULD IMAGINE IT'S GOING TO BE A LONG DRIVE TO

LONDON ON TOP OF THEIR STATION WAGON.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) THEIR HORSE, RAFALCA, IS COMPETING AT THE UNITED STATES

EQUESTRIAN FEDERATION NATIONAL DRESSAGE CHAMPIONSHIPS IN GLADSTONE, NEW JERSEY.

AS IF YOU DON'T KNOW FROM YOUR EQUESTRIAN FANTASY LEAGUE.

(LAUGHTER) FOLKS, THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT MITT NEEDS!

HE'S HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE RELATING TO JOE SIX-PACK.

LISTEN TO HIM TALKING ABOUT BASKETBALL.

>> I MET A GUY YESTERDAY, SEVEN FEET TALL.

I FIGURED HE HAD TO BE IN SPORTS BUT HE WASN'T IN SPORTS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: YES.

(LAUGHTER) THE TALL MAN WAS NOT IN SPORTS!

(LAUGHTER) NEITHER BOUNCE-BALL NOR OBLONG LEATHER ZEPPELIN TOSS.

(LAUGHTER) BUT, FOLKS, THE IMAGE OF ROMNEY AS A PRIVILEGED PRINCELING ENDS

TODAY BECAUSE NOW MITT IS JUST YOUR AVERAGE BLUE-COLLAR FAN OF DRESSAGE.

(LAUGHTER) OF COURSE, THAT WORD MAY SOUND HAIFA HUE TIN, BUT DON'T WORRY,

IT ALSO GOES BY THE STREET NAME "HORSE BALLET." (LAUGHTER) JIM, SHOW US RAFALCA AT SPORT.

>> Stephen: WHOO!

WHOO!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) RAFALCA NUMBER ONE!

RAFALCA NUMBER ONE!

GO RAFALCA!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) PERFECT HAIR.

(LAUGHTER) AND, FOLKS, LEST YOU THINK THE HORSE IS DOING ALL THE WORK,

MITT PICKS THE MUSIC HIMSELF.

AT THIS YEAR'S WORLD CUP HE CHOSE A SELECTION OF SONGS FRO)[ SOUND T (LAUGHTER)

CLEARLY MITT ENVIES RAINMAN'S ABILITY TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE.

(LAUGHTER) FOLKS, IN SUPPORT OF MITT ROMNEY I AM MAKING DRESSAGE THE

OFFICIAL "THE COLBERT REPORT" SPORT OF THE SUMMER.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) SO SO KIDS RUN OUT AND GET YOURSELF A $100,000 HANOVERIAN AND START

MOVING TO THE SOUND TRACK FROM COCKTAIL.

♪ ARUBA, JAMAICA, I WANT TO TAKE YOU ♪ BERMUDA, BAHAMAS, COME ON PRETTY MAMA ♪

>> Stephen: WHOO!

WHOO!

I JUST GET SWEPT UP.

(LAUGHTER) NATION, SING IT WITH ME, THE OFFICIAL SEVENTH INNING OF DRESSAGE.

♪ TAKE ME OUT TO THE HORSE RING ♪ TAKE ME OUT TO DRESSAGE

♪ BY ME SOME JOHDPERS AND A VELVET HAT ♪ I DON'T CARE IF THE

ORCHESTRA'S FLAT ♪ LET ME SOFTLY CLAP FOR THE HOME HORSE

♪ IF HE DON'T WIN HE'LL BE GLUE ♪ FOR IT'S ONE, TWO, FIVE

CO-PAYS AT YOU'RE OUT AT THE UNITED STATES EQUESTRIAN DRESSAGE CHAMPIONSHIPS IN

GLADSTONE NEW JERSEY ♪ (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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