NSA Video Game Surveillance

  • Aired:  12/16/13
  •  | Views: 35,717

As NSA officials consider a possible amnesty deal for Ed Snowden, reports surface that the agency infiltrated online video games. (4:53)

BUT, OF COURSE, SOME TECHNOLOGYIS OUR FRIEND.

LIKE THE KIND USED BY THE N.S.A.

WHICH HAS BEEN ROCKED BY THATCERTIFIED NUT-LID EDWARD

SNOWDEN.

AND WE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW BADIT IS BECAUSE OFFICIALS HAVE NO

IDEA HOW MUCH INFORMATION HE HASCOLLECTED.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THE EXTENT OF EDWARD SNOWDEN'SLEAKS ARE AS FUZZY AND AS

ILL-DEFINED AS HIS MUSTACHE.

(LAUGHTER)SO IN A DESPERATE BID TO FIND

OUT HOW MUCH INTEL SNOWDEN TOOK,N.S.A. OFFICIALS RECENTLY

FLOATED THE IDEA OF OFFERINGEDWARD SNOWDEN AMNESTY.

I'D TAKE THE DEAL, ED.

JUST COME BACK WITH ALL THEINTEL AND ALL IS FORGIVEN.

I TELL YOU WHAT, TO MAKE YOUFEEL SAFE WE'LL MEET YOU IN A

SPECIAL AMNESTY ZONE.

(LAUGHTER)FOLKS, THE N.S.A. IS JUST DOING

THEIR JOB!

AND THEY'RE JUST DOING IT INMORE PLACES THAN YOU EVER

IMAGINED.

>> THE N.S.A. ACTIVITY DIDN'TSTOP WITH E-MAILS OR CELL PHONES

OF FOREIGN LEADERS ACCORDING THEGUARDIAN AND THE "NEW YORK

TIMES" WHICH SAY THE AGENCY ALSOSPIED ON VIDEO GAMES LIKE WORLD

OF WAR CRAFT AND SECOND LIFE.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT, THEN.S.A. IS SPYING ON SECOND

LIFE-- A GAME FOR PEOPLE WHODON'T HAVE A FIRST ONE.

(LAUGHTER)AND THANK GOD THEY ARE.

THE N.S.A. KNOWS THAT ONLINEGAMES ARE A TARGET-RICH

COMMUNICATION NETWORK ALLOWINGINTELLIGENT SUSPECTS A WAY TO

HIDE IN PLAIN SIGHT.

AND ONE N.S.A. WORKER DESCRIBEDONLINE GAMES AS "AN OPPORTUNITY"

TO GET HIS DWARF ROGUE UP TOLEVEL 9.

(LAUGHTER)SO THE N.S.A. WENT UNDERCOVER IN

THESE VIRTUAL WORLDS WITHMAKE-BELIEVE CHARACTERS TO SNOOP

AND TRY TO RECRUIT INFORMERS.

IN FACT, SO MANY DIFFERENT U.S.

INTELLIGENCE AGENTS WERECONDUCTING OPERATIONS INSIDE

GAMES THAT A DECONFLICTION GROUPWAS REQUIRED TO ENSURING THEY

WEREN'T SPYING ON OR INTERFERINGWITH EACH OTHER.

(LAUGHTER)AS SEEN IN THIS RECENTLY-LEAKED

FOOTAGE.

>> NICE, NEW.

>> TOTALLY.

SO YOU WANT TO BLOW UP A BRIDGE?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

DO YOU?

>> ONLY IF YOU DO.

>> WAIT, AGENT KINCAID?

>> AGENT PAT -R SON?

>> HANG ON.

IS EVERYONE HERE FROM THEN.S.A.?

>> YUP.

>> UH-HUH.

>> SURE AM.

>> ME, TOO.

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: AND, FOLKS, THEIR

VIRTUAL HARD WORK HAS VIRTUALLYPAID OFF BECAUSE THE DOCUMENTS

CONTAIN NO INDICATION THAT THESURVEILLANCE EVER FOILED ANY

TERRORIST PLOTS, NOR IS THEREANY CLEAR EVIDENCE THAT TERROR

GROUPS WERE USING THE VIRTUALCOMMUNITIES TO COMMUNICATE AS

INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES PREDICTED.

SO NO TERRORISTS IN WORLD OF WARCRAFT, WHICH MEANS THEY MUST

HAVE MOVED ON TO MADDEN 25.

BUT FOLKS, ALL THIS MOANINGABOUT N.S.A. SNOOPING TOTALLY

IGNORES THE GREAT SNOOPING BEINGDONE BY THE F.B.I.

THE FEDS HAVE UNVEILED THEIRGREATEST TECHNOLOGICAL

BREAKTHROUGH SINCE WHATEVER THEYUSED TO KEEP MULDER AND SCULLY

FROM DOING IT.

THEY WERE PERFECT FOR EACHOTHER!

PRINT MY FAN FICTION!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)JIM?

>> OUR GOVERNMENT HAS HAD THEABILITY TO TURN ON OUR WEB CAMS

ON OUR COMPUTERS AND MONITOR USAT HOME AND WE DON'T EVEN KNOW

IT.

>> THE FEDS ARE REPORTEDLY ABLETO USE SECRET TECHNOLOGY TO

DISABLE THE WEB CAM'S GREENLIGHT SO YOU HAVE NO IDEA YOU'RE

ON.

A SOURCE TELLS THE "WASHINGTONPOST" THAT THE F.B.I. HAS BEEN

ABLE TO HACK INTO OUR WEB CAMSFOR SEVERAL YEARS.

>> Stephen: FOLKS, THIS IS AMAJOR BREAKTHROUGH.

PREVIOUSLY IF YOU WANTED TO SPYON SOMEONE THROUGH YOUR WEB CAM

YOU HAD TO PAY $1.99 PER MINUTE.

(LAUGHTER)AND WHAT THEY WERE STRAPPING ON

WAS NOT A SUICIDE VEST.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)STILL, THERE MIGHT BE TIMES WHEN

YOU DON'T WANT A NAMELESSBUREAUCRAT TO WATCH YOUR EVERY

MOVE.

THAT'S WHY I HAVE INVENTED APOWERFUL NEW ANTI-SURVEILLANCE

SECURITY SYSTEM CALLED TOTALANALOG PERSONAL ENCRYPTION.

OR TAP-PAY.

HERE IS THE PROTOTYPE, OKAY?

(APPLAUSE)FOLKS, FOR JUST THREE EASY

PAYMENTS OF 12 EASY PAYMENTS AT$59.99 YOU CAN UP LOG THE SYSTEM

OVER YOUR WEB CAM'S LENS, ALLRIGHT?

AND THE PATENTED QUAD CORNEROPACITY WILL JAM THE F.B.I.'S

OPTICAL SIGNALS.

AND THEN ONCE YOU'RE OFF THEGRID YOU CAN USE IT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)YOU CAN USE IT TO ENCRYPT

PACKAGES AND WINDOW CRACKS.

SO GET YOURS TODAY BUT REMEMBERTHE OFFER IS NOT AVAILABLE FOR

TERRORISTS.

YOU'RE ON YOUR HONOR.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)