Indecision 2010 - Midterm Elections - Sue Lowden

  • Aired:  04/26/10
  •  | Views: 50,311

If you can't afford health insurance, forget about mandates and confusing plans, just bring a chicken to the doctor. (4:34)

THE MID-TERM ELECTIONS ARE JUST MONTHS AWAY.

THAT MEANS IT'S TIME TO LAUNCH MY EXCLUSIVE ELECTION COVERAGE

"INDECISION 2010: YOUR AD HERE" MID-TERM ELECTION.

I THOUGHT I HAD A SPONSOR LINED UP, BUT EVIDENTLY KITTY KEVLAR,

THE WORLD'S NUMBER-ONE FELINE ASSASSINATION DETERRENT, IS ALREADY ADVERTISING ON GLENN

BECK, SO I'M OPEN TO BIDS.

I WILL BE ACCEPTING OFFERS FROM NOW UNTIL I GET AN OFFER.

[LAUGHTER]

OF COURSE, THE BIG MID-TERM STORY TONIGHT, FOLKS, SENATE MAJORITY LEADER HARRY REID IS IN TROUBLE.

HIS OPPONENT, FORMER NEVADA STATE SENATOR SUE LOWDEN, HAS A SUBSTANTIAL LEAD IN THE POLLS,

AND FOR GOOD REASON.

LOWDEN HAS A GREAT PLAN TO REPLACE HEALTH CARE REFORM WITH MORE TRADITIONAL COVERAGE.

>> I WOULD SUGGEST IT, AND I THINK THAT IT'S REALLY GOOD.

BARTERING IS REALLY GOOD.

YOU CAN PAY CASH.

THAT WOULD GET PRICES DOWN IN A HURRY.

I THINK GO IN AND BARTER WITH YOUR DOCTOR.

>> Stephen: YES, AS A CONSERVATIVE, LOWDEN WANTS US TO RETURN TO A SIMPLER TIME WHEN

YOU COULD GIVE A FEW BEAVER PELTS TO THE VILLAGE BARBER SO HE WOULD DRILL A HOLE IN YOUR

SKULL TO RELEASE THE DEMON, BUT THE LEFT-WING EVERYONE MADE FUN OF LOWDEN FOR THAT, SO SHE WENT

ON TV AND CLARIFIED WHAT SHE MEANT BY BARTER.

>> YOU KNOW, BEFORE WE ALL STARTED HAVING HEALTH CARE IN THE OLDEN DAYS, OUR

GRANDPARENTS, THEY WOULD BRING A CHICKEN TO THE DOCTOR.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.

IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD HEALTH INSURANCE, FORGET ABOUT MANDATES AND CONFUSING PLANS, JUST BRING

A CHICKEN TO THE DOCTOR.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THERE WE GO.

THERE YOU GO.

YES, YES, LIKE THIS FEISTY LITTLE FRYER.

LOWDEN'S PLAN IS SIMPLE.

JUST GO WHERE THEY SELL LIVE CHICKENS.

I ASSUME THAT'S A CHICKEN RANCH.

YOU CAN BUY ONE FOR ABOUT $8.

THEN WHEN THE DOCTOR WANTS TO CHARGE YOU $40,000 TO PUT A STINT IF YOUR HEART, OFFER HIM

THE CHICKEN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW HE'S GOING TO TAKE IT.

ALL DOCTORS GO INTO MEDICINE BECAUSE THEY WANT TO HEAL THE SICK AND BECAUSE THEY WANT CHICKENS.

JUST CHECK THE DIRECTORY TO MAKE SURE YOUR DOCTOR IS IN CHICKEN NETWORK.

OKAY.

LOOK AT THAT.

[CLUCKING]

OKAY.

OF COURSE, YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO PAY WITH THE WHOLE CHICKEN.

YOU MIGHT JUST NEED TO MAKE A SMALL CO-PAY, LIKE MAYBE JUST THE DRUM STICK.

I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT NOW.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE CHICKEN IF YOU HAVE TO DO THAT.

AFTER YOU SLICE OFF THE CO-PAY,

JUST TAKE HIM TO THE VET, AND YOU CAN PAY THE VET WITH A PARAKEET.

[APPLAUSE]

NOW, I CAN HEAR THE CRITICS NOW.

WHAT IF YOUR DOCTOR DOESN'T FEEL LIKE CHICKEN TONIGHT?

GOOD POINT.

THAT'S WHY YOU ALWAYS CARRY CHICKEN INSURANCE, BY WHICH I MEAN RABBIT.

OKAY.

RABBIT.

AND DUCK.

THERE YOU GO.

[APPLAUSE]

OKAY.

AND IF YOUR DOCTOR...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND IF YOUR DOCTOR DOESN'T EAT MEAT, JUST BRING HIM A DEAD TROUT.

OKAY.

NOW, REMEMBER, THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO REMEMBER WHAT YOUR MOTHER ALWAYS SAID.

IN CASE YOU GO TO THE HOSPITAL,

ALWAYS WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR A||||